Fic: In a Family Way (2/6)
Story info and warnings can be found in part 1.
John was exhausted, since the squid weren't exactly good sleepers, but when they walked through the gate back to Atlantis and he saw Woolsey's face... John sighed to himself.
"Rodney, report to the infirmary, because you and the squid all need a full diagnostic. I want to make sure there are no surprises. Ronon and Teyla, you can both stand down after the standard infirmary check."
"I'm not a piece of equipment that needs a diagnostic," McKay said testily. Apparently the squid cuddling John witnessed last night had not been as welcome as it had looked.
"I know that, McKay. But while it doesn't seem that they've hurt you, I want to double check that there's nothing in their chemistry that will conflict with any of your allergies in the future."
"Colonel Sheppard, Doctor McKay," Woolsey said, slowly walking down the gateroom stairs. "What's the meaning of this?"
John waved the rest of his team off and headed toward Woolsey. "If you'd like a full debrief now sir, I'm ready to give you one."
"I want someone to contain those...creatures before they infest Atlantis."
John did his best to herd Woolsey away. "They're sentient, and while they are very gentle, I'm pretty sure you don't want to piss off a bunch of alien squid, especially when it comes to trying to separate them from their bondmate. If you'll join me in the conference room, I'll explain."
Woolsey tapped his radio. "I need a containment team to the gateroom immediately."
John growled. "Woolsey, they aren't animals to be contained. They all need to go to the infirmary while I debrief you."
McKay had been caught before he stepped into the corridor, the Marine on the door gesturing for him to move back to the gateroom. "What's going on, Sheppard?"
John pinched his nose. "Woolsey is concerned about the kids."
"The squid are fine."
"I know they're fine, he's worried we're bringing back something that will attack the city."
"There's nothing wrong with them," McKay said as he stopped next to John, the squid milling all about around him.
"I know there's nothing wrong with them. But they're an unknown factor and Woolsey is concerned."
A containment team rushed in moments later, heading directly for John and McKay, containment cages in hand. McKay started backing up, the squid behind him. "Oh no. Absolutely not."
John put himself between Rodney and the team. "Okay, everyone freeze!" Sometimes it was nice to be the ranking officer on the base. "Woolsey, I understand your concern, but we didn't just spend two days negotiating on the care of these guys so you could tear it all down as soon as we walked through the gate. If you'll come with us to the briefing room, we will fill you in on the details."
"You're not in charge here, Colonel," Woolsey said, gesturing to the containment team. "There are protocols set in place for a reason and we will follow them. By the book."
"Woolsey, it causes them physical pain to be separated for McKay. They are bonded to him. You are the one who sent us on the mission, specifically because you said the squid were asking for their Daddy. You knew this was a possibility, since I wasn't going to leave McKay there."
"So they say-if they can even talk at all."
John glanced at the squid. "Guys, please introduce yourselves to Richard Woolsey."
There was a quick scribble and then Post-it notes were hoisted into the air on tentacles with their names written on each.
"Meet the kids, Woolsey. I made the mistake of calling them by their colors the first time we met, so now they use that as their names."
Yellow peered around from behind McKay's leg, and then ducked back. Another note was hoisted up moments later. "Want McKay."
"Yeah, guys, I know. He's your bondmate." John turned back to a very startled Woolsey. "Teyla can fill you in on the details of what we discovered about them from the planet, but the simple answer is that they're sentient and bond immediately as soon as they hatch. McKay is who they bonded with, and for the next year, until they're ready to go back and spawn, being apart from him for any length of time will be painful for them."
"Painful," Woolsey said, his tone dripping with disbelief.
"Are you going to actually listen, or do I need to pack up my team and go back to the planet so Teyla can negotiate with you for us?"
Woolsey's narrowed and then he gestured the containment team forward. "Please bring the...squid and Doctor McKay to the containment room until we can get this sorted."
John sighed. "Rodney, head on over there and I'll debrief Woolsey. It's probably not a bad idea to let Beckett run a few tests so we'll have a baseline in case any of them need medical care later."
"Sheppard," McKay whined, still eyeing the containment team as if they were the devil incarnate. "They're fine. I'm fine."
"I know, but let's try to play nice. I'll talk fast."
McKay snorted as he was led away, sending pleading and annoyed looks in equal measure over his shoulder.
John sighed and followed Woolsey into the conference room. He was incredibly happy to see Teyla follow behind him. "Before we get started, remember you sent us in and told us to take care of the problem. This is how we took care of it."
"By having Doctor McKay bond with a strange, alien creature? That's not exactly what I had in mind when I asked you to take care of it," Woolsey said, sounding tired and annoyed at the same time.
John dropped into one of the chairs. "The bonding was already done. That's why they called us to come back in the first place. Our only real options here were to bring the squid back and let them live with McKay, or leave McKay on the planet until it's safe to be apart from them. I made the best decision possible given the circumstances."
"Leaving Doctor McKay behind was not an option," said Teyla, Ronon hovering menacingly behind her.
John nodded. "So we brought him and the squid home. They are sentient, and they communicate with post-it notes. Where they're getting them, I have no idea. That's not a question I plan to ask."
"How did this happen?"
"Remember the last mission we had there?" John sighed. "McKay fell in the river and I had to pull the little things off him. He spent 24 hours in the infirmary under observation just in case. Well, these are the same creatures just grown a bit, and apparently when they stuck to him the first time, that was when they bonded with him."
"You mentioned the...incident with the river, but not the squid bonding."
John shrugged. "At the time, I didn't know they were bonding. I just knew there were squid on him."
"So what do you intend to do about ridding Doctor McKay of this particular infestation?"
John glanced over at Teyla, hoping she would jump in. She had talked to the village elders more than he had about the problem.
"I have been told that this is a great honor," Teyla began, only to be cut off by Woolsey.
"Everyone always says it's an honor. That's not what I asked."
Teyla's face scrunched a little, her tone edging toward icy. "It is an honor," she repeated, "and the elders do not view it as a burden. It is a great honor to take care of these creatures and one that should not be taken lightly. If we were to injure them..." She shook her head. "I do not know if we would be welcome there, or on many other planets."
John nodded. "They aren't hurting him, and, frankly, going through with it will not only help our relations here, but with a lot of other planets who revere these guys too."
"We just..." Woolsey started, breaking off as he got his thoughts together. "This cannot become a regular thing."
John snorted. "Trust me, I have no plans to pick up any more sentient squid."
"And yet I've seen a disturbing amount of missions where you have been married or bonded with various people and...animals. I believe I recall a goat."
John felt himself blush. "It's not my fault this galaxy has some really weird ideas about trust ceremonies. No offense, Teyla."
"None taken, John," she said with a small smile. "These ceremonies are important to a great many people and have helped us with treaties and supplies throughout the years before contact was re-established with your home world."
Woolsey sighed and finally let them leave, and John didn't hesitate to take off. He headed for the containment area and dismissed the guards. "I'm here to spring you and the squid, McKay."
The scientist looked miserable. He was sitting on a gurney and had been liberated of his off-world clothes and given a pair of bright orange scrubs. "Apparently I've been sentenced to a twenty-four observation," he said pointing to the upper level where Keller was taking notes on her computer.
John sighed, but hopped up on the bed next to him. "Did she say why?"
"Regulations. And you shouldn't be in here."
John shrugged. "I guess I'll just have to keep you company. I was right there with the squid almost as much as you were. If you're infected, then so am I."
"I have so much I should be doing, but I'm not allowed to do anything. It's not like I turned into a bug or anything."
Despite himself, John shivered. "Let's not mention that, okay? And count yourself lucky. Teyla and I had to do some fast talking to convince Woolsey this was a good idea."
"I still don't think it's a good idea, but Larry, Curly, and Moe keep telling me it is-in my head," he said, adding the last bit in a hushed whisper. "I think that's why Keller's panties are in a knot."
John couldn't stop the snort of a laugh that snuck out. "Larry, Curly and Moe?"
McKay shrugged. "It's better than your...bastardized CMYK chart."
"If you tell me the fourth is Shemp, I might have to hurt you."
"Well, you are always in black, but no."
"Thank god. I'm not sure how I'd feel about sharing a name with a squid, even if he was the fourth stooge."
McKay rolled his eyes as Purple edged its way around him, heading toward John. "I think they were traumatized. Keller wanted to know where the Post-It note paper was coming from."
With a sigh, John held out a hand and let Purple climb up on him. "Sorry about that, guys. Unfortunately, we have to follow these rules to make sure everyone stays healthy in the city. It won't be long before McKay and I will take you on a tour."
