The final stand
Steph,
I proof read Kelly’s E-mail prior to it being sent. She was upset and would not rest until she replied. I’m sorry I haven’t had the courage to tell you anything before she sent it, but it’s not so cut and dry, there isn’t really one particular thing that you have done or said to me per say, therefore I haven’t really had much to say besides we have just been drifting apart.
In Kelly’s defense you pulled the medical definition of the word malignant. Merriam Webster says the following:
1 a obsolete : MALCONTENT, DISAFFECTED b : evil in nature, influence, or effect : INJURIOUS c : passionately and relentlessly malevolent : aggressively malicious
In the context of this letter when I read malignant I thought of it more of it in the terms of Malcontent, and Injurious at times.
Amongst all of the discussions I have had with Kelly I was asked to evaluate the pro’s and con’s of our friendship on my own. Kelly had no part of this evaluation process. Without getting into the messy details I really had a hard time figuring out why we were exactly such good friends. Yes we had a lot of good drunken moments I suppose but I’ve grown a lot and I don’t’ want to be that drunk MFC guy all the time anymore. I’m not saying that our friendship was solely based on drinking but one cannot argue that it played a big role. And the drinking thing really isn’t the sole issue at hand I suppose; there have also been trust issues. I have tried my hardest to let you know not to tell people things that I have told you in confidence, yet somehow people find out about them.
I think we have had a blast at times over the years, there have also been times where we don’t’ get along and times where we are like WTF mate? I have changed a great deal in the past year; I think I’ve grown a lot in regards to a lot of avenues. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on this life thing.
Even before Kelly and I met I think we were drifting apart, I stopped coming over and started working out a bunch, I really had a struggle trying to juggle friendships with people where when we would hang out it was expected to drink and stay up late at night, this isn’t just you there are a lot of my other friends that I don’t see very frequently. A lot of them haven’t seen me in months and I haven’t talked to them in months nobody else sent me an e-mail saying they were ‘terminating our friendship’ I thought that was quite childish of you. Yes I wasn’t talking to you, yes we weren’t hanging out that doesn’t necessarily mean anything; sometimes friends just need their space to discover things on their own.
As Kelly’s e-mail stated I do believe that our friendship has grown apart and is little to non-existent. I never have told someone that I don’t want to be there friend, that’s just how I operate I suppose, I have always just chose not to hang out with people and just let it run its course that there really isn’t a need to say “I don’t want to be friends with you”. Maybe it’s a crap thing to do or handle the situation but I always thought it was best just not to hang out with people when you grow apart rather than try and burn a bridge and if you were meant to be friends, you would find each other again. Regardless of my beliefs/modus operandi and given the circumstances of the situation and your desire to know, I feel that we can no longer be friends.
I wish you happiness and the best of luck to Yourself, Tony, Spoon, and your new member of the family Sampson
-Clarence.
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The sad sad thing about this is the only people I had ever spoken to about his issues were Tony and in big generalities Rudy.
Its my fault for not keeping my trap shut or even speaking of it to anyone else.
But the fact that he says that we had "grown distant" is just beyond me. Never EVER could I toss his friendship aside, but it seems he wanted to.
I don't think I'll be good company for anyone for a long time. If I didn't have plans tonight with my friend Erika I would be sleeping in bed and crying until I was pleasantly numb. But I don't have that opportunity. Instead my work bathroom has sufficed.
I wish there was some way to make him understand that really he has no idea that maybe my constant hoping and need for some communication was because I needed my friend to be there for me and he just wasn't.
My fighting to close the gap of this so called distance wasn't good enough. And now I am the one hurting.
I am the one without the friend and the one who has this growing anger inside that I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm going to just be hurt for a long long time.
I proof read Kelly’s E-mail prior to it being sent. She was upset and would not rest until she replied. I’m sorry I haven’t had the courage to tell you anything before she sent it, but it’s not so cut and dry, there isn’t really one particular thing that you have done or said to me per say, therefore I haven’t really had much to say besides we have just been drifting apart.
In Kelly’s defense you pulled the medical definition of the word malignant. Merriam Webster says the following:
1 a obsolete : MALCONTENT, DISAFFECTED b : evil in nature, influence, or effect : INJURIOUS c : passionately and relentlessly malevolent : aggressively malicious
In the context of this letter when I read malignant I thought of it more of it in the terms of Malcontent, and Injurious at times.
Amongst all of the discussions I have had with Kelly I was asked to evaluate the pro’s and con’s of our friendship on my own. Kelly had no part of this evaluation process. Without getting into the messy details I really had a hard time figuring out why we were exactly such good friends. Yes we had a lot of good drunken moments I suppose but I’ve grown a lot and I don’t’ want to be that drunk MFC guy all the time anymore. I’m not saying that our friendship was solely based on drinking but one cannot argue that it played a big role. And the drinking thing really isn’t the sole issue at hand I suppose; there have also been trust issues. I have tried my hardest to let you know not to tell people things that I have told you in confidence, yet somehow people find out about them.
I think we have had a blast at times over the years, there have also been times where we don’t’ get along and times where we are like WTF mate? I have changed a great deal in the past year; I think I’ve grown a lot in regards to a lot of avenues. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on this life thing.
Even before Kelly and I met I think we were drifting apart, I stopped coming over and started working out a bunch, I really had a struggle trying to juggle friendships with people where when we would hang out it was expected to drink and stay up late at night, this isn’t just you there are a lot of my other friends that I don’t see very frequently. A lot of them haven’t seen me in months and I haven’t talked to them in months nobody else sent me an e-mail saying they were ‘terminating our friendship’ I thought that was quite childish of you. Yes I wasn’t talking to you, yes we weren’t hanging out that doesn’t necessarily mean anything; sometimes friends just need their space to discover things on their own.
As Kelly’s e-mail stated I do believe that our friendship has grown apart and is little to non-existent. I never have told someone that I don’t want to be there friend, that’s just how I operate I suppose, I have always just chose not to hang out with people and just let it run its course that there really isn’t a need to say “I don’t want to be friends with you”. Maybe it’s a crap thing to do or handle the situation but I always thought it was best just not to hang out with people when you grow apart rather than try and burn a bridge and if you were meant to be friends, you would find each other again. Regardless of my beliefs/modus operandi and given the circumstances of the situation and your desire to know, I feel that we can no longer be friends.
I wish you happiness and the best of luck to Yourself, Tony, Spoon, and your new member of the family Sampson
-Clarence.
-----------------------------------------
The sad sad thing about this is the only people I had ever spoken to about his issues were Tony and in big generalities Rudy.
Its my fault for not keeping my trap shut or even speaking of it to anyone else.
But the fact that he says that we had "grown distant" is just beyond me. Never EVER could I toss his friendship aside, but it seems he wanted to.
I don't think I'll be good company for anyone for a long time. If I didn't have plans tonight with my friend Erika I would be sleeping in bed and crying until I was pleasantly numb. But I don't have that opportunity. Instead my work bathroom has sufficed.
I wish there was some way to make him understand that really he has no idea that maybe my constant hoping and need for some communication was because I needed my friend to be there for me and he just wasn't.
My fighting to close the gap of this so called distance wasn't good enough. And now I am the one hurting.
I am the one without the friend and the one who has this growing anger inside that I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm going to just be hurt for a long long time.