Long time no write
Well, I was informed I’m single again and nearly a week has gone by since this has happened, it doesn’t feel good at all.
All I'm doing is constantly turning past events over in my head trying to make sense of things, I miss her very much. I'm feeling strangely detached from everything at the moment, but not detached enough so I cant feel the pain.
I was put on sleeping pills for 2 weeks by my doctor to try and regulate my sleep patterns and the stuff I was given was nasty, I was having virtual total memory loss from when I had to take the tablet.
I can only remember things once someone mentions something, and I get flashbacks and I'm able to recover the memory. Well I've not been on them now for a few days and I feel a lot better in myself, I’m getting up in the morning pretty easily, and I'm in bed for around 12 each night, going to bed a 2:30 & 3:30 in the morning doesn’t really help much :/
I've also rediscovered an old band I used to listen to with my old friends back in college The Lightning Seeds, a couple of there tunes have really stuck a cord with me over recent events in my life.
I have a lot of big decisions to make of the next coming days, I just know that yet again I'm in a no win situation, I know I'm going to upset and hurt people with whatever I decide, but as an old old friend said to me recently I have to chose what’s best for me, not others, this is far easier said than done.
I spent all weekend thinking about contacting my ex, to be honest every minute that passes I think of her, but one of the last things she said to me was how I conned her and manipulate her, so if I make contact in anyway this will be taken in the same way. I have no way of making a right decision because I feel as though I cant act, all of my intentions are locked up only for me to see, feel and know.
If you do by any chance look at this, please know I love you and this hasn’t changed.