The Rubicon (NC-17)
Title: The Rubicon
Author: SGAtlantisLight
Characters: McKay, Sheppard, Beckett, Zelenka, Kavanaugh, Lorne, Parrish, Cadman, Brown, Heightmeyer
Relationships: McKay/Sheppard, Zelenka/Beckett, Lorne/Cadman/Parrish/Brown
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Angst, some fluff, some smut
Spoilers: None
Summary: Part 51 of the Broken Series
Disclaimer: The characters, the setting, etc. are NOT mine, even if I wish they were.
John leaned against the wall, panting. He felt pleasantly loose and worn out from his run. He took a long, slow swallow from his water bottle, thinking about his plans, such as they were, for the rest of the day. He'd shower, join Rodney for a late lunch, and then it was time for their appointment with Heightmeyer. He wasn't looking forward to that, the dragging out of his past and his feelings and all that horror.
He worked his shoulders, then stepped into the corridor to head back to his apartment. Something small collided with him. He stumbled back, windmilling for balance and lost the battle, taking the smaller figure down with him.
"You okay, buddy?" he asked, checking the slight boy for bruises.
Deyn's eyes were red, his face tear-streaked. He shoved at John and rolled away, escaping into a corner to collapse into a sulk.
John raised one eyebrow. "I don't suppose you want to talk about it?"
Deyn gave him a glare that made John think all too much of Rodney's "You've got to be kidding me" look.
"I guess that's a no. Should I call Kav-- er, your dad?"
Deyn shook his head and then suddenly burst into tears.
John couldn't help the misgivings that seemed to swell within him. He hit his radio. "Sheppard to Kavanaugh."
"Kavanaugh here. What is it, Colonel?"
"I've got Deyn here and he's in a bit of state. Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine," the scientist answered, sounding both tired and relieved. "We just had a bit of a scare. Where are you?"
"Corridor N-19, near the science storage."
"I'll be there shortly," Kavanaugh answered.
John clicked off and went and sat down in front of Deyn. "Your dad'll be here in a minute."
Relief flooded Deyn's dark eyes as he nodded.
John fingered the odd patterns on the wall, tracing the shapes. "You thought you'd hurt him, didn't you?"
Deyn looked at him guiltily.
"Kind of scary, isn't it?"
The boy nodded, then reached out and traced a finger over the bandages on his hand.
"You can't help with that, even if you were allowed to," John said.
Deyn's eyes met his, frighteningly old and knowing for a child of his age. There was regret and a hint of guilt in them. He nodded.
"It's okay," John reassured him. "I was going to have to deal with this sometime. Better to deal with it now than in the middle of a wraith attack, I suppose."
"Deyn!" Kavanaugh called, heading down the hallway toward them, dropping to his knees. "Are you okay?"
The boy studied the man who had come to be father to him, eyes sweeping over his face and body, slowly relaxing. He smiled and held out his hands to Kavanaugh.
"Good boy! Come on. I don't know about you, but I think it's time I got an afternoon nap. Does that sound good?"
Deyn smiled and nodded as they both stood. Kavanaugh nodded to John. "Thank you, Colonel."
***
Lorne rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to fight off a headache as he looked over the duty roster for tomorrow. How Laura had managed to talk his CO into this whole kidnapping scheme he would never know. But now he needed to come up with someone to help and a couple of them needed to actually be on duty...
Okay, so he hadn't been thinking about the possible danger of having all the guys on duty be from The Table, as it had come to be called in his mind, complete with capitals.
He was going to have to go with his instincts on this one. He penciled in Dutcher and Santos to work outside the Gate Room.
***
"John, give me your arm," Heightmeyer said.
He held out his left arm, his right hand still curled in Rodney's. She gently touched the center of his palm over the bandages. "Why are you bleeding, John?"
His breath hitched.
"You're safe. You can be honest here. Tell me."
"It marks me-- what I am, what I've done."
"What have you done, John?"
"Betrayed her trust."
"How old were you when you knew what was going on?" she asked gently.
"Twelve," he answered.
