Fic: Incompatible (No Precious Time Series, 26/28)
Title: Incompatible (No Precious Time Series, 26/28)
Author: The Time Being/SGAtlantisLight
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Genre: Smutty angst, H/C
Rating: NC-17 overall, though some chapters are lower
Author's Notes: Part of the No Precious Time Series. Beta and encouragement from a lot of people, but especially lapislaz, mice1900, and inkscribe.
Warnings can be found here for those who can't read without them. These contain plot spoilers so do not read unless you can't live without knowing.
Disclaimer: I own them all! But, alas, not in this universe.
Previous chapter
"Injustice, poverty, slavery, ignorance - these may be cured by reform or revolution. But men do not live only by fighting evils. They live by positive goals, individual and collective, a vast variety of them, seldom predictable, at times incompatible." - Isaiah Berlin
"You can't go!" Rodney yelled, then set his jaw in a particularly stubborn and belligerent way, which on any other day might have been amusing considering he was completely naked.
"I can't stay, Rodney. I quit. Remember?"
"We can find something for you," Carson offered. "Have you talked to Elizabeth?"
John gave a sharp laugh. "I'm the former base commander. What sort of job do you think she could offer me?"
"Chief of staff," Rodney offered.
"A glorified secretary? I hate filling out my own paperwork."
"Civilian head of security. You'd been talking about how it needed separated from the military anyway."
"I'm not taking Stackhouse's job. Nor am I going to hang around and make Lorne uncomfortable."
Rodney narrowed his eyes. "So you're just leaving. And when were you planning on telling us this, anyway? Right before you stepped through the event horizon?"
"I just didn't want to ruin things."
"In other words, doing the usual conflict avoidance."
"God, Rodney, you sound like Heightmeyer! I just didn't want to upset you until I was sure."
"Sure there was a job offer on the table?" Rodney asked.
John looked down at his bare feet. "Sure my application was accepted."
Rodney gaped, his face turning red. "You applied for a job on Earth without even consulting us first?"
"And listen to your objections? I have to get my life back."
"John," Carson interrupted. "You have a life here, on Atlantis."
"Not anymore."
"What do you call us?!" Rodney spluttered.
John rolled his eyes. "A life includes some kind of work, Rodney-- something I enjoy doing that needs done. I'm not just going to stay here as your... whatever I am."
Carson jumped in before Rodney could speak. "You're our beloved, a part of us, John, and we need you to stay."
John looked away. "Well, I need more than that."
"Please, don't do this," Carson begged. "At least talk to Elizabeth."
John crossed his arms, closing off. "No. I can't."
"So what was this, some convenient arrangement for you?" Rodney snapped. "Carson and Rodney, nice fucktoys while you sort your life out and now you're done with us? Is that it?"
"Yeah, Rodney, that's it. Thanks for the fuck."
"John!" Carson exclaimed, knowing there was so much more going on. "Please, we just don't understand."
John laughed, humourless and slightly hysterical. "You don't understand? You don't understand? Well, here's the story. Those sons of bitches took my life away. I was kidnapped, infected with some alien sex virus, drugged till I couldn't remember my own name, and raped repeatedly, every day, for two months. But it wasn't over when you finally found me, oh no! No, I get to watch my military career go up in flames thanks to the fucking virus. I get to watch my reputation tank to the point that a bunch of non-coms think I will just bend over and take it up the ass from them. I get to see how everyone looks at me, looks at you, looks at us, all smirks or disapproval. Or pity, which is worse. I've got a whole pharmacy in my bathroom. And you guys think in a couple of days, after I'm cured, that life is suddenly going to be roses, that people are going to stop seeing me as anything but your fucktoy if I stay? I want my life back, goddammit! And I can't fucking get it back staying here. So just shut the fuck up and let me do what I need to do!"
Carson stood, speechless, desperately wanting to comfort the lover who was obviously hurting more than he had ever realised.
Rodney swallowed hard, his eyes glimmering with tears. "John, I'm--"
"Don't," John interrupted. "Just... just don't. Okay?" It was almost a whisper, as if John didn't have the energy for more. John shifted uncomfortably and Carson could see a droplet of semen running down his leg. "I've got to shower." He turned and padded for the bathroom.
Carson met Rodney's eyes, silent, as the water started to run in the bathroom. "Come on, love."
