Last Date with the Vermonter
So, I figured I'd go out on one last date with the Vermonter. Two data points were not really enough; with one good and one mediocre date I needed a third to break the tie. I emailed him Friday-ish (after we'd gone out the previous Sunday, so I let quite a bit of time elapse) asking if he wanted to go to Vegetate on Tuesday. He took his own sweet time responding (totally fair, considering how long I waited) and said he had a happy hour on Tuesday. He didn't propose an alternate day, which led me to believe he was in the same place as me, so I said Wednesday and we met up last night.
I'm just not feeling it. He's really nice and is even cute (he's a freak about running and biking so he's in great shape), but he's a little too awkward for me. You know that thing where the flaws in other people that most irritate you are ... your own? That's him.
He said, "I'm starting a business."
I said, "Wow." I thought, "Um, didn't you *just* start your career as a lawyer two weeks ago? You might want to concentrate on that."
He said, "Yeah, at work we have laptops, and then a docking station and screen. But it's really slow to switch between email and other programs. You have to find the icon and everything. So I set my station up so email is on the laptop screen and whatever I'm working on is on the big docking station screen. Everyone at work was really interested, so I set up like 30 people with this."
Me: "Wow." My thoughts: "I think IT will do that. I don't think you can set up a consulting business to configure people's work computers."
Him: "Yeah. And then my boss? He has like this windowscreen thing on his cubicle that he can pull across when he doesn't want to be disturbed. It doesn't shut out the noise or anything, but people won't interrupt him when it's up. I mean, they can still get his attention by knocking or whatever. But it increases his productivity."
Me: "Wow." My thoughts: "But this screen has already been invented? I don't understand what's going on here."
Him: "So then I started googling what else people can do to increase their productivity. Apparently having a plant in your space increases productivity by 33%!"
Me: "Well, I really like my plant."
Him: "So I'm going to start a business selling a plant kit to people for their desks. It will have a little bag of soil and a planter and seeds and a little watering can with tubes coming from it. And when you're gone you can just fill up the watering can and the tubes will water your plant. And there will be little scissors for trimming the plant."
Me: "Well that sounds nice. You can start by experimenting to see what will grow in your cubicle."
Him: "Yeah. And I will also sell special fluorescent grow lights that people can put into the light fixtures above their cubicles instead of their regular fluorescent lights."
At this point I had to stop the madness and point out that, (1) This would present a shipping hurdle, (2) I really don't think that building maintenance is going to allow people to change out their flourescent lights, and (3) even if they will, there are a large variety of sizes and specs for light fixtures.
He was like, "No problem! I'll just have them look at the side of the light fixture and figure out what kind of tube it takes. And then when I build up a client base at a particular company I'll be able create a drop down on the screen so the people taking orders will say, 'OK, you're at X company? You probably have Y kind of light fixture.'"
It was like being on an infomercial. I totally go through manias of my own. Totally. There was the life coach thing, and the stylist thing, and all kinds of other stuff. But in another person it's totally annoying! I can't be all supportive of hare-brained scheme after hare-brained scheme.
Also, he talks some about money. I don't like this. He is doing an all night relay race this Friday on the team of a friend of a friend because somebody else on the team dropped out. I think this sounds great for him because it will let him meet new people. He was like, "Normally it costs $100 per person to participate. But I get to do it for free because somebody dropped out." I don't know why that bothers me, but it does. I am frugal but in the very enviable position of not having to worry about money, so I see no reason ever to mention it.
And finally, there was this strange exchange. I don't know what to make of it. Like he doesn't get similes, metaphors, or empathy? It was just really weird.
Him: At this happy hour last night there was a speaker who is doing real ground level work on global warming. It made me a little frustrated because my work is somewhat removed [he works in hazardous waste law].
Me: I understand what you're saying. I just read "Three Cups of Tea" and it was really inspiring and humbling to read about someone who is out there building schools in Pakistan. I sometimes also feel that my job isn't really helping anybody in a meaningful way.
