Protect Me, Love Me - Chapter 13 (Part 1)
Chapter 13
“Puberty”
Rating - PG-13
Disclaimer - I do not own Four Brothers
“Talking”
‘Thinking’
#Telepathy#
&Dream& &End Dream&
_____________________________________________
Things were turning into a different routine for Jack, after the trial. His clothing changed almost drastically; he wore much more… what they call ‘gothic’ or ‘punk rock’ clothes. People said it was ‘just a faze and he’d grow out of it’ and those were the people Jack usually beat the shit out of. It hurt sometimes, his empathy, because of what he was doing but he didn’t care.
Grades were still higher then most people’s but they weren’t the best. He stopped doing his art, though he didn’t drop the class or stopped drawing, he stopped entering contests. But most ‘upsettingly’ to Angel and Jerry was that he quit hockey.
It started a fight… a real fight between them; where Jerry and Angel yelled saying this was a good opportunity and where Jack simply stared at them. In the end Jack looked at them and said “I don’t care… hockey’s a stupid sport anyway…” before turning and walking out the door, leaving them staring after him with stunned expressions.
Within a month after the trial a lot of people saw a difference in him, mostly his family. He hated going home after school, ever since the fight with Jerry and Angel, and he spent most of his time with Alex. Darius was busy with school and girls and when he tried being with Jack, Jack simply avoided him saying he had a lot of shit to do.
Seth and Kerra were busy ‘getting to know’ their ‘mates’ as him and Xander were told. Mate was a word both Alex and Jack hated… they both felt they were just never going to be with anyone. They didn’t know a lot on the subject, all they knew was that it involved sex and they weren’t going to do anything involving that.
~~~~
It was the night before his 12th birthday and Jack was lying in Alex’s room. His room was bigger then Jacks and had a queen size bed in the middle of the room, a desk on the left and the dresser on the right. The room had all kinds of runes and symbols all over the room; which Alex and him did a few weeks ago when his parents were away. They were both interested in mythology and runes and the Celtics so they put all the different kinds they could think of.
Jack was lying on the bed with Alex, who was spinning in the leather computer chair. They had gotten a bottle of tequila and a bottle of white Zinfandel wine and were passing the bottles back and forth.
“I think my ceiling is changing shape…” Xander said in a low voice and Jack looked up and saw it too! It was twisting and turning and twisting and… “Oh fuck..” Jack muttered as he pushed himself up and off the bed. Jack opened the door and walked to the bathroom, sliding on the wall for support.
Practically throwing himself in front of the toilet Jack threw up everything he’d eaten that day… which wasn’t a whole lot. Spitting Jack made a face and swallowed only to bend forward and retch again. Moaning Jack slumped onto the cool tile floor and groaned as his hot head hit the cool tile. “Jack? Oh my God, Jack?!” he heard and saw Maria in the doorway, then felt her feeling his forehead.
He heard her make a noise before “Have you been drinking?” she asked in a shocked voice. “Christopher?! Christopher!! Chris go check on Xander!” she called and Jack groaned and curled up tighter. “How in the world did you get alcohol?!” she asked in that same shocked tone.
Jack was in a car the next time he looked around and he moaned softly “Jack, are you awake?” he heard Evelyn ask and nodded only to groan “I don feel good.” He mumbled. She scoffed “Well that’s what you get when you drink straight tequila and wine! Honestly Jack, what were you thinking? And Alexander… his parents are not happy. You and I are gonna talk tomorrow, mister.” She said and Jack close his eyes with a whimper.
The next time Jack opened his eyes it was to jump out of bed and slide to the bathroom and throw up. It wasn’t until the room stopped spinning that he realized a few things; one, Angel was rubbing his back, two, the shower was going and Jerry was watching him from behind the curtain, and three, Evelyn was leaning on the doorframe. “You’re lucky it’s a Saturday… What was goin through your head, Jack!” he heard Evelyn say softly, which made guilt add to the pain.
