Not my fault...
You can blame this on this thread in clubcamelot.
*wipes hands* Not. My. Fault.
Author/Artist: Alaerys
Title: The battle of the Unicorns
Word Count: 1,709
Rating: G
Warnings/Spoilers: wee!Merlin and wee!Arthur and their WILD AND ZANY adventures.
Summary: Arthur tries to desissify his manservant.
Author's Note: There may be ongoing snippets that I shall categorize under the C&H-Merlin 'Verse. It deserves it's own category. All of these snippets will be inspired by shiyasim's Calvin&Hobbes/Merlin xover comic series. You can catch them all at clubcamelot. dysonrules and shiyasim are no longer allowed to converse where I can see it.
Arthur looked thoughtfully over at Merlin, who was currently whispering in the ear of Cleo, his favourite and therefore constantly present unicorn doll. He looked down at Sir Leon, his favourite knight, conqueror of many a dragon and saviour of a billionty stupid damsels in distress. "C'mere," he motioned to Merlin.
Merlin smiled as he came quickly over. "Wassup?"
Arthur picked up Sir Geoffry, who wasn't quite as super as Sir Leon, but was a pretty darn nifty knight nonetheless. "I need you to be Sir Geoffry. We're going to go slay a ferocious monster."
Merlin tentatively accepted the proffered doll, looking down at it with a raised brow. "What are we going to slaughter?"
"A Cleosaurus."
Merlin frowned. "What's a Cleosaurus?"
Arthur nabbed Cleo from Merlin's hand, ignoring the indignant squawk it produced. "This is a Cleosaurus."
"That's not a monster, Arthur. That's a unicorn. Now give her back," Merlin made a futile grab for it.
Arthur smugly held it out of reach. "It is so a monster. An evil one that turns boys into sissies."
Merlin glared at Arthur. "I am not a sissy. There's nothing sissy about liking unicorns. They're pretty."
Arthur rolled his eyes exaggeratedly at Merlin. "That's like saying girls are pretty. It's already working its evil magic on you. So Sir Leon and Sir Geoffry are going to slay the monster and unsissify you."
Merlin sulked. "I'm not a sissy. There's nothing wrong with thinking things are pretty when they are. I don't want to play this game anymore."
Arthur strolled over to a clear spot on his floor. He placed Cleo down and knelt in front of her with Sir Leon. "Hark! T'is an evil beast of sissifying evil. Come, Sir Geoffry, we must slay the beast and bring peace back to the land."
Merlin folded his arms and glared at Arthur. "I told you, I don't want to play this."
Arthur shrugged and turned back to 'the beast'. "Looks like Sir Geoffry has already been affected by the foul magic of the creature. Have at you, vile beast!" Arthur 'walked' Sir Leon over to Cleo and had him brandish his tiny sword at the silent foe.
"Arthur, don't. Cleo doesn't like it."
"We will rid the land of all evils, Sir Geoffry." Arthur roared and raised Sir Leon's sword to attack his enemy - only Cleo seemed to 'fall' out of the way of the fatal blow.
Merlin moved over and picked her up before Arthur could reposition her. "I don't want to play this anymore and neither does Cleo." With that he pivoted around, stuck his nose in the air and stalked out of Arthur's room.
Arthur looked down at Sir Leon. "We have to slay the wretched beast, Sir Leon. For his own good."
~
Merlin strolled cheerfully into his room, humming a little ditty. He stopped in shock as he took in the sight before him. All of his unicorns were gathered in a huddle in a corner, with Arthur's knights grouped in front of them. Their tiny weapons were drawn and they were all propped up and glaring in doll fury at the band of foul beasts in front of them. Arthur leaned against the wall off to the side of the waiting slaughter. "What are you doing?!" Merlin shrieked.
"It's for your own good, Merlin. You clearly have been under the influence of their enchantment for too long to see it. Their vile treachery must be thwarted!" Arthur rubbed his hands together as he grinned maliciously.
"They're not evil, Arthur! Unicorns are pure and beautiful!"
"Aha! Proof that they're working magic on you! Boys don't think things are beautiful! That's what girls do! You're a boy, Merlin! You have to remember that!" Arthur waved his arms around as he raved. "The foul creatures must die! Knights! To arms!"
"No!" Merlin wailed.
Arthur nudged the battalion of knights with his toe. Which he jerked back quickly as Merlin stormed over and dropped a heavy book bound with iron clasps on the assembled knights. "Merlin!"
Merlin jutted his chin out and glared over at Arthur. "Leave my unicorns alone!" He bent down and swept them all up before running out of the room.