"So I guess there's not much more to do except sit here and wait."
"Pretty much." With a shrug, John swiveled around to lay back on the bed, kicking his feet up. "1225789."
"Oh, we are so not doing that. Not prime."
"What else have you got to do? If you won't play, maybe the squid will. Do you guys play Prime/Not Prime?"
Quickly four Post-it notes popped up from all around McKay, a big, bold "No!" written on each one.
John sighed. "You told them to say that, didn't you McKay? I'm outnumbered now."
McKay snorted. "As if. They do their own thing."
"We're going to have to figure out what to do for missions. I don't want to stand you down from them, but at the same time, the squid can't come with us off-world. Maybe to places we've been, but first contact missions are dicey enough. We don't need to have four more people to keep safe and worry about."
"Yeah. I was thinking about that before," McKay said quietly. "It looks like you'll get to break Radek in-as long as you don't actually break him in the process. He usually knows what he's doing."
"I don't want Radek. He's good, but he's not you."
"You don't have a choice," McKay said, the words sharp. "Neither of us have a choice. I didn't have a choice with the damn squid. We just have to live with it."
"Then we'll go as a three-person team until the squid can be left here for a few hours. I'll put Lorne on most of the first contact missions, so we'll only go out when it's absolutely necessary until then."
"Take Radek. He needs the experience."
"Radek would be slaughtered out there. He's good at the science thing, but at the first gunshot he would either be dead, or I would be trying to get him home."
"I know what my people can and cannot do," McKay said sharply. "Are you telling me you don't trust my judgment?"
John sighed again. "I trust your judgment, McKay. He's brilliant, and as your second in command, I think you made the perfect choice. But I've been in the field for a long time. Trust my judgment when it comes to knowing who is a liability in a combat situation and who isn't."
"Then you need to train him better. You took a chance with me and I knew less than he does about staying alive in a battle zone."
"I knew from the first time I met you that I wanted you on my off-world team."
"You need a scientist. He's the best I have to give you."
"I don't need a scientist. I need you." John felt a bit of a flush starting and ruthlessly suppressed it, hoping Rodney wouldn't notice.
"Well, I'm off the off-world circuit for a year. You'll just have to deal with it. Just because you want something, doesn't mean you get it." He slid off the gurney and headed for the intercom next to the door. "Jennifer, can you get another bed in here. Sheppard took mine."
John wasn't willing to accept that. But since he didn't know what else to do right now, he wisely kept quiet.
***
Six Weeks Later
Rodney McKay stomped into the control room on the way to Woolsey's office, his four rapidly growing squid...things nipping at his heels. They were always around. Getting into things, under things, on top of things, behind things, sticking their tentacles where they didn't belong.
He'd had to go to the infirmary no less than four times a day-one time for each squid-and sometimes a lot more.
They were children and wanted to learn to explore. He was a very busy CSO with very important adult things he had to do. They didn't understand.
Thankfully, over the course of six weeks, they were starting to get the picture. But it also meant that he never really got to work a full day in the lab anymore. He was too busy trying to keep up with four squid.
He watched A-1 go out on mission after mission, Radek taking his place as the scientist on the team, and getting into the usual trouble and having more than the usual percentage of non-threatening, productive missions. Radek hadn't even had to sit through one harvest festival yet and on many worlds harvest time was in full swing.
Rodney was convinced: the universe hated him.
Today, though, he wasn't pissed off about his mission status. No. He had much more important things to complain about.
"Woolsey," Rodney said without preamble as he stormed into the man's office, disturbing his morning tea ritual. "I've had enough."
Woolsey sat back in his chair and eyed him-and the squid who were never far away. "Yes, Doctor McKay?"
"I need bigger quarters."
Woolsey's eyebrow went up. "You, better than anyone, know why we have not opened up any additional areas for living quarters."
"There are five of us now in a very small space. We have plenty of room. Send Lorne looking. I've already marked off a few sections," he said, stepping forward to show Woolsey his tablet.
"To do it for you would then create a deluge of people who would want to be moved, creating power grid problems. I'm afraid I can't approve this, Doctor."
"This is a unique situation which isn't going to change for the next year. I can and will appeal to the IOA and I don't think any of us want that to happen."
Woolsey leaned forward and tented his hands. "I'm sure we can find an alternate solution that won't require us to drain more power than is strictly necessary. Something you, yourself, have impressed on me on many occasions."
"Opening up a section isn't going to drain the ZPMs. We can handle it. Hell, we can handle an entire new tower if we wanted."
With a put-upon sigh, Woolsey leaned back. "If you can provide me with a report showing where we'll make up for the additional power to more living quarters from other areas, I'll consider it."
Rodney poked at his tablet for a few sections, his fingers flying over the screen. "You have the information in your inbox. I'll be moving before the end of the day."
"Not so fast, Doctor McKay." Woolsey frowned. "I'll need some time to go over these figures and decide which section to open up for living space. Then-if I decide to allow it-we'll need to have Colonel Sheppard send a team to ensure that area is safe."
"Lorne is already suited up and ready to go. Sheppard's team is still off-world. And this wasn't a conversation. I'm moving before the end of the day," Rodney said, his voice hard. "I know you don't like me, but this is something I'm not going to back down on and I will go over your head-which neither of us wants. It's within guidelines and it's more than reasonable."
"I'm not trying to be unreasonable, Doctor McKay. But this falls under the heading of running the city, which is under my job description-not yours. I am more than willing to consider your request, but I won't be bullied by you."
"And I'm telling you that I am moving-and actually, I have already moved most of my belongings. I just need you to rubber stamp it to make it official."
"Doctor McKay, I don't appreciate you trying to go over my head. I don't hate you, as you said earlier, but I do take exception to anyone who tries to belittle my authority. If you would like to come back at another time to discuss this when you aren't feeling so... combative, I would be more than happy to look at all the options."
"You haven't listened to anything I've had to say since you arrived-and since I have the squid...even less. I'll let Lorne know he can do his sweep," Rodney said, turning to leave.
"No, Doctor McKay, you will not." Woolsey stood up. "I will not have you go above my head in what is essentially mutiny. You can either respect my position and authority, or I can make arrangements for you to return to Earth at the next available opportunity. This city cannot function correctly if there is no recognized and followed chain of authority."
"I'm sure sending me back to Earth will go over well with our allies. It seems like word has gotten out that I've been chosen to foster the squid-which is why Sheppard's team hasn't been in as much trouble as usual. See how well that goes," Rodney said. He was so tired of being nice.
"I will do whatever is necessary to protect this city, Doctor McKay. You might not believe it, but I care as much as you do. And I can see how this attitude of yours is hurting it. You might not like having your... squid... but to take out that frustration on me and the city in general is not going to help matters."
"No, you don't," Rodney said with a sigh. "All you care about is the rules and regulations. That's not what works out here."
"I have a healthy respect for rules, yes. But I do care about this city, Doctor McKay. My methods might not be yours, but that does not invalidate them."
"Anything else?" Rodney asked, narrowing his eyes. "The squid are hungry and honestly don't like the...vibes they're getting from you."
"No, not right now. I will look at your reports, and I'll let you know by the end of the day if you have the approval to open up the new sector you are asking for."
"Fine," Rodney said, knowing that he'd be in his new room tonight whether or not he got the all clear from Woolsey. He turned on his heel and left, the squids trailing behind.
"Swim?" The request popped into his head.
Rodney shook his head. "Not now. I have work to do."
"Swim!" It came from several directions this time.
"We just got up. I haven't even had coffee yet. No." He stepped into the transporter and even before he could hit the button for the lab, Purple had poked the spot for the Pier where they'd been swimming on and off.
"Swim!" The whole group went racing to jump into the water.
"Guys, come on," Rodney said with a sigh. "I don't have time for this."
"Short swim. We promise." They all jumped into the water.
"Don't have time for this," he muttered, sitting down on the edge of the pier.
The squid frolicked for a while, then climbed out and cuddled up to him. "Thank you, Daddy."
"Yes, yes. I know you need your time in the water and I'm glad you learned not to pull me and my valuable equipment in with you." That had been a nightmare and they'd apologized for a week.
He got a series of happy bursts, and Red held up a note that they should go get coffee now.
Rodney rubbed his chest absently as he rose to his feet. The emotion bursts always got him in a weird way. "Yes, coffee would be a fine idea and then we can figure out if biology has actually made you something else to eat."
"Yay!" they raced ahead to the transporter, all four waiting for him when he got there.
"Go ahead," he said, gesturing toward Red. It was his turn.
