Mean Mr. Mustard
Have you ever hated someone so much, you devote an unhealthy portion of time each day to wishing them ill? Hoping they get hit by a truck, perhaps?
Confession time: That's what it's like, being me. Constantly. All the time. And the offending party, is, of course, myself. I ruin everything I touch. And after tonight, I've had it. Had it with myself, my misguided affections, and had it with my own blasted optimism.
Why can't I just shut up? On so many levels.
Why am I even saying this? Why do I type this now, so you can read it? I really don't know. I think I just need something to say in this instance, to mark the end, for the time being, of my active use of this livejournal. I rarely use it, and when I do it's for nothing else but bitching about my own miserable life, and I suspect that it's because deep down, I have some sort of narcissistic urge to acquire the pity of others, because - pathetically, like the goddamn pariah I am, I equate that with affection on some horrible level.. I've really convinced myself it's the closest I can ever come. That's wrong, it needs to stop.
Maybe I'm not deleting it. Not yet; I do enjoy reading your entries, amigos, and perhaps commenting on them from time to time. But I'm resolving now that I'm not using this thing any more as an outlet for self-pity. Not after this.
Don't know when the next time I'll post is. No idea, no clue. Could be tomorrow, could be never. In that case, anyone who wants to contact me has my e-addy, those who don't, feel free to ask for it.
This is it, for now. Happy 2009.
Confession time: That's what it's like, being me. Constantly. All the time. And the offending party, is, of course, myself. I ruin everything I touch. And after tonight, I've had it. Had it with myself, my misguided affections, and had it with my own blasted optimism.
Why can't I just shut up? On so many levels.
Why am I even saying this? Why do I type this now, so you can read it? I really don't know. I think I just need something to say in this instance, to mark the end, for the time being, of my active use of this livejournal. I rarely use it, and when I do it's for nothing else but bitching about my own miserable life, and I suspect that it's because deep down, I have some sort of narcissistic urge to acquire the pity of others, because - pathetically, like the goddamn pariah I am, I equate that with affection on some horrible level.. I've really convinced myself it's the closest I can ever come. That's wrong, it needs to stop.
Maybe I'm not deleting it. Not yet; I do enjoy reading your entries, amigos, and perhaps commenting on them from time to time. But I'm resolving now that I'm not using this thing any more as an outlet for self-pity. Not after this.
Don't know when the next time I'll post is. No idea, no clue. Could be tomorrow, could be never. In that case, anyone who wants to contact me has my e-addy, those who don't, feel free to ask for it.
This is it, for now. Happy 2009.