A Demon's in My Washing Machine!!111!
"And someday..." says the demon. The music rises dramatically in the background as firelight reflects off its glistening, sharp fangs. Before I get to hear what's going to happen someday, this loud THUMPing comes from behind me like someone's trying to batter down my door with one of those bouncy balls tied to a paddle, only the bouncy ball is actually a bowling ball and the paddle is a rocket launcher. I jab the space key and turn around. It takes me a second to realize that it's coming from the laundry room. The thumping gets louder and the cats are both staring at the door, eyes wide and ears flat against their heads.
I run to the door and throw it open. In the middle of the room is my washing machine. This is kind of weird because it's supposed to be against the wall. That, of course, is not as weird as the fact the washing machine is literally jumping around the room, flying through the air 6 inches off the ground, and then slamming back down with enough force to get seismologists based in California excited. This is concerning to me, but not as concerning as the fact the washing machine is kind of turning and heading in my general direction.
I leap in front of it and try to hold it back before it does a Kool-Aide man through my wall. Unfortunately, it turns out it weighs more than I do and it slams into my shins and push me backwards. Luckily, I am a brave cheetah and such petty injuries aren't going to stop me from defending Cheetopia and its inhabitants. The battle is long and hard. I jab to the left. The washing machine leaps forward with the force of full grown tiger. I fake a right and go for its eyes, but it turns out washing machines don't actually have eyes. Epic music normally reserved for the Gates of Mordor crescendos in the background. Finally, I leap on top of my washing machine, Legolas style and frantically start jabbing at the button labelled "Start/Pause". It occurs to me that there really should be a large, red button "ABORT!" button behind glass on this thing, but instead, I'm left praying that I hit the small, hard-to-press, nondescript, gray button an odd number of times.
Fortune is with me, however, and I am victorious. Unfortunately, instead of being praised as the Hero of Middle Earth, I'm pretty sure I need to buy a new washing machine. And maybe exorcise my old one before it eats someone.
I run to the door and throw it open. In the middle of the room is my washing machine. This is kind of weird because it's supposed to be against the wall. That, of course, is not as weird as the fact the washing machine is literally jumping around the room, flying through the air 6 inches off the ground, and then slamming back down with enough force to get seismologists based in California excited. This is concerning to me, but not as concerning as the fact the washing machine is kind of turning and heading in my general direction.
I leap in front of it and try to hold it back before it does a Kool-Aide man through my wall. Unfortunately, it turns out it weighs more than I do and it slams into my shins and push me backwards. Luckily, I am a brave cheetah and such petty injuries aren't going to stop me from defending Cheetopia and its inhabitants. The battle is long and hard. I jab to the left. The washing machine leaps forward with the force of full grown tiger. I fake a right and go for its eyes, but it turns out washing machines don't actually have eyes. Epic music normally reserved for the Gates of Mordor crescendos in the background. Finally, I leap on top of my washing machine, Legolas style and frantically start jabbing at the button labelled "Start/Pause". It occurs to me that there really should be a large, red button "ABORT!" button behind glass on this thing, but instead, I'm left praying that I hit the small, hard-to-press, nondescript, gray button an odd number of times.
Fortune is with me, however, and I am victorious. Unfortunately, instead of being praised as the Hero of Middle Earth, I'm pretty sure I need to buy a new washing machine. And maybe exorcise my old one before it eats someone.