Warning: A lot of Hate and Swearing Ahead
wow. this is so incredibly slow... asfodjiking internet connection in China.
So I'm in Shenzhen, China right now. Uh... I guess it'd be easiest to give a weird breakdown of my winter break so far...
12/19, 4am Ithaca -> New Jersey by Bus
12/20, 5pm New Jersey -> SLC by Plane
12/24, 10am SLC -> Seattle -> Tokyo -> Hong Kong (HK) by Plane (arrived 12/25, pm)
12/28, ?am HK -> Shen Zhen (SZ) by Train
12/29, SZ -> Hot Springs by Bus
12/30, Hot Springs -> SZ by Bus
Now... What happened throughout all this?
Well, The Ithaca -> New Jersey trip wasn't terrible, I slept most of the way, and we beat the snow/traffic and actually arrived earlier than expected.
It sucked leaving at 4am, though - I was really tired, forgot a few things (I'll mention later), forgot to put away a few things (like a piece of bread I'll have to throw away when I get back, ew).
New Jersey to SLC, the next day, was when I realized how RETARDED I am and how packing at 4am in general is a terrible idea. Turns out, not only did I leave that bread out, I forgot MY PASSPORT which I need to get to Hong Kong (you know, international travel needing passports and all). After panicking to hell, I managed to contact my Boss and have her find/FedEX my passport over to me. The flight itself was uneventful.
While in SLC, we went to see Ballet West perform the Nutcracker. A reminder of how TERRIBLE having a crappy audience can be - the retards in the crowd were hooting and cheering, rather than just applauding when appropriate. They also had NO idea when TO applaud and when NOT to. Like... Wow I'm so full of hate right now for those people.
The flight(s) to Hong Kong were... blah. I puked 3 times (a great way to spend Christmas, huh?) and felt overall dizzy and like crap. After a couple nights in HK of feeling crappy, we took a train to Shen Zhen and I got to feel crappy here for a day.
From SZ, we took a tour bus to a Hot Springs resort (sounds like it'd be cool, right?) Not really, because I wasn't feeling well on the plane to HK to begin with and have never really felt better, I haven't been eating much this entire trip. Well, this tour bus trip was no different - except I had nothing to puke since I haven't been eating. Dry heaving hurts yet somehow my mind thinks it will make me feel better. On top of feeling like puking for the entire trip, the places we went to that made the trip longer weren't that fun... >_>; like... a statue of some historical dude.... whooo. To make things worse, the bus got a flat tire during the trip. *sigh* And throughout all this, I'm with my family so I -HAVE- to act happy and fine otherwise they start worrying about me or thinking that I'm just a spoiled brat. And acting like you're fine when you don't feel it is REALLY tiring and only made things worse. I finally felt a little better when we got to the resort and got to take a dip, but the resort itself was pretty shitty.
I cannot say "BAD DESIGN" enough times or loud enough to describe this retarded place. To begin with, half the signs in the resort have English and Chinese - the other half... only Chinese. Like, really? The signs that said what the difference between the pools were: all Chinese. THE FREEKING MAP - ONLY CHINESE. If you're going to cater to only Chinese people, fine. But to try half-assedly to cater to foreigners and NOT have some of the most important signs in English too? You guys are retarded. The Resort itself was designed terribly - the maps of were not only uninformative, but badly placed and we (and everyone else I saw walking through) needed to ask for directions like every 10 steps! (I exaggurate, but really... the last Hot Springs I was at, everyone was able to navigate and understand everything JUST FINE.) The pools themselves were BADDESIGNBADDESIGNBADDESIGNBADDESIGNBADDESIGNBADDESIGNBADDESIGN!!!! OMG. And I'm not just being picky - these were dangerous instances of retardedness/laziness.
First of all, there were only "natural rocks" in certain places to sit in for some of the OBVIOUSLY MAN MADE POOLS (sure, they draw from natural spring water, but the pools themselves are manmade.) This made it so that there wasn't always a place or room to sit (and sitting on the floor might submerge your head or more than you want to be underwater) and if you DID find a rock, it'd be unexpected (more on this later) or "natural" and thus, UNSMOOTHED. That is, THE STUPID BENCH OF THE STUPID POOL ACTUALLY SCRATCHED UP MY SWIMSUIT. IN A BAD WAY. The unexpectedness is FREEEEKING DANGEROUS. Not only did I bruise my knee (still hurts) on an unexpected step in a pool (BECAUSE THE WATER IS OPAQUE FOR SOME REASON) Night or day (went into the pools in both) you can't see the bottom of the pool - you don't notice at night, but in the day, it's rather gross. >_>;
Speaking of things that I didn't notice at night - I brought my old swimsuit instead of my newer bikini on this trip. It was a bit TOO old (even though it's only been used, like, twice) and the "natural" walls of the stupid pools scratched it up enough that it became translucent (its supposed to be black) in some areas... LIKE THE CHEST. >_> Mom said it just looks like "part of the pattern" since there still an underlining covering important areas, but still... what the fuck. Its like everything that could be going wrong this trip is.
