Change
Title: Change
Rating: G
Character: Lorne
Genre: General
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Lorne never knew Lieutenant Aiden Ford. He knew of him, from reports from his superior officers and the AAR’s that he read prior to going to Atlantis. But he never knew the man, and has learned even less from the people of Atlantis. He knows that there was a fight between the Colonel and the higher ups on whether or not to classify him as AWOL and a deserter, and that Sheppard lost. But he does not know anything of substance about the man, the kid really that was second in command to Sheppard for a year. And he thinks he won’t ever really make these discoveries.
As he watches Sheppard and his team, not the whole team, as Lorne knows, both from experience and the pain he still sees in the Colonel’s, McKay’s and Teyla’s, that the team itself will never again be considered whole. Lorne wishes he had Ford around to question, he thinks he would learn a lot, not about his new position but about the man that is his new CO. He thinks, he knows, if Ford was still here, that half of the cloud that seems to cover Atlantis would be gone, that though some of the feelings have to do with the overall losses from the siege, and the aftermath, that a lot has to do with Ford. The fact they could not save one person, one person, someone who helped save the very inhabitants of the city many times, a kid, from something they all, especially, he thinks Doctor Beckett and the remainder of Ford’s team, think they should have been able to prevent.
Lorne has asked people about Ford and has only gotten veiled and haunted looks in response. He does not even try to ask Doctor Weir, he does not have the relationship with her to do so, and may never have it. He has asked Dr. Beckett more out of curiosity than anything else because he had started talking about killing whoever had rearranged his lab, and then had gotten a haunted look on his face. Lorne asked because he knows that all of them have been gone from the city for months and from what the Doc says it happened before the siege even began. That was where the haunted look had come from and he had said nothing else but it was someone he didn’t know and that it was because of a bet.
When he has brought Ford up with Sheppard, he has had to for work, he has gotten the quickest and sharpest answers possible that end up telling Lorne more about his CO then the man wants him to know. McKay, he knew, always started babbling over nothing if anyone back on earth asked about the Lieutenant. But what said the most to him is when McKay went off at his superiors for the same reason Sheppard did. His shouts of how they could not get any more stupider than they already were, for classing Ford as a deserter were heard through many levels of the SGC. But in Atlantis he is quiet, like the rest of his team and the other inhabitants over the missing Ford, and the other experiences they have all gone through.
It is when he ask Teyla, when he talks to her for the very first time that Lorne thinks he understands. Teyla reminds him of Teal’c, she is dignified, quiet and yet clearly a warrior. Teyla tells him that Aiden was and is a friend, to her, to Sheppard and McKay and others less so. She believes that they can find him, that he is alive and it is the Wraith that are at fault for what he has become, not him. Lorne sees the pain in Teyla’s eyes, and he know without a doubt that she is telling him because she think he ought to know, to understand why Sheppard acts as he does, why everyone is so quiet and the pain he sees everywhere. Teyla tells him it was Aiden, more than Colonel Sheppard who helped to introduce her to the ways of Earth and helped make her comfortable in the city of the Ancients. Lorne listens because he knows that he will never here about Ford again from anyone, and this is his one chance to get to know the man that he is for all intents and purposes replacing.
Lorne knows that he is not the only one who is slightly disconcerted over the way the first year inhabitants act. The other newcomers, especially the civilians are really put off, but Lorne has the experience, knows some of what is going through the minds of those who were there. That is one of the consequences of working in the SGC, and sometimes, when he is alone and it hits him, really hits him, he wonders if it is worth it.
There is a part of him that wonders, if he will end up like the mysterious Ford, who haunts so many, and yet was apparently one of the funniest people in Atlantis that first year. He thinks about what would happen if he did, if the rest could survive the guilt and if he could survive the pain of never seeing his home again. But he knows there are consequences to his job. But right now, as he is doing paperwork, that Sheppard has ignored or hasn’t yet seen, but knows he would end up doing anyway, he thinks it is worth it, worth it because at the moment he is happy and content and he is okay. That, he thinks is all he can ask for.