Arthur picked up the book and tossed it as he looked in horror at his decimated forces. "They've given him a mental affliction, Sir Leon." Arthur carefully picked up Sir Leon, cradling his cloth form in his hands. "We'll get you to a healer. It'll be okay." Arthur picked up his slightly-squished knights and set off for his 'healer'. He was slightly shocked that Merlin had reacted so violently. It was obvious that the unicorns were affecting his brain. Arthur's mouth firmed into a line as he glared at the thought. No one messed with his manservant but him. He'd show those sissy little unicorns.
~
Merlin finished his lunch and ran over to kiss his mom on the cheek. "Thanks, mom. Love you!" he called as he went to his room to grab a book. Again, he stopped in shock at what lay in wait for him. All of his unicorns were lined up in a row - a row of tiny stocks. Arthur was currently flicking little bits of food and cherry tomatoes at them. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Merlin shrieked - again.
Arthur grinned over at Merlin. "For their disobedience and evil sissifying powers, they've been sentenced to the stocks. Sir Leon and I are teaching them their place." Arthur put a cherry tomato in Sir Leon's hand and had him chuck it at Nora, Merlin's unicorn with the pink mane and tail.
"Nora!" Merlin ran over and stood in the way of the barrage of foodstuffs. "Arthur! You... you.. you big bully!" With that, Merlin promptly burst into tears.
Arthur stopped hurling edibles and quickly stood up. "What? No, don't do that. Don't cry. I'm not a bully. I promise." Arthur sidled next to Merlin and gently patted him on the shoulder.
Merlin raised his face and smeared the tears over his cheeks. "Yes you are! You keep picking on my unicorns and me and- and- 'm not a sissy, meanie!" Then he promptly covered his face again and continued sobbing.
Arthur fretted and shifted his weight from foot to foot as he took in his crying manservant. "You're not a sissy, Merlin. I won't pick on your stupid unicorns anymore. I promise."
Merlin sniffled and looked up at Arthur with wet eyes. "R-really?"
Arthur looked solemnly back at Merlin. "Cross my heart and hope to die. I royally promise."
Merlin's eyes widened as he sniffled at Arthur. "You royally promise."
Arthur straightened up and pulled his shoulders back. "I said so, didn't I?"
Merlin lifted his neckerchief and used it to wipe at his face. "Y-yeah." Merlin's lower lip stuck out as he gazed at Arthur.
Arthur felt a little queasy in his stomach as he took in the lip and the tear-stains on Merlin's ratty neckerchief. "You know, I need a special manservant for a special job..." Arthur toed the ground as he looked over at Merlin.
Merlin's lip got sucked back in as a small smile surfaced on Merlin's face. "Really? A special job?"
Arthur nodded and placed an arm around Merlin's shoulder. "A very very special job that only the most special and trusted manservant can do."
The small smile grew, brightening up Merlin's face. "I can do it! You can trust me!"
Arthur nodded sagely. "Of course I can trust you. You're the bestest manservant in the whole of the world."
Merlin blushed. "Maybe not the whole world..."
Arthur squeezed Merlin's shoulder, "Yes, Merlin. The whole world. And I would know these things, because I'm going to be the king."
Merlin smiled up at Arthur. "So what do you need me to do?"
Arthur kept his arm around Merlin as he started to lead him out of the room. "First, we have to go to my room..."
~
Arthur sat on his bed looking thoughtfully over at Merlin, who had his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated intently on his very special task - which was polishing Arthur's riding boots. Merlin spared a glance up at Arthur and grinned almost wide enough to split his face, then bent his head back down and continued polishing. Arthur marveled at how easily Merlin was made happy. But, he reasoned, Merlin was a servant and therefore didn't need as much as a future king. Arthur quirked a brow as he noticed the look of surprise that suddenly appeared on Merlin's face. "What," he asked.
"Um... I think maybe you should talk to your dad and ask him to get a cat." Merlin looked worriedly up at Arthur.
Arthur frowned at his manservant. "Why?"
Merlin held up the boot, his hand shoved inside of it. Arthur didn't see what he was talking about until a small finger poked through a small hole and wriggled at him. "Oops?"
Arthur smacked his face with his palm and groaned in frustration. "Those were new. Father is not going to be impressed."
Merlin pursed his lips and thought for a moment before brightening up and smiling over at Arthur. "Well, look on the bright side - if your dad gets mad that you need a new pair of boots, just point out that even with a new pair, you can't possibly spend more on footwear than Morgana."
Arthur blinked before grinning back at Merlin. "See? I knew there was a reason you were my special manservant. Well, polishing my boots seems silly now, how about we go play some football?"
Merlin's smile disappeared as he looked at Arthur with something close to fear on his face. "Um wait - what?" he yelled over to the door. "Okay! I'll be right there!" He turned back to Arthur and placed the chewed boot on the floor. "My mom's calling. Gotta go!" Merlin waved as he ran quickly out the door.
Arthur frowned suspiciously at the fleeing manservant. He hadn't heard Merlin's mom calling. He shrugged it off as he left his room and made his way down to the practice yard to watch the knights practice and daydream about being king.