He took Rodney's hand and they went into the bathroom, stepping into the shower together. Carson slipped his arms around John, who leaned into him, head dropping to Carson's shoulder. Rodney stepped behind, wrapping them both in his arms. Carson bowed his head, closed his eyes, just held on to John, and let the water wash away his tears.
***
"Hullo, love," Carson said, voice weak as he reached his hand out to Rodney. "How did you sleep?"
Rodney scowled as he plopped into the chair between Carson's and John's beds. "It's too cold in the apartment at night."
He looked back at John, but their lover was still apparently sleeping. The cure shot temperatures through the roof, so John and Carson had spent the last two days in the infirmary. It hadn't been easy on them as the last throes of the virus played havoc with their libidos. Carson's pain was finally ebbing, but John had had to be drugged insensate at times. The memory of him screaming would haunt Rodney's nightmares for years to come, he was certain.
"Have you talked to him at all?" Rodney asked.
"Rodney," Carson's voice held a tone of gentle chiding, "he's barely been conscious and when he has he's been in agony."
"But he's going to be okay, right?"
Carson nodded. "A few others had similar reactions. I suppose it's the specific strains of the virus, something in the victim's genetic make-up. But they've all pulled through and basically on the same timeframe as everyone else."
"So probably tomorrow you'll be released to finish recovering at home?"
"Aye. And then a couple weeks weaning us off the medications."
"And then he's gone."
Their eyes met, sharing reflected pain. "Aye, love, I'm afraid so."
***
They spent the week after Carson and John were released walking around on eggshells. Carson played the peacemaker, as always, though Rodney caught him crying twice. John continued on as if the end of a chapter in his life wasn't rushing toward him like a bullet train. Rodney was uncharacteristically silent, full of anger and pain he felt helpless to ignore and yet unable to express.
He broke the day he opened the bathroom cabinet and found the newest bottle of pills.
When John walked into the apartment from sparring with Teyla, Rodney shoved it into his face. "Do you see these?"
John blinked and took the bottle. "Huh. They're anti-depressants. First one I was prescribed before they switched me over."
"Yes, I know they're anti-depressants. And you'll note it's not your name on the label, now is it?" Rodney snatched it back angrily. "Do you know he's been crying?"
John stared down at his feet, hands shoved into his pockets, and nodded. "I know. A couple nights ago I woke up to go the bathroom and found him out on the couch..."
"You're doing this to him, can't you see that?"
"What do you want me to do about it, Rodney?"
"I want you to stop being a selfish bastard and find some way to stay!" Rodney snapped.
John's head came up, his eyes narrowed. "How about you stop being a selfish bastard and come to Earth with me? Why does this only go one way?"
"That's ridiculous! I can't just leave. People depend on me here. That's not selfish at all."
John stared at him for a second and then shook his head. "Right. Sorry I brought it up."
***
Carson stirred awake, the heat of John's body curled against him. He smiled as he realised Rodney was pressed to John's other side. When he'd gotten home, it had been obvious they'd been fighting again. He'd stumbled to bed, too tired to play peacemaker between his two lovers.
As much as they sniped and argued while awake, Rodney and John naturally shifted together at night till they were tangled completely. Carson just wished they could be as peaceful when awake. If only they could talk John into staying.
Carson startled as John said, "You're worrying again."
He met John's eyes. "I don't want you to leave. I hate it."
"I know. I'm sorry." John leaned over and kissed him gently. "Why didn't you tell us about the pills?"
Carson sighed. "I didn't want to be here to see Rodney blame you."
"Do you blame me?"
Carson shook his head and then kissed John. "No."
John smiled. "Cool."
Carson chuckled and pressed his mouth to John's again, licking out along John's lips. He was cured, but there was still some residual oversensitivity. "You taste good."
"Mmmm," John growled and opened to Carson's probing tongue.
Carson slid closer, surprised at his body's reaction. This short a time into anti-depressants, he wouldn't have expected to have any libido at all. Perhaps it was the remaining viral effects.
John arched against him, already growing hard. "God," he breathed against Carson's throat, "I never thought I'd want sex again."
Carson slid hands down John's side, enjoying the feel of him. "I want to make love to you, John... and Rodney, too."
"Yeah," John sighed. "Want both of you."
"Like our first time at home?"
"No. No, I want both of you at once."
Carson pulled back slightly so he could look John full in the face. "I... Are you...? Can you...?"
"I can," John answered, then looked away, "and have."
***
"Are you okay?" Rodney asked, stepping up behind Carson and rubbing his back gently.
