Just like clock work.
I very rarely come on here to say anything... but right now and the past month I have been so, blah.
So everyone has these things about them, these things that they aren't always willing to admit out loud about themselves. I am not talking about like picking their nose or eating too much or random things like that but I am mostly talking about how they think and little tiny tiny actions that get them to certain places. Well I seriously have been admitting all these crazy things to myself. Like how I run away from every great chance I get, in anything.I cry far too often because I let myself down but then I go ahead and do it all over again. I say things in hopes people will actually want to stop talking to me. That makes NO sense at all and I realize that the more I admit all this shit to myself.
I don't care what others think but I do care HOW others think. How they process certain things and how everything is justified. Let's face it we all justify our own actions and they seem to magically be cured by our own imagination. But stop and admit to yourself that its exactly that, just one more thing you are justifying. Yeah I do that alot. It freaks me out. I am totally gonna babble for my own use in this whole thing because I really dont know of too many people that read these anymore.lol.
OK so this past week I have been continually let down by people who are very close to me. I see it as being let down because I put so much Freakin faith into these people. I usually dont install faith into tons of people I know. Only a select few. THAT being the main reason it is so important to me.In all honesty I need to talk to someone right now, they know that. I say can you call me I need you... yes I will call you blah blah blah, then no call. I don't throw all of my random problems on people. I don't see it as a big deal at all in the long run it was just something that i really needed someone to listen to me bitch about or let me cry on their shoulder. BUT at the time it is important to me, there for you as my close/whatever friend would see that as important as well. Right? Regardless.
I don't know exactly what it is that makes people treat me the way they do. Recently someone said to my mom " you teach your girls to speak out too much" I was extremely surprised my mom didn't BEAT them but it made me think. I love the fact that my sister and I don't deal with peoples shit. I can't even imagine how many FAKE friends I would have if I didn't speak out.TONS... everyone would be my friend. lol because at one time i was the Holly that everyone liked. I don't dislike tons of people I pretty much like everyone no matter how fucked up you are. BUT I do tell you HOW fucked up you are and you take that and do with it what you want. Not saying my opinion matters at all to them but to me it matters a great deal considering thats what I do is constantly analyze myself and others. I tell myself how I am fucked up as well. I just think we all need to me a little more open to the fact that we could be completely insane. Just a thought. Love it.
So everyone has these things about them, these things that they aren't always willing to admit out loud about themselves. I am not talking about like picking their nose or eating too much or random things like that but I am mostly talking about how they think and little tiny tiny actions that get them to certain places. Well I seriously have been admitting all these crazy things to myself. Like how I run away from every great chance I get, in anything.I cry far too often because I let myself down but then I go ahead and do it all over again. I say things in hopes people will actually want to stop talking to me. That makes NO sense at all and I realize that the more I admit all this shit to myself.
I don't care what others think but I do care HOW others think. How they process certain things and how everything is justified. Let's face it we all justify our own actions and they seem to magically be cured by our own imagination. But stop and admit to yourself that its exactly that, just one more thing you are justifying. Yeah I do that alot. It freaks me out. I am totally gonna babble for my own use in this whole thing because I really dont know of too many people that read these anymore.lol.
OK so this past week I have been continually let down by people who are very close to me. I see it as being let down because I put so much Freakin faith into these people. I usually dont install faith into tons of people I know. Only a select few. THAT being the main reason it is so important to me.In all honesty I need to talk to someone right now, they know that. I say can you call me I need you... yes I will call you blah blah blah, then no call. I don't throw all of my random problems on people. I don't see it as a big deal at all in the long run it was just something that i really needed someone to listen to me bitch about or let me cry on their shoulder. BUT at the time it is important to me, there for you as my close/whatever friend would see that as important as well. Right? Regardless.
I don't know exactly what it is that makes people treat me the way they do. Recently someone said to my mom " you teach your girls to speak out too much" I was extremely surprised my mom didn't BEAT them but it made me think. I love the fact that my sister and I don't deal with peoples shit. I can't even imagine how many FAKE friends I would have if I didn't speak out.TONS... everyone would be my friend. lol because at one time i was the Holly that everyone liked. I don't dislike tons of people I pretty much like everyone no matter how fucked up you are. BUT I do tell you HOW fucked up you are and you take that and do with it what you want. Not saying my opinion matters at all to them but to me it matters a great deal considering thats what I do is constantly analyze myself and others. I tell myself how I am fucked up as well. I just think we all need to me a little more open to the fact that we could be completely insane. Just a thought. Love it.