Fic: Crash and Burn
Title: Crash and Burn
Creator: starbuckssue
Pairing: Cameron Mitchell/John Sheppard (previous Rodney McKay/John Sheppard)
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Prompt: busaikko
Summary: ‘As I’ve hijacked Daniel I thought I’d send you Sheppard in return. Just look after him, I don’t want him broken when I get him back’.
Notes: Written for SGA_Smooch SGA Love 2014
Many thanks to rabidfan for the beta and helpful suggestions and comments.
Cam Mitchell paced the halls of the SGC in frustration. John Sheppard had disappeared quickly on their return through the Stargate and while Mitchell was being grilled by Landry John had quickly presented himself to the infirmary for his post mission check and had been gone by the time Mitchell got there.
So here he was, searching the mountain for his temporary team member, finally catching sight of him near the main labs where he’d been playing light switch for the scientists in his spare time.
“Sheppard.” He called out angrily.
John Sheppard stopped, his shoulders slumping, before turning towards Mitchell.
“Sir.” He replied coldly, standing to attention.
Cam sighed internally. Despite the difference in their rank the respect they had for each other meant that they’d never stood on ceremony. However, he was well aware that Sheppard had issues with authority figures and, being his temporary team leader, Cam realized he currently fell into that category.
“With me, now.” Cam demanded turning and walking back the way he had come. Sheppard had been at the SGC for over two weeks now and Cam was pretty sure there was something going on with the other man but he felt he was more likely to get to the bottom of it outside of the mountain.
He strode confidently towards the locker rooms, not turning back to see if Sheppard was following. He entered the room and started getting changed into jeans and sweatshirt. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sheppard hesitate in the doorway before entering the room and getting changed himself.
By the time Cam was ready John was just finishing lacing his boots so without any further hesitation Cam led the way out of the room towards the elevator to the surface.
They didn’t talk on the journey to the top and John hesitated again in the parking lot as Cam made his way to his jeep.
“Come on, get in.” Cam called, watching as John slowly made his way around to the passenger side of the jeep.
As he drove out of the compound Cam glanced sideways at the younger man, groaning inwardly at the look apprehension that Sheppard was obviously trying to hide. It was the last thing Cam wanted and O’Neill’s words came back to haunt him.
"Mitchell. I’m sending Sheppard to you for a month. With Teyla and Ronon back in Pegasus and McKay off on his little jaunt with Keller Sheppard’s at loose ends and is getting a little antsy without any action. As I’ve hijacked Daniel I thought I’d send you Sheppard in return. Just look after him, I don’t want him broken when I get him back".
Unfortunately, at the rate Sheppard was going he would crash and burn by the end of the month. Mitchell was determined that he wouldn’t let it happen.
He threw his cell phone to his passenger. “Pizza is on speed dial 5, they know me, I’ll have a medium Meat Lovers.”
To his relief Sheppard relaxed slightly, placing the call and putting in the order. By the time the pizzas were ordered they were pulling into the parking lot in front of Cam’s building.
Cam unlocked the door and led the way in.
“So are you staying at the mountain while you’re here?”
“No, don’t think I could cope being underground all the time,” John replied with a shudder. “McKay’s still got his apartment in Colorado Springs so we usually crash there when one of us gets called to the mountain. Neither of us stay here any longer than necessary.”
“Missing the sea air?” Cam asked with a grin.
“Yeah, you get used to fresh air all the time. There’s never any pollution around Atlantis so you really notice it on the mainland. You also get a background hum with the Ancient technology which you miss when you’re off the city. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve tried to stay on Atlantis since we’ve been back.”
Cam looked over at him for a moment, taking in the dark shadows under his eyes as well as the listlessness.
“You know O’Neill’s concerned about you.” Cam told him gently. “I agreed to take you on and give you some action but after today I need to know if you’re really up for it. You went a little crazy out there. You ignored my orders and took off as if you were in charge! I need to know that in an emergency you’ll do what I tell you to do, otherwise you’re a liability.” He sat down opposite John. “What’s going on with you?”
