you can't take the sky from me
Today I went back to classes. I've been increasingly nervous about it, wondering what people are going to say, whether they'll ask me where I've been for the past six weeks, how much work it's going to be to get caught up. I made a plan for getting through each hour of the day and thought about what I would respond if someone asked me why I've been out (no one has), and that's helped a lot. I basically decided that today and tomorrow will be getting-back-into-it days, where my only task is to touch base with my support people and attend lectures. I'll worry about making up tests and labs in a couple days. There's not that much, really. It will be easy. It has been a surprisingly easy day. I like my teachers a lot.
It's been an eye-opening day, too, in some ways. The decline in my functioning happened so gradually over the summer I didn't even notice it, and the last time I was on campus I was in the worst part of my eating disorder, and being back here healthy is amazing. Sitting in lecture, I realized I can think again. I didn't even know I couldn't think before, but I was following the lecture and making connections and thinking about concepts in different contexts, and it's like it used to be before the eating disorder, and it's very, very good. I can sit in the stairwell with my laptop now and not get bruises on my butt-bones. I'm so damn excited about school and my future. It's such an exhilirating feeling to be so passionate about geology again, to be so filled with hope about the next few years. Time to update my short- and long-term goals, I think.
Tonight is Red Temple night. I'm really looking forward to bonding with the girls. We're doing a mirror meditation and playing with henna. I painted my hand mirror so it says on the back, "what if you owned it? what if you loved it? what if you dared to live strong, wild, and free? what if you stood between yourself and yourself? outrageous. this is how it should feel."
It's incredible to be so deeply happy and free. I feel free.
It's been an eye-opening day, too, in some ways. The decline in my functioning happened so gradually over the summer I didn't even notice it, and the last time I was on campus I was in the worst part of my eating disorder, and being back here healthy is amazing. Sitting in lecture, I realized I can think again. I didn't even know I couldn't think before, but I was following the lecture and making connections and thinking about concepts in different contexts, and it's like it used to be before the eating disorder, and it's very, very good. I can sit in the stairwell with my laptop now and not get bruises on my butt-bones. I'm so damn excited about school and my future. It's such an exhilirating feeling to be so passionate about geology again, to be so filled with hope about the next few years. Time to update my short- and long-term goals, I think.
Tonight is Red Temple night. I'm really looking forward to bonding with the girls. We're doing a mirror meditation and playing with henna. I painted my hand mirror so it says on the back, "what if you owned it? what if you loved it? what if you dared to live strong, wild, and free? what if you stood between yourself and yourself? outrageous. this is how it should feel."
It's incredible to be so deeply happy and free. I feel free.