Carson splashed water on his face. "I'm fine. I just... It just sort of hit me what they did to him."
"I'm okay," John said from the doorway.
"How can you be?" Carson demanded.
John stepped in and cupped Carson's face, lifting it to look at him. "Okay, maybe I'm not, but I know what I want and I want the two of you at once. Maybe that's mixed up or sick or whatever, but it turns me on."
Rodney gaped. "You-- you want... um... at the same time in-- in... um..."
John sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yes, Rodney, I want you both at the same time in my ass, fucking me while your cocks are rubbing up against each other. Is that clear enough?"
Rodney's mouth moved for a moment, but no sound came out.
"Rodney?"
"Um. That would be... really hot, actually. Really, really hot."
***
Carson's breath stuttered as he watched John straddle Rodney, back to front, position Rodney's cock at his slick hole, and sink down on it. As he fully seated himself, he leaned back against Rodney's broad chest, dropping his head back against Rodney's shoulder, displaying the long lines of his throat.
Carson's eyes fastened to it for a moment, wanting so badly to mark him, to sink his teeth into the flesh and claim him in a way everyone could see for the remainder of John's time with them. He wanted to send John home to Earth with his mark still on him.
Rodney moaned as John raised himself up and then dropped back down, body undulating in a pornographic display of grace as he fucked himself on Rodney's cock.
"Feels so good," John gasped.
"Yeah... God, yeah," Rodney answered, thrusting up into John's body.
John stopped moving with a sigh and reached out a hand toward Carson. "Need you, Carson." Carson settled between their thighs, John's legs flung wide over Rodney's. John leaned back against Rodney, opening himself. "Come on, come on!"
"Pushy!" Rodney said breathlessly.
Carson looked down at where Rodney's cock disappeared into John's body. "Are you sure?"
John nodded. "Yeah. Get on with it."
He was coated in slick. Just a few minutes before, Carson had had all four fingers and half his hand inside John's arse, stretching him, preparing him, watching as John strained to take more of him. And now...
He positioned his cock against Rodney's, flush with John's body, and slowly pushed forward. They all three groaned at once, overwhelmed. Carson closed his eyes, so close to coming he could hardly breathe. John was so tight around him, Rodney's cock hot and hard against him.
"Oh, my God," Rodney gasped.
"Oh, yeah," John moaned. "So good. Fuck me, both of you."
Carson shuddered as John moved, pushing himself down against them both, taking them deeper. Rodney arched up, the slide of his cock against Carson's almost driving Carson over the edge right then and there. Carson bit his lip, fighting for control and began thrusting, slowly, into John, making Rodney's breath catch with every thrust.
***
John moved between his two lovers, full, so full, warm in Rodney's arms, listening to their wordless sounds of pleasure, to Carson's murmured "oh, love," feeling Carson's strong hand holding his legs open and steady.
A memory dropped through his mind, one of the 'shows' the brothel owner staged occasionally. Amaro and Ri as brothers who had caught burglar-John on their farm and were "teaching him a lesson," cocks shoved deep, John begging them to stop-- only half-acting. The faceless line of men who came after, quick and furtive and self-absorbed, taking their choice of the "actors".
This was a world away from that, the smell of his lovers like a home he never knew he had, surrendering his body to them, confident they wouldn't hurt him, taking and giving pleasure, wanting them, yearning for the blurring of the lines between them as they came, as they filled him.
They moved within him, deep and huge and perfect, caressing him, Rodney's broad chest pressed to his back, hands making sweeping, teasing circles from chest to abdomen and down into the triangle of hair, never quite touching nipples or cock. Rodney moved very little, letting Carson's thrusts stimulate them all. Carson dropped kisses on whatever body part of John's he could reach as he pistoned into John's willing body.
"John," Carson groaned, all brogue and sex and heat, and John arched up, coming just from the idea of what was going to happen next, and then he felt the pulsing in his ass as Carson gasped in time and then a second throbbing joining the first as Rodney cried out in wordless pleasure. They were filling him, both at once, their cocks throbbing against one another, spilling over the other inside of him, blending into one breathless, pounding union, burning away his body's memory of those other times, those false times, and leaving only this feeling of belonging in its place.
***
"Where the hell is he?" John demanded irritably.