Him: Global warming is way more important than schools.
Me: ?????? I wasn't arguing the merits. Just saying that I relate to feeling frustrated about your job.
Him: Those educated kids will die like the rest of us when the earth melts.
Me: ...
I'm relating only the juicy bits here. On the whole he is a totally upstanding person, just not for me. I thought we had a pretty good understanding of that, but he kept touching my arm. I paid and gave him a noticeably chaste hug at the end. I was at my neighbor's watching Project Runway and he called. He left a hangup on my answering machine (which means he hung on the line for several seconds) and didn't email. Weird. I don't know what he intended to say.
I am feeling good about this experience. I made it to three dates with someone without feeling: angst, bitterness, anger, depression, or nausea. You may recall the last time I made it to three dates was with the 12 1/2% percent tipper almost a year and a half ago, and that involved all of the above. [Maybe I made it to three dates with Cute Boy Texas Clerk, but I was uncertain if some of the earlier ones were dates or gal pals.] I do not think the Vermonter is a fundamentally flawed human being, he's just not for me.
I do not find it any comfort to meet someone who I like and then not have it go anywhere. It doesn't make me think there are more out there, it just makes me think that there is one less out there. But this experience did give me comfort, for some reason.
===================================
I am supposed to see the Skydiver tomorrow. We are supposed to go rock climbing. I haven't heard from him this week while he's in San Diego. We hadn't done any between-date communications before but it's still making me antsy. I have a bad feeling it won't happen and I'll never see him again. I was forthright in giving him the impression he is pretty much guaranteed to get laid, so it would be dumb of him to abandon his post now, but it's been done before.
I have to get rock climbing shoes for tomorrow. Any time I spend money in anticipation of seeing a guy again it doesn't happen. I thought of buying the shoes and then returning them if it doesn't happen, as a hedge against that hex. But the cheapest ones on the REI website are $80, and if we *did* go then I don't know as I want to spend $80 on rock-climbing shoes. Renting them is $10/day. But that is money that is definitely spent regardless of whether the date happens, so that increases the possibility of jinx. Plus, it's supposed to be rainy tomorrow.
If I do see him (fat chance) I am now waffling on whether to sleep with him. Maybe I want him to be my boyfriend and should wait.
So many decisions to make.
I'm just not feeling it. He's really nice and is even cute (he's a freak about running and biking so he's in great shape), but he's a little too awkward for me. You know that thing where the flaws in other people that most irritate you are ... your own? That's him.
He said, "I'm starting a business."
I said, "Wow." I thought, "Um, didn't you *just* start your career as a lawyer two weeks ago? You might want to concentrate on that."
He said, "Yeah, at work we have laptops, and then a docking station and screen. But it's really slow to switch between email and other programs. You have to find the icon and everything. So I set my station up so email is on the laptop screen and whatever I'm working on is on the big docking station screen. Everyone at work was really interested, so I set up like 30 people with this."
Me: "Wow." My thoughts: "I think IT will do that. I don't think you can set up a consulting business to configure people's work computers."
Him: "Yeah. And then my boss? He has like this windowscreen thing on his cubicle that he can pull across when he doesn't want to be disturbed. It doesn't shut out the noise or anything, but people won't interrupt him when it's up. I mean, they can still get his attention by knocking or whatever. But it increases his productivity."
Me: "Wow." My thoughts: "But this screen has already been invented? I don't understand what's going on here."
Him: "So then I started googling what else people can do to increase their productivity. Apparently having a plant in your space increases productivity by 33%!"
Me: "Well, I really like my plant."
Him: "So I'm going to start a business selling a plant kit to people for their desks. It will have a little bag of soil and a planter and seeds and a little watering can with tubes coming from it. And when you're gone you can just fill up the watering can and the tubes will water your plant. And there will be little scissors for trimming the plant."
Me: "Well that sounds nice. You can start by experimenting to see what will grow in your cubicle."
Him: "Yeah. And I will also sell special fluorescent grow lights that people can put into the light fixtures above their cubicles instead of their regular fluorescent lights."
