And Then. . .
If you've been reading along and missed Alfrecht's comment on my Persephone/sovereignty post, you may want to go back and glance at it. It seems that a word that insisted in being included had a deeper implication than I realized -- and more associations.
Last night, I was just settling onto the couch with Wolfling to snuggle, after writing that previous entry and then reading Alfrecht's comment, when my phone alarm beeped to remind me it was time for my regular Tuesday evening household altar rite with Tiwaz and LM. I don't believe this! I cried, suddenly having a new appreciation of the term "god bothered."
I went to the altar and addressed myself to Tiwaz, but my head was still pretty much spinning from everything that had already happened, and it was hard to concentrate. I made sure to say my usual thanks for the safety and prosperity of our household, and then made what has been a recently habitual prayer for help in having the income I need to support myself and Wolfling comfortably.
For the first time, I felt some resistance. This is something I'm going to have to test with divination, but what I thought I was getting in response was a firm caution that we would be taken care of, but that I need to let go of some of my own expectations about what is best for Wolfling and what level of affluence I live in. There were some strong urges to follow through on some thoughts I've had about selling some excess stuff I've accumulated over the years, reducing my need for "x" amount of space, and being more conservative with my money.
I thought of more than one LJ friend who is a spirit worker of some kind, and whose focus is so much demanded on their Work that they are not able to maintain the kind of job(s) that they might otherwise have.
I've never had the career I grew up expecting to have. Over the past few years, I've said that it's been because I've not had the right kind of ambition for one, that I never knew what I wanted to be and didn't feel like putting out the effort for something I didn't want; maybe what's been going on at a deeper level has been preparation for this stage of my life when I'm to focus on Work rather than career.
Certainly I've been thinking for a while that the less I "need" to maintain, the more choices and flexibility I'll have when considering jobs -- both vocational (spirit related) and "day job."
I won't pretend that I wasn't troubled by what I thought I was hearing last night -- even as I found it somewhat ironic that after all I had just experienced I was worried about the gods somehow not taking care of me.
It was very hard to fall asleep last night. My head was still spinning. Finally I realized that despite all I had just been through and all I had written here and to a couple of friends, I had not yet addressed myself to Persephone directly. *headdesk
So I spent a few minutes doing that: thanking her for her attention and messages, telling her that I looked forward to learning more about what she has in mind, and etc. Honestly, I don't remember most of it. She didn't feel close yet, not like Ereshkigal. I did feel Ereshkigal last night, and She was smiling -- with a bit more pleasure and warmth than usual. I seem to be on the right path.
Strange, dense dreams last night, including an appearance by Bear -- in the midst of a bunch of other animals. But while many of them came closer -- even into my house -- Bear looked at me and wandered off into the woods. Bear has been my ally for many years, although I've never done the kind of close personal work that would develop that relationship more deeply. This morning, the only animal I remember being in my house was a large gorilla who mauled my breast.
I'm still feeling more than a bit overwhelmed this morning. . .
My grocery store has a large display of pomegranates. I guess I'll be picking one up soon. .
Last night, I was just settling onto the couch with Wolfling to snuggle, after writing that previous entry and then reading Alfrecht's comment, when my phone alarm beeped to remind me it was time for my regular Tuesday evening household altar rite with Tiwaz and LM. I don't believe this! I cried, suddenly having a new appreciation of the term "god bothered."
I went to the altar and addressed myself to Tiwaz, but my head was still pretty much spinning from everything that had already happened, and it was hard to concentrate. I made sure to say my usual thanks for the safety and prosperity of our household, and then made what has been a recently habitual prayer for help in having the income I need to support myself and Wolfling comfortably.
For the first time, I felt some resistance. This is something I'm going to have to test with divination, but what I thought I was getting in response was a firm caution that we would be taken care of, but that I need to let go of some of my own expectations about what is best for Wolfling and what level of affluence I live in. There were some strong urges to follow through on some thoughts I've had about selling some excess stuff I've accumulated over the years, reducing my need for "x" amount of space, and being more conservative with my money.
I thought of more than one LJ friend who is a spirit worker of some kind, and whose focus is so much demanded on their Work that they are not able to maintain the kind of job(s) that they might otherwise have.
I've never had the career I grew up expecting to have. Over the past few years, I've said that it's been because I've not had the right kind of ambition for one, that I never knew what I wanted to be and didn't feel like putting out the effort for something I didn't want; maybe what's been going on at a deeper level has been preparation for this stage of my life when I'm to focus on Work rather than career.
Certainly I've been thinking for a while that the less I "need" to maintain, the more choices and flexibility I'll have when considering jobs -- both vocational (spirit related) and "day job."
I won't pretend that I wasn't troubled by what I thought I was hearing last night -- even as I found it somewhat ironic that after all I had just experienced I was worried about the gods somehow not taking care of me.
It was very hard to fall asleep last night. My head was still spinning. Finally I realized that despite all I had just been through and all I had written here and to a couple of friends, I had not yet addressed myself to Persephone directly. *headdesk
So I spent a few minutes doing that: thanking her for her attention and messages, telling her that I looked forward to learning more about what she has in mind, and etc. Honestly, I don't remember most of it. She didn't feel close yet, not like Ereshkigal. I did feel Ereshkigal last night, and She was smiling -- with a bit more pleasure and warmth than usual. I seem to be on the right path.
Strange, dense dreams last night, including an appearance by Bear -- in the midst of a bunch of other animals. But while many of them came closer -- even into my house -- Bear looked at me and wandered off into the woods. Bear has been my ally for many years, although I've never done the kind of close personal work that would develop that relationship more deeply. This morning, the only animal I remember being in my house was a large gorilla who mauled my breast.
I'm still feeling more than a bit overwhelmed this morning. . .
My grocery store has a large display of pomegranates. I guess I'll be picking one up soon. .