Carson shifted uncomfortably, glancing up at the control center where Lenoir was trying hard to look disinterested in their conversation. Everyone else had made their farewells and then melted away to leave the lovers some privacy. But now Atlantis was a half hour late calling in because they were waiting for Rodney so they could say their goodbyes before John stepped through the wormhole. "I don't know, love."
John held out his hand. "Give me your comm. I'll call him myself."
"You need to stay calm."
John snorted. "I need to get going is what I need." He snatched the earpiece from Carson's head deftly and held it up to his ear as he opened a channel. "Rodney, where the hell are you?"
Carson couldn't hear Rodney's answer, but he could see John's scowl deepen.
"Get the fuck down here now or I'm leaving without saying goodbye," John snapped. "What? Oh, don't give me that-- You know what? Forget it. I'm leaving, McKay." John practically threw the earpiece at Carson, taut and vibrating with anger. "Dial it up, Sergeant!"
Lenoir sat up, looking surprised, his eyes darting around the gateroom. "Are you sure, sir?"
"I'm not a 'sir' anymore and, yes, I'm sure."
Carson reached out and gently took John's arm, giving Lenoir a quick head-shake. "John. This is no way to leave."
"He's being stubborn and selfish and--"
"He's being Rodney. But you love him despite all that, maybe even because of it. Don't leave him like this."
John sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Goddammit!" He turned and stomped out.
***
He nearly ran into Rodney as he exited the transporter. Wordlessly, he grabbed Rodney's shirt front and hauled him into the small space, pressing him against the wall, body against body, and kissing him, hard and angry. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I was coming to see you off. I-I--"
"And you just got too busy before? Too busy for me?"
Rodney looked away, lips pressed together in an unhappy, crooked line. "I didn't think you'd go. Maybe if I stayed away..."
John dropped his head down onto Rodney's shoulder. "I have to go."
"No one's put a gun to your head and told you to leave!"
"I put a gun to my head, Rodney."
Rodney paled slightly and swallowed. "But that was before. You've got us now and-and--"
"It doesn't change what happened. I can't stay and you won't leave."
"Atlantis needs me."
John swallowed the words he wanted to say, hurtful words. They'd fought enough, yelled and screamed, played silent, fucked angrily, all while Carson had gone still and quiet and hopeless. "I know. Take care of Carson. I mean, really take care of him. Leave work early. Don't blow off lunch and dinner with him. Let other people do things, even if you could do them faster. Okay?"
Rodney's eyes swam with tears even though he was glaring at John. They'd had that fight, too. He needs you and you're leaving me to deal with him alone. "Yeah. I'll... You have to tell him you're coming back."
"I don't know if I can come back." He wasn't just talking about permission or position, but he didn't know how to phrase it.
"You have to tell him anyway."
"Yeah. Okay." John pressed into him again, taking Rodney's mouth in another kiss, wishing they could make love one last time. They'd fucked hard last night-- anger and love and hate and despair and desire in every motion, while Carson touched them both, spoke soft words, too messed up by the drugs to be aroused. "I have to go." He sighed and hit the control center on the map.
There was no more time. The doors opened and they stepped out, heading into the gateroom together. Carson stood waiting anxiously, his eyes puffy and bloodshot, though he tried to put on a good face in public.
John stepped over to him and took him in his arms, kissing him softly. For all that the entire expedition knew they were together and all the times they'd had sex in an infirmary room with half the staff just a few feet away knowing exactly what was going on, they were rarely physically affectionate in public and it felt strange to be kissing him here, in the middle of the gateroom. He broke the kiss regretfully. "I'll come back," he whispered.
Carson nodded. "I know you will. I love you, John."
"Yeah. Um. Me, too. I mean, I love you, too, Carson." It was hard to get the words out past the painful lump in his throat.
Quickly, he turned and pulled Rodney into a similar embrace. Rodney resisted for a moment, not one for public displays, before he surrendered, their lips meeting in a trembling kiss. When they finally parted, Rodney's eyes were brimming and he wiped them self-consciously.
"So long, Rodney." He turned and looked up at Lenoir. "Dial it up, Sergeant."
He closed his eyes as the chevrons locked, opening them as the wormhole engaged. Both his lovers' faces were streaked with tears now. They each took a hand and gave him one last kiss. He stepped back, knowing he was using power leaving the wormhole open and headed toward the blue, watery surface, wondering if he would ever step through an event horizon again. He paused and looked back, forcing himself to smile and wave, before stepping into the gate.
"Goodbye, John," Rodney said in an almost-whisper.
