Reflections on Thankfullness
I think I am a fairly thankful person. I do take time to reflect on the things I have and be grateful for them. I make an effort to not obsesses over the things I *don't* have. I try to teach my kids to say thank you and be thankful as well - but I also try to be realistic. I know kids are kids and they sometimes don't remember to *say* the words. I don't think that automatically makes them ungrateful.
I was coming home after working the late shift tonight. As I stood at the Skytrain station having a smoke and waiting for my bus, a young man came up to me. It was a fairly warm night, but cooling rapidly and he was clad only in shorts and a sleeveless shirt. I had time to think he might be a little chilly before he approached me and murmured something about being thrown out of his house, then asked me for a cigarette.
Normally, I'm pretty bitchy about that sort of thing. I get hit up for change and smokes everyday on the way to work and on the way home, and I've become rather cynical and bitter about some of the people out there. Perhaps I'm too judgmental. I don't know their stories, but I've been working downtown 9 months now and I get mightily irritated when I see the same people sitting on their butts every day begging for me to give them money cuz they have a cardboard sign saying they are clean, sober, hungry and willing to work. I figure if they put as much time into job hunting as they do into sitting in front of the Granville skyktrain station, they could be running a company somewhere by now. Yes, I am bitter. When I was a single person with no kids, I never used welfare, not even when I was between jobs. After I had kids, I was on welfare, but not once *ever*, on welfare or off, did I beg strangers for money. I cleaned houses when I was 7 months pregnant and took my 5 year old with me cuz I had no one to watch her so that I could have enough money to make ends meet. Okay, yes, I have issues, I admit it. I'm not entirely rational about it when I see grown, physically fit men begging for handouts. Pisses me off. But I digress...
He looked - well, he just had this lost look. So, I gave him a smoke and asked him what happened. He didn't talk much. Said he got mad, punched a wall. His hand was all busted up - looked like it might have very well been broken when I took a closer look. I'm no nurse, but I do have my industrial first aid ticket, and his hand looked wrong. Swollen pretty bad, and cut up. But he wasn't really whining about it - he just wanted a smoke. I asked more questions; he said that he'd quit crime, was trying to get his life together but no one would help him.
I was inclined to believe him. Mostly, because he didn't ask for anything else. When the bus came, he asked the driver if he could get a lift just a few blocks. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. This one wasn't going to let him on. So, I engaged in the charity I'm best at - kamikaze compassion. I handed him a bus ticket.
Now, I don't expect anything back when I give people stuff like that. Not even a thank you, really. I think the kid was gobsmacked. He was putting the ticket in the reader when the driver prompted him "you have something you wanna say to the lady?" And he looked very shamefaced and said thanks. But you know? I knew he was thankful. I could tell. It was obvious, even without the words. And thank-you's were not the point; helping someone in need was the point. It's not about me, or him. It's a cast-your-bread-upon-the-waters kinda deal.
So he sat down near me, and I stuck a couple smokes in an empty package, threw in the few coins I had on me, and tore out another couple of bus tickets and pressed them into his hand when he went to get off the bus. And again with the gobsmakced look. Told him to behave. And not to punch anymore walls. The driver just shook his head and commented that the kid was sure lucky tonight. My response was that we were all young and stupid once.
I got to thinking that if one of my kids were ever in trouble, I sure hope that there would be someone around who would help them out with a quarter for the phone, or bus fare. I've been very blessed in my life by people who were there for me when I needed something - from a bag of groceries when we had nothing left in the house, to an anonymous cheque for over $1000 dollars from someone at the church we used to go to.
It's so easy to look at life and see what I don't have. And the overwhelming messages of children starving in other countries and people living in squalor are just too overwhelming, so I find I tune them out. But to run into the kid on the street like that - yeah. I'm thankful for all the people who ever reached out to me when I was a lost, lonely, hurting, mouthy, irritating kid. I'm thankful for all the people who stood by me during my painful and confusing 20's, while I learned how to be a parent and an adult when I was emotionally still just a child myself. I'm grateful for my mom - even though I have *ISSUES* coming out the yin yang, she never threw me out. I'm sure there were times she wanted to.