John glanced up at him.
“It’s that obvious?” He asked softly, looking away and out of the window. “It’s not the same on Earth; I guess I’m having a little trouble adjusting.” He confessed at last with a sigh. “We’ve spent five years in Pegasus, almost constantly on guard for the Wraith, Replicators or other hostiles. Since losing Ford the first year the Team has been constant, even when Teyla was pregnant she was still there, still Team.
Now she and Ronon are back in Pegasus and we have no contact with them. It wasn’t so bad while Rodney was still around but now he and Keller are away it’s just not the same. I guess I’ll have to get used to things changing.” He finished sadly.
Cam was silent for a moment, not knowing John well enough to be sure what to say to comfort or reassure the younger man.
“And I guess it doesn’t help that O’Neill still has no idea how long you’re going to be stuck on Earth either.” Cam said finally.
John just nodded and Cam was about to change the subject when the doorbell rang.
“That sounds like dinner,” he said getting up to answer the door, coming back a moment later with two pizza boxes which he placed on the coffee table.
“You want beer or soda with your pizza?”
“Beer’s good.” John replied with a weak grin.
Cam turned away with a frown, still not convinced with Sheppard’s answer. There was still something going on which John wasn’t telling. He grabbed a couple of beers and knocked the tops off before returning to the living room, handing John his beer and switching on the television and tuning in to a college football game.
John had opened the boxes and was already eating a slice out of one of them. They ate in companionable silence for a while before John sat back with a sigh, sipping his beer.
“Have you had enough?” Cam asked with a frown. John had only eaten two pieces of his pizza.
“I’m not really hungry at the moment and before you say anything I am eating properly.”
“Hey, I didn’t say a thing.” Cam interjected with raised brows.
“Rodney accuses me of not eating properly when he thinks I’m stressed; he sees it as his personal mission to make sure I’m fed. This coming from the man who spends up to 24 hours in his lab living on power bars.” John explained with a sharp laugh. “He’s a fine one to talk.”
“Yeah, well it won’t hurt for McKay to lose a few pounds; you haven’t got any spare to lose.” Cam pointed out.
“Hey, Rodney’s lost quite a bit of weight since we first went to Pegasus,” John snapped defensively. “And he’s a lot fitter. He spars with Ronon, Teyla and I and he can run pretty fast now.”
Cam threw him a puzzled look at the reaction. “Okay, you got me there. I don’t really know him enough to tell the difference. I didn’t mean to offend.”
John looked away quickly and Cam frowned again. There was definitely something going on, but whether John would tell him remained to be seen.
***
Cam finished off his pizza and settled into watch the rest of the game, grabbing another couple of beers in the interval. John was radiating tension and Cam made small talk about the play, relieved as John gradually relaxed as they chatted over the game.
When the game finished Cam rose and stretched.
“I’ll put the rest of your pizza in the ‘fridge, if you want some more later you can heat it up in the microwave, just help yourself.” He said as he cleared the table. “Oh and if you need the facilities it’s the first door on the right in the hallway.”
He took the remains from dinner into the kitchen and debated whether to make coffee or have another beer. Determined to get to the bottom of John’s issues he went for the beer, hoping it would relax the other man enough to open up. He could always call a cab to take John home if necessary.
He went back into the living room just as John returned from the bathroom.
“So what do you think of the plans to repeal DADT?” He asked casually. “You think you’ll have any issues with the Atlantis personnel.”
As he was watching John, he didn’t miss the sudden look of fear which passed over John’s face before it was quickly schooled into a neutral look.
“Atlantis is an international expedition. We already have both non-US military and scientists in same sex relationships, although they don’t flaunt it, especially in front of me.” He answered haltingly. “I’m pretty sure there are a few US military in relationships as well, although they’re more discrete. But everyone’s used to it, as far as I’m concerned it just makes it a level playing field for everyone.”