It was the last thing John heard before the wormhole took him.
Next Chapter
Author: The Time Being/SGAtlantisLight
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Genre: Smutty angst, H/C
Rating: NC-17 overall, though some chapters are lower
Author's Notes: Part of the No Precious Time Series. Beta and encouragement from a lot of people, but especially lapislaz, mice1900, and inkscribe.
Warnings can be found here for those who can't read without them. These contain plot spoilers so do not read unless you can't live without knowing.
Disclaimer: I own them all! But, alas, not in this universe.
Previous chapter
"Injustice, poverty, slavery, ignorance - these may be cured by reform or revolution. But men do not live only by fighting evils. They live by positive goals, individual and collective, a vast variety of them, seldom predictable, at times incompatible." - Isaiah Berlin
"You can't go!" Rodney yelled, then set his jaw in a particularly stubborn and belligerent way, which on any other day might have been amusing considering he was completely naked.
"I can't stay, Rodney. I quit. Remember?"
"We can find something for you," Carson offered. "Have you talked to Elizabeth?"
John gave a sharp laugh. "I'm the former base commander. What sort of job do you think she could offer me?"
"Chief of staff," Rodney offered.
"A glorified secretary? I hate filling out my own paperwork."
"Civilian head of security. You'd been talking about how it needed separated from the military anyway."
"I'm not taking Stackhouse's job. Nor am I going to hang around and make Lorne uncomfortable."
Rodney narrowed his eyes. "So you're just leaving. And when were you planning on telling us this, anyway? Right before you stepped through the event horizon?"
"I just didn't want to ruin things."
"In other words, doing the usual conflict avoidance."
"God, Rodney, you sound like Heightmeyer! I just didn't want to upset you until I was sure."
"Sure there was a job offer on the table?" Rodney asked.
John looked down at his bare feet. "Sure my application was accepted."
Rodney gaped, his face turning red. "You applied for a job on Earth without even consulting us first?"
"And listen to your objections? I have to get my life back."
"John," Carson interrupted. "You have a life here, on Atlantis."
"Not anymore."
"What do you call us?!" Rodney spluttered.
John rolled his eyes. "A life includes some kind of work, Rodney-- something I enjoy doing that needs done. I'm not just going to stay here as your... whatever I am."
Carson jumped in before Rodney could speak. "You're our beloved, a part of us, John, and we need you to stay."
John looked away. "Well, I need more than that."
"Please, don't do this," Carson begged. "At least talk to Elizabeth."
John crossed his arms, closing off. "No. I can't."
"So what was this, some convenient arrangement for you?" Rodney snapped. "Carson and Rodney, nice fucktoys while you sort your life out and now you're done with us? Is that it?"
"Yeah, Rodney, that's it. Thanks for the fuck."
"John!" Carson exclaimed, knowing there was so much more going on. "Please, we just don't understand."
John laughed, humourless and slightly hysterical. "You don't understand? You don't understand? Well, here's the story. Those sons of bitches took my life away. I was kidnapped, infected with some alien sex virus, drugged till I couldn't remember my own name, and raped repeatedly, every day, for two months. But it wasn't over when you finally found me, oh no! No, I get to watch my military career go up in flames thanks to the fucking virus. I get to watch my reputation tank to the point that a bunch of non-coms think I will just bend over and take it up the ass from them. I get to see how everyone looks at me, looks at you, looks at us, all smirks or disapproval. Or pity, which is worse. I've got a whole pharmacy in my bathroom. And you guys think in a couple of days, after I'm cured, that life is suddenly going to be roses, that people are going to stop seeing me as anything but your fucktoy if I stay? I want my life back, goddammit! And I can't fucking get it back staying here. So just shut the fuck up and let me do what I need to do!"
Carson stood, speechless, desperately wanting to comfort the lover who was obviously hurting more than he had ever realised.
Rodney swallowed hard, his eyes glimmering with tears. "John, I'm--"
"Don't," John interrupted. "Just... just don't. Okay?" It was almost a whisper, as if John didn't have the energy for more. John shifted uncomfortably and Carson could see a droplet of semen running down his leg. "I've got to shower." He turned and padded for the bathroom.
Carson met Rodney's eyes, silent, as the water started to run in the bathroom. "Come on, love."
He took Rodney's hand and they went into the bathroom, stepping into the shower together. Carson slipped his arms around John, who leaned into him, head dropping to Carson's shoulder. Rodney stepped behind, wrapping them both in his arms. Carson bowed his head, closed his eyes, just held on to John, and let the water wash away his tears.