But anyway, back to retarded pool design - Another dangerous part of these hot spring pools is how they draw in water from the actual hot springs... that is, they mix hot and cooler water (standard) so that it's actually bearable and you don't get scalded... TOO BAD THEY DECIDE TO HIDE THE HOT-WATER SPOUT UNDERWATER - SURPRISE BURN! Seriously, they are SO FUCKING STUPID. Once, not only did I hit my leg against a rock I didn't notice, I proceeded to be scalded by the hidden hot-springs on my foot! Like, REALLY GUYS? FUCKING MARK WHERE THE HOT SPRINGS WATER IS COMING FROM. FUCKING RETARDS. The kid in the wheelchair that was with us on the tour who had the mental capacity of Timmy (South Park) could've done a better job. DUMBFUCKS.
Even getting in and out of the pools was dangerous - again, opaque water makes stairs hard to see and, thus, there's really no clear entrance/exit to many of the pools unless your KNEE happens to find them before anything else. >_>; Half the stuff was rusted or covered in algae (and thus VERY SLIPPERY AND GROSS). Like, really? Maintenance staff plz.
I mean, while I wasn't getting burned, scraped, trying not to puke, or trying to make sure I wasn't flashing people, it was fun... (for the, like, total of 45 minutes I spent in water because of stupid guided-tour-timing*).
The ride back today, I felt a little better, but I had a slight outburst. China gives me many mental disorders. General anxiety disorders, social anxiety, paranoia.... to name a few. Seriously? I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE FUCKING HATE Chinese people.
They are RETARDED, SELFISH, GREEDY, IMPATIENT, BASTARDS. With NO sense of quality, and the LOWEST EXPECTATIONS EVER when it comes to ANYTHING including FRIENDLINESS. Even the staff of the fucking hotel in the hot springs resort was snappy and impatient.
On top of that, I HATE HATE HATE being with my family amongst all this - I don't have a moment to myself to reflect or cool down or relax. I'm ALWAYS on my toes, having to act happy and okay. I hate it. I hate it so much.
I can't want anything without seeming like a spoiled bitch, yet if I am ambivalent, I seem like I'm ungrateful or don't like the choices avaliable and then I seem picky and, again, spoiled. I can't give advice weithout seemling like I'm complaining and being bitchy. ITS SO ANNOYING. On top of trying to make sure whatever I'm saying is correct socially, I can't even say what I want correctly because of the stupid language barrier! I went through the entire hot springs trip without even listening to the tour guide because I can't understand him, and I'm now doing the "yes dear" thing with my aunt as she tries to translate IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE I DON'T UNDERSTAND WELL ENOUGH. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FUCKING PLACE. I DON'T CARE WHAT WE'RE SEEING. I DON'T CARE WHO ITS A STATUE OF. I DON'T CARE WHY WE'RE HERE. I WANT EVERYONE TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I WANT TO GO BACK TO CORNELL.
I. AM. UNHAPPY.
I can do without the custom-made 3 piece suit (jacket, pants, shirt) and a traditional chinese dress I'm getting here. I DON'T WANT IT. I WANT TO GO BACK. I want to be with Kevin. I hate this. I hate this trip, I hate how I can't be myself in front of family. I still have at least 2 weeks with these people... Why is it that I have to be someone else for MY FAMILY.
I hate this, I hate holidays, I hate vacations, I hate christmas, and I really hate being with my "family." Really - is it natural to have to try THIS HARD to be accepted? I already blew up today with all the stress and my uncle grabbing my ear for some GODDAMN REASON. LIKE REALLY. DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME. Especially in china - I HATE CHINA. I'm ALWAYS ready to punch someone. I flipped off some asshole who wasn't slowing down as we crossed the street. If he actually reached us, I was going to try to punch his hood in. When he glared at me as he passed by (the only reason why he slowed down) I just stuck my tongue out and glared back. I want to punch someone. I want to fight someone. I want everyone to go away and leave me alone.
I HATE CHINA.
