Home video
I have been home for almost exactly and hour and I have cleaned every bit of my living room and kitchen. I turned my radio up to my favorite ghetto music and just went to town on cleaning.
I really need to get everything in order. I start to detache myself from lots of things and people sometimes and that's in full throttle right now. It's mostly when I am in my own head far too often. I close other things out. It's weird but I am a pro.
I work today from five to who knows when. I have about a week and a half away from finishing off bills then I get to start putting money away for New York. FAR too excited to even talk about it.
I am terribly confused about love right now. Everything about not having a real father type figure in my life has really screwed me up in that dept. I hear people say that all the time and I never really thought too much about it till I got here.Here, being 21, possibly facing actual love and not willing to accept it. I step back and realize I have pretty much ran away from every situation I have ever had that had the slightest bit of hope in it. I make up reasons to be " freaked out" or "not ready" hmm about every single chance I get. It's all a problem I shouldn't be reading too much into and just need to figure out that I can see good and trust in someone of the malsculine gender. Is it the father thing or too much independence? Oh dear. I will take this on.
I must get back to me insane amount of cleaning I am hoping by saturday everything will be far more organized and GONE.
I really need to get everything in order. I start to detache myself from lots of things and people sometimes and that's in full throttle right now. It's mostly when I am in my own head far too often. I close other things out. It's weird but I am a pro.
I work today from five to who knows when. I have about a week and a half away from finishing off bills then I get to start putting money away for New York. FAR too excited to even talk about it.
I am terribly confused about love right now. Everything about not having a real father type figure in my life has really screwed me up in that dept. I hear people say that all the time and I never really thought too much about it till I got here.Here, being 21, possibly facing actual love and not willing to accept it. I step back and realize I have pretty much ran away from every situation I have ever had that had the slightest bit of hope in it. I make up reasons to be " freaked out" or "not ready" hmm about every single chance I get. It's all a problem I shouldn't be reading too much into and just need to figure out that I can see good and trust in someone of the malsculine gender. Is it the father thing or too much independence? Oh dear. I will take this on.
I must get back to me insane amount of cleaning I am hoping by saturday everything will be far more organized and GONE.