I'm sure this was rambling, and might not have entirely made sense - but ya'll get what I'm saying. And I'm thankful for that.
I was coming home after working the late shift tonight. As I stood at the Skytrain station having a smoke and waiting for my bus, a young man came up to me. It was a fairly warm night, but cooling rapidly and he was clad only in shorts and a sleeveless shirt. I had time to think he might be a little chilly before he approached me and murmured something about being thrown out of his house, then asked me for a cigarette.
Normally, I'm pretty bitchy about that sort of thing. I get hit up for change and smokes everyday on the way to work and on the way home, and I've become rather cynical and bitter about some of the people out there. Perhaps I'm too judgmental. I don't know their stories, but I've been working downtown 9 months now and I get mightily irritated when I see the same people sitting on their butts every day begging for me to give them money cuz they have a cardboard sign saying they are clean, sober, hungry and willing to work. I figure if they put as much time into job hunting as they do into sitting in front of the Granville skyktrain station, they could be running a company somewhere by now. Yes, I am bitter. When I was a single person with no kids, I never used welfare, not even when I was between jobs. After I had kids, I was on welfare, but not once *ever*, on welfare or off, did I beg strangers for money. I cleaned houses when I was 7 months pregnant and took my 5 year old with me cuz I had no one to watch her so that I could have enough money to make ends meet. Okay, yes, I have issues, I admit it. I'm not entirely rational about it when I see grown, physically fit men begging for handouts. Pisses me off. But I digress...
He looked - well, he just had this lost look. So, I gave him a smoke and asked him what happened. He didn't talk much. Said he got mad, punched a wall. His hand was all busted up - looked like it might have very well been broken when I took a closer look. I'm no nurse, but I do have my industrial first aid ticket, and his hand looked wrong. Swollen pretty bad, and cut up. But he wasn't really whining about it - he just wanted a smoke. I asked more questions; he said that he'd quit crime, was trying to get his life together but no one would help him.
I was inclined to believe him. Mostly, because he didn't ask for anything else. When the bus came, he asked the driver if he could get a lift just a few blocks. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. This one wasn't going to let him on. So, I engaged in the charity I'm best at - kamikaze compassion. I handed him a bus ticket.
Now, I don't expect anything back when I give people stuff like that. Not even a thank you, really. I think the kid was gobsmacked. He was putting the ticket in the reader when the driver prompted him "you have something you wanna say to the lady?" And he looked very shamefaced and said thanks. But you know? I knew he was thankful. I could tell. It was obvious, even without the words. And thank-you's were not the point; helping someone in need was the point. It's not about me, or him. It's a cast-your-bread-upon-the-waters kinda deal.
So he sat down near me, and I stuck a couple smokes in an empty package, threw in the few coins I had on me, and tore out another couple of bus tickets and pressed them into his hand when he went to get off the bus. And again with the gobsmakced look. Told him to behave. And not to punch anymore walls. The driver just shook his head and commented that the kid was sure lucky tonight. My response was that we were all young and stupid once.
I got to thinking that if one of my kids were ever in trouble, I sure hope that there would be someone around who would help them out with a quarter for the phone, or bus fare. I've been very blessed in my life by people who were there for me when I needed something - from a bag of groceries when we had nothing left in the house, to an anonymous cheque for over $1000 dollars from someone at the church we used to go to.
It's so easy to look at life and see what I don't have. And the overwhelming messages of children starving in other countries and people living in squalor are just too overwhelming, so I find I tune them out. But to run into the kid on the street like that - yeah. I'm thankful for all the people who ever reached out to me when I was a lost, lonely, hurting, mouthy, irritating kid. I'm thankful for all the people who stood by me during my painful and confusing 20's, while I learned how to be a parent and an adult when I was emotionally still just a child myself. I'm grateful for my mom - even though I have *ISSUES* coming out the yin yang, she never threw me out. I'm sure there were times she wanted to.
I'm sure this was rambling, and might not have entirely made sense - but ya'll get what I'm saying. And I'm thankful for that.