"Do you think it was a fair thing for her to be laying on a twelve-year-old boy?"
"She was lonely."
"And so were you. You missed your father. You wanted him home." She looked at him, grey-blue eyes meeting green-hazel ones. "You understood her loneliness because it was yours as well. But just because you understand and can empathise doesn't make what she did right, John. Your mother doesn't need to be a saint for you to love her."
John shook his head. "She didn't deserve what happened to her. And he... he was a kid..."
"No. They neither one deserved to die, but decisions were made, actions were taken, and it happened. Some of those actions were yours, but you are no more responsible for your father's choice than you are responsible for hers."
"I should have been a better son... taken better care of her..."
"Oh, for God's sake," Rodney muttered.
Both John and Heightmeyer looked at him. "Did you have something you needed to say, Rodney?" she asked.
"Um. No. Not really."
John's eyes narrowed. "You do. So spill it, Rodney. Remember, we're in a safe place and you can be honest here."
Rodney glared at John when he used Heightmeyer's words. "Okay, you want honesty? You were a kid. She put you in a horrible position of having to decide between your love for her or for him."
"She was lone--"
"She was a slut."
Instantly, John was on his feet, yanking Rodney out of his chair, one hand gripping his shirt front while the other drew back in a fist.
***
Carson and Radek stepped into the botany lab. Katie Brown looked up from where she was filling a tray with potting soil. "Hi! Come on in. Dave left your things here. Just a minute."
"Where is Dr. Parrish?" Carson asked.
"Oh, he spilled coffee on his pants and went to change." She walked to a refrigerator and pulled out two boxes. "White heather for Dr. Beckett," she said, opening the box to reveal a boutonniere, "and rosemary for Dr. Zelenka, with baby's breath and miniature roses for both of you."
Radek drew his out of the box. "This is very good work. Dr. Parrish did this?"
"He worked at a florist's while putting himself through college," Katie answered.
"Well, tell him thank you for us," Carson said as Radek placed his boutonniere back in the box.
Her eyes grew distant and she held up her hand and then clicked her radio. "Brown here. What is it, David?" She gave the two men an apologetic smile, then frowned. "What? You're not... What? Sweetie, you're not making any sense... All... All right, I'll be there. Just give me a minute."
She clicked off and looked at the two worriedly.
"Trouble?" Radek asked.
"I... I don't think so. But I guess I'd better go check."
"Well, we're done here anyway," Carson said. "Call me if there's a problem."
Brown nodded and headed out the lab door. Carson watched her worriedly for a second, then a moment of revelation seemed to occur to him and he smiled.
"What?" Radek asked.
"I'm sorry, love. I can't tell ye. Doctor-patient confidentiality and all."
"I see."
"Well, we ought to be getting back to work, I suppose. Can you drop these by the apartment?"
"Of course, milácku."
Carson reached out and cupped Radek's jaw, gently guiding him forward for a kiss. Their bodies seemed to naturally fit together, arms slipping around the other as they slowly explored the other's mouth.
"Ah, God!" Carson exclaimed as they parted to catch their breath. "I'm not sure I can wait for our wedding night. It's been such sweet agony having you so close."
Radek nodded, kissing him again, hands sliding into his hair. "We could just say it was bad decision," he suggested when they once again pulled apart.
"Mmhm. We could." Carson said, tipping his head back as Radek's mouth ghosted over his throat. "But I wanted our wedding night to be special."
"It will be," Radek answered, fighting the urge to bite or suck and mark his lover's throat.
Carson grabbed his shoulders and pulled away, sighing. "We need to stop, love."
Radek nodded and kissed him lightly. "Soon enough."
***
"John!" Heightmeyer yelled.
But what froze him was the look in Rodney's eyes, the lift of his chin, the question in his eyes. John stood on the edge of violence and collapse. "Take it back," he seethed.
Rodney shook his head. "We've been pussyfooting around this long enough. She hurt you, John. She may not have meant to, but she did. She was selfish and she hurt you. You can keep pretending she was a saint and punch my lights out for saying otherwise. I can handle it, though you and I both know what happens if you hurt me."