In a couple of days, we're going to an asfodjiking rainforest... I hope I get eaten by a tiger.
So I'm in Shenzhen, China right now. Uh... I guess it'd be easiest to give a weird breakdown of my winter break so far...
12/19, 4am Ithaca -> New Jersey by Bus
12/20, 5pm New Jersey -> SLC by Plane
12/24, 10am SLC -> Seattle -> Tokyo -> Hong Kong (HK) by Plane (arrived 12/25, pm)
12/28, ?am HK -> Shen Zhen (SZ) by Train
12/29, SZ -> Hot Springs by Bus
12/30, Hot Springs -> SZ by Bus
Now... What happened throughout all this?
Well, The Ithaca -> New Jersey trip wasn't terrible, I slept most of the way, and we beat the snow/traffic and actually arrived earlier than expected.
It sucked leaving at 4am, though - I was really tired, forgot a few things (I'll mention later), forgot to put away a few things (like a piece of bread I'll have to throw away when I get back, ew).
New Jersey to SLC, the next day, was when I realized how RETARDED I am and how packing at 4am in general is a terrible idea. Turns out, not only did I leave that bread out, I forgot MY PASSPORT which I need to get to Hong Kong (you know, international travel needing passports and all). After panicking to hell, I managed to contact my Boss and have her find/FedEX my passport over to me. The flight itself was uneventful.
While in SLC, we went to see Ballet West perform the Nutcracker. A reminder of how TERRIBLE having a crappy audience can be - the retards in the crowd were hooting and cheering, rather than just applauding when appropriate. They also had NO idea when TO applaud and when NOT to. Like... Wow I'm so full of hate right now for those people.
The flight(s) to Hong Kong were... blah. I puked 3 times (a great way to spend Christmas, huh?) and felt overall dizzy and like crap. After a couple nights in HK of feeling crappy, we took a train to Shen Zhen and I got to feel crappy here for a day.
From SZ, we took a tour bus to a Hot Springs resort (sounds like it'd be cool, right?) Not really, because I wasn't feeling well on the plane to HK to begin with and have never really felt better, I haven't been eating much this entire trip. Well, this tour bus trip was no different - except I had nothing to puke since I haven't been eating. Dry heaving hurts yet somehow my mind thinks it will make me feel better. On top of feeling like puking for the entire trip, the places we went to that made the trip longer weren't that fun... >_>; like... a statue of some historical dude.... whooo. To make things worse, the bus got a flat tire during the trip. *sigh* And throughout all this, I'm with my family so I -HAVE- to act happy and fine otherwise they start worrying about me or thinking that I'm just a spoiled brat. And acting like you're fine when you don't feel it is REALLY tiring and only made things worse. I finally felt a little better when we got to the resort and got to take a dip, but the resort itself was pretty shitty.
I cannot say "BAD DESIGN" enough times or loud enough to describe this retarded place. To begin with, half the signs in the resort have English and Chinese - the other half... only Chinese. Like, really? The signs that said what the difference between the pools were: all Chinese. THE FREEKING MAP - ONLY CHINESE. If you're going to cater to only Chinese people, fine. But to try half-assedly to cater to foreigners and NOT have some of the most important signs in English too? You guys are retarded. The Resort itself was designed terribly - the maps of were not only uninformative, but badly placed and we (and everyone else I saw walking through) needed to ask for directions like every 10 steps! (I exaggurate, but really... the last Hot Springs I was at, everyone was able to navigate and understand everything JUST FINE.) The pools themselves were BADDESIGNBADDESIGNBADDESIGNBADDESIGNBADDESIGNBADDESIGNBADDESIGN!!!! OMG. And I'm not just being picky - these were dangerous instances of retardedness/laziness.
First of all, there were only "natural rocks" in certain places to sit in for some of the OBVIOUSLY MAN MADE POOLS (sure, they draw from natural spring water, but the pools themselves are manmade.) This made it so that there wasn't always a place or room to sit (and sitting on the floor might submerge your head or more than you want to be underwater) and if you DID find a rock, it'd be unexpected (more on this later) or "natural" and thus, UNSMOOTHED. That is, THE STUPID BENCH OF THE STUPID POOL ACTUALLY SCRATCHED UP MY SWIMSUIT. IN A BAD WAY. The unexpectedness is FREEEEKING DANGEROUS. Not only did I bruise my knee (still hurts) on an unexpected step in a pool (BECAUSE THE WATER IS OPAQUE FOR SOME REASON) Night or day (went into the pools in both) you can't see the bottom of the pool - you don't notice at night, but in the day, it's rather gross. >_>;
Speaking of things that I didn't notice at night - I brought my old swimsuit instead of my newer bikini on this trip. It was a bit TOO old (even though it's only been used, like, twice) and the "natural" walls of the stupid pools scratched it up enough that it became translucent (its supposed to be black) in some areas... LIKE THE CHEST. >_> Mom said it just looks like "part of the pattern" since there still an underlining covering important areas, but still... what the fuck. Its like everything that could be going wrong this trip is.
