My friend, it has been too long.
smittycz1: i remember when we figured out we could talk thru the hole in our bathrooms that was made to dispense razors.
The Christmas season has been confusing this year. Everyone has permanently engraved memories surrounding this holiday that basically make or break their mood at the hint of cold weather and at the first sign of blue Christmas lights. Like there, right there. Blue christmas lights. I think of Jeff and his mom and how every year, without waiver, she makes her light selection without question: blue.
There are so many memories involved here, and for the past few years I have been one of the only ones to actually look forward to Christmas, to welcome the cold weather on the soccer field, and to look back on previous years with only fond memories. I think this is the year to change all that.
So many things are going on right now. I failed my first semester - Yep, that's a pretty big one. There are just so many uncertainties this year that it has been kind of hard to deal with them all at once. I have always been the king of the cluster fuck, be it laying one upon someone else or otherwise, and my restless mind has proven to be my worst enemy.
The smallest things have been inflated, like a sub-par visit to Miami and my relationship with Brittney. There is so much on this subject that it might require an entry of its own. Then, my irrational mind chimes in, why devote time to it? What is meant to be will materialize, and it is better to be out of sight and out of mind. Nineteen is too young to fret. Fret? But why not fret? If it is important, then time and thought should be devoted. But how much? Mother fucker. And so the story continues...
See, my problem is that I cannot rest easy with all of my thoughts. They fill my head until I'm sick, and the act of trying to rid myself of them only further propels them into more thought. Godamn this.
And then the largest things are omnipresent, like, uh, oh yeah FAILING COLLEGE? All of these thoughts and more have been running around the hallways of my mind, knocking on every fucking door as they went.
It has come to the point where I have realized that I might be going at life on a skewed tangent. Something isn't right, and though it's small enough to evade my prying thoughts, I think it might be starting to make its mark over a nineteen year span. I just want to find a book or a website or a person, or anything whatsoever, that I can discover and have everything make sense. I mean, nothing ever makes sense and it is always chalked up to being the nature of the beast, but I also know that I shouldn't be living life with this state of mind.
Things aren't that bad, they just aren't very good either. My only problem is that I can't seem to find a means to make them that way.
The Christmas season has been confusing this year. Everyone has permanently engraved memories surrounding this holiday that basically make or break their mood at the hint of cold weather and at the first sign of blue Christmas lights. Like there, right there. Blue christmas lights. I think of Jeff and his mom and how every year, without waiver, she makes her light selection without question: blue.
There are so many memories involved here, and for the past few years I have been one of the only ones to actually look forward to Christmas, to welcome the cold weather on the soccer field, and to look back on previous years with only fond memories. I think this is the year to change all that.
So many things are going on right now. I failed my first semester - Yep, that's a pretty big one. There are just so many uncertainties this year that it has been kind of hard to deal with them all at once. I have always been the king of the cluster fuck, be it laying one upon someone else or otherwise, and my restless mind has proven to be my worst enemy.
The smallest things have been inflated, like a sub-par visit to Miami and my relationship with Brittney. There is so much on this subject that it might require an entry of its own. Then, my irrational mind chimes in, why devote time to it? What is meant to be will materialize, and it is better to be out of sight and out of mind. Nineteen is too young to fret. Fret? But why not fret? If it is important, then time and thought should be devoted. But how much? Mother fucker. And so the story continues...
See, my problem is that I cannot rest easy with all of my thoughts. They fill my head until I'm sick, and the act of trying to rid myself of them only further propels them into more thought. Godamn this.
And then the largest things are omnipresent, like, uh, oh yeah FAILING COLLEGE? All of these thoughts and more have been running around the hallways of my mind, knocking on every fucking door as they went.
It has come to the point where I have realized that I might be going at life on a skewed tangent. Something isn't right, and though it's small enough to evade my prying thoughts, I think it might be starting to make its mark over a nineteen year span. I just want to find a book or a website or a person, or anything whatsoever, that I can discover and have everything make sense. I mean, nothing ever makes sense and it is always chalked up to being the nature of the beast, but I also know that I shouldn't be living life with this state of mind.
Things aren't that bad, they just aren't very good either. My only problem is that I can't seem to find a means to make them that way.