(no subject)
I hate Christmas.
I used to love it, but dying can change your opinions on a lot of things.
I thought everything would be better, somehow, now that I'm here. I can talk to people from my world again. I can talk to _sheridan again. God, I've misssed him! But it's not... it's not enough, to be able to talk, because there are so many things I can't say. So many things I couldn't explain even if he were really listening to me.
And maybe it's my fault that he's not, because I'm the one who told him he was only dreaming. But what else could I do?
*sigh*
Death is depressing. No, really. It is.
I'm talkng to pure_black, who's been told by people from his future that he's going to die. He's just a kid. It's Christmas. What the hell is wrong with these people?
lily_potter is finding it almost as hard to talk to her son (simulatedsavior) as I am to talk to John.
And witch_tara's father told her she would grow up to be a demon.
Why are people so...? Ugh, never mind. No one's going to be able to answer that, not even God. And if you're listening, great_i_am, if I want cryptic and useless, I'll go look up a Vorlon.
*sigh* I miss John. I miss him even though he doesn't know how all of this will turn out; even though he didn't know how to deal with me, the way I am now.
I almost miss Galen more, because he never expected anything of me. He just wanted to help me.
I'm starting to think I agree with his ideas about God and his Great Design, too.
In the back of my mind I blame my old 'friends' for everything; the old Z'ha'dum gang, class of '61. Morden, Justin, and the Shadow they made of me. (And I guess Elizar, Razeel, Tilar, and Bunny, too, but they did not make me what I am, they just came along and...helped, later, in their own special ways.)
I think what I hate most is that they're all dead and gone, and I've got no way of venting this anger I feel towards them. I'd love to be able to lose my temper and just start raging at Morden. He deserves it.
The way I hear it, though, Morden screwed up so badly that his head ended up on a pike on Centauri Prime (cheers, emperor_cotto_i).
I'm sorry I missed that.
I used to love it, but dying can change your opinions on a lot of things.
I thought everything would be better, somehow, now that I'm here. I can talk to people from my world again. I can talk to _sheridan again. God, I've misssed him! But it's not... it's not enough, to be able to talk, because there are so many things I can't say. So many things I couldn't explain even if he were really listening to me.
And maybe it's my fault that he's not, because I'm the one who told him he was only dreaming. But what else could I do?
*sigh*
Death is depressing. No, really. It is.
I'm talkng to pure_black, who's been told by people from his future that he's going to die. He's just a kid. It's Christmas. What the hell is wrong with these people?
lily_potter is finding it almost as hard to talk to her son (simulatedsavior) as I am to talk to John.
And witch_tara's father told her she would grow up to be a demon.
Why are people so...? Ugh, never mind. No one's going to be able to answer that, not even God. And if you're listening, great_i_am, if I want cryptic and useless, I'll go look up a Vorlon.
*sigh* I miss John. I miss him even though he doesn't know how all of this will turn out; even though he didn't know how to deal with me, the way I am now.
I almost miss Galen more, because he never expected anything of me. He just wanted to help me.
I'm starting to think I agree with his ideas about God and his Great Design, too.
In the back of my mind I blame my old 'friends' for everything; the old Z'ha'dum gang, class of '61. Morden, Justin, and the Shadow they made of me. (And I guess Elizar, Razeel, Tilar, and Bunny, too, but they did not make me what I am, they just came along and...helped, later, in their own special ways.)
I think what I hate most is that they're all dead and gone, and I've got no way of venting this anger I feel towards them. I'd love to be able to lose my temper and just start raging at Morden. He deserves it.
The way I hear it, though, Morden screwed up so badly that his head ended up on a pike on Centauri Prime (cheers, emperor_cotto_i).
I'm sorry I missed that.