Probing for Weaknesses
I think the Skydiver has adopted a new tactic. He is going to try different creative approaches to get me into bed. Last Monday it was the intimacy approach--me being in his house, snuggling on the couch to watch a movie or (as it turned out) in bed for a nap. I think he hoped it would feel like he was my boyfriend and I would accidentally have sex with him.
It didn't work so on Sunday it was a new technique. We talked on the phone and Thursday or so and he asked me out for Sunday (we *still* haven't had a Saturday date, grr). I suggested the zoo, but he countered with the Holocaust Museum. Although it opened several years ago, I still hadn't been. Basically, I'd been in a pretty deep depression and just did not have the emotional facility to deal with it. I didn't explain that to him, of course, and I have been feeling tons and tons and TONS better the past 6 or 8 months. Better enough that I decided if it gets bad again I'll give the meds another shot, because I truly had forgotten what it felt like to feel good and now that I *do* remember I realize it's worth dealing with meds not to hate myself every second of every day.
Anyway, somehow we had gotten to discussing the museum sometimes previously and realized neither of us had been so that was his suggestion. I was pretty surprised, until I conjectured about his new strategy. He was going to either (1) get me really sad and vulnerable, or (2) get me to realize that life is fleeting and we must grasp it (and his penis) while we can. I would make a great conspiracy theorist.
He wanted to meet at 10:30 (?-so early!) but I begged off until 11 so I could go to the farmer's market. He called me right on time around 10:15 to confirm we were still on. I said yes, but maybe closer to 11:30? He was fine with that. I said I could meet him there or he could pick me up. He said he'd pick me up. Nice.
I got in the car and he just looked so cute! I don't even know what it was, he just looked cute. I kissed him. We headed downtown and parked by the tidal basin. It was a beautiful sunny fall day, a little chilly. He's a great museum companion, and that museum is quite the test of the museum companion. He was respectful, read the signs, spent the time to take everything in, and didn't try to talk or laugh or lighten the mood. The museum is well done but very dense and we were in it for over three hours. It was sobering and heartbreaking, but not as devastating as I had feared all those years and I'm really glad I finally went.
When we left he asked me if I was hungry, so I asked him if he was hungry and it turned out the answer was very. All he'd eaten all day were some graham crackers and it was after 3. The Holocaust Museum has a little cafe, but I said I'd heard great things about the cafe at the Museum of the American Indian (it's called Mitsitam). It is all the way on the other end of the Mall and I wasn't sure he was going to make it. I usually have a snack in my purse but all I had were some sugar free mints. The cafe is set up with five or six different stations representing different regions of cooking. I got crabapple-pumpkin soup and brussels sprouts. He paid for lunch (again, nice) and we ate by the window. We were one of those cute couples that I send ice daggers toward when I see them out in public, talking and laughing and enjoying each others' company.
He drove me home and we sat in the car making out for a while. One of my neighbors came home and I really hoped he hadn't seen me making out in a car. The Skydiver joked that I was about to go do some naked sewing (well, is it a joke if it's true?) and asked to join me. I told him he could do some fully clothed sewing with me. We went upstairs and made out standing up for nearly an hour. I wanted to go to the bed, or at least the couch, but I didn't want to lead him and he wasn't moving so I stuck it out. Then my neighbor knocked; she had made butternut squash soup and brought me some, and then got another bowl for him. She met him so she can attest to his existence (and cuteness).
I folded my cutting mat up off half the table and started moving a chair, but he said we could share a chair. So then we made out in the chair for another couple hours. He is hilariously and adorably optimistic, and kept asking for the sex. I kept saying no. I don't know if it's a fun game to him, but it's fun for me.
At 8:30 I kicked him out. He asked if he was going to see me before I leave for Germany on Friday. I said I had plans Thursday. He didn't pursue it any further, which was a little bit of a bummer. I would like to see him when I get back; my plane lands in the early afternoon on Sunday. But I don't know if I should suggest it to him or not. Even if I see him that Sunday, it will be two weeks. I fear he will forget about me.