Red pressed the button, and a minute later they were all trooping into the mess hall.
It went smoothly, the staff used to the parade by now. While the squid wandered off to get the things Rodney wanted to eat, Rodney headed to grab himself coffee. They reconvened a few minutes later to head to the science section, each squid clutching one part of Rodney's meal in a tentacle. Thankfully there was no fighting today.
He had managed to set up a sort of routine that he had found would work for the mornings at least, so he was in the middle of getting a few things done when suddenly Sheppard was there. "Hey, we just got back. How are you guys doing?"
Rodney barely looked up. "Fine. Busy. Working. You apparently survived."
A square of something appeared in his line of vision. "We traded for something that's so much like chocolate I can't tell the difference. I brought you back some."
"Chocolate?" Oddly enough, since the squid had arrived, his sweet tooth had faded. He vaguely worried that it might be related, but he had no time to dwell on it. Rodney glanced up, squinting at Sheppard. "How about my scientist? Did you bring him back, too?"
"He's in the shower. He fell in a completely ordinary mud puddle and got covered head to toe in the stuff. I have never heard so many curse words in so many languages all at one time."
"Oh, he's good at that," Rodney nodded. "Thanks for the chocolate. I'll save it for when I need a pick-me-up."
Sheppard leaned against the table. "Why don't we do a movie night tonight? You can pick the film."
"You know the squid don't like television."
"Well, they can come, but I was inviting you because I know you do like it." John gave him a small smile. "Parents are allowed to do things they enjoy. Teyla even said she would stay with them for a little while in your quarters to give you a night off."
"We both know how well that works," Rodney said with a scowl. The last time he tried to sneak away somewhere, the squid had howled and screamed in his head until he walked back to where he'd left them.
"Last time you tried to leave without telling them. This time, we're setting it up in advance, leaving them with a squid sitter they love, and telling them exactly when you'll be home."
"Maybe. I just got here a little while ago."
"Let me know. I was thinking tonight after dinner. They're always more tired at night anyway, we can all have a big meal, and then they can go home to bed with Teyla and you can come watch a movie."
"Sure sure," Rodney said waving him off. "Let me get back to these equations before the city blows up or something."
John smiled at him again. "I'll catch you later. Behave, squid, and don't give him a hard time."
Four tentacles went up. "We" "Don't" "Do" "That".
John snorted, then glanced back at Rodney. "How about I take you guys down to the Pier for a little while so he can concentrate. I'll bring you back when you're ready."
Four more tentacles. "We" Were" "There" "Before"
"So? Who says you can only swim once a day?"
"Wanna" "Stay" "With" "Dad"
John smiled at them. "I know you do, but you want him to be able to work too, right? Come with me for an hour to give him a break."
"We'll" "Be" "Quiet" "!"
John sighed. "I tried, buddy. I'll see you guys later."
"It's fine. I'm getting used to it," Rodney said with a tired smile. "If you see Radek, tell him to get his butt down here ASAP."
"I will. See you later, McKay."
"Thanks, Sheppard," he said, immediately going back to work.
He got the power fluctuations fixed by the end of the week, spent an inordinate amount of time in and around water, moved to his new quarters-with Woolsey's permission-and decided that sleeping with four squid wasn't as bad as he first thought.
He only wished they had fur.
***
John paced his room. It had been two months. Two months since Rodney came home with the squid. Two months since he had to take a leave of absence from the team.
Two months since he had been able to really hang out.
It was killing him.
The city was running better than it had in 10,000 years. Radek was, surprisingly, not as bad with a gun as John had feared. McKay and his squid had found a routine that worked, and he was settling in.
Even Teyla and Ronon had started taking the squid swimming once a week to give Rodney a break. The squid had finally gotten to a point where they would allow him to be out of their sight, even if it was only for short periods.
John seemed to be the only one who was still pissed about the whole thing.
His door chime rang and John scowled at the closed door.
He debated ignoring it since an emergency would have whoever it was calling his radio, but he finally sighed and told the door to open.
Ronon loomed just outside. "Wanna run?"
He shook his head. "No thanks, buddy. I'm not in the mood to get my ass handed to me today."
"Need to do something."
"You can probably find some Marines in the gym if you're looking for a workout."
"No." He narrowed his eyes at John. "Should I get Teyla?"
John blinked at him. "Why? What's wrong?"
"You."
"Me?" John instinctively looked down at himself then back up. "What's wrong with me?"
"Sulking. Moody. You don't like Zelenka."
"I like Zelenka just fine."
Ronon nodded, shifting on his feet. "I should get Teyla."
John rolled his eyes. "I'm fine, Ronon. Don't bother her. Go have fun with the Marines."
"I finished with them earlier. Came looking for you."
John gave him a small smile. "I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine."
"No, you're not. Not since the squid."
"I'm just upset that my team was broken over it. I like the squid fine, and Radek is learning. I'm just adjusting."
"Zelenka's better than McKay with some things."
John didn't want to talk about it, but he was pretty sure growling at his teammate wouldn't help the "all's well" image he was trying to project. "And in some ways he's worse. They're just different people."
"Everyone's different. Shouldn't be a surprise to you."
Despite himself, John huffed. "It's not, and I don't hate Radek. He's fine, I'm fine, can we just drop this now?"
"You have a problem. If you have a problem, the team has a problem."
"I don't have a problem. I really don't. I'm just tired and I don't want to run tonight."
"Fine." Ronon turned on his heel and loped off without another word, the door closing silently a few seconds later.
Great. John sighed and dropped down onto his bed. Now Ronon was pissed at him and John still wasn't sure why he thought there was a problem. There wasn't. Really.
Less than a minute passed before his radio chirped in his ear.
He hit it, already dreading what the emergency would be this time. "Sheppard here."
"Sheppard, hi," McKay said, sounding a bit uncertain. "Ah...I was wondering if you wanted to play some chess. The squid are tired and aren't up for much, but I'm still a bit wired and I don't feel like working tonight..."
"Your place or mine?" John felt better already. See, nothing wrong.
"Ahh...here would be better. You know with the squid and all."
"I'm on my way. I'll bring the board."
"Oh, ah. Great. I'll be here."
John grabbed his board and was out the door before the squid could start doing something that would make him call it off. He was at Rodney's door ringing the bell minutes later.
And no one answered.
"Rodney?"
He rang the chime a few more times and banged on the door, but no one came.
Finally, he tapped his radio. "McKay."
He answered a few beats later. "I thought you were coming over."
"I'm standing outside your door and you aren't answering."
"My door is open and I'm standing it in and you're not here. Where are you?"
"I'm standing in front of your door and you you're not here."
"I am so. I know where I live."
John used his connection with the city to open the door. And the room was completely empty. He immediately started to quietly panic. "Rodney. I think I have a problem. Maybe I somehow fell into an alternate universe, but the radio still works? I didn't touch anything, but weirder things have happened."
McKay sighed loudly in his ear. "You are not in an alternate universe." He paused for a moment and then asked a little more quietly. "What tower are you in?"
"What do you mean what tower am I in? I'm standing in your room, and it's empty. Nothing. Nada. Zip. So either I'm in a fucking alternate universe and you need to figure out how to get me back, or... or I don't know."
"Ah...right. Go down the hall and take the elevator to tower two, sixth level."
"Why the hell would I go there? It's an empty tower."
"The fifth and sixth levels aren't. Just...trust me."
John had been trusting McKay for a while, so he was already heading that direction. "I'm on my way now."
"Good. Blue said he'd wait for you by the transporter. Just follow him."
John blinked. "O...kay." John stepped out of the transporter, and sure enough, Blue was waiting there. "Hey, buddy. Apparently you guys moved and no one bothered to tell me."
A note quickly appeared. "Needed room."
John sighed, following him down the hall. "Yeah, but I would have helped you guys move."
"Mission." The next note read, waved at him as the nearest door slid open.
John sighed again. He hated this. He stepped in and looked around. "Nice new digs."
"Thanks," McKay said with a smile as he stepped into the small but well-appointed sitting room. John could see two doors leading off the main room and peering through one spotted a rather large bed. "With them growing, I needed more room."
"Understandable. I just... didn't know you were looking to move, much less that you had moved. Took me by surprise."
"I..ah...sorry. I thought you knew. Teyla and Ronon were by a few times already. I just figured you were busy-you know with military command stuff."
"No. I didn't know. I would have helped you move if I did." John shrugged. "So I brought the chess set."
"Oh, yes, right. Chess. You can set it up on the table. Want a beer?"