“The SGC has always been a little more relaxed about same-sex relationships than the military would like.” Cam admitted with a chuckle. “I guess when the current head of Homeworld Security is in a relationship with his scientist people tend to shut up or get out.” He looked over at John, seeing the surprise on his face. “Hey, I know you’ve never worked at the SGC itself but surely you knew that O’Neill and Jackson were a couple, have been almost from the start.”
John shook his head.
“By the time I was part of the Stargate Program Landry was in charge, I didn’t see O’Neill very often and rarely saw him and Jackson together. In fact, I think the only times were the day we left Earth for Atlantis, when Jackson was trying to convince O’Neill to let him come along and two weeks ago, when they both turned up.”
“You know the only reason Jack was there was to get some quality time with Daniel.” Cam said with a chuckle.
“Not sure he was getting that,” John said with a grin. “I think Daniel was spending all his time in the labs.”
“Which was probably why he was annoying you, which made him realize there was something going on.” Cam replied softly. “O’Neill plays the dumb card a lot, but he doesn’t miss much.”
John sighed and scrubbed his hand over his head, leaving his hair in even more disarray than it usually was.
“O’Neill’s main focus is Daniel, but he cares about his people.” Cam started slowly. “He knows I’m bisexual, he’s pretty intuitive and thanks to him, people at the SGC just turn a blind eye. With Jack on the case, they know it’s only a matter of time before DADT is repealed, he has a lot of influence with the President.”
John dropped his head in his hands, breathing deeply before raising his head and looking at Cam, conflicted emotions clearly on display.
“You guessed I am too.” He whispered. “God, it’s been so hard trying to hide it all this time.” He closed his eyes and slumped back, the last of the tension draining out of him.
Cam watched him carefully, pieces of the puzzle falling into place.
“It’s McKay, isn’t it?” He asked softly.
John nodded and took a deep breath before opening his eyes and looking directly at Cam.
“When we first went through the gate, we knew it might be a one way trip but apart from that, everything was unknown.
Atlantis completely floored us, it was just incredible. There we were in the Lost City, under water. Within 24 hours we’d met the Athosians, had a run in with the Wraith, evacuated the survivors back to the City only to discover the shields were about to fail. Atlantis rose to the surface and McKay introduced me to the Puddlejumpers. I killed Sumner and rescued the others who were culled.”
He rose and walked over to the window, fidgeting with the label on his bottle.
“Weir and Teyla hosted a celebration that evening, but I couldn’t get over the necessity of killing Sumner. Weir had no idea of military protocol, didn’t even think about the fact that I should have been sent to Heightmeyer.” He broke off and took a long drink. “Somehow McKay, usually the most oblivious person on the mission, understood how I felt. He came to my quarters that night. I hate shrinks and I hate talking about things, but somehow Rodney got me to talk, he held me and talked me down from the freak out I had when it finally sunk in that I was the highest ranked member of the military and that everyone’s safety and protection was my responsibility. He reassured me that he would always be there for me, that he understood that there wasn’t anyone else I could talk to.”
He broke off and took a drink.
“Must’ve been hard to suddenly find yourself in charge of a bunch of marines.” Cam observed.
“Yeah. I needed to appear in control and confident that I could protect the civilians. I had to impress upon Weir that I could handle the job even though I didn’t have the rank for it back then. Rodney was an equal. He didn’t push me at all and we didn’t have sex that night, he just held me through the freak out and reaction.” John stopped and drained his beer.
“After that we got together frequently. At first I just saw it as fuck buddies, you know.” He shrugged as he looked over at Cam. “We carried on, even when he was seeing Katie Brown. He told me when he was getting engaged to Katie, said that we would have to cool things. But the engagement never happened and we just carried on.” John sighed and placed the bottle on the coffee table. “Have you got any more of that?” He nodded at the bottle.
Cam got up without speaking and grabbed another couple of beers, unwilling to give John any reason to stop talking.
“Even when he started going out with Jennifer he still came to me when he knew I’d had bad days, he always knew when I needed him. But things changed when we returned to Earth, I think Jennifer was pushing him for something more permanent and being on Earth meant that we didn’t have any near misses and traumas, so he had less reason to think I needed him.” He finished quietly.
