All empty spaces in this lost city
Finally at the teashop again. Tea is gross, but I'm getting used to it.
Dude, I went to this far-out party thing that was like an edgy, artsy, outdoor art exhibit and concert thing--I dind't know how much of an underground art movement Oswego had! It was so amazing. that's where I got the title from...a song that someone sang. It was so unlike any place or thing that I'd ever been to. So many would-bes and starving artists...my liberal, hippie side was loving it. ;-) And the night ended with someone burning their wedding dress...that was a sight I won't forget soon. Man, it went up fast.
Ren Faire has been harder work than I thought, and I've been sick and its miserable. But the short time where I'm free on break or one of my actors stops by to see me--those outweigh the bad by so much that I wish i could live there all week and never have to leave, never speak anything but Olde English, never wear anything but my wench outfit.....*sighs* I'm taking a "class" in English history and i've become completely obsessed with Elizabeth I's reign (yes, Ren Faire is set during her reign), so if I'm ever distracted, it's likely I'm turning over the policies of Walsingham or the future of Essex. I'm determined to know all i possibly can about her court and that time.
I miss people from college a lot--I wish we didn't live so freaking far away and have our own lives and work schedules and dumb stuff like that. ;-P I'm starting to freak out about london and not feel up to it, but then I think about it and am like, dude, God wants me there, maybe I'll live there after college, and I get excited about it. I've been trying to stop this emotional roller coaster (about...boys), but if I haven't succeeeded I've at least avoided a wreck. I know that staying up late is ruining my days, but Oh God, I seem to see so much clearer in the dark. And I need to see clearly. I haven't been doing anything besides work and sleep and hours of wasted life in between...it's nice to have no pressure but I should be doing something--I'm done relaxing after college, and now I'm just frustrated and self-defeating. but i'm determined to have some fun--I committed a minor (i hope!) felony last night, and i'll tell you how that turns out after i figure out what to do with it. I promise pictures. ;-)
The meetings and Trish and Dean's (now called Salt and Light) have been going well--now i need to work on inviting people. Those meetings are world-forming, life-changing, quiet little God-encounters, and its even more powerful cuz it's just us late-high-school/early college age people. I'm excited for us, I'm excited for Oswego, i'm excited for revival. GOD ROCKS!!!!!! :-D I've hardly ever felt or understood His presence more, even though I don't spend much time with Him. That will change--I will conquer my despair. He's promised that He hasn't told us to seek Him in vain...He promised. I miss Onething sooooooooo much. How lucky I was to have that time every night. Those people were so faithful in worshiping God, and I can't wait to go back to that.
BTW, The Everglow by Mae is the most fantastic album out and I think they will be my new obsession. ;-)
I MISS MY BEST FRIEND, CAMILLE!!!!!! WAHHHH!!!!
Hard to believe every word of these lyrics would describe my summer so well. You want to know how I'm really doing? Here you go:
I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
Whats the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trival, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me...
I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once
I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like he would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know
I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once...
Dude, I went to this far-out party thing that was like an edgy, artsy, outdoor art exhibit and concert thing--I dind't know how much of an underground art movement Oswego had! It was so amazing. that's where I got the title from...a song that someone sang. It was so unlike any place or thing that I'd ever been to. So many would-bes and starving artists...my liberal, hippie side was loving it. ;-) And the night ended with someone burning their wedding dress...that was a sight I won't forget soon. Man, it went up fast.
Ren Faire has been harder work than I thought, and I've been sick and its miserable. But the short time where I'm free on break or one of my actors stops by to see me--those outweigh the bad by so much that I wish i could live there all week and never have to leave, never speak anything but Olde English, never wear anything but my wench outfit.....*sighs* I'm taking a "class" in English history and i've become completely obsessed with Elizabeth I's reign (yes, Ren Faire is set during her reign), so if I'm ever distracted, it's likely I'm turning over the policies of Walsingham or the future of Essex. I'm determined to know all i possibly can about her court and that time.
I miss people from college a lot--I wish we didn't live so freaking far away and have our own lives and work schedules and dumb stuff like that. ;-P I'm starting to freak out about london and not feel up to it, but then I think about it and am like, dude, God wants me there, maybe I'll live there after college, and I get excited about it. I've been trying to stop this emotional roller coaster (about...boys), but if I haven't succeeeded I've at least avoided a wreck. I know that staying up late is ruining my days, but Oh God, I seem to see so much clearer in the dark. And I need to see clearly. I haven't been doing anything besides work and sleep and hours of wasted life in between...it's nice to have no pressure but I should be doing something--I'm done relaxing after college, and now I'm just frustrated and self-defeating. but i'm determined to have some fun--I committed a minor (i hope!) felony last night, and i'll tell you how that turns out after i figure out what to do with it. I promise pictures. ;-)
The meetings and Trish and Dean's (now called Salt and Light) have been going well--now i need to work on inviting people. Those meetings are world-forming, life-changing, quiet little God-encounters, and its even more powerful cuz it's just us late-high-school/early college age people. I'm excited for us, I'm excited for Oswego, i'm excited for revival. GOD ROCKS!!!!!! :-D I've hardly ever felt or understood His presence more, even though I don't spend much time with Him. That will change--I will conquer my despair. He's promised that He hasn't told us to seek Him in vain...He promised. I miss Onething sooooooooo much. How lucky I was to have that time every night. Those people were so faithful in worshiping God, and I can't wait to go back to that.
BTW, The Everglow by Mae is the most fantastic album out and I think they will be my new obsession. ;-)
I MISS MY BEST FRIEND, CAMILLE!!!!!! WAHHHH!!!!
Hard to believe every word of these lyrics would describe my summer so well. You want to know how I'm really doing? Here you go:
I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
Whats the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trival, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run
And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me...
I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once
I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like he would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know
I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once...