Grow the Fuck Up
I think I'll start from the beginning. I don't know what happened to you. Maybe it was the hurricane, maybe you just had way too much put on you. But the way you've been acting for the past at least three years has been exponentially appalling in comparison to the beginning of the nearly ten years I've known you. So I'm going to be completely honest with myself about you, your overall effect on my life, and yours.
First, your ex. Honestly, I don't think you deserve what you're getting from him. But to expect him to be compliant after you cheated on him several times, and to get pissed and at times over-obsessive about who he's fucking now, and then act like you don't care, is not just stupid, it's bitchy, shallow, as well as incredibly creepy and awkward for me as your friend. And to keep calling him when he obviously wants nothing to do with you is doubly stupid. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's not my business why you broke up, but you broke up with him. Period. I don't want to hear about how he's such a fucking asshole. I know that's what you think of him. But when you keep after him, it just makes you look sad and desperate. Hell, maybe you really are. But I can't help you with that, and bitching to me about the same thing over and over again, certainly won't help you either.
Second, your hypocrisy. You say you're a germaphobe, but you're not. If you were, you'd be cleaning all day in your house like a meth addict. You say that so that people will take special care of you. You also say you're not a phone person, yet you call me more than ANY FUCKING PERSON I KNOW! And you say that you can't stand when people go on and on. Yet you can go off at the mouth for a half hour about fucking nothing. You complain about passive/aggression from the man I love, and then you pull shit like this morning's incident?! Seriously, take a look at your fucking self.
Third, your defensiveness. Any form of even the most gentle constructive criticism of ANYTHING about you is treated automatically as a statement of hostility. I know I've been guilty of this a few times, even with you. But I have apologized upon realization. You, however, get pissed at anything that could be possibly construed as an insult to you, even conversations that have NOTHING to do with you. We used to fight about stupid shit in middle school, and I keep finding that you're the one who still gets pissed off at me when I don't call you back right away. You're the one who gets mad when I tell you that your wrong, that I have shit to do when you want someone to talk to when you're "just bored as fuck," or you want to tell me about "a totally cute outfit that I may have found for Halloween!" You can send that shit to me in an email. You don't need to interrupt my fucking meal, or the little time I get with my boyfriend to tell me that.
Which brings me to number four: your selfishness. This one has been on my mind for a while now. And this isn't just over the fact that we've paid for everything for BOTH of your cross-country trips to see us, with no expectation of you EVER paying us back, not to mention your tattoo, myriad souvenirs I knew you couldn't afford, and an emergency because you were in so much pain while you were with us. All of those things I consider worth it, because I knew you needed a break from your everyday life. I know what that's like. But you are never satisfied and you never speak up about an issue that you have with something/someone until so much time has passed. And I think you do that just so you can bitch. There's just something in your brain that compels you to bitch, or create a reason to bitch. Our food was never good enough for you, we never had enough soda for you, we never went out enough, our friends weren't nice enough, and it never fucking ended. My boyfriend couldn't speak his mind because I asked him to tone down his political talk around you. Just so I wouldn't have to hear you bitch about how he's insulting you and your family's beliefs and values. It was fucking exhausting and unfair to try to pit me against my boyfriend. Fuck you for that. And to continue to get pissed off at me when I can't take your call right away because I have to work, is all on you. You stay pissed because I have to pay my bills; that's really logical and mature. What's more you have complained to me about EVERY so-called douchebag guy you've been with, and it always seems to be the same story. You find a guy that you probably shouldn't date, but decide to tempt fate anyway, knowing the possibility of it ending horribly is pretty high. Then things are great for a while. Then he turns into a complete fucktard. Or he finds another girl, and you get pissed, even though you specifically stated to him that you don't want a relationship. Adds credence to my "creating-a-reason-to-bitch" theory. And I talk you through it, call him an asshole along with you, and all the while in the back of my head I'm thinking, "Why am I playing along with this?" I don't know these guys, I have no right to even make a judgement. Deal with them yourself. I'm not your fucking therapist. Even if I was, you would probably ignore me.
