Valyermo
The dance retreat this past weekend was AWESOME! I was able to listen to other people's prayers and found a kind of peace within myself. I was teary eyed all weekend. I have spent much of my life asking "why me?" and you know I can see that EVERYTHING that has challenged me in my life has led me to who I am today. I am in the autumn of my life. John had asked us to pick what our season was. It is the change into something colorful and beautiful. All of the years of struggle raising the kids, my marriage, the things that have happened or not happened and it all fits together like a giant jigsaw puzzle. I can sit and think about just the recent events...say the last 6 years since I first started going to the Abbey for the retreats. Marilyn was always my roommate and I was probably at the lowest point in my life when I first went. She was a breath of fresh air to me. Such a sweet young lady and she was my kids age and I was able to relate and talk to her about a lot of things. The very first year I went to that retreat, John West asked me to dance on Congress. I was 30 pounds heavier, and so out of shape and just getting back into dancing and only at American Martyrs. It was such an awesome experience for me. Then the rejection the following year. I was so devastated, but I knew that he had better dancers and that was why I was not asked to return. He has professional level dancers and here was this, fat dumpy out of shape woman making like she could dance. I was determined to never get passed up again. So started the journey of finding a place to go to and take classes so I could improve my technique and ability. Ended up going to a studio in Palos Verdes and I found vincent. Talking to him and telling him why I was there, he said his mom goes to Congress every year and has always wanted him to find out how to dance with the Valyermo Dancers. So I pushed and begged John to give Vince an audition. After several tries at getting the two to meet, Vince is in! He got to dance a special part the first year with John and Festival. I faithfully took class for 2 years from Vince. Now he has a full-time position at chadwick school and will give up his studio teaching. But out of that, I met June Chin, a ballet teacher and Felicia Vann a Jazz instructor who I will start taking class from next month. John has said that I have improved so much. I even got selected to dance at the Fall Festival this past fall! Now, I feel he and Connie have included me in all of the companies inner workings and I feel like they are depending on me to try to keep the boat from rocking too hard as the company goes thru some changes. At this weekend's retreat, Rosemarie said next to Beth and Jenna, I was the next strongest dancer there. What a compliment. I felt good this weekend despite my knee being weak. I felt like the movements don't worry me as much and I can actually feel and pray the movement. Starting with working with John, things at home have been better. Mourning the loss of my dad and going to the Abbey this weekend gave me the peace I really needed. I now feel that while my dad never knew me as a person, mom or daughter nor did he know my kids and didn't seem to really care. That maybe, just maybe he is looking down on us and getting to know us and seeing who we are. And I can live with that. So, my life is at a stage of change and I think that I am ready for that change. Thanks be to God! Vince and I have been able to share some really good time together traveling to Valyermo. His Dad died 2 days after mine. Talk about weird. Neither of us were very close to our dads and here we are going thru all of the feelings at the same time. I am in a good place now. I hope that it lasts!