I hope very much that what you say is true, that you have rid yourself of the influence of the Shadows and have come to find peace. I would not wish the Shadows to take up residence in anyone's psyche, friend or stranger, and I cannot begin to imagine what you must have gone through as their servant -- or if you can ever fully recover from the wounds that that experience inevitably left behind.
My people were, like you, unwilling slaves of the Shadows for generations. They, came, they raped our world, and they left us blacker than we had been before. Time passed, and we healed, as time will do in most cases. We healed, but we did not forget. For one can cease to hate, my dear, but one cannot forget how to hate.
I suppose I shall always hate the Shadows, for it is as much a part of me as any other aspect of being a Narn. I suppose you, as well, shall always hate them, because while you have rid yourself of their control, you remain cursed with the memory of that control. For that, my dear, I do not envy you one bit. In fact, my heart aches for you and for the pain you must inevitably suffer.
But hear me well.
I find myself strangely protective of Mollari, to an extreme degree, some might say, in recent months. He is more fragile than he dares admit, and I would not see harm come to him, any more than your dear Galen would see harm come to you. And so it was my place to interfere when I believed Mollari had the chance of being led astray, because I feared for his soul.
Mr. Garibaldi informed me of a practice undertaken by those who suffer from an addiction to narcotics, such as Garibaldi was afflicted with in recent years. As part of their recovery, addicts are encouraged to keep a distance from others they associate with that dark part of their past -- others who shared the same narcotic with them and might unwittingly trigger painful memories.
Before you explained this to me, here, Ms. Sheridan, I was not aware of the depth of your recovery from the the Shadow affliction. And because of that I feared that being close to you -- witnessing your sanity, your beauty and your strength -- might remind Mollari of the similarly seductive qualities of the Shadows. Who have been known, as I'm sure you recall, to take a most seductive face.
I know better now, and know that you wish him no harm, nor do you pose a threat to him, and I hope very much that the two of you will be able to be friends. I think I myself could greatly benefit from getting to know you better, as you have educated me here and forced me to reconsider what I had previously assumed to be true. There are not many in these parts who have challenged my assumptions so, and I am humbled by your eloquence, your candor, and by the bravery you exhibit. I regret that I was the cause of so much pain.
I must also add, in regards to your friend Galen, that I have the utmost respect for the Technomages. To me, they represent all that is powerful about humanity; all that endures against great odds. We are not born blessed with magic, and so we create it, with our two hands. If that does not suggest the most powerful sort of hope for all mankind, I do not know what does.
My best wishes to you, and my hope, again, that you and Mollari are able to repair a bit of the friendship that has been lost between you. He is a man with too few friends, and he could use, and deserves, one of your like.
I also suspect you understand the depth of my feeling for him, and the lengths to which I would go to see him safe, and sane. I love him as I have never loved another in my long and tiresome life, Ms. Sheridan. I love him so profoundly it threatens to tear the heart from my chest. And so I find it is my lot in life to be at his side, to guide him and protect him, and to care for him in every way I know how.
Tonight, I think that the best thing I can do for him is apologize to you, honestly and sincerely, and pray that you do not allow any ill feeling between us to keep you from being Mollari's friend.
Londo and I have spoken, and I believe things are alright now. He's invited me to come visit- and promised to introduce me to Vir, who I never did get to meet at his party. Perhaps we could talk more when I'm there, get to know each other better? We seem to have more in common than our concern for Londo.
And on that note, there is something you had probably better know. I've told Londo, but he is stubborn enough that I don't know if he'll share this- not because he doesn't trust you, but because he believes he can take care of himself even when maybe he can't always.
My young friend, Draco Malfoy, was poisoned at Vir's party. We think he's going to be alright, but it was Centauri poison. I know Londo has enemies, and that strikes me as a weapon that they might use.
I won't lie to you, G'Kar- I am very, very angry with these people. But if they were aiming at Londo- or Vir for that matter- and you get there first, well, as my people say, "such is life". Just... make it hurt.
No, I suppose we never can forget how to hate. I wish that I could, but I can't regret loving these friends of mine so much that I want to hurt these people back.