This brings me to this morning. The message you sent me back was the perfect example of how you act like the world fucking owes you something, like I owe you something because I'm you're friend. I thought a day for just the girls while I'm visiting is a fantastic idea of yours. But the last thing I ever expected was you to be so melodramatic about me inviting someone else. The girl I was talking about bringing just recently got out of a very bad relationship, and is still coming out of her shell. For you to say, "i kinda wanted it to be a personel day, but whatever u want i guess," is really fucking catty. You obviously want me to change shit around, so I hurt someone else and make you happy, and it doesn't matter because you don't fucking know her. I do have other friends besides you, and to assume that I put everyone else second to you all the time is re-goddamned-diculous. If you flew across the country back home just because I'm coming back to New Orleans for Halloween, that's on you. I'm not coming home for you. I'm coming home to see my family, crazy as they are, and a lot of other folks too, and to just enjoy being home. And I'm not going to be able to do that when you're acting like a drama queen.
Then when I do attempt to try to smooth things over you say to do it without you.
Oh. Fuck. No.
I am NOT playing this fucking game with you. I'm not going to beg you to be my friend and I'm not going to be a bitch to someone who genuinely needs to get out and have fun just to make you feel special. That's not my fucking job. If you want to cut yourself out of what was supposed to be a good day, fine. If you want to take my deleting you from my Facebook as the end all be all of deciding the fate of our decade-long friendship, then fuck you. It's fucking Facebook. Excuse the fuck out of me if I don't want to be bitched at for being vain by commenting on your status or uncaring by not commenting. Or if I don't want to involve other people close to me in bullshit that has nothing to do with them.
If you don't realize that your acting like a bitch by next week, and call me with an apology, as you have whenever we've gotten into a fight, then I'm probably better off without you. You could be a very good friend at times, but you definitely took much much more than you EVER gave. I'm a fucking adult, and I thought you were too, but if you're going to get your panties all in a bunch over a fucking website friendship status that could easily changed with a click of a fucking button, then I was clearly very, very wrong.
I really hope you grow the fuck up. We might be able to be good friends again, but I won't hold my breath.
First, your ex. Honestly, I don't think you deserve what you're getting from him. But to expect him to be compliant after you cheated on him several times, and to get pissed and at times over-obsessive about who he's fucking now, and then act like you don't care, is not just stupid, it's bitchy, shallow, as well as incredibly creepy and awkward for me as your friend. And to keep calling him when he obviously wants nothing to do with you is doubly stupid. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's not my business why you broke up, but you broke up with him. Period. I don't want to hear about how he's such a fucking asshole. I know that's what you think of him. But when you keep after him, it just makes you look sad and desperate. Hell, maybe you really are. But I can't help you with that, and bitching to me about the same thing over and over again, certainly won't help you either.
Second, your hypocrisy. You say you're a germaphobe, but you're not. If you were, you'd be cleaning all day in your house like a meth addict. You say that so that people will take special care of you. You also say you're not a phone person, yet you call me more than ANY FUCKING PERSON I KNOW! And you say that you can't stand when people go on and on. Yet you can go off at the mouth for a half hour about fucking nothing. You complain about passive/aggression from the man I love, and then you pull shit like this morning's incident?! Seriously, take a look at your fucking self.
Third, your defensiveness. Any form of even the most gentle constructive criticism of ANYTHING about you is treated automatically as a statement of hostility. I know I've been guilty of this a few times, even with you. But I have apologized upon realization. You, however, get pissed at anything that could be possibly construed as an insult to you, even conversations that have NOTHING to do with you. We used to fight about stupid shit in middle school, and I keep finding that you're the one who still gets pissed off at me when I don't call you back right away. You're the one who gets mad when I tell you that your wrong, that I have shit to do when you want someone to talk to when you're "just bored as fuck," or you want to tell me about "a totally cute outfit that I may have found for Halloween!" You can send that shit to me in an email. You don't need to interrupt my fucking meal, or the little time I get with my boyfriend to tell me that.