It was a really nice time. He is funny and smart. Something about him makes me pull out my SAT vocabulary words. I think it's my subconscious trying to scare him away. But he seems to know what they all mean and doesn't act scared.
It didn't work so on Sunday it was a new technique. We talked on the phone and Thursday or so and he asked me out for Sunday (we *still* haven't had a Saturday date, grr). I suggested the zoo, but he countered with the Holocaust Museum. Although it opened several years ago, I still hadn't been. Basically, I'd been in a pretty deep depression and just did not have the emotional facility to deal with it. I didn't explain that to him, of course, and I have been feeling tons and tons and TONS better the past 6 or 8 months. Better enough that I decided if it gets bad again I'll give the meds another shot, because I truly had forgotten what it felt like to feel good and now that I *do* remember I realize it's worth dealing with meds not to hate myself every second of every day.
Anyway, somehow we had gotten to discussing the museum sometimes previously and realized neither of us had been so that was his suggestion. I was pretty surprised, until I conjectured about his new strategy. He was going to either (1) get me really sad and vulnerable, or (2) get me to realize that life is fleeting and we must grasp it (and his penis) while we can. I would make a great conspiracy theorist.
He wanted to meet at 10:30 (?-so early!) but I begged off until 11 so I could go to the farmer's market. He called me right on time around 10:15 to confirm we were still on. I said yes, but maybe closer to 11:30? He was fine with that. I said I could meet him there or he could pick me up. He said he'd pick me up. Nice.
I got in the car and he just looked so cute! I don't even know what it was, he just looked cute. I kissed him. We headed downtown and parked by the tidal basin. It was a beautiful sunny fall day, a little chilly. He's a great museum companion, and that museum is quite the test of the museum companion. He was respectful, read the signs, spent the time to take everything in, and didn't try to talk or laugh or lighten the mood. The museum is well done but very dense and we were in it for over three hours. It was sobering and heartbreaking, but not as devastating as I had feared all those years and I'm really glad I finally went.
When we left he asked me if I was hungry, so I asked him if he was hungry and it turned out the answer was very. All he'd eaten all day were some graham crackers and it was after 3. The Holocaust Museum has a little cafe, but I said I'd heard great things about the cafe at the Museum of the American Indian (it's called Mitsitam). It is all the way on the other end of the Mall and I wasn't sure he was going to make it. I usually have a snack in my purse but all I had were some sugar free mints. The cafe is set up with five or six different stations representing different regions of cooking. I got crabapple-pumpkin soup and brussels sprouts. He paid for lunch (again, nice) and we ate by the window. We were one of those cute couples that I send ice daggers toward when I see them out in public, talking and laughing and enjoying each others' company.
He drove me home and we sat in the car making out for a while. One of my neighbors came home and I really hoped he hadn't seen me making out in a car. The Skydiver joked that I was about to go do some naked sewing (well, is it a joke if it's true?) and asked to join me. I told him he could do some fully clothed sewing with me. We went upstairs and made out standing up for nearly an hour. I wanted to go to the bed, or at least the couch, but I didn't want to lead him and he wasn't moving so I stuck it out. Then my neighbor knocked; she had made butternut squash soup and brought me some, and then got another bowl for him. She met him so she can attest to his existence (and cuteness).
I folded my cutting mat up off half the table and started moving a chair, but he said we could share a chair. So then we made out in the chair for another couple hours. He is hilariously and adorably optimistic, and kept asking for the sex. I kept saying no. I don't know if it's a fun game to him, but it's fun for me.
At 8:30 I kicked him out. He asked if he was going to see me before I leave for Germany on Friday. I said I had plans Thursday. He didn't pursue it any further, which was a little bit of a bummer. I would like to see him when I get back; my plane lands in the early afternoon on Sunday. But I don't know if I should suggest it to him or not. Even if I see him that Sunday, it will be two weeks. I fear he will forget about me.
It was a really nice time. He is funny and smart. Something about him makes me pull out my SAT vocabulary words. I think it's my subconscious trying to scare him away. But he seems to know what they all mean and doesn't act scared.