Stick to the script [fic]
Title: Stick to the script
Author:
shadowbyrd
Rating: PG - 13
Characters: Robin, Will
Word Count: 707
Summary: If that scene (no, that one!) had gone a little differently...
Warnings: Utter CRACK, with a little bit of meta and anachronisms to make even RH blush. Contains lots of Robin-poking and general series-poking. Also spoilers for 2x05
“Will!”
Will was unperturbed. “Robin.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Taking money for selling information to Gisborne, Robin, what’s it look like?”
“But - but you, the Sherriff, he -” Robin couldn’t find the words, unable to single out one definitive fact that made this all so wrong. “You?”
“Me,” said Will, counting out the coins and frowning. “That bastard! He’s put some chocolate ones in here -”
Robin slammed his hands down on the table, ignoring for now the splinters. “Why? How could - Will, how could you do this? Allan, I could understand, Allan it would have been money, John might have been pardoned -”
“What about Djaq and Much? Why did you suspect them?”
“Because I had to suspect everyone equally,” Robin stressed through gritted teeth. He needed to get as much tough guy across as possible before tearing his hands away and slamming Will against the wall - all that homoerotic subtext all the critics and female fans kept going on about.
“But why? What reasons could they have had?”
“I don’t know…it was for dramatic emphasis, create tension.” Robin sighed heavily. “How could you do this? Only last week you were off trying to murder the Sherriff for having your father killed!”
Will cocked his head and gave Robin a pitying smile. “And didn’t you ever wonder just how I managed that, all on my own? What do you think I did, knocked down a couple of doors with my axes? I used my contacts.”
“Really?”
“That and some rope climbing. It was all an elaborate ruse to place me above suspicion. And try and make you poison yourself, of course.”
“It was all an act?”
“Yup.”
Robin stared for a minute. “That was… you were brilliant.”
Will’s smile turned smug. “I rather thought so.”
“But your father -”
“Alive and well with the money we earned in Scarborough.”
“But why -”
“Can you stop asking that? I’m evil now, alright? Get used to it.”
“But what motive can you possibly have for betraying us like this?”
““Motive”? I thought Guy was the one who guest-starred in that Miss Marple?”
“Yeah, but I rehearsed bits with him. Seriously, though, this makes no sense given your character; you hate the Sherriff, and Gisborne - you keep saying so, for a while that was your only character trait! You’re all about the social injustices. You’re the truthful “conscience” one, for God’s sake!”
Will nodded. “There is a bit of a plot hole there, I will admit. Originally it was going to be Allan who betrayed us, all that love of money and such.”
Robin nodded back. “That makes sense. Why’d they change it to you?”
“Did you see the ratings we had last week? The public loved me being evil. Have to cater to the fangirls, Robin; they’re our biggest audience outside of boys aged five to eleven.”
“But they’ll see this for what it is - a ratings ploy that makes no sense when one knows the characters!”
“Yeah, but once they see me in black with my hood up they’re not going to care.”
“And you’re just going along with this?”
Will shrugged. “Need to bring the squirrel home.”
Robin sighed. “So all that wall-slamming I did with Allan has been in vain.”
“Not completely - I mean, I think Allan got a kick out of it.”
“What about all of those loyal Djaq/Will fans and Allan/Djaq/Will fans? For God’s sake, you can’t turn your back on the Will/Allan fans! They’ve done nothing to deserve it!”
“And Much has done nothing to deserve having a verbally abusive, boisterous, smug git like you as a “friend”, but there you go.”
“Where the hell are we supposed to go from here?”
“You wall-slam me, don’t you?”
“I wall-slam Allan. I’m not going to give you the satisfaction.” Robin turned on his heel and stormed out.
“You want a chocolate coin before you go?” Will called after him “You take some to the others too, if you like - OW!” Will rubbed his jaw and examined the coin again. “Huh, it is gold. Guy and the Sherriff aren’t being tight.” He turned to stare off into the distance, in such a way that signalled the end of an episode. “The out-of-character continues…”
Author:
shadowbyrd
Rating: PG - 13
Characters: Robin, Will
Word Count: 707
Summary: If that scene (no, that one!) had gone a little differently...