John shuddered. "You promised you wouldn't let me."
Rodney nodded. "Or you can acknowledge that she was human, that she hurt you, that you still love her. You can forgive her and move on, John, and stop being the whipping boy for a mother who's been dead over twenty years. It's your choice. Just like it was her choice. Just like it was his choice. Stop, John. Just stop."
They stood in a silent tableau, frozen, while John teetered on the razor's edge.
"It's your choice, John," Heightmeyer finally said quietly.
He lowered his fist and reached out, grabbing Rodney's shirt and yanking him forward. "Sometimes I hate you," he said, but there was forgiveness in his eyes.
Rodney deflated, slipping his arms around John's waist. "I'm sorry. She wasn't a slut. I just needed you to see."
John nodded, but he was shaking in Rodney's arms.
"John?"
"How could she?" John said, anguish in his voice. "How could she do that to me? To him?"
"I don't know," Rodney answered, pulling him tight. John slipped his arms around his husband and leaned on him, letting it all go, letting Rodney be the strong one.
***
Lorne arrived first, breathless and panicked from worry over his teammate's babbled communication. "Dave? Dave! Where are you?" he yelled, walking through Parrish's apartment.
Dave stepped out of the bathroom, hair still dripping, a towel held in front of him, eyes huge as saucers. "Oh, thank God! Mark, I... I don't know what to do. It was just there all of a sudden and it won't go down."
The door slid open and Laura and Katie rushed into the room.
"What was there all of a sudden and won't go down?" Lorne demanded.
Dave lowered the towel.
"Oh, my God!" Laura exclaimed.
It was a testament to Laura's influence that Lorne's first action was to reach out and touch the revealed member, fingers running gently over it, marveling at the hardness of it under the soft, silky skin as Parrish gasped.
Katie stepped up beside Lorne, her eyes glued to his exploring hand. She made an odd sound in the back of her throat, like an animal too long deprived of food, then grabbed Lorne's shoulder and pushed, firmly enough to let him know she wanted him to move, but not roughly. Lorne stepped aside and she slipped past, one hand coming to rest on Parrish's chest while she tentatively touched his erection with the other. He shuddered and moaned.
"Oh, God! It is," she said. Then suddenly she was grabbing his arm and leading him past their friends and to his bed, practically throwing him down and then desperately shedding clothes.
"Oh, wow," Laura said as they stood in stunned stillness and watched Katie straddle her fellow botanist and slide down on him.
Laura started to move toward the bed, but Lorne stopped her with a touch and shook his head. "Not this time," he said quietly. "Let this just be the two of them."
***
Kavanaugh woke up from a strangely realistic wet dream and shook his head. Katie Brown wasn't usually his type, but, dear Lord, had she been hot! He slid from his bed and padded toward the shower, peeking briefly into Deyn's room. His adopted son was still asleep, but shifted restlessly and turned over, a strange smile ghosting over his lips before he drifted off to sleep again.
***
"Colonel, doctor, wait up a moment."
Rodney paused, grimacing. John's eyes were still red and puffy from their session with Heightmeyer and the last thing they needed was to deal with Caldwell right now. "What?!" he demanded in his best annoyed tone.
Caldwell gave them his 'I'm barely tolerating you' look, then forced an artificial smile. "I just came to give the lieutenant colonel his new dog tags."
Rodney blinked. "New dog tags?"
Caldwell's smile became even more forced. "A name change means new dog tags." He held out his hand, a chain with new, shiny tags dangling from it. "The chain is compliments of General O'Neill, since he thought you might have some... use for the old tags and chain. He asked that I deliver this personally."
John smiled, the pieces falling into place. "Thank you, sir. I'll be sure to thank General O'Neill for the thoughtfulness." He took the tags, then slipped his old chain and tags off, replacing it with the new. He then held out the old chain to Rodney. "Rodney, I think the general thought you might like these."
Rodney looked at his husband, reading the first line embossed on the new tags-- "Sheppard-McKay"-- then looked down at the tags that read "Sheppard" and took the proffered chain slipping it over his head, smiling down at the small metal pieces nestled against his heart.