***
"Hullo, love," Carson said, voice weak as he reached his hand out to Rodney. "How did you sleep?"
Rodney scowled as he plopped into the chair between Carson's and John's beds. "It's too cold in the apartment at night."
He looked back at John, but their lover was still apparently sleeping. The cure shot temperatures through the roof, so John and Carson had spent the last two days in the infirmary. It hadn't been easy on them as the last throes of the virus played havoc with their libidos. Carson's pain was finally ebbing, but John had had to be drugged insensate at times. The memory of him screaming would haunt Rodney's nightmares for years to come, he was certain.
"Have you talked to him at all?" Rodney asked.
"Rodney," Carson's voice held a tone of gentle chiding, "he's barely been conscious and when he has he's been in agony."
"But he's going to be okay, right?"
Carson nodded. "A few others had similar reactions. I suppose it's the specific strains of the virus, something in the victim's genetic make-up. But they've all pulled through and basically on the same timeframe as everyone else."
"So probably tomorrow you'll be released to finish recovering at home?"
"Aye. And then a couple weeks weaning us off the medications."
"And then he's gone."
Their eyes met, sharing reflected pain. "Aye, love, I'm afraid so."
***
They spent the week after Carson and John were released walking around on eggshells. Carson played the peacemaker, as always, though Rodney caught him crying twice. John continued on as if the end of a chapter in his life wasn't rushing toward him like a bullet train. Rodney was uncharacteristically silent, full of anger and pain he felt helpless to ignore and yet unable to express.
He broke the day he opened the bathroom cabinet and found the newest bottle of pills.
When John walked into the apartment from sparring with Teyla, Rodney shoved it into his face. "Do you see these?"
John blinked and took the bottle. "Huh. They're anti-depressants. First one I was prescribed before they switched me over."
"Yes, I know they're anti-depressants. And you'll note it's not your name on the label, now is it?" Rodney snatched it back angrily. "Do you know he's been crying?"
John stared down at his feet, hands shoved into his pockets, and nodded. "I know. A couple nights ago I woke up to go the bathroom and found him out on the couch..."
"You're doing this to him, can't you see that?"
"What do you want me to do about it, Rodney?"
"I want you to stop being a selfish bastard and find some way to stay!" Rodney snapped.
John's head came up, his eyes narrowed. "How about you stop being a selfish bastard and come to Earth with me? Why does this only go one way?"
"That's ridiculous! I can't just leave. People depend on me here. That's not selfish at all."
John stared at him for a second and then shook his head. "Right. Sorry I brought it up."
***
Carson stirred awake, the heat of John's body curled against him. He smiled as he realised Rodney was pressed to John's other side. When he'd gotten home, it had been obvious they'd been fighting again. He'd stumbled to bed, too tired to play peacemaker between his two lovers.
As much as they sniped and argued while awake, Rodney and John naturally shifted together at night till they were tangled completely. Carson just wished they could be as peaceful when awake. If only they could talk John into staying.
Carson startled as John said, "You're worrying again."
He met John's eyes. "I don't want you to leave. I hate it."
"I know. I'm sorry." John leaned over and kissed him gently. "Why didn't you tell us about the pills?"
Carson sighed. "I didn't want to be here to see Rodney blame you."
"Do you blame me?"
Carson shook his head and then kissed John. "No."
John smiled. "Cool."
Carson chuckled and pressed his mouth to John's again, licking out along John's lips. He was cured, but there was still some residual oversensitivity. "You taste good."
"Mmmm," John growled and opened to Carson's probing tongue.
Carson slid closer, surprised at his body's reaction. This short a time into anti-depressants, he wouldn't have expected to have any libido at all. Perhaps it was the remaining viral effects.
John arched against him, already growing hard. "God," he breathed against Carson's throat, "I never thought I'd want sex again."
Carson slid hands down John's side, enjoying the feel of him. "I want to make love to you, John... and Rodney, too."
"Yeah," John sighed. "Want both of you."
"Like our first time at home?"
"No. No, I want both of you at once."
Carson pulled back slightly so he could look John full in the face. "I... Are you...? Can you...?"
"I can," John answered, then looked away, "and have."
***
"Are you okay?" Rodney asked, stepping up behind Carson and rubbing his back gently.
