Fear growing.

[sgiatheanach]

The past week I have been having a growing feeling of dread, and I couldn't pinpoint the source, until today. I was feeling anxious and somewhat sick to my stomach, and had no idea as to why. One might hink finals, another coming home, or maybe just grades. Then, when my new found friend Therese asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I suddenly realized why. Why? Why was I so terrified? It is because my birthday is just a few days away. Now, most people would, at this point, just look at me and scoff. What, afraid of your birthday? Are you mad? No, I am quite sane. And yes, I am afraid of my birthday. The reason being is that this year will be my first year away from home, away from my friends, away from my family, away from those near and dear to me. So, what is the problem with that? I'm an adult now, I'm supposed to be independent and escape all that is my old, small town life, instead being free, experiencing the new and bold. Well I am, but my fear is this: Will I be remembered? Without my presence there to be a constant reminder of my being and my subtle hint dropping of, "Oh, in a few more days...," will they actually remember me on the day of my birth? Am I important enough to be remembered or will they all truly forget me, and I will fade away into some fragment of their past, someone they used to know, that vague figure in your mind of who's face you can't quite make out? Will I last? Will my relationships with people hold true through my life expierences and theirs, let alone through the next year? Well? In addition to this pain nawing at my heart and soul, it brings to question my mortality, a subject that terrifies my to tears and always has. Will I last past my lifetime? Past the lifetime ahead of me? How am I to know? But I just want to know, will I last? Will my memory, my presence, my manifestation, if you please, be enought to remember me by? Is a birthday so important that it could raise me up in jubilation, or confirm my deepest fears, dashing my hope on the rocks which are reality? I seem to think it is, or at least my mind does. Will I last? Now the real question is, am I just being an egocentric fool or are my ideas actully founded in some basis? I haven't decided for myself so far, but it isn't my birthday... yet.

Will I last?
Oh, and in case you forgot, it's December 13th.

~Skye?