Author: SGAtlantisLight
Characters: McKay, Sheppard, Beckett, Zelenka, Kavanaugh, Lorne, Parrish, Cadman, Brown, Heightmeyer
Relationships: McKay/Sheppard, Zelenka/Beckett, Lorne/Cadman/Parrish/Brown
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Angst, some fluff, some smut
Spoilers: None
Summary: Part 51 of the Broken Series
Disclaimer: The characters, the setting, etc. are NOT mine, even if I wish they were.
John leaned against the wall, panting. He felt pleasantly loose and worn out from his run. He took a long, slow swallow from his water bottle, thinking about his plans, such as they were, for the rest of the day. He'd shower, join Rodney for a late lunch, and then it was time for their appointment with Heightmeyer. He wasn't looking forward to that, the dragging out of his past and his feelings and all that horror.
He worked his shoulders, then stepped into the corridor to head back to his apartment. Something small collided with him. He stumbled back, windmilling for balance and lost the battle, taking the smaller figure down with him.
"You okay, buddy?" he asked, checking the slight boy for bruises.
Deyn's eyes were red, his face tear-streaked. He shoved at John and rolled away, escaping into a corner to collapse into a sulk.
John raised one eyebrow. "I don't suppose you want to talk about it?"
Deyn gave him a glare that made John think all too much of Rodney's "You've got to be kidding me" look.
"I guess that's a no. Should I call Kav-- er, your dad?"
Deyn shook his head and then suddenly burst into tears.
John couldn't help the misgivings that seemed to swell within him. He hit his radio. "Sheppard to Kavanaugh."
"Kavanaugh here. What is it, Colonel?"
"I've got Deyn here and he's in a bit of state. Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine," the scientist answered, sounding both tired and relieved. "We just had a bit of a scare. Where are you?"
"Corridor N-19, near the science storage."
"I'll be there shortly," Kavanaugh answered.
John clicked off and went and sat down in front of Deyn. "Your dad'll be here in a minute."
Relief flooded Deyn's dark eyes as he nodded.
John fingered the odd patterns on the wall, tracing the shapes. "You thought you'd hurt him, didn't you?"
Deyn looked at him guiltily.
"Kind of scary, isn't it?"
The boy nodded, then reached out and traced a finger over the bandages on his hand.
"You can't help with that, even if you were allowed to," John said.
Deyn's eyes met his, frighteningly old and knowing for a child of his age. There was regret and a hint of guilt in them. He nodded.
"It's okay," John reassured him. "I was going to have to deal with this sometime. Better to deal with it now than in the middle of a wraith attack, I suppose."
"Deyn!" Kavanaugh called, heading down the hallway toward them, dropping to his knees. "Are you okay?"
The boy studied the man who had come to be father to him, eyes sweeping over his face and body, slowly relaxing. He smiled and held out his hands to Kavanaugh.
"Good boy! Come on. I don't know about you, but I think it's time I got an afternoon nap. Does that sound good?"
Deyn smiled and nodded as they both stood. Kavanaugh nodded to John. "Thank you, Colonel."
***
Lorne rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to fight off a headache as he looked over the duty roster for tomorrow. How Laura had managed to talk his CO into this whole kidnapping scheme he would never know. But now he needed to come up with someone to help and a couple of them needed to actually be on duty...
Okay, so he hadn't been thinking about the possible danger of having all the guys on duty be from The Table, as it had come to be called in his mind, complete with capitals.
He was going to have to go with his instincts on this one. He penciled in Dutcher and Santos to work outside the Gate Room.
***
"John, give me your arm," Heightmeyer said.
He held out his left arm, his right hand still curled in Rodney's. She gently touched the center of his palm over the bandages. "Why are you bleeding, John?"
His breath hitched.
"You're safe. You can be honest here. Tell me."
"It marks me-- what I am, what I've done."
"What have you done, John?"
"Betrayed her trust."
"How old were you when you knew what was going on?" she asked gently.
"Twelve," he answered.
"Do you think it was a fair thing for her to be laying on a twelve-year-old boy?"
