(no subject)
so as live journal tells me its been 13 weeks since my last post. and as much as i would like to say things have changed, they havent. which makes for a very very difficult life living with another man whom i am madly in love with. i just cant "get over it." people have told me that you never get over your first love. ok- thats understood but i feel extremely guilty and hold a lot of that inside and sometimes i feel like such a horrible person for imagining what life could have been. i honestly was forgetting about it, not spending any time thinking about it, just letting go. but my subconscious is torturing me. i have dreams at least once a week about him. nothing intimate, just him and i hanging out and talking. i think my problem is that i dont have closure. i thought that i could just dismiss it. i dont want to involve myself in a married mans life after not even speaking in person for over 3 years. that just seems ridiculous. oh, i need some help.