love stinks
so i struck out with calix big time. on wednesday jones and i went to another neon castles show and i was prepared to really go for it this time with him and just straight up ask him out. i decided to play up my look a bit, something more similar to how the girls looked that i had seen him talking to a lot more the last time i'd seen him. i wore the smallest black dress i could find and put on lots of really dark eyeshadow, cos those other girls seemed to have a darker look and piercings and tattoos, so i did what i could without getting too extreme.
i drank a bit before meeting with jones, just to loosen up cos i didn't wanna lose my nerve and chicken out with calix again. i had a few drinks during the show too, and by the time it was over i was..well ok i was pretty close to drunk i guess, but i still had my wits about me, i wasn't stumbling or anything, and i was feeling happy and confident. we hung out by the bar until i saw the band come over to it and we went over to say hi to the guys and asked where calix was. they acted kind of weird like they didn't wanna tell me, but then i saw him in a nearby booth with a couple of girls and some other men. i was so fucking nervous cos i was hoping to get him alone to talk to him and i told jones i couldn't do it, but then he showed me the comment that wrote to him how i would GO for it the next time...and then i asked him to go over there with me, but he said i could do it and gave me a little push, so i just walked over and said hi and tried to sound as casual as possible. calix said hi but then turned back to everyone to talk, so then i tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. then i said that i've been meaning to ask him something, and that was would he ever wanna go out sometime? he looked at me all confused and then he laughed and said are you actually serious, like i'd ever go out with YOU!
i went back to jones and told him i needed to get out of there and started crying as i explained what happened, i tried to tell him quietly cos i was so embarrassed and didn't want anyone to know. then he said he had to do something before we left, so he went over to 2 different girls and asked them for their numbers, they both told him to piss off, and he came back all grinning saying he struck out twice as much as me so i wasn't allowed to feel sad. that actually helped me feel better. after we left he kind of explained that there's a lot of guys out there and calix was a dick and it wasn't anything to be upset over cos there will be someone else. i think he's right, it's really not a big deal..i should have listened to vic in the first place too. i could have saved myself this effort because he really wasn't interested. i just hope i recognize it the next time.
i drank a bit before meeting with jones, just to loosen up cos i didn't wanna lose my nerve and chicken out with calix again. i had a few drinks during the show too, and by the time it was over i was..well ok i was pretty close to drunk i guess, but i still had my wits about me, i wasn't stumbling or anything, and i was feeling happy and confident. we hung out by the bar until i saw the band come over to it and we went over to say hi to the guys and asked where calix was. they acted kind of weird like they didn't wanna tell me, but then i saw him in a nearby booth with a couple of girls and some other men. i was so fucking nervous cos i was hoping to get him alone to talk to him and i told jones i couldn't do it, but then he showed me the comment that wrote to him how i would GO for it the next time...and then i asked him to go over there with me, but he said i could do it and gave me a little push, so i just walked over and said hi and tried to sound as casual as possible. calix said hi but then turned back to everyone to talk, so then i tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. then i said that i've been meaning to ask him something, and that was would he ever wanna go out sometime? he looked at me all confused and then he laughed and said are you actually serious, like i'd ever go out with YOU!
i went back to jones and told him i needed to get out of there and started crying as i explained what happened, i tried to tell him quietly cos i was so embarrassed and didn't want anyone to know. then he said he had to do something before we left, so he went over to 2 different girls and asked them for their numbers, they both told him to piss off, and he came back all grinning saying he struck out twice as much as me so i wasn't allowed to feel sad. that actually helped me feel better. after we left he kind of explained that there's a lot of guys out there and calix was a dick and it wasn't anything to be upset over cos there will be someone else. i think he's right, it's really not a big deal..i should have listened to vic in the first place too. i could have saved myself this effort because he really wasn't interested. i just hope i recognize it the next time.