Which brings me to number four: your selfishness. This one has been on my mind for a while now. And this isn't just over the fact that we've paid for everything for BOTH of your cross-country trips to see us, with no expectation of you EVER paying us back, not to mention your tattoo, myriad souvenirs I knew you couldn't afford, and an emergency because you were in so much pain while you were with us. All of those things I consider worth it, because I knew you needed a break from your everyday life. I know what that's like. But you are never satisfied and you never speak up about an issue that you have with something/someone until so much time has passed. And I think you do that just so you can bitch. There's just something in your brain that compels you to bitch, or create a reason to bitch. Our food was never good enough for you, we never had enough soda for you, we never went out enough, our friends weren't nice enough, and it never fucking ended. My boyfriend couldn't speak his mind because I asked him to tone down his political talk around you. Just so I wouldn't have to hear you bitch about how he's insulting you and your family's beliefs and values. It was fucking exhausting and unfair to try to pit me against my boyfriend. Fuck you for that. And to continue to get pissed off at me when I can't take your call right away because I have to work, is all on you. You stay pissed because I have to pay my bills; that's really logical and mature. What's more you have complained to me about EVERY so-called douchebag guy you've been with, and it always seems to be the same story. You find a guy that you probably shouldn't date, but decide to tempt fate anyway, knowing the possibility of it ending horribly is pretty high. Then things are great for a while. Then he turns into a complete fucktard. Or he finds another girl, and you get pissed, even though you specifically stated to him that you don't want a relationship. Adds credence to my "creating-a-reason-to-bitch" theory. And I talk you through it, call him an asshole along with you, and all the while in the back of my head I'm thinking, "Why am I playing along with this?" I don't know these guys, I have no right to even make a judgement. Deal with them yourself. I'm not your fucking therapist. Even if I was, you would probably ignore me.
This brings me to this morning. The message you sent me back was the perfect example of how you act like the world fucking owes you something, like I owe you something because I'm you're friend. I thought a day for just the girls while I'm visiting is a fantastic idea of yours. But the last thing I ever expected was you to be so melodramatic about me inviting someone else. The girl I was talking about bringing just recently got out of a very bad relationship, and is still coming out of her shell. For you to say, "i kinda wanted it to be a personel day, but whatever u want i guess," is really fucking catty. You obviously want me to change shit around, so I hurt someone else and make you happy, and it doesn't matter because you don't fucking know her. I do have other friends besides you, and to assume that I put everyone else second to you all the time is re-goddamned-diculous. If you flew across the country back home just because I'm coming back to New Orleans for Halloween, that's on you. I'm not coming home for you. I'm coming home to see my family, crazy as they are, and a lot of other folks too, and to just enjoy being home. And I'm not going to be able to do that when you're acting like a drama queen.
Then when I do attempt to try to smooth things over you say to do it without you.
Oh. Fuck. No.
I am NOT playing this fucking game with you. I'm not going to beg you to be my friend and I'm not going to be a bitch to someone who genuinely needs to get out and have fun just to make you feel special. That's not my fucking job. If you want to cut yourself out of what was supposed to be a good day, fine. If you want to take my deleting you from my Facebook as the end all be all of deciding the fate of our decade-long friendship, then fuck you. It's fucking Facebook. Excuse the fuck out of me if I don't want to be bitched at for being vain by commenting on your status or uncaring by not commenting. Or if I don't want to involve other people close to me in bullshit that has nothing to do with them.
If you don't realize that your acting like a bitch by next week, and call me with an apology, as you have whenever we've gotten into a fight, then I'm probably better off without you. You could be a very good friend at times, but you definitely took much much more than you EVER gave. I'm a fucking adult, and I thought you were too, but if you're going to get your panties all in a bunch over a fucking website friendship status that could easily changed with a click of a fucking button, then I was clearly very, very wrong.
I really hope you grow the fuck up. We might be able to be good friends again, but I won't hold my breath.