*wipes hands* Not. My. Fault.
Author/Artist: Alaerys
Title: The battle of the Unicorns
Word Count: 1,709
Rating: G
Warnings/Spoilers: wee!Merlin and wee!Arthur and their WILD AND ZANY adventures.
Summary: Arthur tries to desissify his manservant.
Author's Note: There may be ongoing snippets that I shall categorize under the C&H-Merlin 'Verse. It deserves it's own category. All of these snippets will be inspired by shiyasim's Calvin&Hobbes/Merlin xover comic series. You can catch them all at clubcamelot. dysonrules and shiyasim are no longer allowed to converse where I can see it.
Arthur looked thoughtfully over at Merlin, who was currently whispering in the ear of Cleo, his favourite and therefore constantly present unicorn doll. He looked down at Sir Leon, his favourite knight, conqueror of many a dragon and saviour of a billionty stupid damsels in distress. "C'mere," he motioned to Merlin.
Merlin smiled as he came quickly over. "Wassup?"
Arthur picked up Sir Geoffry, who wasn't quite as super as Sir Leon, but was a pretty darn nifty knight nonetheless. "I need you to be Sir Geoffry. We're going to go slay a ferocious monster."
Merlin tentatively accepted the proffered doll, looking down at it with a raised brow. "What are we going to slaughter?"
"A Cleosaurus."
Merlin frowned. "What's a Cleosaurus?"
Arthur nabbed Cleo from Merlin's hand, ignoring the indignant squawk it produced. "This is a Cleosaurus."
"That's not a monster, Arthur. That's a unicorn. Now give her back," Merlin made a futile grab for it.
Arthur smugly held it out of reach. "It is so a monster. An evil one that turns boys into sissies."
Merlin glared at Arthur. "I am not a sissy. There's nothing sissy about liking unicorns. They're pretty."
Arthur rolled his eyes exaggeratedly at Merlin. "That's like saying girls are pretty. It's already working its evil magic on you. So Sir Leon and Sir Geoffry are going to slay the monster and unsissify you."
Merlin sulked. "I'm not a sissy. There's nothing wrong with thinking things are pretty when they are. I don't want to play this game anymore."
Arthur strolled over to a clear spot on his floor. He placed Cleo down and knelt in front of her with Sir Leon. "Hark! T'is an evil beast of sissifying evil. Come, Sir Geoffry, we must slay the beast and bring peace back to the land."
Merlin folded his arms and glared at Arthur. "I told you, I don't want to play this."
Arthur shrugged and turned back to 'the beast'. "Looks like Sir Geoffry has already been affected by the foul magic of the creature. Have at you, vile beast!" Arthur 'walked' Sir Leon over to Cleo and had him brandish his tiny sword at the silent foe.
"Arthur, don't. Cleo doesn't like it."
"We will rid the land of all evils, Sir Geoffry." Arthur roared and raised Sir Leon's sword to attack his enemy - only Cleo seemed to 'fall' out of the way of the fatal blow.
Merlin moved over and picked her up before Arthur could reposition her. "I don't want to play this anymore and neither does Cleo." With that he pivoted around, stuck his nose in the air and stalked out of Arthur's room.
Arthur looked down at Sir Leon. "We have to slay the wretched beast, Sir Leon. For his own good."
~
Merlin strolled cheerfully into his room, humming a little ditty. He stopped in shock as he took in the sight before him. All of his unicorns were gathered in a huddle in a corner, with Arthur's knights grouped in front of them. Their tiny weapons were drawn and they were all propped up and glaring in doll fury at the band of foul beasts in front of them. Arthur leaned against the wall off to the side of the waiting slaughter. "What are you doing?!" Merlin shrieked.
"It's for your own good, Merlin. You clearly have been under the influence of their enchantment for too long to see it. Their vile treachery must be thwarted!" Arthur rubbed his hands together as he grinned maliciously.
"They're not evil, Arthur! Unicorns are pure and beautiful!"
"Aha! Proof that they're working magic on you! Boys don't think things are beautiful! That's what girls do! You're a boy, Merlin! You have to remember that!" Arthur waved his arms around as he raved. "The foul creatures must die! Knights! To arms!"
"No!" Merlin wailed.
Arthur nudged the battalion of knights with his toe. Which he jerked back quickly as Merlin stormed over and dropped a heavy book bound with iron clasps on the assembled knights. "Merlin!"
Merlin jutted his chin out and glared over at Arthur. "Leave my unicorns alone!" He bent down and swept them all up before running out of the room.
Arthur picked up the book and tossed it as he looked in horror at his decimated forces. "They've given him a mental affliction, Sir Leon." Arthur carefully picked up Sir Leon, cradling his cloth form in his hands. "We'll get you to a healer. It'll be okay." Arthur picked up his slightly-squished knights and set off for his 'healer'. He was slightly shocked that Merlin had reacted so violently. It was obvious that the unicorns were affecting his brain. Arthur's mouth firmed into a line as he glared at the thought. No one messed with his manservant but him. He'd show those sissy little unicorns.
