So, let me ramble on and on...
20 days into the new year... and I'm finally starting to doubt my ways... I'm stuck at this point in my life, with as it seems, only myself to keep me company... My friends are all around me at all times, in everything I do... yet I feel secluded from them, not by choice, but by my thinking all the time... I'm always in my head, except on random occasions when I'm actually fun, and goofy... I consider that time, my true self... because during that time, I don't think, I just act... my mind ceases functions as it feels, and its not from the pot... it feels too different than that... but its almost as if I'm reaching out of my mind, and actually living... no longer vicariously living through BB now, as I did in my past... But I'm starting to actually accept my own life, and what I want to do with it...
In the past year that I've spent in solitude... Shunning just about everyone in my mind... it occurs to me that last year was very crucial to me... It held alot of things in it... Many that will remain always in my head, for my remembrance alone... But many things I cherish happened within that time... and now that I'm looking back on it, I'm grateful for the things that happened... they've had me re-evaluating everything in my life... everything I held true in life, I saw shatter at the end of 2006, and all through 2007... everything I held to be right, taken from me... how could I explain what was going through my head in those days... I couldn't understand any of it... I'll call it, "My crash-course into the World." I got to witness many things, through many people no longer in my life... I've seen the gullible, and been the gullible one as well... I saw through the eyes of the naive... I forced things out of my head, I knew to be true, just to believe in something that was false...
In this new year, I've been not only able to satisfy my mind in its search for questions about near everything... but I've also managed to find a sense of peace, after a little over a year... I've finally managed to piece together my brain enough, to where I don't need to waste my time wondering about things... Some things I must live to discover... somethings I already know... but I'm finally at peace with everything around me...
And I'm man enough to say, I've made many mistakes along the way... Many, inexcuseable and unforgivable in my mind... that now rest within it... I'm not making excuses for it at all, any longer... bad decision, mistakes...
So, I welcome the new year, with everything it has to show and offer me... :)
In the past year that I've spent in solitude... Shunning just about everyone in my mind... it occurs to me that last year was very crucial to me... It held alot of things in it... Many that will remain always in my head, for my remembrance alone... But many things I cherish happened within that time... and now that I'm looking back on it, I'm grateful for the things that happened... they've had me re-evaluating everything in my life... everything I held true in life, I saw shatter at the end of 2006, and all through 2007... everything I held to be right, taken from me... how could I explain what was going through my head in those days... I couldn't understand any of it... I'll call it, "My crash-course into the World." I got to witness many things, through many people no longer in my life... I've seen the gullible, and been the gullible one as well... I saw through the eyes of the naive... I forced things out of my head, I knew to be true, just to believe in something that was false...
In this new year, I've been not only able to satisfy my mind in its search for questions about near everything... but I've also managed to find a sense of peace, after a little over a year... I've finally managed to piece together my brain enough, to where I don't need to waste my time wondering about things... Some things I must live to discover... somethings I already know... but I'm finally at peace with everything around me...
And I'm man enough to say, I've made many mistakes along the way... Many, inexcuseable and unforgivable in my mind... that now rest within it... I'm not making excuses for it at all, any longer... bad decision, mistakes...
So, I welcome the new year, with everything it has to show and offer me... :)