FIC: Mr. Nice Guy
Title: Mr. Nice Guy
Author: icantfollow
Pairing/Fandom: John/Rodney (SGA)
Rating: G
Summary: Ronon observes as Rodney tries to go an entire week without insulting anyone.
Prompt: Speak only well of people and you need never whisper.
'You know, McKay,' Ronon says between bites, 'we had a saying back on Sateda. "Speak only well of people and you need never whisper."'
McKay scowls and tries to pretend he's not staring at the back of Sheppard's head from several seats away.
'That sounds like the sentimental garbage Teyla's always spewing,' he snaps and spears a carrot on the end of his fork like it's personally offended him. 'Not something I'd expect to hear out of your mouth.'
'Actually, Rodney,' says Zelenka, who sits across from them and also notices McKay's complete failure at stealth when it comes to Sheppard, 'that sounds a lot like one of our Earth sayings. You know, "If you cannot say anything nice, do not say anything at all."'
'Please,' McKay snorts, 'if I did that I'd never say anything.'
'And what a tragedy that would be,' murmurs Zelenka, pushing his glasses up his nose. He pauses. 'I believe what Ronon is suggesting, is that if you were perhaps to curb your tongue occasionally, you might find certain people in a better mood with you.'
Once he leaves the mess, McKay looks at Ronon. 'Why can't that guy just speak English?'
Ronon shrugs and swallows. 'Just try being nice, McKay. Maybe then he won't be mad at you.'
McKay flushes and starts attacking his potatoes. 'Who?'
Ronon doesn't bother to answer, just fixes McKay with a look and finishes his lunch.
*
Everyone notices, and some people even comment on it. Rodney McKay is actually being nice. The whole day, he doesn't drive anyone to tears, makes no comment about his staff's inferior intelligence, and spends voluntary time with the softer sciences without making snide comments.
Most people assume he's ill, some think he's possessed by an alien with manners.
Ronon thinks it's pretty funny.
'Here, Parrish,' McKay says at dinner through gritted teeth, 'please, have the last bowl of pudding. I insist.'
'Uh, thanks, Dr. McKay,' says the bewildered botanist, exchanging a look with Major Lorne.
'Don't mention it,' growls McKay. Ronon tries not to grin. It gets harder when McKay's gaze wanders over to Sheppard's table. The colonel is the only one not paying McKay the slightest bit of attention - he's deep in conversation with the attractive Dr. Cole.
But Ronon's amusement fades when McKay's face falls and he spends the rest of the meal in silence.
*
'Hey, you're still teaching Rodney how to fight, right?' Sheppard asks as he catches up to Ronon in the halls.
'Yeah, so?'
'So, has he seemed weird to you lately?'
Ronon shrugs. 'Not any weirder than usual. Why?'
Sheppard sounds casual, but Ronon has learned a lot about body language over the years; the only way to defeat an opponent is to know which way he's going to move before he does. Sheppard's body language indicates he's deeply unhappy about something.
'Everyone seems to be talking about him. He's been acting...nice.'
'And that's a problem?'
Sheppard shakes his head. 'It's just strange. Strange for McKay, anyway.'
They split up and Ronon considers the conversation for a minute before heading off to spar.
'It's not working,' McKay complains, lunging forward and stumbling; he's getting marginally better. Ronon thinks that he might actually win if his opponent stays really, really still.
'Give it time,' Ronon replies, cuffing him in the back of the head. 'You need to keep it up for at least a week.'
*
'Sheppard,' McKay says stiffly when they run into each other outside Sheppard's quarters. Ronon draws back and listens in. 'How are you?'
Sheppard looks puzzled. 'Fine, Rodney. What's going on with you?'
'I am not sure what you are talking about, Colonel.'
'There, that right there.' Sheppard points. 'You're even talking funny. Are you sick?'
'No, of course not, but thank you for the inquiry.' Sweating heavily now, McKay marches down the hall and runs into Ronon. 'God! Do you have any idea how hard this is? Miko almost blew a hole in the space-time continuum this morning! I had to smile and pat her on the back while she sobbed into my shoulder. And now Sheppard thinks I'm mentally ill! Maybe I am, maybe I'm having a stroke from being nice all the time!'
'Hang in there, McKay,' Ronon replies, patting him on the shoulder. 'Just a few more days.'
'Well,' says McKay, deflating, 'I guess it's a step up from being ignored...'
*
McKay stays nice for six days, and Ronon starts to worry that he really is having a stroke. By the sixth day he's basically stopped talking altogether, and while Zelenka seems to be getting a lot more work done, Ronon finds the silent McKay very boring.
'Sheppard,' he says, pulling the colonel away from the control room. 'Go talk to McKay.'
'What? Why? What's wrong?'
The undercurrent of panic is all Ronon needs to know he can't let this go any further.