Cam reached out and squeezed John’s shoulder, trying to give comfort and support in a way that John would allow. Eventually, John took a deep breath and continued.
“Jennifer had been nagging him for ages about taking him to meet her father, and going to see Jeannie. Eventually Rodney gave in and agreed to take a month’s leave. I knew then that that had to be the end of what we had. I didn’t want it to happen, I wanted to keep him but I couldn’t tell him.” John broke off again, drawing his knees up to his chest and curling up in a miserable ball.
“You’d fallen in love with him, but you couldn’t tell him.” Cam said softly.
“I fell in love with him that first year.” John whispered. “I never told him, I just let him think it was a fuck-buddy relationship and that it didn’t mean anything.”
“God John.” Cam reached out, pulling John to him. He held on tight, feeling tremors run through the younger man. Eventually John calmed and pulled back, head down and flushed with embarrassment.
“Hey, it’s okay, I understand.” Cam said softly.
“I should be able to deal better than this.” John said angrily, getting to his feet and walking over to stare out of the window. “It’s my own fault, I got myself into this mess.”
“Listen,” Cam said quickly. “You didn’t know how this was going to turn out. Okay, so maybe you could have said something to McKay, but even then he may not have been interested. Hell even if you’d confessed all he still might have gone for the little wife, white picket fence and two point five kids. You couldn’t know.” He walked over to John and rubbed his shoulder, surprised when John leaned into him.
“I guess I kept hoping it wouldn’t last.” John said finally with a sigh. “I mean, Keller is almost fifteen years younger than he is and she keeps trying to change him. I didn’t think he’d put up with it for this long. But the fact that they’ve gone off to meet the family makes it look pretty final.”
“It usually means something,” Cam replied. “Doesn’t always go well though.”
“I’d never have guessed you were bi.” John admitted, changing the subject. “Are you seeing anyone?”
“No, not at the moment.” Cam replied. “I haven’t had a serious partner since I’ve been here. It’s difficult to keep up a steady relationship with someone outside the mountain when you keep disappearing and can’t tell them what’s going on. I’ve hooked up with a few people at the SGC on occasion though.”
John looked at him before turning back to the window, shuffling his feet nervously, and Cam studied him for a moment. John was his type, a little underweight so maybe McKay had good reason to be concerned about his eating habits. But overall the man was attractive with his clear hazel eyes and unruly hair and Cam knew he wouldn’t say no if John was interested.
Cam put his empty bottle down on the coffee table and stepped towards John. Reaching out, he placed his hand on the back of John’s neck, squeezing gently before turning John back towards him.
There was apprehension in John’s eyes and a little flicker of fear. Cam ran the back of his fingers gently down the side of John’s face. John closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, telling Cam all he needed to know. Stepping forward he kissed John, tentatively at first until John’s lips parted to allow him access.
He pulled John closer as the kissing became more heated, eventually Cam pulled away slightly as John’s head dropped to his shoulder.
“Hey, I think we’d better take this through to the bedroom before we get carried away any further.” He said with a chuckle.
John nodded against his neck, breathing hard, letting Cam lead him through the apartment and into the bedroom.
***
Cam woke with a start when his alarm went off, stretching slowly before the memory of the night before surfaced and he realized he was alone in bed.
“John?” He called as he rolled out of bed, grabbing his boxers from the floor where he’d discarded them the night before.
There was no answer. He quickly checked the small apartment, discovering as he’d guessed, that his companion had slipped out during the night.
“Damn.” Cam said out loud, scrubbing his hand through his hair in annoyance. This was only going to make things more awkward. He showered quickly and dressed, making his way straight for the mountain without stopping for breakfast. The longer they left this the more awkward it was going to be and they had to work together for another two weeks before John’s return to Atlantis.
He changed quickly into his uniform, trying to guess where Sheppard could be hiding out. His usual haunts were the mess or the labs. He headed for the mess first; at least if John wasn’t there he could grab a cup of coffee and a pastry to make up for missing breakfast.