His head was pounding and his body hurt was the only thing that got through his foggy mind. His head shot up and he looked at Evelyn “Xannie?” he croaked weakly and saw her mouth tighten before she frowned “Alexander’s fine, I’m sure he’s feeling about the same as you though.” She said and Jack let his head fall back on the toilet seat, thanking god that it was clean.
~~~~
Evelyn let him go back to sleep with a promise that they were going to talk when he woke up. Jack lay on his bed for a long time staring up at the light blue paint. He couldn’t sleep but he really didn’t want to face Evelyn now… was she going to make him leave because of this? He felt her anger in the bathroom and couldn’t help but worry. He was alone and hurting and he wanted to cry. Blackness swarmed his vision and before he knew it he was deeply asleep once again.
When he woke up again his head was easing up and he felt better then he had before. Looking on his desk, where he had an alarm clock, he saw it was 2pm. Groaning Jack slowly got up and walked to the bathroom, where he peed and washed his hands before going to get dressed. Pulling on a long sleeve, plain, dark blue shirt he looked through his ‘t-shirt’ draw before finally pulling out a Linkin Park t-shirt. He pulled on plain, baggy, black pants before he walked to the door and walked to the staircase.
Opening his mind a little he felt that Evelyn was on the phone with someone, Angel was downstairs playing videogames, and Jerry wasn’t home. Taking a deep breath Jack slowly walked downstairs and went to go to the kitchen, not really looking at anything, but froze when he heard just who exactly Evelyn was talking to. “I don’t know what to do, Bobby… No… honey, no, I’m not blaming you.” He heard her sigh and Jack felt him bottom lip tremble.
Bobby called once a day during the week and twice to three times a day on the weekends. He knew that Bobby wanted to talk to him but every time he called Jack never seemed to be home. Knowing he was being childish but not caring Jack carried on with this attitude and simply wouldn’t talk to, or about, the oldest Mercer brother.
Now though, standing in the doorway, knowing he could talk to Bobby, Jack felt the craving to do so. Taking a very deep breath Jack walked into the kitchen and looked up into Evelyn’s startled face. “Hold on Bobby Jack just came in.” she paused and looked at him but he looked down at the floor, not knowing how to ask. “Bobby, would you like to talk to Jack?” he heard her ask before he saw Evelyn holding out the phone for him.
With trembling hands Jack took the phone and held it for a second, simply staring at it, before he put it to his ear “Hello?” he asked softly, his voice sounding hoarse to his own ears. “Hey CrackerJack… heard you’ve been fightin’ and drinkin’… never thought you’d be a drinker or a fighter. I ‘member one time when you found me n’ Jerry fightin’ and flipped out on us.” Bobby’s voice sounded strong but there was anger, guilt, and sadness in his voice that Jack had never heard before.
Jack was quiet for a moment and he heard shuffling on the other side of the phone “Jack? You hang up on me, man?” he heard Bobby ask before Jack swallowed and walked to the wall where the phone base was and paused. “Ya.. I’m here… it’s my birthday today Bobby…” he said softly before he pulled the phone away from his ear and hung it up on the wall with a soft ‘cling’.
“Jack…” he heard Evelyn say from behind him but he leaned his forehead against the wall. “Jackie?” she said again, coming up behind him but he just shook his head. “I hate my birthday…” he whispered, pain lacing his voice, before walking out and up the stairs to his bedroom. He knew Evelyn was following him and he could only sigh… their ‘talk’ was going to come.
And they did talk after that; though Evelyn waited to see if Bobby was going to call back, which he didn’t. Evelyn sat on the computer chair and Jack on his bed. Evelyn made him talk about what had been going on. He told her little bits and pieces… he himself didn’t know what he was feeling and why he was feeling it.
When he asked her if she was gonna send him back to the group home she seemed to freeze, caught off guard by his question. She looked at him for a long time before she knelt in front of him and told him that she was never going to make him leave… that he was going to stay here… that this was his home just as it was Bobby’s or Jerry’s or Angel’s or even hers. Jack had looked at her, tears in his eyes and she kissed his forehead “No matter what you do or say you’re my son now, nothing is ever going to change that.”