I hope very much that what you say is true, that you have rid yourself of the influence of the Shadows and have come to find peace. I would not wish the Shadows to take up residence in anyone's psyche, friend or stranger, and I cannot begin to imagine what you must have gone through as their servant -- or if you can ever fully recover from the wounds that that experience inevitably left behind.
My people were, like you, unwilling slaves of the Shadows for generations. They, came, they raped our world, and they left us blacker than we had been before. Time passed, and we healed, as time will do in most cases. We healed, but we did not forget. For one can cease to hate, my dear, but one cannot forget how to hate.
I suppose I shall always hate the Shadows, for it is as much a part of me as any other aspect of being a Narn. I suppose you, as well, shall always hate them, because while you have rid yourself of their control, you remain cursed with the memory of that control. For that, my dear, I do not envy you one bit. In fact, my heart aches for you and for the pain you must inevitably suffer.
But hear me well.
I find myself strangely protective of Mollari, to an extreme degree, some might say, in recent months. He is more fragile than he dares admit, and I would not see harm come to him, any more than your dear Galen would see harm come to you. And so it was my place to interfere when I believed Mollari had the chance of being led astray, because I feared for his soul.
Mr. Garibaldi informed me of a practice undertaken by those who suffer from an addiction to narcotics, such as Garibaldi was afflicted with in recent years. As part of their recovery, addicts are encouraged to keep a distance from others they associate with that dark part of their past -- others who shared the same narcotic with them and might unwittingly trigger painful memories.
Before you explained this to me, here, Ms. Sheridan, I was not aware of the depth of your recovery from the the Shadow affliction. And because of that I feared that being close to you -- witnessing your sanity, your beauty and your strength -- might remind Mollari of the similarly seductive qualities of the Shadows. Who have been known, as I'm sure you recall, to take a most seductive face.
I know better now, and know that you wish him no harm, nor do you pose a threat to him, and I hope very much that the two of you will be able to be friends. I think I myself could greatly benefit from getting to know you better, as you have educated me here and forced me to reconsider what I had previously assumed to be true. There are not many in these parts who have challenged my assumptions so, and I am humbled by your eloquence, your candor, and by the bravery you exhibit. I regret that I was the cause of so much pain.
I must also add, in regards to your friend Galen, that I have the utmost respect for the Technomages. To me, they represent all that is powerful about humanity; all that endures against great odds. We are not born blessed with magic, and so we create it, with our two hands. If that does not suggest the most powerful sort of hope for all mankind, I do not know what does.
My best wishes to you, and my hope, again, that you and Mollari are able to repair a bit of the friendship that has been lost between you. He is a man with too few friends, and he could use, and deserves, one of your like.
I also suspect you understand the depth of my feeling for him, and the lengths to which I would go to see him safe, and sane. I love him as I have never loved another in my long and tiresome life, Ms. Sheridan. I love him so profoundly it threatens to tear the heart from my chest. And so I find it is my lot in life to be at his side, to guide him and protect him, and to care for him in every way I know how.
Tonight, I think that the best thing I can do for him is apologize to you, honestly and sincerely, and pray that you do not allow any ill feeling between us to keep you from being Mollari's friend.
Reply
Londo and I have spoken, and I believe things are alright now. He's invited me to come visit- and promised to introduce me to Vir, who I never did get to meet at his party. Perhaps we could talk more when I'm there, get to know each other better? We seem to have more in common than our concern for Londo.
And on that note, there is something you had probably better know. I've told Londo, but he is stubborn enough that I don't know if he'll share this- not because he doesn't trust you, but because he believes he can take care of himself even when maybe he can't always.
My young friend, Draco Malfoy, was poisoned at Vir's party. We think he's going to be alright, but it was Centauri poison. I know Londo has enemies, and that strikes me as a weapon that they might use.
I won't lie to you, G'Kar- I am very, very angry with these people. But if they were aiming at Londo- or Vir for that matter- and you get there first, well, as my people say, "such is life". Just... make it hurt.
No, I suppose we never can forget how to hate. I wish that I could, but I can't regret loving these friends of mine so much that I want to hurt these people back.
Reply
Leave a comment