we were so proud.
i've been doing a lot of thinking, especially about my future recently. i want to mature myself in 2010 in a few ways. i want to be serious about things that i enjoyed the thought of in the past but never brought myself to pursue because i had no motivation. i want to make myself a happier individual by fulfulling the goals i've had for a while but never got done. i know it's a bit early for the new year's resolutions, but for the first time in almost 20 years of life i want to be serious about them. these are the three major ones for me.
1. join a gym, eat better, lose weight.
all my life i've been a bigger kid. i've gotten made fun of to the point that i wanted to die on numerous occasions in my life. i have honestly forgotten almost everything i remember about gradeschool because i hate remembering how miserable i would get because of some of the immature pricks in my classroom. just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes. i don't remember ever being comfortable with my appearance. i hate when other people take my photos because i hate how i look when someone that isn't me takes the photo. the sight tends to disgust me unless they somehow manage to get me from a good angle, generally an above shot from the front. i'm tired of it, and i really want to make a change and i want for 2010 to be the year that i finally do it.
2. get my license, buy a car, drive.
i've been putting it off for way too long. i'm almost 20 years old and i've only driven a car maybe 3 times in my life, without a permit for that matter. i hate having to rely on others to get me places. don't get me wrong, i love the fun car rides with jim, but it would make things so much easier for me. not having a car is the reason i never did anything when it came to advancing my education. during my life, my mom has never driven due to a car accident she was in 20-something years ago which just kinda ruined her entire driving experience for her. since i was a kid we've had to rely on friends and family to get places and as much as i've enjoyed taking rides from people, i'd love to be able to do that for myself. i want to be able to drive around blasting music that i love without having to worry about someone saying how much they hate a band (no offense jim <3). i want to be able to go places when i want to, when i need to, when i just feel like going for the hell of it.
3. write, write, write.
not quite as serious as the other two, but i still consider it to be a big thing for me, is songwriting. since i started playing guitar and being able to come up with chord progressions, i've been dying to write songs but i've never been able to actually do it. it frustrates me because i've got probably 5 or maybe more songs that i've started in the past that i've never come close to finishing. i've got full music for like 3 songs that i want to get done and i can never flesh out lyrics to them. i love just being able to sing what jon provides for our songs, but sometimes i feel like i need to do something on my own. i can pull random lines out of the air at times that end up being really good in my opinion but i can never build on to it and i really need to focus on that. i'd love to be able to say that "i wrote that song," and not just "i came up with some of the guitar parts for that song," or "i contributed a line or two to that song." i want to know that i can actually write songs on my own without the aid of others. i want to make music of my own, not to try and gain any recognition or popularity, but just to be able to do it.
i just want to be entirely proud of myself.
i guess that's it. i should probably get to sleep but i really want to finish Conqueror of Shamballa tonight since i won't be able to watch it tomorrow considering i'll be at jon's house all night.
2010, bring it on.
1. join a gym, eat better, lose weight.
all my life i've been a bigger kid. i've gotten made fun of to the point that i wanted to die on numerous occasions in my life. i have honestly forgotten almost everything i remember about gradeschool because i hate remembering how miserable i would get because of some of the immature pricks in my classroom. just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes. i don't remember ever being comfortable with my appearance. i hate when other people take my photos because i hate how i look when someone that isn't me takes the photo. the sight tends to disgust me unless they somehow manage to get me from a good angle, generally an above shot from the front. i'm tired of it, and i really want to make a change and i want for 2010 to be the year that i finally do it.
2. get my license, buy a car, drive.
i've been putting it off for way too long. i'm almost 20 years old and i've only driven a car maybe 3 times in my life, without a permit for that matter. i hate having to rely on others to get me places. don't get me wrong, i love the fun car rides with jim, but it would make things so much easier for me. not having a car is the reason i never did anything when it came to advancing my education. during my life, my mom has never driven due to a car accident she was in 20-something years ago which just kinda ruined her entire driving experience for her. since i was a kid we've had to rely on friends and family to get places and as much as i've enjoyed taking rides from people, i'd love to be able to do that for myself. i want to be able to drive around blasting music that i love without having to worry about someone saying how much they hate a band (no offense jim <3). i want to be able to go places when i want to, when i need to, when i just feel like going for the hell of it.
3. write, write, write.
not quite as serious as the other two, but i still consider it to be a big thing for me, is songwriting. since i started playing guitar and being able to come up with chord progressions, i've been dying to write songs but i've never been able to actually do it. it frustrates me because i've got probably 5 or maybe more songs that i've started in the past that i've never come close to finishing. i've got full music for like 3 songs that i want to get done and i can never flesh out lyrics to them. i love just being able to sing what jon provides for our songs, but sometimes i feel like i need to do something on my own. i can pull random lines out of the air at times that end up being really good in my opinion but i can never build on to it and i really need to focus on that. i'd love to be able to say that "i wrote that song," and not just "i came up with some of the guitar parts for that song," or "i contributed a line or two to that song." i want to know that i can actually write songs on my own without the aid of others. i want to make music of my own, not to try and gain any recognition or popularity, but just to be able to do it.
i just want to be entirely proud of myself.
i guess that's it. i should probably get to sleep but i really want to finish Conqueror of Shamballa tonight since i won't be able to watch it tomorrow considering i'll be at jon's house all night.
2010, bring it on.