Brother-in-law drunk dialed me during hurricane Sandy
Hurricane Sandy knocked out power to my sister's farm at 8:30. Bree texted me that her husband tried to start the generator but he was drunk so not surprisingly he failed. His solution? Call his mother to bitch about it. Yeah, because complaining about it will automatically start the generator. It's magic!
10:30 I get a call from an unidentified caller. It's from my city so I answered it in case it's from a power-deprived friend seeking shelter. Instead it was BiL. He never called me before so I was shocked and then worried that something happened. No, apparently after he was done bitching and complaining to his mother (and probably called his sister too) he calls me. He asked me to tell my sister to help him around the winery and the house more often. I was quiet, unsure what the right answer is supposed to be. BiL blathered on that he LOVES my sister from the BOTTOM OF HIS HEART and he LOVES my sister IN HIS SOUL! This type of phone calls is known as FEELINGBOMBS. He goes to say how he does all the laundry and cooking and he DOES EVERYTHING. Finally I told him to go to couples counseling with his wife. BiL brilliant response is that they just need to communicate better with eachother. Huh-uh, so would "communicate better" include his yelling, cussing, drinking, and more yelling? I didn't say the last sentence out loud and instead reiterate that counseling would help with the communication issue. I said over and over again that I will support my sister but I will NOT tell her what to do, I am here and there to support my sister. Finally BIL stopped and asked me what I would like for him to cook for me the next time I'm at the farm/winery to help.
For the last three weeks me and Bree's friends have descended on their home to clean out and organize the house (BiL is a low spectrum hoarder). It won't solve the problems in their marriage but at least it takes some stress away from them and their kids. I vividly remember as a child how I wished adults would sweep in and take care of my dad and mom (and the house by default) because they seem to require vast amount of care, given their mass amount of "Woe is me, I need help!" pity parties. The parentification of children is abusive, I know that now, but at the time it didn't seem abusive because I felt I was "helping" my parents, hence I was being relevant to their lives.
Most abusive people don't see themselves as abusive, but as beleaguered heroes with ungrateful family members who failed to anticipate their unspoken needs five minutes ahead of time. BiL have complained, sometimes loudly, that he isn't getting enough help around the winery and the house. Hence his drunk call to me to tell my sister to help him around the winery and house more often. I think Bree's apathy toward her house is her rebellion to her husband's type AAA personality's demands.