John made a face. "Yes, but I shouldn't. Last time I had one, I was drunk before it was halfway gone."
McKay snorted. "That was a long time ago. I'm sure your tolerance is fine," he said, moving to a sideboard that held a small warming plate, an Ancient fridge and a coffeemaker.
"Yeah, and it's not like I've been drinking all that much lately to build it back up. My tolerance was shit to begin with, anyway. I was always a cheap date. If you have any decent coffee though, I'll take that."
"I can make a pot, but it'll take a few minutes," he said, already moving to set up the new pot of coffee. "I have some snacks I've grabbed from the mess, too."
"Thanks. I've only been getting the shitty stuff in the mess lately." John set up the chess board while they talked. "How have things been in the labs?"
"Good overall. We haven't had a near accident in about two weeks, so it's been nice. The new protocols are working well."
Zelenka had mentioned those, so John nodded. "Always good. It's frustrating when our injury counts are as high on the city as off-world."
"Exactly. And if we can get these protocols down-even more so than before-it will help to entice other scientists to think seriously about joining."
Nodding, John focused on the pieces. He was worried that, once the squid were gone, with all the new protocols in place and McKay getting to be the King Geek full time, he wouldn't want to come back to the team. But for now, John shuttered that. "Do you think the SGC will let you increase your staff numbers?"
"I do. We need to. There's so much we can learn out here and if we can get it to be a safer place for scientists to work in, I think a lot of people would jump at the chance to work here."
"Pegasus will never really be a safe place as long as the Wraith are out there, but yeah, if we can cut down on stupid mistakes here at home, it would be a good thing."
McKay brought a plate of finger foods-mainly sweets to the table before heading back to the coffee pot. He pulled two mugs down from the cabinet overhead. "After the first week of no accidents passed, we got a lot more buy-in from the morons."
Chuckling, John leaned back, avoiding the sweets. For some reason, he hadn't been all that hungry lately. "Yeah, they don't like change, but at least the scientist parts come out when they can see an experiment working."
"Apparently it takes a lot of convincing for some," McKay said, rolling his eyes. "Try the little cakes. You'll like them."
"Well, you do constantly say the SGC sends you the rejects." John laughed. He didn't want to piss Rodney off, so he took a little cake and set it aside.
"Yeah, yeah. They usually do, but I have my eyes on some new recruits and they're worried more about their skin than the thrill of discovery. If I can fix the safety and security issues, then I can get some really qualified scientists."
"Are you looking to recruit outside the program? Or from within the SGC?"
"Both, actually."
"Good." John made the first chess move. "We need some new blood. Everyone in the program is brilliant, but even geniuses can get stuck in ruts. Having new perspectives would probably kick-start all the projects again."
"We honestly need some scientists in specific fields. We're not far enough along in some places."
"I think when we first started recruiting for the program, and then came to Atlantis, there was an emphasis on certain areas. I agree though, we could use a more well-rounded bunch."
"Yes, yes," McKay said as he wandered over, squinting at the board before making a quick move. "I'm trying to get some more practical disciplines, as well. It's hard to find a good electrician in the middle of fifteen physicists."
"Not a bad idea. If we could get some basic maintenance people out here, then you could get that off your plate for the most part. We could form a team with plumbers, electricians, engineers, etc. who would be in charge of seeing to the routine stuff." John moved another piece.
"That's the plan," McKay said with a nod as he moved to check the pot again. "Milk? Sugar?"
"I'll take it black. Thanks."
McKay shot him a look. "You're drinking it black again?"
John shrugged. "Yes, why?"
"You haven't done that in...well, a while." McKay walked over, handing John the mug. He scowled and looked over his shoulder toward the bedroom. "I'll be right back."
"Thanks. And okay. Something wrong?"
He pointed to his head. "Squid arguing. Give me a minute."
John watched him walk away, and sighed softly. He missed just being able to hang out. He downed his coffee, and got up to refill the cup while he waited.
"...went through this last night. It's Red's turn and that's final. Do I need to make a spreadsheet?
Rolling his eyes, John popped his head into the room. "What are they arguing about?"
McKay was standing in the middle of his huge bedroom, his hands on his hips. The four squid-and when did they grow to be larger than a dog?-were clustered in front of him. "They...help out with the chores and argue every night about whose turn it is."
"Are they arguing about who gets to do them, or who has to do them?"
McKay's cheeks actually pinked up. "They...like helping out. A little bit too much at times. So we set up a schedule of who does what and it's Red's turn for the nightly chores before they go to bed-which was supposed to happen fifteen minutes ago."
"Why don't you just assign one chore to each of them to do every night. Then they don't have to fight over it."
"Yeah..." McKay sighed. "That didn't work so well. Tentacles."
John shook his head. "Well, most parents have to fight the kids to do the chores at all, so I guess this is slightly better version."
"I guess," McKay said with a shrug. "Now, I'm not going to repeat this again. Let Red work and the rest of you need to be in bed. Don't make me come in here again."
Hiding a smile behind his cup, John drained it again and got another refill before sitting back down.
Yellow wandered out of the bedroom a few moments later, hoisting a bag of Cheetos in one tentacle, a note in the other. "For you."
"For me?" John took the bag. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed, little guy?"
Another note appeared. "Too skinny. Eat."
"Yellow! Get in here," McKay called out, the squid jumping to obey.
John smiled and called after him. "Thanks, Yellow!"
McKay appeared a few minutes later after John had munched on a couple of the bright orange cheese puffs. "Oh," he said stopping. "Where did you get those from? They were for later."
Chuckling, John handed the bag over. "Yellow came and gave them to me, and told me I was too skinny."
McKay's cheeks pinked up again even as he waved off the bag, making John take it back. "Yes, well, it's obvious just from looking at you that you need to put some weight on. I don't know how those pants are actually capable of staying on your hips."
John rolled his eyes. "It's not my fault I have a fast metabolism."
"You need to eat in order to have a metabolism."
"I eat when I'm hungry."
"Which is never these days."
John raised an eyebrow. "Why do you think that? I eat." John knew he hadn't been as hungry lately, but he was pretty sure he would have noticed if he stopped eating.
"No, you don't. At least that's what Lorne, Parrish, Ronon, Radek, and Teyla have been telling me."
John let out a breath. "Why does everyone keep trying to tell me something is wrong? I'm fine, damn it!" He took a deep breath. "I have no idea why they don't think I am, and they are driving me crazy with this shit."
"Because you're ill-tempered, moody, and you've dropped twenty pounds. Even I can tell and I never see you in the labs anymore."
"I haven't lost twenty pounds, and I'm moody because the SGC keeps finding new and torturous ways to make me do paperwork."
McKay scowled at him. "You're temperamental and if I drag you down to the infirmary and put you on the scale it'll tell you the same thing we're seeing. You've had to tighten your belt, what, two holes already?"
John flushed despite himself. "What difference does it make? I just haven't been hungry lately, and I've been busy. The SGC sent over a new batch of Marines on the last run who I swear have no gate experience at all. They're a constant headache."
"I don't want to get the new base head shrinker involved, but I will if I have to."
John rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. Seriously. Why do people keep threatening to sic other people on me? I'm fine."
"Because we're worried about you."
He shook his head. "You don't need to be. I'm fine. Nothing is wrong." He sighed as his radio chirped at him. He was off-duty, so that was never good. "Sheppard here."
"Sorry to bother you, sir," Lorne said. "There's been an incident in the mess hall and you should probably come down here and take care of it."
John sighed. "I'm on my way." He gave McKay a tired smile. "Apparently the men are fighting in the mess and need me to go break heads to break it up. Maybe we can try this again when I get back from the mission tomorrow night?"
"Sure," McKay said, his voice tight.
"I swear, if the SGC doesn't stop sending me idiots, I might just defect to the science team." John stood up and handed over the bag of Cheetos. "We'll share them tomorrow. And really, I appreciate the concern, but I am fine. I don't know why everyone thinks I'm not, but I am."
McKay just shook his head, clutching the bag of Cheetos to his chest.
John headed downstairs and it took him almost two hours to sort out what was going on, then another hour to write it all up and put in the orders for discipline. By the time he fell into bed, it was really late.
The next morning, he suited up early and headed out with his team to contact the latest potential trade partners, doing his best to ignore all of their looks, and be as cheerful as possible.
Of course, everything had to go pear-shaped. They had been having such good luck lately, too.
As he was being hauled back to the gate, gunfire all around him, he reflected that charging in shooting was probably not the best game plan after all. They hadn't been very surprised, and this fucking hurt. That was his last thought before blessed darkness, and then he didn't have to worry anymore.