'Just trust me.'
So Sheppard shrugs and wanders off to the lab. Ronon pauses, and then follows, just to see how it unfolds.
'Okay, McKay, cards on the table. What's gotten into you lately?'
McKay looks up from his computer, a manic grin plastered across his face. 'I don't know what you are talking about, Colonel.'
'Cut that out, you're starting to scare me.' Sheppard shakes his head. 'You're scaring everyone with this nice guy act.'
McKay's jaw drops. 'But I thought - Ronon said -'
Sheppard's brow furrows. 'You're taking advice from Ronon? Seriously?'
'I just wanted you to stop being mad at me,' McKay whispers, and drops his gaze. Sheppard starts laughing. 'It's not funny!'
'Rodney, I was never mad at you!'
McKay's head snaps up so fast Ronon's sure he broke his neck. 'But, I thought - Ronon thought - I'm mean!'
Sheppard laughs so hard he starts to wheeze. 'Rodney, what are you talking about?'
'I'm mean, and that's why you wouldn't eat lunch with me, so Ronon and Radek told me to be nicer to people and then you'd forgive me.'
Ronon starts to worry that Sheppard's going to break a rib.
'Are we in elementary school or something? Rodney, I happen to like you just the way you are, even when you're mean. It keeps things interesting. The only reason I didn't eat lunch with you is because I had to talk to Dr. Cole about one of the Marines and I know how you feel about her.'
'You ignored me at dinner, too.'
Sheppard turns an interesting shade of red. 'Well, I thought we agreed to keep...us private. I was trying not to be too obvious.'
'Good job,' Rodney sneers. 'You did such a good job that I spent the last six days being nice to people because I thought that's what you wanted. I gave Parrish my pudding!'
'Rodney, at least when you're mean, you're honest, and you don't mean any real harm by it. Everybody knows that. I like you just the way you are, you don't have to change for me.'
'That, Colonel, is ridiculously sappy and corny. You sound like a greeting card.'
Sheppard beams and leans forward, drawing Rodney into a kiss. Ronon, satisfied, walks away.
*
Elizabeth finds him later that night and tells him that Rodney called Simpson a disgrace to the scientific communities of two galaxies, after stealing the last bowl of Jello from right under Parrish's nose.
'I told you, even you couldn't keep Rodney from berating people for an entire week. So, are you going to keep your end of the bet? Will you teach me to fight?'
Ronon smiles. He's pretty sure this was a win-win situation.
Author: icantfollow
Pairing/Fandom: John/Rodney (SGA)
Rating: G
Summary: Ronon observes as Rodney tries to go an entire week without insulting anyone.
Prompt: Speak only well of people and you need never whisper.
'You know, McKay,' Ronon says between bites, 'we had a saying back on Sateda. "Speak only well of people and you need never whisper."'
McKay scowls and tries to pretend he's not staring at the back of Sheppard's head from several seats away.
'That sounds like the sentimental garbage Teyla's always spewing,' he snaps and spears a carrot on the end of his fork like it's personally offended him. 'Not something I'd expect to hear out of your mouth.'
'Actually, Rodney,' says Zelenka, who sits across from them and also notices McKay's complete failure at stealth when it comes to Sheppard, 'that sounds a lot like one of our Earth sayings. You know, "If you cannot say anything nice, do not say anything at all."'
'Please,' McKay snorts, 'if I did that I'd never say anything.'
'And what a tragedy that would be,' murmurs Zelenka, pushing his glasses up his nose. He pauses. 'I believe what Ronon is suggesting, is that if you were perhaps to curb your tongue occasionally, you might find certain people in a better mood with you.'
Once he leaves the mess, McKay looks at Ronon. 'Why can't that guy just speak English?'
Ronon shrugs and swallows. 'Just try being nice, McKay. Maybe then he won't be mad at you.'
McKay flushes and starts attacking his potatoes. 'Who?'
Ronon doesn't bother to answer, just fixes McKay with a look and finishes his lunch.
*
Everyone notices, and some people even comment on it. Rodney McKay is actually being nice. The whole day, he doesn't drive anyone to tears, makes no comment about his staff's inferior intelligence, and spends voluntary time with the softer sciences without making snide comments.
Most people assume he's ill, some think he's possessed by an alien with manners.
Ronon thinks it's pretty funny.
'Here, Parrish,' McKay says at dinner through gritted teeth, 'please, have the last bowl of pudding. I insist.'
'Uh, thanks, Dr. McKay,' says the bewildered botanist, exchanging a look with Major Lorne.
'Don't mention it,' growls McKay. Ronon tries not to grin. It gets harder when McKay's gaze wanders over to Sheppard's table. The colonel is the only one not paying McKay the slightest bit of attention - he's deep in conversation with the attractive Dr. Cole.
