Lift your arm // wave your hand // say goodbye // I'm out the door again
Well, sadly this will be the last public post I will make. From here on out it's going to be friends only. I've prunned my list down quite a bit too...I deleted 8 ppl from the list. If you were cut, don't take it personal I just felt like we didn't communicate enough for me to have to worry about what you say in urs too, sounds conceited*sp but ol'well. After a while I think I'm going to convert all my posts to friends only and have a lil banner up that stats it so.
*sigh*
Anyway, I got to work today and everything just seemed to be in a slump. I mean, from the moment I clocked in till the moment I got in my car and left. It just sucked. I didn't even think about eating and I wasn't worried about it. The time kind of went by so that was a plus too. I hardly spoke to anyone which is always great. Before I left to clock out I asked Becky if she's made a decision yet and she said no and went into the office. I don't blame her but the thing thats bugging me is I keep repeating stuff in my head that I wanna say to her. Like IF she does pick me then I want to ask her if thats what she really wants and if she's sure. And I keep wanting to tell her that I want her to pick the person who deserves it the most and is the most qualified. I can't really think of anything more right now but there is more in my head that I repeat to myself. Believe me when you're alone all day for that long then you kind of have nothing more to think about than the things you wonder about the most. I just have to stop thinking about it....heck, I have to stop thinking about a lot of things. I mean, I used to be able to write a lot of stuff in poetry and I can't do that now. I used to draw and create stuff but now I have no creativity for it. I just can't do anything anymore...no one else seems to care about the stuff I "whine" about but me, and thats fine - I don't expect them to. It's my life and they don't have to live it. I understand theres a lot of thins out there that are far worse, but as of now I'm not living those things and I'm only concerned with whats going on in MY LIFE. I couldn't give a crap whats going on elsewhere unless it directly effects me. *being prudish and doesn't care* I'm just becoming a mean person. Everyone likes to blow me off or walk all over me like it's ok and it's not. There have been the exceptional few. Even the few that have tried to be my friend who really aren't my "friends" per sa, they still think I'm an asshole. (here we go with the self-pitty and loathing again) I don't think we should go back down that road again. Anyway, today wasn't bad it was just boring and no news isn't always good news. I can't wait to do what I want to do. Sometimes I just want to disappear and leave everything I've ever known and go elsewhere and just start over from the ground up. Well, I guess this is goodbye for a few of you so take care and so long. I'm gone.
*sigh*
Anyway, I got to work today and everything just seemed to be in a slump. I mean, from the moment I clocked in till the moment I got in my car and left. It just sucked. I didn't even think about eating and I wasn't worried about it. The time kind of went by so that was a plus too. I hardly spoke to anyone which is always great. Before I left to clock out I asked Becky if she's made a decision yet and she said no and went into the office. I don't blame her but the thing thats bugging me is I keep repeating stuff in my head that I wanna say to her. Like IF she does pick me then I want to ask her if thats what she really wants and if she's sure. And I keep wanting to tell her that I want her to pick the person who deserves it the most and is the most qualified. I can't really think of anything more right now but there is more in my head that I repeat to myself. Believe me when you're alone all day for that long then you kind of have nothing more to think about than the things you wonder about the most. I just have to stop thinking about it....heck, I have to stop thinking about a lot of things. I mean, I used to be able to write a lot of stuff in poetry and I can't do that now. I used to draw and create stuff but now I have no creativity for it. I just can't do anything anymore...no one else seems to care about the stuff I "whine" about but me, and thats fine - I don't expect them to. It's my life and they don't have to live it. I understand theres a lot of thins out there that are far worse, but as of now I'm not living those things and I'm only concerned with whats going on in MY LIFE. I couldn't give a crap whats going on elsewhere unless it directly effects me. *being prudish and doesn't care* I'm just becoming a mean person. Everyone likes to blow me off or walk all over me like it's ok and it's not. There have been the exceptional few. Even the few that have tried to be my friend who really aren't my "friends" per sa, they still think I'm an asshole. (here we go with the self-pitty and loathing again) I don't think we should go back down that road again. Anyway, today wasn't bad it was just boring and no news isn't always good news. I can't wait to do what I want to do. Sometimes I just want to disappear and leave everything I've ever known and go elsewhere and just start over from the ground up. Well, I guess this is goodbye for a few of you so take care and so long. I'm gone.