(no subject)
After our recent sexual harassment training, I have had to modify my behavior at work. While previously I thought my action and comments were rather harmless, corporate lawyers have confirmed I may no longer say or do the following:
As a young lady with perfume walks by, I should not say “You smell nice, come over here and let me smell you for a while.”
I am not to call my admin my “work wife.”
Our HR department can no longer be referred to as “the harem.”
I may not recommend that ladies in my department wear white on days with over 60% probability of rain in the forecast.
I have no right to modify the corporate dress code to forbid the wearing of pantyhose.
I also do not have the right to modify the corporate dress code to only allow garter belts and garters.
Addressing the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) as “sweetheart” is not permissible.
Hiring and Recruiting will not solicit within modeling agencies for potential new employees.
“Casual Fridays” does not mean bra and panties, even if that is what I suspect some ladies wear around the house and is casual to them.
When seating is limited during all hands meeting, I am not to pat my lap and suggest ladies sit there. I am to offer them exclusive use of my chair.
When performing the above action, it should never be for “favors to be named later.”
“Administrative assistant swap Mondays” is not a little known approved corporate event, and is not to be suggested.
I am not licensed to perform breast exams by the Surgeon General of the United States of America.
Our company does not need a female Olympic gymnasts team which specializes in stretching.
There is not a catering organization in the world which will serve rohypnol coladas during the Christmas party, so I should stop asking.
There is no “swimsuit competition” during an interview process.
I should not be sniffing the chair of the hot blonde in contracts after she leaves a meeting.
When the IT department wants to test the reliability of their firewalls against outside hacker attacks it is known as penetration testing, it has no other recognized meeting.
I may not refer to maternity leave as “baby vacation.”
There is no oral testing involved in performance bonus evaluation.
After use of the company gym, there is no requirement that employees share a shower to help protect the environment and conserve water.
Ladies in my department work FOR me, not UNDER me.
It is not acceptable to pat your female coworkers on the rump, despite what the NFL does.
The only items required to be copied for new hires is a w-2 and a copy of their license. Asking for a photocopy of boobs is not acceptable.
As a young lady with perfume walks by, I should not say “You smell nice, come over here and let me smell you for a while.”
I am not to call my admin my “work wife.”
Our HR department can no longer be referred to as “the harem.”
I may not recommend that ladies in my department wear white on days with over 60% probability of rain in the forecast.
I have no right to modify the corporate dress code to forbid the wearing of pantyhose.
I also do not have the right to modify the corporate dress code to only allow garter belts and garters.
Addressing the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) as “sweetheart” is not permissible.
Hiring and Recruiting will not solicit within modeling agencies for potential new employees.
“Casual Fridays” does not mean bra and panties, even if that is what I suspect some ladies wear around the house and is casual to them.
When seating is limited during all hands meeting, I am not to pat my lap and suggest ladies sit there. I am to offer them exclusive use of my chair.
When performing the above action, it should never be for “favors to be named later.”
“Administrative assistant swap Mondays” is not a little known approved corporate event, and is not to be suggested.
I am not licensed to perform breast exams by the Surgeon General of the United States of America.
Our company does not need a female Olympic gymnasts team which specializes in stretching.
There is not a catering organization in the world which will serve rohypnol coladas during the Christmas party, so I should stop asking.
There is no “swimsuit competition” during an interview process.
I should not be sniffing the chair of the hot blonde in contracts after she leaves a meeting.
When the IT department wants to test the reliability of their firewalls against outside hacker attacks it is known as penetration testing, it has no other recognized meeting.
I may not refer to maternity leave as “baby vacation.”
There is no oral testing involved in performance bonus evaluation.
After use of the company gym, there is no requirement that employees share a shower to help protect the environment and conserve water.
Ladies in my department work FOR me, not UNDER me.
It is not acceptable to pat your female coworkers on the rump, despite what the NFL does.
The only items required to be copied for new hires is a w-2 and a copy of their license. Asking for a photocopy of boobs is not acceptable.