“ColonelMitchell,” Cam turned, taking a bite out of his cinnamon roll as he waited for the coffee to fill.
“Hey Teal’c,” He replied, swallowing his mouthful. “Have you seen Sheppard this morning?”
“Indeed I have. He came and said farewell before he was beamed back to Atlantis.” Teal’c explained. “He asked me to relay his apologies that he could not inform you himself. GeneralO’Neill contacted him late last night to inform him that Atlantis has permission to return to Pegasus and that his presence was required back on the City.”
“That was quick,” Cam exclaimed. “Jack thought it was going to take longer to win over the IOA.”
“Apparently there was another near miss in San Francisco Bay and the President overruled the IOA and ordered that the City be returned to Pegasus immediately. They were contacting all personnel during the night and all those who wish to return are being beamed back today.”
“Not everyone wants to return?” Cam asked.
“I understand that Dr Keller has accepted a position at Johns Hopkins so will not be returning. Dr Beckett will be allowed to return to his former duty as Chief Medical Officer in the interim. The IOA is not happy about having a clone in charge of the Infirmary so the subject is still up for discussion.”
“What about McKay, is he staying with Keller?” Cam asked, trying to keep the concern out of his voice.
Teal’c looked at him oddly and he knew he hadn’t managed it.
“I believe Dr McKay has yet to make up his mind.”
“Thanks Teal’c, I’ll catch up with you later.” Cam turned and left the mess, sipping his coffee and munching on his pastry as he made his way to his small office.
Closing his office door, he checked Sheppard’s cell number and tried dialing, cursing as he received the recorded message informing him that the cell phone number was unavailable. He dropped into his chair and sighed deeply, reflecting on the evening before.
He’d enjoyed Sheppard’s company. He didn’t think either of them had been drunk enough for their actions of the night before to have been a mistake, so why had John slipped out and left the way he had without waking him and telling him why he was leaving?
He powered up his laptop, knowing there was no point in brooding over it. He opened his emails, resigning himself to the fact that he really should get the mission reports from the previous day collated and sent in. He noted abstractly that both Vala and Teal’c had already written and emailed theirs to him and then realized that there was also one from John.
He quickly clicked it open, John had attached his mission report to the email, but there was a quick, simple, message in the email itself.
“Cam.” It read. “Thanks for inviting me over to watch the game. Sorry I didn’t hang around to speak to you personally but thanks for the past two weeks, I enjoyed the action. Cheers John.”
Cam smiled in relief as he opened the attachment, reading through the brief but concise mission report and saving it in the folder along with the others. He didn’t know what lay ahead for John Sheppard, but if they did come across one another again in the future, there would be no hard feelings on either side.
Creator: starbuckssue
Pairing: Cameron Mitchell/John Sheppard (previous Rodney McKay/John Sheppard)
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Prompt: busaikko
Summary: ‘As I’ve hijacked Daniel I thought I’d send you Sheppard in return. Just look after him, I don’t want him broken when I get him back’.
Notes: Written for SGA_Smooch SGA Love 2014
Many thanks to rabidfan for the beta and helpful suggestions and comments.
Cam Mitchell paced the halls of the SGC in frustration. John Sheppard had disappeared quickly on their return through the Stargate and while Mitchell was being grilled by Landry John had quickly presented himself to the infirmary for his post mission check and had been gone by the time Mitchell got there.
So here he was, searching the mountain for his temporary team member, finally catching sight of him near the main labs where he’d been playing light switch for the scientists in his spare time.
“Sheppard.” He called out angrily.
John Sheppard stopped, his shoulders slumping, before turning towards Mitchell.
“Sir.” He replied coldly, standing to attention.
Cam sighed internally. Despite the difference in their rank the respect they had for each other meant that they’d never stood on ceremony. However, he was well aware that Sheppard had issues with authority figures and, being his temporary team leader, Cam realized he currently fell into that category.
“With me, now.” Cam demanded turning and walking back the way he had come. Sheppard had been at the SGC for over two weeks now and Cam was pretty sure there was something going on with the other man but he felt he was more likely to get to the bottom of it outside of the mountain.
