Turning Point: Grateful for My Life
Today may be the first day since LM's death that I feel gratitude for being alive.
Over the past few weeks I've been reconnecting with my erotic nature, and it's been extremely nurturing to me. Add to that my intellectual pursuits, greater satisfaction at work, a resurgence in my creativity, and it's as if the shattered, scattered pieces of myself are being drawn back together. Instead of feeling empty, lonely, lost, overwhelmed, I feel depth, power, harmonious complexity, and solidity.
My gratitude came from having been able to reach this point. If I had died when LM had, I would have left this world being far less than I have become over years since. It's not about power or greatness, but about fulfilling the promise of myself, a promise that would have been only partially realized if I had passed with him. I want to grow and become all that I can before I pass over, learn all that I can, work off all the karma I can, provide whatever help and support to others that I can, before I pass beyond the veil and have to give an accounting of myself and the gifts I have been given. Before LM and I face together what comes next. I want to bring him -- and leave behind in this world - the richest Me that I can.
I feel myself becoming, in actuality, the person I have dreamed and groped toward being -- someone I caught glimpses of, had intuitions of, but could not have forseen.
I was sitting in front of my altar a little while ago, as all this welled up within me, and I bowed my head before Odin and thanked him for all that has been happening since He came into my life. He lifted my chin so we were looking at each other, and said, "We have work for you to do."
Over the past few weeks I've been reconnecting with my erotic nature, and it's been extremely nurturing to me. Add to that my intellectual pursuits, greater satisfaction at work, a resurgence in my creativity, and it's as if the shattered, scattered pieces of myself are being drawn back together. Instead of feeling empty, lonely, lost, overwhelmed, I feel depth, power, harmonious complexity, and solidity.
My gratitude came from having been able to reach this point. If I had died when LM had, I would have left this world being far less than I have become over years since. It's not about power or greatness, but about fulfilling the promise of myself, a promise that would have been only partially realized if I had passed with him. I want to grow and become all that I can before I pass over, learn all that I can, work off all the karma I can, provide whatever help and support to others that I can, before I pass beyond the veil and have to give an accounting of myself and the gifts I have been given. Before LM and I face together what comes next. I want to bring him -- and leave behind in this world - the richest Me that I can.
I feel myself becoming, in actuality, the person I have dreamed and groped toward being -- someone I caught glimpses of, had intuitions of, but could not have forseen.
I was sitting in front of my altar a little while ago, as all this welled up within me, and I bowed my head before Odin and thanked him for all that has been happening since He came into my life. He lifted my chin so we were looking at each other, and said, "We have work for you to do."