TEARS!!!!!!!!!!
Well... My plane leaves Tomorrow (if I decide to board it). I'm staying with my grandmother for awhile. I can't sleep at all.... I keep hearing and seeing flash backs of my grandfather and I. I swear I see him watching me while I "TRY" to sleep. My grandmother gave me his journal from 2003 to read. I was fine... till I got to the last week. he never wrote in it my uncle did it. So I had to read his last moments in my uncle's hand writing. I was fine as long as I saw my grandfather's writing... but I started crying once I saw my uncles. I don't know if I can board this flight. My body isn't capable of it. All I want to do is hide in a corner and cry. I can't cry infront or around my grandmother. Don't want to show her the weakness. We talk to Papa as we drive past the cemetary....lol... He keeps yelling at us to get him a headstone....lol. Last night I couldn't sleep... I wanted to sit down and have a cup of coffee with Papa like we used to. So... I fixed two cups of coffee and sat down and I guess.... talked to myself. Man... I never thought that I'd take death so hard. Atleast... I never have in the past.
Since I've been up here metalgod666 (Dustin) and Luke have called me. I've called a few people since we have Unlimited Long Distance here and well.... When I have to hide my feelings the phone seems to be my best friend. Don't like the internet much here since it is a lil town.... dial up is the only thing available at the moment. Atleast it's on a faster PC now. Granny is giving me her old PC to take the guts out of and fix my pc.
I feel crying coming on so I think it is about time I log off. I'll talk to you all later.
P.S. When I get home there might be a post that is all of my sadness... just thought I'd forwarn you all.
Miss you All,
Keri