~~~
It was that night when his world tilted off balance… that night that his entire world changed forever.
&Dream&
He was lying on his bed and he was naked… that was all Jack could process and he went to cover himself when someone took his hands, kissing his palms softly. Jack felt his mouth go dry as he felt hands sliding down his body, massaging his abs then sliding down to rub his thighs.
Panting he felt the hands help him turn onto his stomach before he felt big, blunt, fingertips, rough from years of hard work and fighting, slide down from his neck to his tail bone… all along his super sensitive spine.
A moan ripped from his throat as he felt the fingertips returning to his shoulder blades… this time all ten fingertips ran lightly down his back. He felt a warm feeling in his stomach start to build when the hands turned him back around.
Then there were lips on his and Jack felt his eyes slip close as he pressed into the lips above him. Suddenly his eyes popped open when he felt, not only hands and lips on him, but a body… a very hard, muscular, body. This body was taller then his and more muscular, more filled out, older, and more mature. When Jack opened his eyes he was staring into hazel-blue eyes.
Jack’s body froze his heart sped up faster as he stared into the eyes. He felt those hands on him again and he arched uncontrollably into the hard body above his own. His breathing sped up and he felt tears in his eyes as he felt that burning in his stomach grow but he couldn’t find release… he didn’t know what was to come and it scared him.
He cried out helplessly to the person above him, the tears falling down his face, “Bobby!”
&End Dream&
Jack’s eyes snapped open and he looked around his blue room, before his body sat up. He was shaking and trembling; he was confused and scared… not knowing what had happened or why he had dreamed something like that. Looking down in his lap, when he felt something, his eyes went wide and his trembling body froze, fear crawling up his throat… ‘It’ was hard…
Scrambling out of bed, faster then he ever had before, he rushed out of the room and slammed into Angel’s room, throwing the door open in the process. The door hit the wall with a loud ‘thump’ making Angel jump awake. “Jack? What’s happenin’, what’s wrong?” he asked when he saw the terrified look on his younger brother’s face.
“Make it go ‘way, I don wanna hurt nobody!!” Jack sobbed, self-hatred confusion and fear thick in his voice. “What? Make what go … oh…uh..” Angel trailed off as he glanced between Jack’s scared face and the tent in his younger brother’s sweats. Realization went through his sleep fogged mind as he took in his younger brother’s, very obvious, confused and terrified eyes.
Taking a breath Angel got out of bed and steered Jack to his computer chair and sat him down. “Jack, you need to calm down ok? Take a deep breath… ya good… now count to ten… now count backwards, and concentrate on the numbers…” Angel’s voice flowed over him as he imagined the numbers as he counted them out loud. Sniffing Jack looked down and sighed out a sob of relief when ‘it’ wasn’t hard anymore.
He watched, face red, as Angel sat on his bed, facing him, and rubbed his eyes. “Le’me guess that was your first hard-on?” the older boy asked and Jack frowned, confused by the words, and shrugged. “Jack… that’s normal; it happens to all guys when we get… you know… in the mood.” Angel said, a tinge of embarrassment coloring in his voice.
Shame made his face bleed red and Jack looked down at the carpet as he spoke his next words. “He… whenever his got hard he’d always… he’d… I don wanna hurt nobody like that! And that’s what it means… it gets hard and you hav’ta …” Jack trailed off.
Angel frowned when he really realized just what Jack was saying and then anger and hatred coursed through him. Then shock stopped him and Angel realized that Jack was just a kid… a scared little kid not knowing anything really.
In a lot of ways the younger boy was so far advanced for his age but then in emotional ways… like this… he was just… just a kid who’d been hurt and didn’t know the difference between what was right and what was wrong.
It was the truth too, Jack really didn’t understand what had happened to him was wrong. Yes, on some level he knew it was bad but then again, on another level, he felt that he was just a freak and had deserved what had happened. He didn’t understand that being with someone you choose is completely different then being held down and raped.
