(no subject)
I never stop thinking of you. For the first time in a while i smiled when i saw your picture, not just because i know that is how you want to be remembered, but because i saw your essence, your zen.
A manner that is untouchable, and indescribable. Everytime i see her, i see you. To souls bound to one another, etched all over each other. When you make a life with someone, that is what happens. You made a life with everyone. I bet every single person you came in contact with remembers their conversation with you.
One thing that i cant do is read your thoughts. That is the hardest, partly because of things that i had said or done that i regret, and that you remembered, but also because of the things i wish you wouldve have told me. Having no idea about a person that you were in such close quarters with. It is the small things that erin does that make me sad...when i see her looking out the window. Listening to music, or reading the paper. Things that used to be so simple before you left. Everything is harder now. It's also harder knowing that i cant do anything to make anyone better...So many realizations of that fact have not made me neutral, but less persistent. So many times of being streched so thin because of caring to much, makes you apprehensive, and...shameful. I dont think my family realizes how much of their life is always replaying in my mind. How i worry incessantly about everyones well being, and worry about what they think about me and the course my life is taking. There is no need to worry about me, i dont love anyone less, i pine to be out of that house but not away from family....Well i kind of got off subject, so i guess i will end this post before my emotions override my rational thought.
A manner that is untouchable, and indescribable. Everytime i see her, i see you. To souls bound to one another, etched all over each other. When you make a life with someone, that is what happens. You made a life with everyone. I bet every single person you came in contact with remembers their conversation with you.
One thing that i cant do is read your thoughts. That is the hardest, partly because of things that i had said or done that i regret, and that you remembered, but also because of the things i wish you wouldve have told me. Having no idea about a person that you were in such close quarters with. It is the small things that erin does that make me sad...when i see her looking out the window. Listening to music, or reading the paper. Things that used to be so simple before you left. Everything is harder now. It's also harder knowing that i cant do anything to make anyone better...So many realizations of that fact have not made me neutral, but less persistent. So many times of being streched so thin because of caring to much, makes you apprehensive, and...shameful. I dont think my family realizes how much of their life is always replaying in my mind. How i worry incessantly about everyones well being, and worry about what they think about me and the course my life is taking. There is no need to worry about me, i dont love anyone less, i pine to be out of that house but not away from family....Well i kind of got off subject, so i guess i will end this post before my emotions override my rational thought.