Warnings: Utter CRACK, with a little bit of meta and anachronisms to make even RH blush. Contains lots of Robin-poking and general series-poking. Also spoilers for 2x05
“Will!”
Will was unperturbed. “Robin.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Taking money for selling information to Gisborne, Robin, what’s it look like?”
“But - but you, the Sherriff, he -” Robin couldn’t find the words, unable to single out one definitive fact that made this all so wrong. “You?”
“Me,” said Will, counting out the coins and frowning. “That bastard! He’s put some chocolate ones in here -”
Robin slammed his hands down on the table, ignoring for now the splinters. “Why? How could - Will, how could you do this? Allan, I could understand, Allan it would have been money, John might have been pardoned -”
“What about Djaq and Much? Why did you suspect them?”
“Because I had to suspect everyone equally,” Robin stressed through gritted teeth. He needed to get as much tough guy across as possible before tearing his hands away and slamming Will against the wall - all that homoerotic subtext all the critics and female fans kept going on about.
“But why? What reasons could they have had?”
“I don’t know…it was for dramatic emphasis, create tension.” Robin sighed heavily. “How could you do this? Only last week you were off trying to murder the Sherriff for having your father killed!”
Will cocked his head and gave Robin a pitying smile. “And didn’t you ever wonder just how I managed that, all on my own? What do you think I did, knocked down a couple of doors with my axes? I used my contacts.”
“Really?”
“That and some rope climbing. It was all an elaborate ruse to place me above suspicion. And try and make you poison yourself, of course.”
“It was all an act?”
“Yup.”
Robin stared for a minute. “That was… you were brilliant.”
Will’s smile turned smug. “I rather thought so.”
“But your father -”
“Alive and well with the money we earned in Scarborough.”
“But why -”
“Can you stop asking that? I’m evil now, alright? Get used to it.”
“But what motive can you possibly have for betraying us like this?”
““Motive”? I thought Guy was the one who guest-starred in that Miss Marple?”
“Yeah, but I rehearsed bits with him. Seriously, though, this makes no sense given your character; you hate the Sherriff, and Gisborne - you keep saying so, for a while that was your only character trait! You’re all about the social injustices. You’re the truthful “conscience” one, for God’s sake!”
Will nodded. “There is a bit of a plot hole there, I will admit. Originally it was going to be Allan who betrayed us, all that love of money and such.”
Robin nodded back. “That makes sense. Why’d they change it to you?”
“Did you see the ratings we had last week? The public loved me being evil. Have to cater to the fangirls, Robin; they’re our biggest audience outside of boys aged five to eleven.”
“But they’ll see this for what it is - a ratings ploy that makes no sense when one knows the characters!”
“Yeah, but once they see me in black with my hood up they’re not going to care.”
“And you’re just going along with this?”
Will shrugged. “Need to bring the squirrel home.”
Robin sighed. “So all that wall-slamming I did with Allan has been in vain.”
“Not completely - I mean, I think Allan got a kick out of it.”
“What about all of those loyal Djaq/Will fans and Allan/Djaq/Will fans? For God’s sake, you can’t turn your back on the Will/Allan fans! They’ve done nothing to deserve it!”
“And Much has done nothing to deserve having a verbally abusive, boisterous, smug git like you as a “friend”, but there you go.”
“Where the hell are we supposed to go from here?”
“You wall-slam me, don’t you?”
“I wall-slam Allan. I’m not going to give you the satisfaction.” Robin turned on his heel and stormed out.
“You want a chocolate coin before you go?” Will called after him “You take some to the others too, if you like - OW!” Will rubbed his jaw and examined the coin again. “Huh, it is gold. Guy and the Sherriff aren’t being tight.” He turned to stare off into the distance, in such a way that signalled the end of an episode. “The out-of-character continues…”