“That’s not true…” Angel said voice thick with anger and he watched Jack flinch back a little. Going to his knees Angel made Jack look him in the eyes before continuing “What the boogieman did to you was wrong! It shouldn’t a happened and that guy should be killed for what he did.” Keeping his voice soft Angel watched the emotions play across Jack’s face; he saw confusion, disbelief, self-hatred, and pain.
“I wouldn’t lie to ya. When you’re with someone, someone who cares ‘bout you, it’s different. It’s feels good and believe me you’ll wan’ it.” Angel said with a grin, remembering yesterday with Sofi. Jack quickly shook his head “No, no, you don’ understand… I don’ wan’ it…” he whispered, face going red, as he remembered Bobby above him… touching him… his eyes.
He saw Angel roll his eyes and grin at him “Jackie what exactly did ya dream? Was it just… I dunno a dream about a whole bunch o’ girls or one specific one?” he asked and Jack paled to a sickly white. Angel thought his dream was about a girl… ‘Oh fuck’ his mind supplied. “Jack? What? You know who you dreamed and you’re embarrassed?” Angel asked and Jack gave a soft snort before nodding.
“It’s just me… and plus you know I’ll never tell your secrets. Who is it?” Angel asked and Jack could’ve sworn there was a whine in his voice. Swallowing Jack bit his lip, hard enough to make it bleed, before stuttering something before stopping and looking fearfully up at the older boy.
Angel looked concerned now before he seemed to blank out his expression “Jack… did you um… you dream ‘bout a guy?” he asked and Jack felt his eyes tear up and his lip tremble.
Shaking his head Jack coughed “I never wanted it, I swear I didn’t like it!” he pleaded with Angel, as if wanting to make the older boy believe him. “I know Jackie, it’s ok…” Angel said but Jack shook his head.
“NO! Its not!!! I don’t like him, not like that, I swear I don’t!! He’s gonna hate me and probably beat me up and… and…” his voice trailed off as different scenario’s of what Bobby would do to him flew through his head.
“Hey, hey, hey, wait I wouldn’t let nobody hurt you! Plus I mean me, Jerry, and Bobby would kill anyone who hurt you!” Angel said but that only made tears leak down Jack’s face. “It was Bobby…” Jack whispered brokenly. It seemed that no matter how low his answer was it seemed to have vibrate through the room as if he’d yelled it.
When everything went silent Jack looked up into Angel’s stunned face and trembled as fear fluttered in his belly. He pulled his legs up, so the tips of his feet were off the ledge of the chair, and wrapped his arms around his knees.
“You had a … you had a wet dream ‘bout Bobby?” Angel voice was full of disbelief, shock, and confusion and his face creased with even more confusion when Jack nodded softly.
“O-ok..” was Angel’s stuttered reply and Jack’s head snapped up and he looked at Angel with confusion. “What?” Angel asked confused by the look on Jack’s face. “You-you’re not gonna beat me up or call me names… or-or…” his confused voice seemed to snap Angel into the present and he pulled Jack on the floor with him and wrapped his long arms around Jack’s, tense, smaller body.
“You’re not bad and I ain’t neva gonna hurt you just ‘cause you had a dream or if you’d done something. Listen… s’long as you ain’t dreamin’ ‘bout me I couldn’t give a shit. Plus… I think I ‘ready knew you was, you know, likin’ Bobby ‘that’ way.” Angel said slowly and Jack looked up at him, shaking his head, eyes wide.
“No, no, I don’t like Bobby… I swear I don’t, it was jus’ a dream like you said. I’m not… I don’t wan’ that…” Jack said, face twisting in both disgust and pain. Angel shook his head and smoothed back Jack’s sweaty hair
“What’d I tell ya? Sex ain’t like that… I don’ know much ‘bout sex ‘tween two guys but I mean it happens all the time so why would two people be together and do it if it hurts?” Angel said softly then remembered what he’d just learned about his younger brother. “Jackie… what exactly do you know about the world?” he asked and Jack frowned at him, not understanding the question.
The older boy shook his head “You know a woman and a man can have sex and they have a baby, right? Well you know two guys can do the same thing… but well the one has ta take a pill then he gets pregnant. With girls too… but well they gots ta go to the doctor to have it done I think.” He said and Jack stared at him completely and utterly shocked.
