Mind wondering...
I have had a lot of time to think about things. I haven’t really talked about them because it never really seemed that important. It never got brought up until randomly today when I was talking to Sky on the phone.
I have come to the conclusion that relationships suck…all of them at least in my eyes. Sky thinks that most people have problems with relationships because of two things. One- it’s the parents being overbearing or Two- It’s the person themselves. I know for a fact my parents aren’t the source of my problems. I could have told anyone a long time ago it was me. I set myself up for rejection and I realize it and even knowing my pattern, I do it over and over again. It’s not the fact that I jus can’t hold a steady relationship it’s because I never really want to be in the relationship to start with. The ones I’m in, I don’t want to be and the ones I want to have just never to seem to be in reach. I want to be with someone I truly care about and will do anything for and if I don’t like the person I’m with as much as they like me, it’s a definite mindset that I can’t stay in the relationship because it’s not fair to them. I can’t take hurting people, so wouldn’t it just be easier to not have one at all? People told me today that concerning the people I like, I can do better and in truth I cant. It’s the people who ask me out and since I don’t like to let people down, I say yes…. That’s when I can do better. It says a lot if I like anyone and if I do like someone, it’s me letting my guard down for something I believe can work if the feeling was mutual.
Maybe I am just good at making the wrong choices or I don’t know what is good for me. I dug myself a deep hole with all my past relationships because they pretty much all ended the same way. Maybe my timing is off… actually that could be a big factor in why I can never seem to get one of the few things I want. I’m not selfish; I look out for other people before I look out for myself. I’d rather make someone else happy even if that means I am unhappy. It could be a problem or it’s not depending on the situation and who it’s about. I think the smart thing to do is not even think about it and just let things happen as they happen. Maybe I’m sick of always being the good guy…
I have come to the conclusion that relationships suck…all of them at least in my eyes. Sky thinks that most people have problems with relationships because of two things. One- it’s the parents being overbearing or Two- It’s the person themselves. I know for a fact my parents aren’t the source of my problems. I could have told anyone a long time ago it was me. I set myself up for rejection and I realize it and even knowing my pattern, I do it over and over again. It’s not the fact that I jus can’t hold a steady relationship it’s because I never really want to be in the relationship to start with. The ones I’m in, I don’t want to be and the ones I want to have just never to seem to be in reach. I want to be with someone I truly care about and will do anything for and if I don’t like the person I’m with as much as they like me, it’s a definite mindset that I can’t stay in the relationship because it’s not fair to them. I can’t take hurting people, so wouldn’t it just be easier to not have one at all? People told me today that concerning the people I like, I can do better and in truth I cant. It’s the people who ask me out and since I don’t like to let people down, I say yes…. That’s when I can do better. It says a lot if I like anyone and if I do like someone, it’s me letting my guard down for something I believe can work if the feeling was mutual.
Maybe I am just good at making the wrong choices or I don’t know what is good for me. I dug myself a deep hole with all my past relationships because they pretty much all ended the same way. Maybe my timing is off… actually that could be a big factor in why I can never seem to get one of the few things I want. I’m not selfish; I look out for other people before I look out for myself. I’d rather make someone else happy even if that means I am unhappy. It could be a problem or it’s not depending on the situation and who it’s about. I think the smart thing to do is not even think about it and just let things happen as they happen. Maybe I’m sick of always being the good guy…