Continued in part 3.
John was exhausted, since the squid weren't exactly good sleepers, but when they walked through the gate back to Atlantis and he saw Woolsey's face... John sighed to himself.
"Rodney, report to the infirmary, because you and the squid all need a full diagnostic. I want to make sure there are no surprises. Ronon and Teyla, you can both stand down after the standard infirmary check."
"I'm not a piece of equipment that needs a diagnostic," McKay said testily. Apparently the squid cuddling John witnessed last night had not been as welcome as it had looked.
"I know that, McKay. But while it doesn't seem that they've hurt you, I want to double check that there's nothing in their chemistry that will conflict with any of your allergies in the future."
"Colonel Sheppard, Doctor McKay," Woolsey said, slowly walking down the gateroom stairs. "What's the meaning of this?"
John waved the rest of his team off and headed toward Woolsey. "If you'd like a full debrief now sir, I'm ready to give you one."
"I want someone to contain those...creatures before they infest Atlantis."
John did his best to herd Woolsey away. "They're sentient, and while they are very gentle, I'm pretty sure you don't want to piss off a bunch of alien squid, especially when it comes to trying to separate them from their bondmate. If you'll join me in the conference room, I'll explain."
Woolsey tapped his radio. "I need a containment team to the gateroom immediately."
John growled. "Woolsey, they aren't animals to be contained. They all need to go to the infirmary while I debrief you."
McKay had been caught before he stepped into the corridor, the Marine on the door gesturing for him to move back to the gateroom. "What's going on, Sheppard?"
John pinched his nose. "Woolsey is concerned about the kids."
"The squid are fine."
"I know they're fine, he's worried we're bringing back something that will attack the city."
"There's nothing wrong with them," McKay said as he stopped next to John, the squid milling all about around him.
"I know there's nothing wrong with them. But they're an unknown factor and Woolsey is concerned."
A containment team rushed in moments later, heading directly for John and McKay, containment cages in hand. McKay started backing up, the squid behind him. "Oh no. Absolutely not."
John put himself between Rodney and the team. "Okay, everyone freeze!" Sometimes it was nice to be the ranking officer on the base. "Woolsey, I understand your concern, but we didn't just spend two days negotiating on the care of these guys so you could tear it all down as soon as we walked through the gate. If you'll come with us to the briefing room, we will fill you in on the details."
"You're not in charge here, Colonel," Woolsey said, gesturing to the containment team. "There are protocols set in place for a reason and we will follow them. By the book."
"Woolsey, it causes them physical pain to be separated for McKay. They are bonded to him. You are the one who sent us on the mission, specifically because you said the squid were asking for their Daddy. You knew this was a possibility, since I wasn't going to leave McKay there."
"So they say-if they can even talk at all."
John glanced at the squid. "Guys, please introduce yourselves to Richard Woolsey."
There was a quick scribble and then Post-it notes were hoisted into the air on tentacles with their names written on each.
"Meet the kids, Woolsey. I made the mistake of calling them by their colors the first time we met, so now they use that as their names."
Yellow peered around from behind McKay's leg, and then ducked back. Another note was hoisted up moments later. "Want McKay."
"Yeah, guys, I know. He's your bondmate." John turned back to a very startled Woolsey. "Teyla can fill you in on the details of what we discovered about them from the planet, but the simple answer is that they're sentient and bond immediately as soon as they hatch. McKay is who they bonded with, and for the next year, until they're ready to go back and spawn, being apart from him for any length of time will be painful for them."
"Painful," Woolsey said, his tone dripping with disbelief.
"Are you going to actually listen, or do I need to pack up my team and go back to the planet so Teyla can negotiate with you for us?"
Woolsey's narrowed and then he gestured the containment team forward. "Please bring the...squid and Doctor McKay to the containment room until we can get this sorted."
John sighed. "Rodney, head on over there and I'll debrief Woolsey. It's probably not a bad idea to let Beckett run a few tests so we'll have a baseline in case any of them need medical care later."
"Sheppard," McKay whined, still eyeing the containment team as if they were the devil incarnate. "They're fine. I'm fine."
"I know, but let's try to play nice. I'll talk fast."
McKay snorted as he was led away, sending pleading and annoyed looks in equal measure over his shoulder.
John sighed and followed Woolsey into the conference room. He was incredibly happy to see Teyla follow behind him. "Before we get started, remember you sent us in and told us to take care of the problem. This is how we took care of it."
"By having Doctor McKay bond with a strange, alien creature? That's not exactly what I had in mind when I asked you to take care of it," Woolsey said, sounding tired and annoyed at the same time.
John dropped into one of the chairs. "The bonding was already done. That's why they called us to come back in the first place. Our only real options here were to bring the squid back and let them live with McKay, or leave McKay on the planet until it's safe to be apart from them. I made the best decision possible given the circumstances."
"Leaving Doctor McKay behind was not an option," said Teyla, Ronon hovering menacingly behind her.
John nodded. "So we brought him and the squid home. They are sentient, and they communicate with post-it notes. Where they're getting them, I have no idea. That's not a question I plan to ask."
"How did this happen?"
"Remember the last mission we had there?" John sighed. "McKay fell in the river and I had to pull the little things off him. He spent 24 hours in the infirmary under observation just in case. Well, these are the same creatures just grown a bit, and apparently when they stuck to him the first time, that was when they bonded with him."
"You mentioned the...incident with the river, but not the squid bonding."
John shrugged. "At the time, I didn't know they were bonding. I just knew there were squid on him."
"So what do you intend to do about ridding Doctor McKay of this particular infestation?"
John glanced over at Teyla, hoping she would jump in. She had talked to the village elders more than he had about the problem.
"I have been told that this is a great honor," Teyla began, only to be cut off by Woolsey.
"Everyone always says it's an honor. That's not what I asked."
Teyla's face scrunched a little, her tone edging toward icy. "It is an honor," she repeated, "and the elders do not view it as a burden. It is a great honor to take care of these creatures and one that should not be taken lightly. If we were to injure them..." She shook her head. "I do not know if we would be welcome there, or on many other planets."
John nodded. "They aren't hurting him, and, frankly, going through with it will not only help our relations here, but with a lot of other planets who revere these guys too."
"We just..." Woolsey started, breaking off as he got his thoughts together. "This cannot become a regular thing."
John snorted. "Trust me, I have no plans to pick up any more sentient squid."
"And yet I've seen a disturbing amount of missions where you have been married or bonded with various people and...animals. I believe I recall a goat."
John felt himself blush. "It's not my fault this galaxy has some really weird ideas about trust ceremonies. No offense, Teyla."
"None taken, John," she said with a small smile. "These ceremonies are important to a great many people and have helped us with treaties and supplies throughout the years before contact was re-established with your home world."
Woolsey sighed and finally let them leave, and John didn't hesitate to take off. He headed for the containment area and dismissed the guards. "I'm here to spring you and the squid, McKay."
The scientist looked miserable. He was sitting on a gurney and had been liberated of his off-world clothes and given a pair of bright orange scrubs. "Apparently I've been sentenced to a twenty-four observation," he said pointing to the upper level where Keller was taking notes on her computer.
John sighed, but hopped up on the bed next to him. "Did she say why?"
"Regulations. And you shouldn't be in here."
John shrugged. "I guess I'll just have to keep you company. I was right there with the squid almost as much as you were. If you're infected, then so am I."
"I have so much I should be doing, but I'm not allowed to do anything. It's not like I turned into a bug or anything."
Despite himself, John shivered. "Let's not mention that, okay? And count yourself lucky. Teyla and I had to do some fast talking to convince Woolsey this was a good idea."
"I still don't think it's a good idea, but Larry, Curly, and Moe keep telling me it is-in my head," he said, adding the last bit in a hushed whisper. "I think that's why Keller's panties are in a knot."
John couldn't stop the snort of a laugh that snuck out. "Larry, Curly and Moe?"
McKay shrugged. "It's better than your...bastardized CMYK chart."
"If you tell me the fourth is Shemp, I might have to hurt you."
"Well, you are always in black, but no."
"Thank god. I'm not sure how I'd feel about sharing a name with a squid, even if he was the fourth stooge."
McKay rolled his eyes as Purple edged its way around him, heading toward John. "I think they were traumatized. Keller wanted to know where the Post-It note paper was coming from."
With a sigh, John held out a hand and let Purple climb up on him. "Sorry about that, guys. Unfortunately, we have to follow these rules to make sure everyone stays healthy in the city. It won't be long before McKay and I will take you on a tour."
