i've thought it out. relationships nowadays are retarded. no piont to them and i can live witout.
im gettin sick. i felt it this morning and its been following me around all day like a lil anoying dog. im gettin into a semi antisocial mood, and i've been convinced into goin to the homecoming game and dance. yay for dancin wit friends! fast songs are fun when ur in a nice big circle wit friends. though im still thinkin of jus ditchin out on the dance, or jus not dancin at all and be one of those losers taht jus stands around. i hope i don't get asked to slow dance....like every time i've slow danced cept one time it was freakin creepy. the only person who i would want to dance wit is skater boy ^.^ though the chances of that are VERY slim since i doubt he would be the type to go to dances, but hey, u never know. i can jus hope :P actually, im not sure if im goin to the dance, though im pretty srue im gunna go to the game. i've been thinkin a lot, and boys are way to much trouble. i REALLY REALLY don't want a bf right now. even skater boy....he would be a simple bf, cuz i don't know him like at all, but still, bfs are a hassel. how can ppl stand relationships??? i don't know y i was so excited about them last year...probly cuz thats when i had my first one and i thought that if u had a relationship, u were complete. but HA! that is such a lie. it lasted probly for about my first relationship, and that i was jus happy to be close to him. but all we did was hug like once a day, and then hold hands when my friends either forced us to or made fun of us for not. but seriously, that was my happiest relationship, so innocent. and now im closer to all my friends then i was ever to john....so i don't see the piont. i've never been kissed, and really, i don't want to be. i like bein MINE which sounds so concieted but yeh....and all past relationships had been friends, which of course fucked up the friendship and they pretty much all died. i had 3 classes wit john last year...we talked in like every one of them and he would look for me at lunch to eat lunch wit me....it was sweet. god i miss bein innocent. i thought hugs were the greatest things ever since i had only gotten hugs from like him, and josh. and then i stopped wit josh once i started goin out wit him. see how innocent i was?? and then jus today in math class, i sit in the row between two girls who are like best friends and one asked "so do u still jus use condoms?" an the other:"yeh, but im goin in this weekend for a shot" and im jus sittin there thinkin "wat happened to the love of jus bein wit a person, not wantin to fuck them or make out wit them 24/7 and no longer care about jus bein in company with them?" i remember i used to jus look forward to math every day cuz i would sit across from john...and jus talk. i loved talking wit him. his and his stories *sigh* i miss the innoccence, not him. i need to return to that state of mind. and so should everyone else. the only relationship that i wuold ever be able to stand at the moment, even though i'd rather not, is skater boy. for i don't know him, he is not my friend, and he is cute. it would be a crap ass relationship but hey, it woudln't ruin a friendship in the long run, and those always last longer. it would be a simple relationship. skater boy has actually noticed me i think...he actually looked in my general direction a few times durin pe, and then i always seem to see him leavin my chem class as i arrive, and a few times i think hes looked straight at me. but its jus probly all in my head... *sigh* today when i was bikin home ifelt as if some feeling was chasing me and wouldn't go away. so i biked home as fast as possible, and i was wonderin wat it would be like to crash into somethin and go flying. but yeh, when i got home i felt as if i was gunan collapse or faint, thats how fast i was bikign. and this has been one huge long entry on how utterly piontless relationships are and how stupid boys are (cept skater boy). well, and i guess some friends aren't stupid either....*sigh* i want to go eat soup forever in a forest alone. all alone.