Tard
Not feeling quite so utterly disgusted with everything in general at the moment. It's the strange thing about being this way. You know you hate 99% of everything but you sort of think, "Eh." and do things that annoy one part of you just so at least another is happy.
Reminds me of society at large.
Weekend was nice anyway, 21st Birthday Party to a friend. I got drunk enough to relax. Once I get drunk, it's like when I'm driving with purpose. I guess anyway. I stop over-thinking everything I do mostly but the thing is, I'm down a bit on control when I'm drunk and I hate that. Still, I'll take that over my conscience and thoughts. I think it's why some people I know prefer me tanked. From what I can remember and if I was standing back from it, I'd say I become less a boring depressive and something more like a living warm body.
The problem is when you look back at the way you behaved, could everyone behave that way and the world work? Previously no. But Saturday was nice. I mean, I tried to help, wasn't completely insensitive, controlled myself with will even though I'd had enough to just enjoy life, yet even so I was aware enough to hold conversation and discuss, though I didn't want to be in it. I just wanted to say: "Your wrong, I'm not right, I want to play games or chat about stupid shit."
By the same token, part of me can't let things die. And I have to kill that habit because I know it's annoying. My Mum can be like that, and it shits me like no doubt I shit my friends.
nevermind. After all, I damn well know what I feel like is not really that important and I just have to do certain things to make it to tomorrow and that's another shot at improving myself and finding answers.
Reminds me of society at large.
Weekend was nice anyway, 21st Birthday Party to a friend. I got drunk enough to relax. Once I get drunk, it's like when I'm driving with purpose. I guess anyway. I stop over-thinking everything I do mostly but the thing is, I'm down a bit on control when I'm drunk and I hate that. Still, I'll take that over my conscience and thoughts. I think it's why some people I know prefer me tanked. From what I can remember and if I was standing back from it, I'd say I become less a boring depressive and something more like a living warm body.
The problem is when you look back at the way you behaved, could everyone behave that way and the world work? Previously no. But Saturday was nice. I mean, I tried to help, wasn't completely insensitive, controlled myself with will even though I'd had enough to just enjoy life, yet even so I was aware enough to hold conversation and discuss, though I didn't want to be in it. I just wanted to say: "Your wrong, I'm not right, I want to play games or chat about stupid shit."
By the same token, part of me can't let things die. And I have to kill that habit because I know it's annoying. My Mum can be like that, and it shits me like no doubt I shit my friends.
nevermind. After all, I damn well know what I feel like is not really that important and I just have to do certain things to make it to tomorrow and that's another shot at improving myself and finding answers.