"She was lonely."
"And so were you. You missed your father. You wanted him home." She looked at him, grey-blue eyes meeting green-hazel ones. "You understood her loneliness because it was yours as well. But just because you understand and can empathise doesn't make what she did right, John. Your mother doesn't need to be a saint for you to love her."
John shook his head. "She didn't deserve what happened to her. And he... he was a kid..."
"No. They neither one deserved to die, but decisions were made, actions were taken, and it happened. Some of those actions were yours, but you are no more responsible for your father's choice than you are responsible for hers."
"I should have been a better son... taken better care of her..."
"Oh, for God's sake," Rodney muttered.
Both John and Heightmeyer looked at him. "Did you have something you needed to say, Rodney?" she asked.
"Um. No. Not really."
John's eyes narrowed. "You do. So spill it, Rodney. Remember, we're in a safe place and you can be honest here."
Rodney glared at John when he used Heightmeyer's words. "Okay, you want honesty? You were a kid. She put you in a horrible position of having to decide between your love for her or for him."
"She was lone--"
"She was a slut."
Instantly, John was on his feet, yanking Rodney out of his chair, one hand gripping his shirt front while the other drew back in a fist.
***
Carson and Radek stepped into the botany lab. Katie Brown looked up from where she was filling a tray with potting soil. "Hi! Come on in. Dave left your things here. Just a minute."
"Where is Dr. Parrish?" Carson asked.
"Oh, he spilled coffee on his pants and went to change." She walked to a refrigerator and pulled out two boxes. "White heather for Dr. Beckett," she said, opening the box to reveal a boutonniere, "and rosemary for Dr. Zelenka, with baby's breath and miniature roses for both of you."
Radek drew his out of the box. "This is very good work. Dr. Parrish did this?"
"He worked at a florist's while putting himself through college," Katie answered.
"Well, tell him thank you for us," Carson said as Radek placed his boutonniere back in the box.
Her eyes grew distant and she held up her hand and then clicked her radio. "Brown here. What is it, David?" She gave the two men an apologetic smile, then frowned. "What? You're not... What? Sweetie, you're not making any sense... All... All right, I'll be there. Just give me a minute."
She clicked off and looked at the two worriedly.
"Trouble?" Radek asked.
"I... I don't think so. But I guess I'd better go check."
"Well, we're done here anyway," Carson said. "Call me if there's a problem."
Brown nodded and headed out the lab door. Carson watched her worriedly for a second, then a moment of revelation seemed to occur to him and he smiled.
"What?" Radek asked.
"I'm sorry, love. I can't tell ye. Doctor-patient confidentiality and all."
"I see."
"Well, we ought to be getting back to work, I suppose. Can you drop these by the apartment?"
"Of course, milácku."
Carson reached out and cupped Radek's jaw, gently guiding him forward for a kiss. Their bodies seemed to naturally fit together, arms slipping around the other as they slowly explored the other's mouth.
"Ah, God!" Carson exclaimed as they parted to catch their breath. "I'm not sure I can wait for our wedding night. It's been such sweet agony having you so close."
Radek nodded, kissing him again, hands sliding into his hair. "We could just say it was bad decision," he suggested when they once again pulled apart.
"Mmhm. We could." Carson said, tipping his head back as Radek's mouth ghosted over his throat. "But I wanted our wedding night to be special."
"It will be," Radek answered, fighting the urge to bite or suck and mark his lover's throat.
Carson grabbed his shoulders and pulled away, sighing. "We need to stop, love."
Radek nodded and kissed him lightly. "Soon enough."
***
"John!" Heightmeyer yelled.
But what froze him was the look in Rodney's eyes, the lift of his chin, the question in his eyes. John stood on the edge of violence and collapse. "Take it back," he seethed.
Rodney shook his head. "We've been pussyfooting around this long enough. She hurt you, John. She may not have meant to, but she did. She was selfish and she hurt you. You can keep pretending she was a saint and punch my lights out for saying otherwise. I can handle it, though you and I both know what happens if you hurt me."
John shuddered. "You promised you wouldn't let me."