Angel shrugged “Damn it’s been that way since… well… I guess it had something to do with the Flyers and Swimmers but I don’t know anything like that.. all genetics and stuff.” Angel said and Jack just stared down at the blanket.
“I’m not gay… I don like him, you believe me right?” Jack asked, pleadingly, looking up at Angel with wide eyes. The older boy sighed out a long breath before shrugging “I dunno what to tell you, baby boy, all’s I know is that whether you is or you isn’t don’t matter to me.” He said pulling Jack into a soft, one arm, hug then glanced at his alarm clock.
“Damn well… happy late birthday anyway… you were kinda knocked out all day. It’s 3am…” he said seeing Jack’s confused face. Jack’s shoulders slumped and he stared down at his lap “Was Evelyn mad?” he asked softly.
Seeing Angel’s raised eyebrow and lip between his teeth he sighed. “She’s just… she’s been workin’ real hard trying to make up for Bobby not being here. I know she ain’t mad, she just feels… like she’s let ya down or somethin’.” He said.
~~~~~
Jack sat on his bed for a long time after he left Angel’s room. He didn’t want to go back to sleep; fear of dreaming again, keeping him awake. Sighing softly Jack lay back and stared at the ceiling; he honestly didn’t want to know about the world or about ‘mates’ or sex or male pregnancy or anything like that. Ya he knew guys could have kids but he didn’t know it was ‘cause of Flyers and Swimmers.
Glancing to the edge of his bed Jack knew all he had to do was look at the ‘Everything A Flyer Needs to Know’ book but part of him was screaming that if he knew… if he knew then there would be no way to escape it. But now he didn’t completely know things so he could just ignore it and pretend it would go away.
Growling low in his throat Jack sat up and stood, paced back and forth a few times before he sat back down. Shaking his head he felt his stomach grumble a little and shrugged ‘Not like there’s anything else to do..’ he thought with an eye roll. Standing up, once again, he walked out of his room, careful not to wake anyone else up, and walked down stairs.
Jack froze when he got to the bottom… There was a banner on the frame, of the entrance, to the dining room saying ‘Happy Birthday Jack’ in blue letters with balloons in all different colors. There were some blown up balloons on the floor and a few, which were sagging, taped to the walls.
Walking slowly into the kitchen Jack saw a chocolate cake on the counter and felt tears well up in his eyes. His stomach clenched in guilt and shame as he stared down at the ‘Happy Birthday’ cake. Going over to the kitchen table he sat down and put his head in his hands and let the tears slip down his face. Shame and guilt fluttered his stomach making him feel nauseas.
After a few minutes Jack stood, wiping his face, and walked back up the stairs to his bedroom and sat on his computer chair. He had his legs pulled up, underneath him, and was pulling out a cigarette from his pack. Grabbing his blue Zippo, which had light blue flames on it, he light his cigarette and sat back. He didn’t know exactly what he was going to do… not just about the dream but about him missing his own birthday party and just… everything was to confusing, to hard.
Bumping his head back into the cushion of the leather chair, Jack inhaled his cigarette before stubbing it out and jumping on his bed. Whimpering in a little bit of fear Jack closed his eyes. Part of him was scared to death of his dream not only because it was a guy but mostly because it was Bobby he had dreamed about. He didn’t understand any of this and that made it even more terrifying; add to the fact that he knew he couldn’t ask Kerra or Seth because they would both demand that he start the process of ‘mating’ with, who he considered, one of his older brother.
Trying to relax his mind and body he tried to sleep; which meant he laid there for a good twenty minutes before he scoffed. Reaching out his hand Jack opened the nightstand, next to his bed, and pulled out Bobby’s rosary.
Wrapping the wooden beads around his right hand Jack clutched his fist to his chest and curled into a ball. Taking a deep breath Jack finally felt his mind going black and pulled his blanket up over his shoulders just as his mind went completely dark.
End Part 1
The next part will be up shortly
~shadow