Carson splashed water on his face. "I'm fine. I just... It just sort of hit me what they did to him."
"I'm okay," John said from the doorway.
"How can you be?" Carson demanded.
John stepped in and cupped Carson's face, lifting it to look at him. "Okay, maybe I'm not, but I know what I want and I want the two of you at once. Maybe that's mixed up or sick or whatever, but it turns me on."
Rodney gaped. "You-- you want... um... at the same time in-- in... um..."
John sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yes, Rodney, I want you both at the same time in my ass, fucking me while your cocks are rubbing up against each other. Is that clear enough?"
Rodney's mouth moved for a moment, but no sound came out.
"Rodney?"
"Um. That would be... really hot, actually. Really, really hot."
***
Carson's breath stuttered as he watched John straddle Rodney, back to front, position Rodney's cock at his slick hole, and sink down on it. As he fully seated himself, he leaned back against Rodney's broad chest, dropping his head back against Rodney's shoulder, displaying the long lines of his throat.
Carson's eyes fastened to it for a moment, wanting so badly to mark him, to sink his teeth into the flesh and claim him in a way everyone could see for the remainder of John's time with them. He wanted to send John home to Earth with his mark still on him.
Rodney moaned as John raised himself up and then dropped back down, body undulating in a pornographic display of grace as he fucked himself on Rodney's cock.
"Feels so good," John gasped.
"Yeah... God, yeah," Rodney answered, thrusting up into John's body.
John stopped moving with a sigh and reached out a hand toward Carson. "Need you, Carson." Carson settled between their thighs, John's legs flung wide over Rodney's. John leaned back against Rodney, opening himself. "Come on, come on!"
"Pushy!" Rodney said breathlessly.
Carson looked down at where Rodney's cock disappeared into John's body. "Are you sure?"
John nodded. "Yeah. Get on with it."
He was coated in slick. Just a few minutes before, Carson had had all four fingers and half his hand inside John's arse, stretching him, preparing him, watching as John strained to take more of him. And now...
He positioned his cock against Rodney's, flush with John's body, and slowly pushed forward. They all three groaned at once, overwhelmed. Carson closed his eyes, so close to coming he could hardly breathe. John was so tight around him, Rodney's cock hot and hard against him.
"Oh, my God," Rodney gasped.
"Oh, yeah," John moaned. "So good. Fuck me, both of you."
Carson shuddered as John moved, pushing himself down against them both, taking them deeper. Rodney arched up, the slide of his cock against Carson's almost driving Carson over the edge right then and there. Carson bit his lip, fighting for control and began thrusting, slowly, into John, making Rodney's breath catch with every thrust.
***
John moved between his two lovers, full, so full, warm in Rodney's arms, listening to their wordless sounds of pleasure, to Carson's murmured "oh, love," feeling Carson's strong hand holding his legs open and steady.
A memory dropped through his mind, one of the 'shows' the brothel owner staged occasionally. Amaro and Ri as brothers who had caught burglar-John on their farm and were "teaching him a lesson," cocks shoved deep, John begging them to stop-- only half-acting. The faceless line of men who came after, quick and furtive and self-absorbed, taking their choice of the "actors".
This was a world away from that, the smell of his lovers like a home he never knew he had, surrendering his body to them, confident they wouldn't hurt him, taking and giving pleasure, wanting them, yearning for the blurring of the lines between them as they came, as they filled him.
They moved within him, deep and huge and perfect, caressing him, Rodney's broad chest pressed to his back, hands making sweeping, teasing circles from chest to abdomen and down into the triangle of hair, never quite touching nipples or cock. Rodney moved very little, letting Carson's thrusts stimulate them all. Carson dropped kisses on whatever body part of John's he could reach as he pistoned into John's willing body.
"John," Carson groaned, all brogue and sex and heat, and John arched up, coming just from the idea of what was going to happen next, and then he felt the pulsing in his ass as Carson gasped in time and then a second throbbing joining the first as Rodney cried out in wordless pleasure. They were filling him, both at once, their cocks throbbing against one another, spilling over the other inside of him, blending into one breathless, pounding union, burning away his body's memory of those other times, those false times, and leaving only this feeling of belonging in its place.
***
"Where the hell is he?" John demanded irritably.
Carson shifted uncomfortably, glancing up at the control center where Lenoir was trying hard to look disinterested in their conversation. Everyone else had made their farewells and then melted away to leave the lovers some privacy. But now Atlantis was a half hour late calling in because they were waiting for Rodney so they could say their goodbyes before John stepped through the wormhole. "I don't know, love."