Rodney nodded. "Or you can acknowledge that she was human, that she hurt you, that you still love her. You can forgive her and move on, John, and stop being the whipping boy for a mother who's been dead over twenty years. It's your choice. Just like it was her choice. Just like it was his choice. Stop, John. Just stop."
They stood in a silent tableau, frozen, while John teetered on the razor's edge.
"It's your choice, John," Heightmeyer finally said quietly.
He lowered his fist and reached out, grabbing Rodney's shirt and yanking him forward. "Sometimes I hate you," he said, but there was forgiveness in his eyes.
Rodney deflated, slipping his arms around John's waist. "I'm sorry. She wasn't a slut. I just needed you to see."
John nodded, but he was shaking in Rodney's arms.
"John?"
"How could she?" John said, anguish in his voice. "How could she do that to me? To him?"
"I don't know," Rodney answered, pulling him tight. John slipped his arms around his husband and leaned on him, letting it all go, letting Rodney be the strong one.
***
Lorne arrived first, breathless and panicked from worry over his teammate's babbled communication. "Dave? Dave! Where are you?" he yelled, walking through Parrish's apartment.
Dave stepped out of the bathroom, hair still dripping, a towel held in front of him, eyes huge as saucers. "Oh, thank God! Mark, I... I don't know what to do. It was just there all of a sudden and it won't go down."
The door slid open and Laura and Katie rushed into the room.
"What was there all of a sudden and won't go down?" Lorne demanded.
Dave lowered the towel.
"Oh, my God!" Laura exclaimed.
It was a testament to Laura's influence that Lorne's first action was to reach out and touch the revealed member, fingers running gently over it, marveling at the hardness of it under the soft, silky skin as Parrish gasped.
Katie stepped up beside Lorne, her eyes glued to his exploring hand. She made an odd sound in the back of her throat, like an animal too long deprived of food, then grabbed Lorne's shoulder and pushed, firmly enough to let him know she wanted him to move, but not roughly. Lorne stepped aside and she slipped past, one hand coming to rest on Parrish's chest while she tentatively touched his erection with the other. He shuddered and moaned.
"Oh, God! It is," she said. Then suddenly she was grabbing his arm and leading him past their friends and to his bed, practically throwing him down and then desperately shedding clothes.
"Oh, wow," Laura said as they stood in stunned stillness and watched Katie straddle her fellow botanist and slide down on him.
Laura started to move toward the bed, but Lorne stopped her with a touch and shook his head. "Not this time," he said quietly. "Let this just be the two of them."
***
Kavanaugh woke up from a strangely realistic wet dream and shook his head. Katie Brown wasn't usually his type, but, dear Lord, had she been hot! He slid from his bed and padded toward the shower, peeking briefly into Deyn's room. His adopted son was still asleep, but shifted restlessly and turned over, a strange smile ghosting over his lips before he drifted off to sleep again.
***
"Colonel, doctor, wait up a moment."
Rodney paused, grimacing. John's eyes were still red and puffy from their session with Heightmeyer and the last thing they needed was to deal with Caldwell right now. "What?!" he demanded in his best annoyed tone.
Caldwell gave them his 'I'm barely tolerating you' look, then forced an artificial smile. "I just came to give the lieutenant colonel his new dog tags."
Rodney blinked. "New dog tags?"
Caldwell's smile became even more forced. "A name change means new dog tags." He held out his hand, a chain with new, shiny tags dangling from it. "The chain is compliments of General O'Neill, since he thought you might have some... use for the old tags and chain. He asked that I deliver this personally."
John smiled, the pieces falling into place. "Thank you, sir. I'll be sure to thank General O'Neill for the thoughtfulness." He took the tags, then slipped his old chain and tags off, replacing it with the new. He then held out the old chain to Rodney. "Rodney, I think the general thought you might like these."
Rodney looked at his husband, reading the first line embossed on the new tags-- "Sheppard-McKay"-- then looked down at the tags that read "Sheppard" and took the proffered chain slipping it over his head, smiling down at the small metal pieces nestled against his heart.