But Ronon's amusement fades when McKay's face falls and he spends the rest of the meal in silence.
*
'Hey, you're still teaching Rodney how to fight, right?' Sheppard asks as he catches up to Ronon in the halls.
'Yeah, so?'
'So, has he seemed weird to you lately?'
Ronon shrugs. 'Not any weirder than usual. Why?'
Sheppard sounds casual, but Ronon has learned a lot about body language over the years; the only way to defeat an opponent is to know which way he's going to move before he does. Sheppard's body language indicates he's deeply unhappy about something.
'Everyone seems to be talking about him. He's been acting...nice.'
'And that's a problem?'
Sheppard shakes his head. 'It's just strange. Strange for McKay, anyway.'
They split up and Ronon considers the conversation for a minute before heading off to spar.
'It's not working,' McKay complains, lunging forward and stumbling; he's getting marginally better. Ronon thinks that he might actually win if his opponent stays really, really still.
'Give it time,' Ronon replies, cuffing him in the back of the head. 'You need to keep it up for at least a week.'
*
'Sheppard,' McKay says stiffly when they run into each other outside Sheppard's quarters. Ronon draws back and listens in. 'How are you?'
Sheppard looks puzzled. 'Fine, Rodney. What's going on with you?'
'I am not sure what you are talking about, Colonel.'
'There, that right there.' Sheppard points. 'You're even talking funny. Are you sick?'
'No, of course not, but thank you for the inquiry.' Sweating heavily now, McKay marches down the hall and runs into Ronon. 'God! Do you have any idea how hard this is? Miko almost blew a hole in the space-time continuum this morning! I had to smile and pat her on the back while she sobbed into my shoulder. And now Sheppard thinks I'm mentally ill! Maybe I am, maybe I'm having a stroke from being nice all the time!'
'Hang in there, McKay,' Ronon replies, patting him on the shoulder. 'Just a few more days.'
'Well,' says McKay, deflating, 'I guess it's a step up from being ignored...'
*
McKay stays nice for six days, and Ronon starts to worry that he really is having a stroke. By the sixth day he's basically stopped talking altogether, and while Zelenka seems to be getting a lot more work done, Ronon finds the silent McKay very boring.
'Sheppard,' he says, pulling the colonel away from the control room. 'Go talk to McKay.'
'What? Why? What's wrong?'
The undercurrent of panic is all Ronon needs to know he can't let this go any further.
'Just trust me.'
So Sheppard shrugs and wanders off to the lab. Ronon pauses, and then follows, just to see how it unfolds.
'Okay, McKay, cards on the table. What's gotten into you lately?'
McKay looks up from his computer, a manic grin plastered across his face. 'I don't know what you are talking about, Colonel.'
'Cut that out, you're starting to scare me.' Sheppard shakes his head. 'You're scaring everyone with this nice guy act.'
McKay's jaw drops. 'But I thought - Ronon said -'
Sheppard's brow furrows. 'You're taking advice from Ronon? Seriously?'
'I just wanted you to stop being mad at me,' McKay whispers, and drops his gaze. Sheppard starts laughing. 'It's not funny!'
'Rodney, I was never mad at you!'
McKay's head snaps up so fast Ronon's sure he broke his neck. 'But, I thought - Ronon thought - I'm mean!'
Sheppard laughs so hard he starts to wheeze. 'Rodney, what are you talking about?'
'I'm mean, and that's why you wouldn't eat lunch with me, so Ronon and Radek told me to be nicer to people and then you'd forgive me.'
Ronon starts to worry that Sheppard's going to break a rib.
'Are we in elementary school or something? Rodney, I happen to like you just the way you are, even when you're mean. It keeps things interesting. The only reason I didn't eat lunch with you is because I had to talk to Dr. Cole about one of the Marines and I know how you feel about her.'
'You ignored me at dinner, too.'
Sheppard turns an interesting shade of red. 'Well, I thought we agreed to keep...us private. I was trying not to be too obvious.'
'Good job,' Rodney sneers. 'You did such a good job that I spent the last six days being nice to people because I thought that's what you wanted. I gave Parrish my pudding!'
'Rodney, at least when you're mean, you're honest, and you don't mean any real harm by it. Everybody knows that. I like you just the way you are, you don't have to change for me.'
'That, Colonel, is ridiculously sappy and corny. You sound like a greeting card.'
Sheppard beams and leans forward, drawing Rodney into a kiss. Ronon, satisfied, walks away.
*
Elizabeth finds him later that night and tells him that Rodney called Simpson a disgrace to the scientific communities of two galaxies, after stealing the last bowl of Jello from right under Parrish's nose.
'I told you, even you couldn't keep Rodney from berating people for an entire week. So, are you going to keep your end of the bet? Will you teach me to fight?'
Ronon smiles. He's pretty sure this was a win-win situation.