He strode confidently towards the locker rooms, not turning back to see if Sheppard was following. He entered the room and started getting changed into jeans and sweatshirt. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sheppard hesitate in the doorway before entering the room and getting changed himself.
By the time Cam was ready John was just finishing lacing his boots so without any further hesitation Cam led the way out of the room towards the elevator to the surface.
They didn’t talk on the journey to the top and John hesitated again in the parking lot as Cam made his way to his jeep.
“Come on, get in.” Cam called, watching as John slowly made his way around to the passenger side of the jeep.
As he drove out of the compound Cam glanced sideways at the younger man, groaning inwardly at the look apprehension that Sheppard was obviously trying to hide. It was the last thing Cam wanted and O’Neill’s words came back to haunt him.
"Mitchell. I’m sending Sheppard to you for a month. With Teyla and Ronon back in Pegasus and McKay off on his little jaunt with Keller Sheppard’s at loose ends and is getting a little antsy without any action. As I’ve hijacked Daniel I thought I’d send you Sheppard in return. Just look after him, I don’t want him broken when I get him back".
Unfortunately, at the rate Sheppard was going he would crash and burn by the end of the month. Mitchell was determined that he wouldn’t let it happen.
He threw his cell phone to his passenger. “Pizza is on speed dial 5, they know me, I’ll have a medium Meat Lovers.”
To his relief Sheppard relaxed slightly, placing the call and putting in the order. By the time the pizzas were ordered they were pulling into the parking lot in front of Cam’s building.
Cam unlocked the door and led the way in.
“So are you staying at the mountain while you’re here?”
“No, don’t think I could cope being underground all the time,” John replied with a shudder. “McKay’s still got his apartment in Colorado Springs so we usually crash there when one of us gets called to the mountain. Neither of us stay here any longer than necessary.”
“Missing the sea air?” Cam asked with a grin.
“Yeah, you get used to fresh air all the time. There’s never any pollution around Atlantis so you really notice it on the mainland. You also get a background hum with the Ancient technology which you miss when you’re off the city. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve tried to stay on Atlantis since we’ve been back.”
Cam looked over at him for a moment, taking in the dark shadows under his eyes as well as the listlessness.
“You know O’Neill’s concerned about you.” Cam told him gently. “I agreed to take you on and give you some action but after today I need to know if you’re really up for it. You went a little crazy out there. You ignored my orders and took off as if you were in charge! I need to know that in an emergency you’ll do what I tell you to do, otherwise you’re a liability.” He sat down opposite John. “What’s going on with you?”
John glanced up at him.
“It’s that obvious?” He asked softly, looking away and out of the window. “It’s not the same on Earth; I guess I’m having a little trouble adjusting.” He confessed at last with a sigh. “We’ve spent five years in Pegasus, almost constantly on guard for the Wraith, Replicators or other hostiles. Since losing Ford the first year the Team has been constant, even when Teyla was pregnant she was still there, still Team.
Now she and Ronon are back in Pegasus and we have no contact with them. It wasn’t so bad while Rodney was still around but now he and Keller are away it’s just not the same. I guess I’ll have to get used to things changing.” He finished sadly.
Cam was silent for a moment, not knowing John well enough to be sure what to say to comfort or reassure the younger man.
“And I guess it doesn’t help that O’Neill still has no idea how long you’re going to be stuck on Earth either.” Cam said finally.
John just nodded and Cam was about to change the subject when the doorbell rang.
“That sounds like dinner,” he said getting up to answer the door, coming back a moment later with two pizza boxes which he placed on the coffee table.
“You want beer or soda with your pizza?”
“Beer’s good.” John replied with a weak grin.
Cam turned away with a frown, still not convinced with Sheppard’s answer. There was still something going on which John wasn’t telling. He grabbed a couple of beers and knocked the tops off before returning to the living room, handing John his beer and switching on the television and tuning in to a college football game.
John had opened the boxes and was already eating a slice out of one of them. They ate in companionable silence for a while before John sat back with a sigh, sipping his beer.