At this point I had to stop the madness and point out that, (1) This would present a shipping hurdle, (2) I really don't think that building maintenance is going to allow people to change out their flourescent lights, and (3) even if they will, there are a large variety of sizes and specs for light fixtures.
He was like, "No problem! I'll just have them look at the side of the light fixture and figure out what kind of tube it takes. And then when I build up a client base at a particular company I'll be able create a drop down on the screen so the people taking orders will say, 'OK, you're at X company? You probably have Y kind of light fixture.'"
It was like being on an infomercial. I totally go through manias of my own. Totally. There was the life coach thing, and the stylist thing, and all kinds of other stuff. But in another person it's totally annoying! I can't be all supportive of hare-brained scheme after hare-brained scheme.
Also, he talks some about money. I don't like this. He is doing an all night relay race this Friday on the team of a friend of a friend because somebody else on the team dropped out. I think this sounds great for him because it will let him meet new people. He was like, "Normally it costs $100 per person to participate. But I get to do it for free because somebody dropped out." I don't know why that bothers me, but it does. I am frugal but in the very enviable position of not having to worry about money, so I see no reason ever to mention it.
And finally, there was this strange exchange. I don't know what to make of it. Like he doesn't get similes, metaphors, or empathy? It was just really weird.
Him: At this happy hour last night there was a speaker who is doing real ground level work on global warming. It made me a little frustrated because my work is somewhat removed [he works in hazardous waste law].
Me: I understand what you're saying. I just read "Three Cups of Tea" and it was really inspiring and humbling to read about someone who is out there building schools in Pakistan. I sometimes also feel that my job isn't really helping anybody in a meaningful way.
Him: Global warming is way more important than schools.
Me: ?????? I wasn't arguing the merits. Just saying that I relate to feeling frustrated about your job.
Him: Those educated kids will die like the rest of us when the earth melts.
Me: ...
I'm relating only the juicy bits here. On the whole he is a totally upstanding person, just not for me. I thought we had a pretty good understanding of that, but he kept touching my arm. I paid and gave him a noticeably chaste hug at the end. I was at my neighbor's watching Project Runway and he called. He left a hangup on my answering machine (which means he hung on the line for several seconds) and didn't email. Weird. I don't know what he intended to say.
I am feeling good about this experience. I made it to three dates with someone without feeling: angst, bitterness, anger, depression, or nausea. You may recall the last time I made it to three dates was with the 12 1/2% percent tipper almost a year and a half ago, and that involved all of the above. [Maybe I made it to three dates with Cute Boy Texas Clerk, but I was uncertain if some of the earlier ones were dates or gal pals.] I do not think the Vermonter is a fundamentally flawed human being, he's just not for me.
I do not find it any comfort to meet someone who I like and then not have it go anywhere. It doesn't make me think there are more out there, it just makes me think that there is one less out there. But this experience did give me comfort, for some reason.
===================================
I am supposed to see the Skydiver tomorrow. We are supposed to go rock climbing. I haven't heard from him this week while he's in San Diego. We hadn't done any between-date communications before but it's still making me antsy. I have a bad feeling it won't happen and I'll never see him again. I was forthright in giving him the impression he is pretty much guaranteed to get laid, so it would be dumb of him to abandon his post now, but it's been done before.
I have to get rock climbing shoes for tomorrow. Any time I spend money in anticipation of seeing a guy again it doesn't happen. I thought of buying the shoes and then returning them if it doesn't happen, as a hedge against that hex. But the cheapest ones on the REI website are $80, and if we *did* go then I don't know as I want to spend $80 on rock-climbing shoes. Renting them is $10/day. But that is money that is definitely spent regardless of whether the date happens, so that increases the possibility of jinx. Plus, it's supposed to be rainy tomorrow.
If I do see him (fat chance) I am now waffling on whether to sleep with him. Maybe I want him to be my boyfriend and should wait.
So many decisions to make.