April is the cruellest month
This is the post where I dump all of my crap on whoever is foolhardy enough to read further than the period at the end of this sentence. I should be enjoying my last few weeks at my dear Houghton, but instead I'm left mired in the ghosts of last semester. All of the sickness, depression, regret, self-hatred, weakness, mental block, and inability to accomplish anything worthwile are all on me full force again. Once again "A flash of pain twists across your face/ Most people see it as a smile." I was wondering why TS Eliot chose April as "the cruelest month"...maybe he was remembering his college days. I don't mean to be emo, but I don't know what else to call me. Dang it. I don't want pity or counsel, just prayer. Pray that I become more sensitive to the joy that I do have in life and less sensitive to the other things. I get so caught up in life that it's hard for me to concentrate on the One I'm living for. How can one who is flesh pursue a relationship with one who is spirit successfully enough for the spiritual to overwhelm the fleshly? God, if this is up to me then I'm screwed. Why do I struggle so much when You're all I want? My spirit will spend itself seeking after You.
Surface
She tries to gather the scattered remnants
Of her heart, her pride, her former strength
Unaware that her soul got off at the last stop
Her bloodied hands are still covering her face
Only her eyes scream loudly enough to hear
But instead she echoes fiercely aching smiles
Agony pushing the edges of her disposition
The hidden tears flow deepest, burn longest
In a shell of a girl full of questions and hurt
It’s a lose-lose time when all it is is vanity
Her deepest wish revealed as less than dust
Running all alone she falters; alone she falls
Queen of tragedy shot down by her own side
10004
Others see me as transfixed
By a shaft of cheerful light
Only you have ever noticed
How often my face grows white
Walking through the cold night
You wished stars could shine lower
Beneath the clouds I love so much
But tonight is almost over-walk slower.
10011004
This is my current theme song--there's one line that isn't clear, so it's probably not right.
Better Days--The McKrells
Chorus:
It was a long, cold, hard night
It'll be hard and colder day
Maybe tonight the stars will come out
The sun will be on its way
And I will sing to you tonight
Of better days
The trees are all bare
The colors long gone
The sky forever grey
That magic glow
[On this friendship's first snow]
Has long since past away
And you tell me no,
You just gotta go
While I beg you to stay
Chorus
Hope for better days
She prays for better days
Saying I know that I need you
I wanna believe you
Don't make me leave you this way
For better days
Look to the west where the sun would descend
Had the sky not been so grey
Then look to the east
Where the dawn slowly creeps
There's hope with each brand new day
And I want you to know
That I love you so
Please don't go away
Chorus
2nd chorus (Hope for..)
Chorus
PS--There, Ben, April is now the "cruellest" month. Many thanks for catching me, my fellow English major. ;-)
Surface
She tries to gather the scattered remnants
Of her heart, her pride, her former strength
Unaware that her soul got off at the last stop
Her bloodied hands are still covering her face
Only her eyes scream loudly enough to hear
But instead she echoes fiercely aching smiles
Agony pushing the edges of her disposition
The hidden tears flow deepest, burn longest
In a shell of a girl full of questions and hurt
It’s a lose-lose time when all it is is vanity
Her deepest wish revealed as less than dust
Running all alone she falters; alone she falls
Queen of tragedy shot down by her own side
10004
Others see me as transfixed
By a shaft of cheerful light
Only you have ever noticed
How often my face grows white
Walking through the cold night
You wished stars could shine lower
Beneath the clouds I love so much
But tonight is almost over-walk slower.
10011004
This is my current theme song--there's one line that isn't clear, so it's probably not right.
Better Days--The McKrells
Chorus:
It was a long, cold, hard night
It'll be hard and colder day
Maybe tonight the stars will come out
The sun will be on its way
And I will sing to you tonight
Of better days
The trees are all bare
The colors long gone
The sky forever grey
That magic glow
[On this friendship's first snow]
Has long since past away
And you tell me no,
You just gotta go
While I beg you to stay
Chorus
Hope for better days
She prays for better days
Saying I know that I need you
I wanna believe you
Don't make me leave you this way
For better days
Look to the west where the sun would descend
Had the sky not been so grey
Then look to the east
Where the dawn slowly creeps
There's hope with each brand new day
And I want you to know
That I love you so
Please don't go away
Chorus
2nd chorus (Hope for..)
Chorus
PS--There, Ben, April is now the "cruellest" month. Many thanks for catching me, my fellow English major. ;-)