“Have you had enough?” Cam asked with a frown. John had only eaten two pieces of his pizza.
“I’m not really hungry at the moment and before you say anything I am eating properly.”
“Hey, I didn’t say a thing.” Cam interjected with raised brows.
“Rodney accuses me of not eating properly when he thinks I’m stressed; he sees it as his personal mission to make sure I’m fed. This coming from the man who spends up to 24 hours in his lab living on power bars.” John explained with a sharp laugh. “He’s a fine one to talk.”
“Yeah, well it won’t hurt for McKay to lose a few pounds; you haven’t got any spare to lose.” Cam pointed out.
“Hey, Rodney’s lost quite a bit of weight since we first went to Pegasus,” John snapped defensively. “And he’s a lot fitter. He spars with Ronon, Teyla and I and he can run pretty fast now.”
Cam threw him a puzzled look at the reaction. “Okay, you got me there. I don’t really know him enough to tell the difference. I didn’t mean to offend.”
John looked away quickly and Cam frowned again. There was definitely something going on, but whether John would tell him remained to be seen.
***
Cam finished off his pizza and settled into watch the rest of the game, grabbing another couple of beers in the interval. John was radiating tension and Cam made small talk about the play, relieved as John gradually relaxed as they chatted over the game.
When the game finished Cam rose and stretched.
“I’ll put the rest of your pizza in the ‘fridge, if you want some more later you can heat it up in the microwave, just help yourself.” He said as he cleared the table. “Oh and if you need the facilities it’s the first door on the right in the hallway.”
He took the remains from dinner into the kitchen and debated whether to make coffee or have another beer. Determined to get to the bottom of John’s issues he went for the beer, hoping it would relax the other man enough to open up. He could always call a cab to take John home if necessary.
He went back into the living room just as John returned from the bathroom.
“So what do you think of the plans to repeal DADT?” He asked casually. “You think you’ll have any issues with the Atlantis personnel.”
As he was watching John, he didn’t miss the sudden look of fear which passed over John’s face before it was quickly schooled into a neutral look.
“Atlantis is an international expedition. We already have both non-US military and scientists in same sex relationships, although they don’t flaunt it, especially in front of me.” He answered haltingly. “I’m pretty sure there are a few US military in relationships as well, although they’re more discrete. But everyone’s used to it, as far as I’m concerned it just makes it a level playing field for everyone.”
“The SGC has always been a little more relaxed about same-sex relationships than the military would like.” Cam admitted with a chuckle. “I guess when the current head of Homeworld Security is in a relationship with his scientist people tend to shut up or get out.” He looked over at John, seeing the surprise on his face. “Hey, I know you’ve never worked at the SGC itself but surely you knew that O’Neill and Jackson were a couple, have been almost from the start.”
John shook his head.
“By the time I was part of the Stargate Program Landry was in charge, I didn’t see O’Neill very often and rarely saw him and Jackson together. In fact, I think the only times were the day we left Earth for Atlantis, when Jackson was trying to convince O’Neill to let him come along and two weeks ago, when they both turned up.”
“You know the only reason Jack was there was to get some quality time with Daniel.” Cam said with a chuckle.
“Not sure he was getting that,” John said with a grin. “I think Daniel was spending all his time in the labs.”
“Which was probably why he was annoying you, which made him realize there was something going on.” Cam replied softly. “O’Neill plays the dumb card a lot, but he doesn’t miss much.”
John sighed and scrubbed his hand over his head, leaving his hair in even more disarray than it usually was.
“O’Neill’s main focus is Daniel, but he cares about his people.” Cam started slowly. “He knows I’m bisexual, he’s pretty intuitive and thanks to him, people at the SGC just turn a blind eye. With Jack on the case, they know it’s only a matter of time before DADT is repealed, he has a lot of influence with the President.”
John dropped his head in his hands, breathing deeply before raising his head and looking at Cam, conflicted emotions clearly on display.
