numero undici
i'm so nervous
i'm so tense
my heart can't forget
about this self defense
such a strange juxtaposition of up and down, of freedom and constraint. i don't do many things as well as i used to, but i still pride myself on being relatively well balanced. and even that i am not right now; i have become an all or nothing person in different ways than i used to be. i'm happy in ways i never used to be, and struggling against things i once thought to be constant. i need something, but hardly know what that is anymore. and every time things get messy all i really want to do is wipe the slate clean and start over again, which i realize i cannot do forever, should i ever feel the need to put down roots.
i want to be back in school, in classes. although i am slightly concerned about my 18 credit per semester load I have until graduation. not to metion the fact that i need a 4.0 in every class i take until then in order to even think about applying for vet school. which i don't know if i want to go to at all. still, having something to focus my time on that doesn't involve memorizing starch sides or beers on tap will be nice.
ps - i have been here for a month and i will be 21 in three months.
pps - i frequently misuse the syntax of the post script. apologies.
20 days and counting.
i'm so tense
my heart can't forget
about this self defense
such a strange juxtaposition of up and down, of freedom and constraint. i don't do many things as well as i used to, but i still pride myself on being relatively well balanced. and even that i am not right now; i have become an all or nothing person in different ways than i used to be. i'm happy in ways i never used to be, and struggling against things i once thought to be constant. i need something, but hardly know what that is anymore. and every time things get messy all i really want to do is wipe the slate clean and start over again, which i realize i cannot do forever, should i ever feel the need to put down roots.
i want to be back in school, in classes. although i am slightly concerned about my 18 credit per semester load I have until graduation. not to metion the fact that i need a 4.0 in every class i take until then in order to even think about applying for vet school. which i don't know if i want to go to at all. still, having something to focus my time on that doesn't involve memorizing starch sides or beers on tap will be nice.
ps - i have been here for a month and i will be 21 in three months.
pps - i frequently misuse the syntax of the post script. apologies.
20 days and counting.