"So I guess there's not much more to do except sit here and wait."
"Pretty much." With a shrug, John swiveled around to lay back on the bed, kicking his feet up. "1225789."
"Oh, we are so not doing that. Not prime."
"What else have you got to do? If you won't play, maybe the squid will. Do you guys play Prime/Not Prime?"
Quickly four Post-it notes popped up from all around McKay, a big, bold "No!" written on each one.
John sighed. "You told them to say that, didn't you McKay? I'm outnumbered now."
McKay snorted. "As if. They do their own thing."
"We're going to have to figure out what to do for missions. I don't want to stand you down from them, but at the same time, the squid can't come with us off-world. Maybe to places we've been, but first contact missions are dicey enough. We don't need to have four more people to keep safe and worry about."
"Yeah. I was thinking about that before," McKay said quietly. "It looks like you'll get to break Radek in-as long as you don't actually break him in the process. He usually knows what he's doing."
"I don't want Radek. He's good, but he's not you."
"You don't have a choice," McKay said, the words sharp. "Neither of us have a choice. I didn't have a choice with the damn squid. We just have to live with it."
"Then we'll go as a three-person team until the squid can be left here for a few hours. I'll put Lorne on most of the first contact missions, so we'll only go out when it's absolutely necessary until then."
"Take Radek. He needs the experience."
"Radek would be slaughtered out there. He's good at the science thing, but at the first gunshot he would either be dead, or I would be trying to get him home."
"I know what my people can and cannot do," McKay said sharply. "Are you telling me you don't trust my judgment?"
John sighed again. "I trust your judgment, McKay. He's brilliant, and as your second in command, I think you made the perfect choice. But I've been in the field for a long time. Trust my judgment when it comes to knowing who is a liability in a combat situation and who isn't."
"Then you need to train him better. You took a chance with me and I knew less than he does about staying alive in a battle zone."
"I knew from the first time I met you that I wanted you on my off-world team."
"You need a scientist. He's the best I have to give you."
"I don't need a scientist. I need you." John felt a bit of a flush starting and ruthlessly suppressed it, hoping Rodney wouldn't notice.
"Well, I'm off the off-world circuit for a year. You'll just have to deal with it. Just because you want something, doesn't mean you get it." He slid off the gurney and headed for the intercom next to the door. "Jennifer, can you get another bed in here. Sheppard took mine."
John wasn't willing to accept that. But since he didn't know what else to do right now, he wisely kept quiet.
***
Six Weeks Later
Rodney McKay stomped into the control room on the way to Woolsey's office, his four rapidly growing squid...things nipping at his heels. They were always around. Getting into things, under things, on top of things, behind things, sticking their tentacles where they didn't belong.
He'd had to go to the infirmary no less than four times a day-one time for each squid-and sometimes a lot more.
They were children and wanted to learn to explore. He was a very busy CSO with very important adult things he had to do. They didn't understand.
Thankfully, over the course of six weeks, they were starting to get the picture. But it also meant that he never really got to work a full day in the lab anymore. He was too busy trying to keep up with four squid.
He watched A-1 go out on mission after mission, Radek taking his place as the scientist on the team, and getting into the usual trouble and having more than the usual percentage of non-threatening, productive missions. Radek hadn't even had to sit through one harvest festival yet and on many worlds harvest time was in full swing.
Rodney was convinced: the universe hated him.
Today, though, he wasn't pissed off about his mission status. No. He had much more important things to complain about.
"Woolsey," Rodney said without preamble as he stormed into the man's office, disturbing his morning tea ritual. "I've had enough."
Woolsey sat back in his chair and eyed him-and the squid who were never far away. "Yes, Doctor McKay?"
"I need bigger quarters."
Woolsey's eyebrow went up. "You, better than anyone, know why we have not opened up any additional areas for living quarters."
"There are five of us now in a very small space. We have plenty of room. Send Lorne looking. I've already marked off a few sections," he said, stepping forward to show Woolsey his tablet.
"To do it for you would then create a deluge of people who would want to be moved, creating power grid problems. I'm afraid I can't approve this, Doctor."
"This is a unique situation which isn't going to change for the next year. I can and will appeal to the IOA and I don't think any of us want that to happen."
Woolsey leaned forward and tented his hands. "I'm sure we can find an alternate solution that won't require us to drain more power than is strictly necessary. Something you, yourself, have impressed on me on many occasions."
"Opening up a section isn't going to drain the ZPMs. We can handle it. Hell, we can handle an entire new tower if we wanted."
With a put-upon sigh, Woolsey leaned back. "If you can provide me with a report showing where we'll make up for the additional power to more living quarters from other areas, I'll consider it."
Rodney poked at his tablet for a few sections, his fingers flying over the screen. "You have the information in your inbox. I'll be moving before the end of the day."
"Not so fast, Doctor McKay." Woolsey frowned. "I'll need some time to go over these figures and decide which section to open up for living space. Then-if I decide to allow it-we'll need to have Colonel Sheppard send a team to ensure that area is safe."
"Lorne is already suited up and ready to go. Sheppard's team is still off-world. And this wasn't a conversation. I'm moving before the end of the day," Rodney said, his voice hard. "I know you don't like me, but this is something I'm not going to back down on and I will go over your head-which neither of us wants. It's within guidelines and it's more than reasonable."
"I'm not trying to be unreasonable, Doctor McKay. But this falls under the heading of running the city, which is under my job description-not yours. I am more than willing to consider your request, but I won't be bullied by you."
"And I'm telling you that I am moving-and actually, I have already moved most of my belongings. I just need you to rubber stamp it to make it official."
"Doctor McKay, I don't appreciate you trying to go over my head. I don't hate you, as you said earlier, but I do take exception to anyone who tries to belittle my authority. If you would like to come back at another time to discuss this when you aren't feeling so... combative, I would be more than happy to look at all the options."
"You haven't listened to anything I've had to say since you arrived-and since I have the squid...even less. I'll let Lorne know he can do his sweep," Rodney said, turning to leave.
"No, Doctor McKay, you will not." Woolsey stood up. "I will not have you go above my head in what is essentially mutiny. You can either respect my position and authority, or I can make arrangements for you to return to Earth at the next available opportunity. This city cannot function correctly if there is no recognized and followed chain of authority."
"I'm sure sending me back to Earth will go over well with our allies. It seems like word has gotten out that I've been chosen to foster the squid-which is why Sheppard's team hasn't been in as much trouble as usual. See how well that goes," Rodney said. He was so tired of being nice.
"I will do whatever is necessary to protect this city, Doctor McKay. You might not believe it, but I care as much as you do. And I can see how this attitude of yours is hurting it. You might not like having your... squid... but to take out that frustration on me and the city in general is not going to help matters."
"No, you don't," Rodney said with a sigh. "All you care about is the rules and regulations. That's not what works out here."
"I have a healthy respect for rules, yes. But I do care about this city, Doctor McKay. My methods might not be yours, but that does not invalidate them."
"Anything else?" Rodney asked, narrowing his eyes. "The squid are hungry and honestly don't like the...vibes they're getting from you."
"No, not right now. I will look at your reports, and I'll let you know by the end of the day if you have the approval to open up the new sector you are asking for."
"Fine," Rodney said, knowing that he'd be in his new room tonight whether or not he got the all clear from Woolsey. He turned on his heel and left, the squids trailing behind.
"Swim?" The request popped into his head.
Rodney shook his head. "Not now. I have work to do."
"Swim!" It came from several directions this time.
"We just got up. I haven't even had coffee yet. No." He stepped into the transporter and even before he could hit the button for the lab, Purple had poked the spot for the Pier where they'd been swimming on and off.
"Swim!" The whole group went racing to jump into the water.
"Guys, come on," Rodney said with a sigh. "I don't have time for this."
"Short swim. We promise." They all jumped into the water.
"Don't have time for this," he muttered, sitting down on the edge of the pier.
The squid frolicked for a while, then climbed out and cuddled up to him. "Thank you, Daddy."
"Yes, yes. I know you need your time in the water and I'm glad you learned not to pull me and my valuable equipment in with you." That had been a nightmare and they'd apologized for a week.
He got a series of happy bursts, and Red held up a note that they should go get coffee now.
Rodney rubbed his chest absently as he rose to his feet. The emotion bursts always got him in a weird way. "Yes, coffee would be a fine idea and then we can figure out if biology has actually made you something else to eat."
"Yay!" they raced ahead to the transporter, all four waiting for him when he got there.
"Go ahead," he said, gesturing toward Red. It was his turn.
Red pressed the button, and a minute later they were all trooping into the mess hall.
