Show Me How Pretty The World Is Cause I Need Something A Little Bit Louder
dear livejournal,
i was lying in my bed the other night and i had the terrible realization that my grandma is actually getting older.
the other day she kept forgetting marge's name. and i thought it was funny because she kept calling her beatrix. and then she kept calling alex, ajax.
she also couldnt remember the name of dunkin donuts.
i dont know why, because she usually forgets little things like these, but it made me actually deeply scared.
i cant even fathom the thought of her dying. she is old and thats something that is inevitable. but it makes me sick to my stomach. and i pray to god that she will die after im married with kids and have a career. because even though life wont be over for me, and ill have more problems and what not, ill have her for the most important rides and obstacles. and she can see that i turned out happy and successful because i know that is something very possible if she is alive. i dont even want to think about accepting anything less.
she said something cute today when we were on our way shopping, which was that everytime she feels depressed, she can go to the store she loves and feel better.
and i thought that was pretty cute.
i went shopping with her today which is something i havent done in a long time. i always go with my friends and i know it makes her sad when she sees that she isnt a part of it. but she was really happy when i asked her to come with me. and i feel like even when i ignore her at home, or choose my friends over her, she knows i love her and was just waiting for me to be a little girl again and tell her everything and shop with her and watch stupid tv shows together. and i know that if i dont do that, ill never forgive myself. so its time for me to show her how much i actually appreciate her and love her.
when we were close to done shopping alex asked me if i wanted to go to dinner with his parents. and i told my grandma and she thought it was so sweet and she was like you should go, and i was telling her that i was too scared. and she said i had nothing to be scared about. and after i went, i came home and gave her a big hug and told her about it.
and i love her.
and i love alex.
dinner was fun, his dad is so funny. so is his momma.
i actually miss vt a lot. im sad that she doesnt have the same room, or live in the same building, but im sure it wont take away from seeing HER, or the whole vt experience. im EXCITED! WHATTUP! and ally is coming which is pretty exciting. i cant believe she likes him so much, she doesnt like anyone.
i cant write anymore, i HAVE SO MUCH WORK!
love, elia
ps. oct 5 is 6 months!
pps. sorry if i was cheesy again
ppps. more things to be grateful for: leelee, uncle louie, vt, urban
i was lying in my bed the other night and i had the terrible realization that my grandma is actually getting older.
the other day she kept forgetting marge's name. and i thought it was funny because she kept calling her beatrix. and then she kept calling alex, ajax.
she also couldnt remember the name of dunkin donuts.
i dont know why, because she usually forgets little things like these, but it made me actually deeply scared.
i cant even fathom the thought of her dying. she is old and thats something that is inevitable. but it makes me sick to my stomach. and i pray to god that she will die after im married with kids and have a career. because even though life wont be over for me, and ill have more problems and what not, ill have her for the most important rides and obstacles. and she can see that i turned out happy and successful because i know that is something very possible if she is alive. i dont even want to think about accepting anything less.
she said something cute today when we were on our way shopping, which was that everytime she feels depressed, she can go to the store she loves and feel better.
and i thought that was pretty cute.
i went shopping with her today which is something i havent done in a long time. i always go with my friends and i know it makes her sad when she sees that she isnt a part of it. but she was really happy when i asked her to come with me. and i feel like even when i ignore her at home, or choose my friends over her, she knows i love her and was just waiting for me to be a little girl again and tell her everything and shop with her and watch stupid tv shows together. and i know that if i dont do that, ill never forgive myself. so its time for me to show her how much i actually appreciate her and love her.
when we were close to done shopping alex asked me if i wanted to go to dinner with his parents. and i told my grandma and she thought it was so sweet and she was like you should go, and i was telling her that i was too scared. and she said i had nothing to be scared about. and after i went, i came home and gave her a big hug and told her about it.
and i love her.
and i love alex.
dinner was fun, his dad is so funny. so is his momma.
i actually miss vt a lot. im sad that she doesnt have the same room, or live in the same building, but im sure it wont take away from seeing HER, or the whole vt experience. im EXCITED! WHATTUP! and ally is coming which is pretty exciting. i cant believe she likes him so much, she doesnt like anyone.
i cant write anymore, i HAVE SO MUCH WORK!
love, elia
ps. oct 5 is 6 months!
pps. sorry if i was cheesy again
ppps. more things to be grateful for: leelee, uncle louie, vt, urban