But anyway, back to retarded pool design - Another dangerous part of these hot spring pools is how they draw in water from the actual hot springs... that is, they mix hot and cooler water (standard) so that it's actually bearable and you don't get scalded... TOO BAD THEY DECIDE TO HIDE THE HOT-WATER SPOUT UNDERWATER - SURPRISE BURN! Seriously, they are SO FUCKING STUPID. Once, not only did I hit my leg against a rock I didn't notice, I proceeded to be scalded by the hidden hot-springs on my foot! Like, REALLY GUYS? FUCKING MARK WHERE THE HOT SPRINGS WATER IS COMING FROM. FUCKING RETARDS. The kid in the wheelchair that was with us on the tour who had the mental capacity of Timmy (South Park) could've done a better job. DUMBFUCKS.
Even getting in and out of the pools was dangerous - again, opaque water makes stairs hard to see and, thus, there's really no clear entrance/exit to many of the pools unless your KNEE happens to find them before anything else. >_>; Half the stuff was rusted or covered in algae (and thus VERY SLIPPERY AND GROSS). Like, really? Maintenance staff plz.
I mean, while I wasn't getting burned, scraped, trying not to puke, or trying to make sure I wasn't flashing people, it was fun... (for the, like, total of 45 minutes I spent in water because of stupid guided-tour-timing*).
The ride back today, I felt a little better, but I had a slight outburst. China gives me many mental disorders. General anxiety disorders, social anxiety, paranoia.... to name a few. Seriously? I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE FUCKING HATE Chinese people.
They are RETARDED, SELFISH, GREEDY, IMPATIENT, BASTARDS. With NO sense of quality, and the LOWEST EXPECTATIONS EVER when it comes to ANYTHING including FRIENDLINESS. Even the staff of the fucking hotel in the hot springs resort was snappy and impatient.
On top of that, I HATE HATE HATE being with my family amongst all this - I don't have a moment to myself to reflect or cool down or relax. I'm ALWAYS on my toes, having to act happy and okay. I hate it. I hate it so much.
I can't want anything without seeming like a spoiled bitch, yet if I am ambivalent, I seem like I'm ungrateful or don't like the choices avaliable and then I seem picky and, again, spoiled. I can't give advice weithout seemling like I'm complaining and being bitchy. ITS SO ANNOYING. On top of trying to make sure whatever I'm saying is correct socially, I can't even say what I want correctly because of the stupid language barrier! I went through the entire hot springs trip without even listening to the tour guide because I can't understand him, and I'm now doing the "yes dear" thing with my aunt as she tries to translate IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE I DON'T UNDERSTAND WELL ENOUGH. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FUCKING PLACE. I DON'T CARE WHAT WE'RE SEEING. I DON'T CARE WHO ITS A STATUE OF. I DON'T CARE WHY WE'RE HERE. I WANT EVERYONE TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I WANT TO GO BACK TO CORNELL.
I. AM. UNHAPPY.
I can do without the custom-made 3 piece suit (jacket, pants, shirt) and a traditional chinese dress I'm getting here. I DON'T WANT IT. I WANT TO GO BACK. I want to be with Kevin. I hate this. I hate this trip, I hate how I can't be myself in front of family. I still have at least 2 weeks with these people... Why is it that I have to be someone else for MY FAMILY.
I hate this, I hate holidays, I hate vacations, I hate christmas, and I really hate being with my "family." Really - is it natural to have to try THIS HARD to be accepted? I already blew up today with all the stress and my uncle grabbing my ear for some GODDAMN REASON. LIKE REALLY. DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME. Especially in china - I HATE CHINA. I'm ALWAYS ready to punch someone. I flipped off some asshole who wasn't slowing down as we crossed the street. If he actually reached us, I was going to try to punch his hood in. When he glared at me as he passed by (the only reason why he slowed down) I just stuck my tongue out and glared back. I want to punch someone. I want to fight someone. I want everyone to go away and leave me alone.
I HATE CHINA.
In a couple of days, we're going to an asfodjiking rainforest... I hope I get eaten by a tiger.