~
Merlin finished his lunch and ran over to kiss his mom on the cheek. "Thanks, mom. Love you!" he called as he went to his room to grab a book. Again, he stopped in shock at what lay in wait for him. All of his unicorns were lined up in a row - a row of tiny stocks. Arthur was currently flicking little bits of food and cherry tomatoes at them. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Merlin shrieked - again.
Arthur grinned over at Merlin. "For their disobedience and evil sissifying powers, they've been sentenced to the stocks. Sir Leon and I are teaching them their place." Arthur put a cherry tomato in Sir Leon's hand and had him chuck it at Nora, Merlin's unicorn with the pink mane and tail.
"Nora!" Merlin ran over and stood in the way of the barrage of foodstuffs. "Arthur! You... you.. you big bully!" With that, Merlin promptly burst into tears.
Arthur stopped hurling edibles and quickly stood up. "What? No, don't do that. Don't cry. I'm not a bully. I promise." Arthur sidled next to Merlin and gently patted him on the shoulder.
Merlin raised his face and smeared the tears over his cheeks. "Yes you are! You keep picking on my unicorns and me and- and- 'm not a sissy, meanie!" Then he promptly covered his face again and continued sobbing.
Arthur fretted and shifted his weight from foot to foot as he took in his crying manservant. "You're not a sissy, Merlin. I won't pick on your stupid unicorns anymore. I promise."
Merlin sniffled and looked up at Arthur with wet eyes. "R-really?"
Arthur looked solemnly back at Merlin. "Cross my heart and hope to die. I royally promise."
Merlin's eyes widened as he sniffled at Arthur. "You royally promise."
Arthur straightened up and pulled his shoulders back. "I said so, didn't I?"
Merlin lifted his neckerchief and used it to wipe at his face. "Y-yeah." Merlin's lower lip stuck out as he gazed at Arthur.
Arthur felt a little queasy in his stomach as he took in the lip and the tear-stains on Merlin's ratty neckerchief. "You know, I need a special manservant for a special job..." Arthur toed the ground as he looked over at Merlin.
Merlin's lip got sucked back in as a small smile surfaced on Merlin's face. "Really? A special job?"
Arthur nodded and placed an arm around Merlin's shoulder. "A very very special job that only the most special and trusted manservant can do."
The small smile grew, brightening up Merlin's face. "I can do it! You can trust me!"
Arthur nodded sagely. "Of course I can trust you. You're the bestest manservant in the whole of the world."
Merlin blushed. "Maybe not the whole world..."
Arthur squeezed Merlin's shoulder, "Yes, Merlin. The whole world. And I would know these things, because I'm going to be the king."
Merlin smiled up at Arthur. "So what do you need me to do?"
Arthur kept his arm around Merlin as he started to lead him out of the room. "First, we have to go to my room..."
~
Arthur sat on his bed looking thoughtfully over at Merlin, who had his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated intently on his very special task - which was polishing Arthur's riding boots. Merlin spared a glance up at Arthur and grinned almost wide enough to split his face, then bent his head back down and continued polishing. Arthur marveled at how easily Merlin was made happy. But, he reasoned, Merlin was a servant and therefore didn't need as much as a future king. Arthur quirked a brow as he noticed the look of surprise that suddenly appeared on Merlin's face. "What," he asked.
"Um... I think maybe you should talk to your dad and ask him to get a cat." Merlin looked worriedly up at Arthur.
Arthur frowned at his manservant. "Why?"
Merlin held up the boot, his hand shoved inside of it. Arthur didn't see what he was talking about until a small finger poked through a small hole and wriggled at him. "Oops?"
Arthur smacked his face with his palm and groaned in frustration. "Those were new. Father is not going to be impressed."
Merlin pursed his lips and thought for a moment before brightening up and smiling over at Arthur. "Well, look on the bright side - if your dad gets mad that you need a new pair of boots, just point out that even with a new pair, you can't possibly spend more on footwear than Morgana."
Arthur blinked before grinning back at Merlin. "See? I knew there was a reason you were my special manservant. Well, polishing my boots seems silly now, how about we go play some football?"
Merlin's smile disappeared as he looked at Arthur with something close to fear on his face. "Um wait - what?" he yelled over to the door. "Okay! I'll be right there!" He turned back to Arthur and placed the chewed boot on the floor. "My mom's calling. Gotta go!" Merlin waved as he ran quickly out the door.
Arthur frowned suspiciously at the fleeing manservant. He hadn't heard Merlin's mom calling. He shrugged it off as he left his room and made his way down to the practice yard to watch the knights practice and daydream about being king.