My Xmas project for English
Twas The Night before Xmas
Twas the night before Xmas, when all through the bars
Not a creature was drinking, already drunk in their cars;
Old socks were hung from the head of a deer,
In hopes that St. Nick would leave them a beer.
The children were sleeping all snug in their beds
Where the courts ordered, at their mom's and ted's.
Sitting alone in my budweiser cap.
Sneaking cold beer from the bartender's tap.
When out on the street there arose such a clatter
I'll need new pants if I get any fatter.
Away to the curb I stumbled at last,
Looked at my watch, was 5 minutes past.
I looked around at the half melted snow
Empty beer bottles, and a guy with a 'fro.
Then I saw, in my glorious daze,an old drunken elf
I knew he was drunk, as he had just soiled himself.
He carried a bottle wrapped in a brown sack,
Stumbled around and fell on his back.
He was dressed all in red and he needed a shave,
He called out his drinks, each one was his fave.
Ill drink VODKA and DANIELS and WHISKEY and TEQUILA!
Or JAGER, or SCOTCH, Just give me some Willya?
He climbed up a ladder to the top of the wall,
At this point, I kinda hoped he would fall.
He climbed all the way up to the roof
He must've drank some 88 proof.
He stood at the edge and flipped us the bird
Scratched himself, and said a bad word.
As I watched from the road, he turned around,
Pulled down his pants and barked like a hound.
I wouldve called the cops if I knew their number
Or in truth, if I was a little more sober.
He looked at the road with a thoughtful glance
Turned back around and pulled up his red pants.
He yelled at the top of his lungs as he jumped in the air
Joy on his face, the wind in his hair.
He landed on the sidewalk with a cold wet splat
Sprayed brains on the road and blood on my hat.
I stood and thought of the last words before his flight
"Its Xmas Y'all, Hey I can fly like a Kite!"
Twas the night before Xmas, when all through the bars
Not a creature was drinking, already drunk in their cars;
Old socks were hung from the head of a deer,
In hopes that St. Nick would leave them a beer.
The children were sleeping all snug in their beds
Where the courts ordered, at their mom's and ted's.
Sitting alone in my budweiser cap.
Sneaking cold beer from the bartender's tap.
When out on the street there arose such a clatter
I'll need new pants if I get any fatter.
Away to the curb I stumbled at last,
Looked at my watch, was 5 minutes past.
I looked around at the half melted snow
Empty beer bottles, and a guy with a 'fro.
Then I saw, in my glorious daze,an old drunken elf
I knew he was drunk, as he had just soiled himself.
He carried a bottle wrapped in a brown sack,
Stumbled around and fell on his back.
He was dressed all in red and he needed a shave,
He called out his drinks, each one was his fave.
Ill drink VODKA and DANIELS and WHISKEY and TEQUILA!
Or JAGER, or SCOTCH, Just give me some Willya?
He climbed up a ladder to the top of the wall,
At this point, I kinda hoped he would fall.
He climbed all the way up to the roof
He must've drank some 88 proof.
He stood at the edge and flipped us the bird
Scratched himself, and said a bad word.
As I watched from the road, he turned around,
Pulled down his pants and barked like a hound.
I wouldve called the cops if I knew their number
Or in truth, if I was a little more sober.
He looked at the road with a thoughtful glance
Turned back around and pulled up his red pants.
He yelled at the top of his lungs as he jumped in the air
Joy on his face, the wind in his hair.
He landed on the sidewalk with a cold wet splat
Sprayed brains on the road and blood on my hat.
I stood and thought of the last words before his flight
"Its Xmas Y'all, Hey I can fly like a Kite!"