im one of those melodramatic fools
i rarely ever update this thing...and when i do its not couse i have to...more like i feel like it.
lately for me it feels like things are....STUCK in neutral (that was a play/skit i saw once in debate.)... like im in one place. not only cuz im on lock down every once in a while but cuz i really dont know what i want. i guess everyone goes through it. sometimes i fake myself into thinking im truely happy when i am really not. and i smile everyday as a way to hide what is truely going on inside my head and that smile simply fades when i lay in bed at night and think to myself "i made it through another day" and cry. cry for a better life i guess or maybe something not as hard. i have been hopeing and praying that some day things will be different...but as the days pass by the chances of that happening get slimmer.
i wish i was back in highschool where everything was handed to u on a silver platter. where you saw your friends everyday and the way to tell them something was by reading their LJ. i miss those times. i wish it just rewound for one more day of that. im dying to move out but too chicken of what will happen when i do. my mom, borris, my sisters. what will happen. but when that day comes ill deal with it yet again...
i need a hug. sometimes those hugs are what lift me up and make my smile a little more believable. this too shall pass.......
lately for me it feels like things are....STUCK in neutral (that was a play/skit i saw once in debate.)... like im in one place. not only cuz im on lock down every once in a while but cuz i really dont know what i want. i guess everyone goes through it. sometimes i fake myself into thinking im truely happy when i am really not. and i smile everyday as a way to hide what is truely going on inside my head and that smile simply fades when i lay in bed at night and think to myself "i made it through another day" and cry. cry for a better life i guess or maybe something not as hard. i have been hopeing and praying that some day things will be different...but as the days pass by the chances of that happening get slimmer.
i wish i was back in highschool where everything was handed to u on a silver platter. where you saw your friends everyday and the way to tell them something was by reading their LJ. i miss those times. i wish it just rewound for one more day of that. im dying to move out but too chicken of what will happen when i do. my mom, borris, my sisters. what will happen. but when that day comes ill deal with it yet again...
i need a hug. sometimes those hugs are what lift me up and make my smile a little more believable. this too shall pass.......