It went smoothly, the staff used to the parade by now. While the squid wandered off to get the things Rodney wanted to eat, Rodney headed to grab himself coffee. They reconvened a few minutes later to head to the science section, each squid clutching one part of Rodney's meal in a tentacle. Thankfully there was no fighting today.
He had managed to set up a sort of routine that he had found would work for the mornings at least, so he was in the middle of getting a few things done when suddenly Sheppard was there. "Hey, we just got back. How are you guys doing?"
Rodney barely looked up. "Fine. Busy. Working. You apparently survived."
A square of something appeared in his line of vision. "We traded for something that's so much like chocolate I can't tell the difference. I brought you back some."
"Chocolate?" Oddly enough, since the squid had arrived, his sweet tooth had faded. He vaguely worried that it might be related, but he had no time to dwell on it. Rodney glanced up, squinting at Sheppard. "How about my scientist? Did you bring him back, too?"
"He's in the shower. He fell in a completely ordinary mud puddle and got covered head to toe in the stuff. I have never heard so many curse words in so many languages all at one time."
"Oh, he's good at that," Rodney nodded. "Thanks for the chocolate. I'll save it for when I need a pick-me-up."
Sheppard leaned against the table. "Why don't we do a movie night tonight? You can pick the film."
"You know the squid don't like television."
"Well, they can come, but I was inviting you because I know you do like it." John gave him a small smile. "Parents are allowed to do things they enjoy. Teyla even said she would stay with them for a little while in your quarters to give you a night off."
"We both know how well that works," Rodney said with a scowl. The last time he tried to sneak away somewhere, the squid had howled and screamed in his head until he walked back to where he'd left them.
"Last time you tried to leave without telling them. This time, we're setting it up in advance, leaving them with a squid sitter they love, and telling them exactly when you'll be home."
"Maybe. I just got here a little while ago."
"Let me know. I was thinking tonight after dinner. They're always more tired at night anyway, we can all have a big meal, and then they can go home to bed with Teyla and you can come watch a movie."
"Sure sure," Rodney said waving him off. "Let me get back to these equations before the city blows up or something."
John smiled at him again. "I'll catch you later. Behave, squid, and don't give him a hard time."
Four tentacles went up. "We" "Don't" "Do" "That".
John snorted, then glanced back at Rodney. "How about I take you guys down to the Pier for a little while so he can concentrate. I'll bring you back when you're ready."
Four more tentacles. "We" Were" "There" "Before"
"So? Who says you can only swim once a day?"
"Wanna" "Stay" "With" "Dad"
John smiled at them. "I know you do, but you want him to be able to work too, right? Come with me for an hour to give him a break."
"We'll" "Be" "Quiet" "!"
John sighed. "I tried, buddy. I'll see you guys later."
"It's fine. I'm getting used to it," Rodney said with a tired smile. "If you see Radek, tell him to get his butt down here ASAP."
"I will. See you later, McKay."
"Thanks, Sheppard," he said, immediately going back to work.
He got the power fluctuations fixed by the end of the week, spent an inordinate amount of time in and around water, moved to his new quarters-with Woolsey's permission-and decided that sleeping with four squid wasn't as bad as he first thought.
He only wished they had fur.
***
John paced his room. It had been two months. Two months since Rodney came home with the squid. Two months since he had to take a leave of absence from the team.
Two months since he had been able to really hang out.
It was killing him.
The city was running better than it had in 10,000 years. Radek was, surprisingly, not as bad with a gun as John had feared. McKay and his squid had found a routine that worked, and he was settling in.
Even Teyla and Ronon had started taking the squid swimming once a week to give Rodney a break. The squid had finally gotten to a point where they would allow him to be out of their sight, even if it was only for short periods.
John seemed to be the only one who was still pissed about the whole thing.
His door chime rang and John scowled at the closed door.
He debated ignoring it since an emergency would have whoever it was calling his radio, but he finally sighed and told the door to open.
Ronon loomed just outside. "Wanna run?"
He shook his head. "No thanks, buddy. I'm not in the mood to get my ass handed to me today."
"Need to do something."
"You can probably find some Marines in the gym if you're looking for a workout."
"No." He narrowed his eyes at John. "Should I get Teyla?"
John blinked at him. "Why? What's wrong?"
"You."
"Me?" John instinctively looked down at himself then back up. "What's wrong with me?"
"Sulking. Moody. You don't like Zelenka."
"I like Zelenka just fine."
Ronon nodded, shifting on his feet. "I should get Teyla."
John rolled his eyes. "I'm fine, Ronon. Don't bother her. Go have fun with the Marines."
"I finished with them earlier. Came looking for you."
John gave him a small smile. "I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine."
"No, you're not. Not since the squid."
"I'm just upset that my team was broken over it. I like the squid fine, and Radek is learning. I'm just adjusting."
"Zelenka's better than McKay with some things."
John didn't want to talk about it, but he was pretty sure growling at his teammate wouldn't help the "all's well" image he was trying to project. "And in some ways he's worse. They're just different people."
"Everyone's different. Shouldn't be a surprise to you."
Despite himself, John huffed. "It's not, and I don't hate Radek. He's fine, I'm fine, can we just drop this now?"
"You have a problem. If you have a problem, the team has a problem."
"I don't have a problem. I really don't. I'm just tired and I don't want to run tonight."
"Fine." Ronon turned on his heel and loped off without another word, the door closing silently a few seconds later.
Great. John sighed and dropped down onto his bed. Now Ronon was pissed at him and John still wasn't sure why he thought there was a problem. There wasn't. Really.
Less than a minute passed before his radio chirped in his ear.
He hit it, already dreading what the emergency would be this time. "Sheppard here."
"Sheppard, hi," McKay said, sounding a bit uncertain. "Ah...I was wondering if you wanted to play some chess. The squid are tired and aren't up for much, but I'm still a bit wired and I don't feel like working tonight..."
"Your place or mine?" John felt better already. See, nothing wrong.
"Ahh...here would be better. You know with the squid and all."
"I'm on my way. I'll bring the board."
"Oh, ah. Great. I'll be here."
John grabbed his board and was out the door before the squid could start doing something that would make him call it off. He was at Rodney's door ringing the bell minutes later.
And no one answered.
"Rodney?"
He rang the chime a few more times and banged on the door, but no one came.
Finally, he tapped his radio. "McKay."
He answered a few beats later. "I thought you were coming over."
"I'm standing outside your door and you aren't answering."
"My door is open and I'm standing it in and you're not here. Where are you?"
"I'm standing in front of your door and you you're not here."
"I am so. I know where I live."
John used his connection with the city to open the door. And the room was completely empty. He immediately started to quietly panic. "Rodney. I think I have a problem. Maybe I somehow fell into an alternate universe, but the radio still works? I didn't touch anything, but weirder things have happened."
McKay sighed loudly in his ear. "You are not in an alternate universe." He paused for a moment and then asked a little more quietly. "What tower are you in?"
"What do you mean what tower am I in? I'm standing in your room, and it's empty. Nothing. Nada. Zip. So either I'm in a fucking alternate universe and you need to figure out how to get me back, or... or I don't know."
"Ah...right. Go down the hall and take the elevator to tower two, sixth level."
"Why the hell would I go there? It's an empty tower."
"The fifth and sixth levels aren't. Just...trust me."
John had been trusting McKay for a while, so he was already heading that direction. "I'm on my way now."
"Good. Blue said he'd wait for you by the transporter. Just follow him."
John blinked. "O...kay." John stepped out of the transporter, and sure enough, Blue was waiting there. "Hey, buddy. Apparently you guys moved and no one bothered to tell me."
A note quickly appeared. "Needed room."
John sighed, following him down the hall. "Yeah, but I would have helped you guys move."
"Mission." The next note read, waved at him as the nearest door slid open.
John sighed again. He hated this. He stepped in and looked around. "Nice new digs."
"Thanks," McKay said with a smile as he stepped into the small but well-appointed sitting room. John could see two doors leading off the main room and peering through one spotted a rather large bed. "With them growing, I needed more room."
"Understandable. I just... didn't know you were looking to move, much less that you had moved. Took me by surprise."
"I..ah...sorry. I thought you knew. Teyla and Ronon were by a few times already. I just figured you were busy-you know with military command stuff."
"No. I didn't know. I would have helped you move if I did." John shrugged. "So I brought the chess set."
"Oh, yes, right. Chess. You can set it up on the table. Want a beer?"
John made a face. "Yes, but I shouldn't. Last time I had one, I was drunk before it was halfway gone."