John held out his hand. "Give me your comm. I'll call him myself."
"You need to stay calm."
John snorted. "I need to get going is what I need." He snatched the earpiece from Carson's head deftly and held it up to his ear as he opened a channel. "Rodney, where the hell are you?"
Carson couldn't hear Rodney's answer, but he could see John's scowl deepen.
"Get the fuck down here now or I'm leaving without saying goodbye," John snapped. "What? Oh, don't give me that-- You know what? Forget it. I'm leaving, McKay." John practically threw the earpiece at Carson, taut and vibrating with anger. "Dial it up, Sergeant!"
Lenoir sat up, looking surprised, his eyes darting around the gateroom. "Are you sure, sir?"
"I'm not a 'sir' anymore and, yes, I'm sure."
Carson reached out and gently took John's arm, giving Lenoir a quick head-shake. "John. This is no way to leave."
"He's being stubborn and selfish and--"
"He's being Rodney. But you love him despite all that, maybe even because of it. Don't leave him like this."
John sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Goddammit!" He turned and stomped out.
***
He nearly ran into Rodney as he exited the transporter. Wordlessly, he grabbed Rodney's shirt front and hauled him into the small space, pressing him against the wall, body against body, and kissing him, hard and angry. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I was coming to see you off. I-I--"
"And you just got too busy before? Too busy for me?"
Rodney looked away, lips pressed together in an unhappy, crooked line. "I didn't think you'd go. Maybe if I stayed away..."
John dropped his head down onto Rodney's shoulder. "I have to go."
"No one's put a gun to your head and told you to leave!"
"I put a gun to my head, Rodney."
Rodney paled slightly and swallowed. "But that was before. You've got us now and-and--"
"It doesn't change what happened. I can't stay and you won't leave."
"Atlantis needs me."
John swallowed the words he wanted to say, hurtful words. They'd fought enough, yelled and screamed, played silent, fucked angrily, all while Carson had gone still and quiet and hopeless. "I know. Take care of Carson. I mean, really take care of him. Leave work early. Don't blow off lunch and dinner with him. Let other people do things, even if you could do them faster. Okay?"
Rodney's eyes swam with tears even though he was glaring at John. They'd had that fight, too. He needs you and you're leaving me to deal with him alone. "Yeah. I'll... You have to tell him you're coming back."
"I don't know if I can come back." He wasn't just talking about permission or position, but he didn't know how to phrase it.
"You have to tell him anyway."
"Yeah. Okay." John pressed into him again, taking Rodney's mouth in another kiss, wishing they could make love one last time. They'd fucked hard last night-- anger and love and hate and despair and desire in every motion, while Carson touched them both, spoke soft words, too messed up by the drugs to be aroused. "I have to go." He sighed and hit the control center on the map.
There was no more time. The doors opened and they stepped out, heading into the gateroom together. Carson stood waiting anxiously, his eyes puffy and bloodshot, though he tried to put on a good face in public.
John stepped over to him and took him in his arms, kissing him softly. For all that the entire expedition knew they were together and all the times they'd had sex in an infirmary room with half the staff just a few feet away knowing exactly what was going on, they were rarely physically affectionate in public and it felt strange to be kissing him here, in the middle of the gateroom. He broke the kiss regretfully. "I'll come back," he whispered.
Carson nodded. "I know you will. I love you, John."
"Yeah. Um. Me, too. I mean, I love you, too, Carson." It was hard to get the words out past the painful lump in his throat.
Quickly, he turned and pulled Rodney into a similar embrace. Rodney resisted for a moment, not one for public displays, before he surrendered, their lips meeting in a trembling kiss. When they finally parted, Rodney's eyes were brimming and he wiped them self-consciously.
"So long, Rodney." He turned and looked up at Lenoir. "Dial it up, Sergeant."
He closed his eyes as the chevrons locked, opening them as the wormhole engaged. Both his lovers' faces were streaked with tears now. They each took a hand and gave him one last kiss. He stepped back, knowing he was using power leaving the wormhole open and headed toward the blue, watery surface, wondering if he would ever step through an event horizon again. He paused and looked back, forcing himself to smile and wave, before stepping into the gate.
"Goodbye, John," Rodney said in an almost-whisper.
It was the last thing John heard before the wormhole took him.
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