McKay snorted. "That was a long time ago. I'm sure your tolerance is fine," he said, moving to a sideboard that held a small warming plate, an Ancient fridge and a coffeemaker.
"Yeah, and it's not like I've been drinking all that much lately to build it back up. My tolerance was shit to begin with, anyway. I was always a cheap date. If you have any decent coffee though, I'll take that."
"I can make a pot, but it'll take a few minutes," he said, already moving to set up the new pot of coffee. "I have some snacks I've grabbed from the mess, too."
"Thanks. I've only been getting the shitty stuff in the mess lately." John set up the chess board while they talked. "How have things been in the labs?"
"Good overall. We haven't had a near accident in about two weeks, so it's been nice. The new protocols are working well."
Zelenka had mentioned those, so John nodded. "Always good. It's frustrating when our injury counts are as high on the city as off-world."
"Exactly. And if we can get these protocols down-even more so than before-it will help to entice other scientists to think seriously about joining."
Nodding, John focused on the pieces. He was worried that, once the squid were gone, with all the new protocols in place and McKay getting to be the King Geek full time, he wouldn't want to come back to the team. But for now, John shuttered that. "Do you think the SGC will let you increase your staff numbers?"
"I do. We need to. There's so much we can learn out here and if we can get it to be a safer place for scientists to work in, I think a lot of people would jump at the chance to work here."
"Pegasus will never really be a safe place as long as the Wraith are out there, but yeah, if we can cut down on stupid mistakes here at home, it would be a good thing."
McKay brought a plate of finger foods-mainly sweets to the table before heading back to the coffee pot. He pulled two mugs down from the cabinet overhead. "After the first week of no accidents passed, we got a lot more buy-in from the morons."
Chuckling, John leaned back, avoiding the sweets. For some reason, he hadn't been all that hungry lately. "Yeah, they don't like change, but at least the scientist parts come out when they can see an experiment working."
"Apparently it takes a lot of convincing for some," McKay said, rolling his eyes. "Try the little cakes. You'll like them."
"Well, you do constantly say the SGC sends you the rejects." John laughed. He didn't want to piss Rodney off, so he took a little cake and set it aside.
"Yeah, yeah. They usually do, but I have my eyes on some new recruits and they're worried more about their skin than the thrill of discovery. If I can fix the safety and security issues, then I can get some really qualified scientists."
"Are you looking to recruit outside the program? Or from within the SGC?"
"Both, actually."
"Good." John made the first chess move. "We need some new blood. Everyone in the program is brilliant, but even geniuses can get stuck in ruts. Having new perspectives would probably kick-start all the projects again."
"We honestly need some scientists in specific fields. We're not far enough along in some places."
"I think when we first started recruiting for the program, and then came to Atlantis, there was an emphasis on certain areas. I agree though, we could use a more well-rounded bunch."
"Yes, yes," McKay said as he wandered over, squinting at the board before making a quick move. "I'm trying to get some more practical disciplines, as well. It's hard to find a good electrician in the middle of fifteen physicists."
"Not a bad idea. If we could get some basic maintenance people out here, then you could get that off your plate for the most part. We could form a team with plumbers, electricians, engineers, etc. who would be in charge of seeing to the routine stuff." John moved another piece.
"That's the plan," McKay said with a nod as he moved to check the pot again. "Milk? Sugar?"
"I'll take it black. Thanks."
McKay shot him a look. "You're drinking it black again?"
John shrugged. "Yes, why?"
"You haven't done that in...well, a while." McKay walked over, handing John the mug. He scowled and looked over his shoulder toward the bedroom. "I'll be right back."
"Thanks. And okay. Something wrong?"
He pointed to his head. "Squid arguing. Give me a minute."
John watched him walk away, and sighed softly. He missed just being able to hang out. He downed his coffee, and got up to refill the cup while he waited.
"...went through this last night. It's Red's turn and that's final. Do I need to make a spreadsheet?
Rolling his eyes, John popped his head into the room. "What are they arguing about?"
McKay was standing in the middle of his huge bedroom, his hands on his hips. The four squid-and when did they grow to be larger than a dog?-were clustered in front of him. "They...help out with the chores and argue every night about whose turn it is."
"Are they arguing about who gets to do them, or who has to do them?"
McKay's cheeks actually pinked up. "They...like helping out. A little bit too much at times. So we set up a schedule of who does what and it's Red's turn for the nightly chores before they go to bed-which was supposed to happen fifteen minutes ago."
"Why don't you just assign one chore to each of them to do every night. Then they don't have to fight over it."
"Yeah..." McKay sighed. "That didn't work so well. Tentacles."
John shook his head. "Well, most parents have to fight the kids to do the chores at all, so I guess this is slightly better version."
"I guess," McKay said with a shrug. "Now, I'm not going to repeat this again. Let Red work and the rest of you need to be in bed. Don't make me come in here again."
Hiding a smile behind his cup, John drained it again and got another refill before sitting back down.
Yellow wandered out of the bedroom a few moments later, hoisting a bag of Cheetos in one tentacle, a note in the other. "For you."
"For me?" John took the bag. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed, little guy?"
Another note appeared. "Too skinny. Eat."
"Yellow! Get in here," McKay called out, the squid jumping to obey.
John smiled and called after him. "Thanks, Yellow!"
McKay appeared a few minutes later after John had munched on a couple of the bright orange cheese puffs. "Oh," he said stopping. "Where did you get those from? They were for later."
Chuckling, John handed the bag over. "Yellow came and gave them to me, and told me I was too skinny."
McKay's cheeks pinked up again even as he waved off the bag, making John take it back. "Yes, well, it's obvious just from looking at you that you need to put some weight on. I don't know how those pants are actually capable of staying on your hips."
John rolled his eyes. "It's not my fault I have a fast metabolism."
"You need to eat in order to have a metabolism."
"I eat when I'm hungry."
"Which is never these days."
John raised an eyebrow. "Why do you think that? I eat." John knew he hadn't been as hungry lately, but he was pretty sure he would have noticed if he stopped eating.
"No, you don't. At least that's what Lorne, Parrish, Ronon, Radek, and Teyla have been telling me."
John let out a breath. "Why does everyone keep trying to tell me something is wrong? I'm fine, damn it!" He took a deep breath. "I have no idea why they don't think I am, and they are driving me crazy with this shit."
"Because you're ill-tempered, moody, and you've dropped twenty pounds. Even I can tell and I never see you in the labs anymore."
"I haven't lost twenty pounds, and I'm moody because the SGC keeps finding new and torturous ways to make me do paperwork."
McKay scowled at him. "You're temperamental and if I drag you down to the infirmary and put you on the scale it'll tell you the same thing we're seeing. You've had to tighten your belt, what, two holes already?"
John flushed despite himself. "What difference does it make? I just haven't been hungry lately, and I've been busy. The SGC sent over a new batch of Marines on the last run who I swear have no gate experience at all. They're a constant headache."
"I don't want to get the new base head shrinker involved, but I will if I have to."
John rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. Seriously. Why do people keep threatening to sic other people on me? I'm fine."
"Because we're worried about you."
He shook his head. "You don't need to be. I'm fine. Nothing is wrong." He sighed as his radio chirped at him. He was off-duty, so that was never good. "Sheppard here."
"Sorry to bother you, sir," Lorne said. "There's been an incident in the mess hall and you should probably come down here and take care of it."
John sighed. "I'm on my way." He gave McKay a tired smile. "Apparently the men are fighting in the mess and need me to go break heads to break it up. Maybe we can try this again when I get back from the mission tomorrow night?"
"Sure," McKay said, his voice tight.
"I swear, if the SGC doesn't stop sending me idiots, I might just defect to the science team." John stood up and handed over the bag of Cheetos. "We'll share them tomorrow. And really, I appreciate the concern, but I am fine. I don't know why everyone thinks I'm not, but I am."
McKay just shook his head, clutching the bag of Cheetos to his chest.
John headed downstairs and it took him almost two hours to sort out what was going on, then another hour to write it all up and put in the orders for discipline. By the time he fell into bed, it was really late.
The next morning, he suited up early and headed out with his team to contact the latest potential trade partners, doing his best to ignore all of their looks, and be as cheerful as possible.
Of course, everything had to go pear-shaped. They had been having such good luck lately, too.
As he was being hauled back to the gate, gunfire all around him, he reflected that charging in shooting was probably not the best game plan after all. They hadn't been very surprised, and this fucking hurt. That was his last thought before blessed darkness, and then he didn't have to worry anymore.
Continued in part 3.