“You guessed I am too.” He whispered. “God, it’s been so hard trying to hide it all this time.” He closed his eyes and slumped back, the last of the tension draining out of him.
Cam watched him carefully, pieces of the puzzle falling into place.
“It’s McKay, isn’t it?” He asked softly.
John nodded and took a deep breath before opening his eyes and looking directly at Cam.
“When we first went through the gate, we knew it might be a one way trip but apart from that, everything was unknown.
Atlantis completely floored us, it was just incredible. There we were in the Lost City, under water. Within 24 hours we’d met the Athosians, had a run in with the Wraith, evacuated the survivors back to the City only to discover the shields were about to fail. Atlantis rose to the surface and McKay introduced me to the Puddlejumpers. I killed Sumner and rescued the others who were culled.”
He rose and walked over to the window, fidgeting with the label on his bottle.
“Weir and Teyla hosted a celebration that evening, but I couldn’t get over the necessity of killing Sumner. Weir had no idea of military protocol, didn’t even think about the fact that I should have been sent to Heightmeyer.” He broke off and took a long drink. “Somehow McKay, usually the most oblivious person on the mission, understood how I felt. He came to my quarters that night. I hate shrinks and I hate talking about things, but somehow Rodney got me to talk, he held me and talked me down from the freak out I had when it finally sunk in that I was the highest ranked member of the military and that everyone’s safety and protection was my responsibility. He reassured me that he would always be there for me, that he understood that there wasn’t anyone else I could talk to.”
He broke off and took a drink.
“Must’ve been hard to suddenly find yourself in charge of a bunch of marines.” Cam observed.
“Yeah. I needed to appear in control and confident that I could protect the civilians. I had to impress upon Weir that I could handle the job even though I didn’t have the rank for it back then. Rodney was an equal. He didn’t push me at all and we didn’t have sex that night, he just held me through the freak out and reaction.” John stopped and drained his beer.
“After that we got together frequently. At first I just saw it as fuck buddies, you know.” He shrugged as he looked over at Cam. “We carried on, even when he was seeing Katie Brown. He told me when he was getting engaged to Katie, said that we would have to cool things. But the engagement never happened and we just carried on.” John sighed and placed the bottle on the coffee table. “Have you got any more of that?” He nodded at the bottle.
Cam got up without speaking and grabbed another couple of beers, unwilling to give John any reason to stop talking.
“Even when he started going out with Jennifer he still came to me when he knew I’d had bad days, he always knew when I needed him. But things changed when we returned to Earth, I think Jennifer was pushing him for something more permanent and being on Earth meant that we didn’t have any near misses and traumas, so he had less reason to think I needed him.” He finished quietly.
Cam reached out and squeezed John’s shoulder, trying to give comfort and support in a way that John would allow. Eventually, John took a deep breath and continued.
“Jennifer had been nagging him for ages about taking him to meet her father, and going to see Jeannie. Eventually Rodney gave in and agreed to take a month’s leave. I knew then that that had to be the end of what we had. I didn’t want it to happen, I wanted to keep him but I couldn’t tell him.” John broke off again, drawing his knees up to his chest and curling up in a miserable ball.
“You’d fallen in love with him, but you couldn’t tell him.” Cam said softly.
“I fell in love with him that first year.” John whispered. “I never told him, I just let him think it was a fuck-buddy relationship and that it didn’t mean anything.”
“God John.” Cam reached out, pulling John to him. He held on tight, feeling tremors run through the younger man. Eventually John calmed and pulled back, head down and flushed with embarrassment.
“Hey, it’s okay, I understand.” Cam said softly.
“I should be able to deal better than this.” John said angrily, getting to his feet and walking over to stare out of the window. “It’s my own fault, I got myself into this mess.”
“Listen,” Cam said quickly. “You didn’t know how this was going to turn out. Okay, so maybe you could have said something to McKay, but even then he may not have been interested. Hell even if you’d confessed all he still might have gone for the little wife, white picket fence and two point five kids. You couldn’t know.” He walked over to John and rubbed his shoulder, surprised when John leaned into him.
“I guess I kept hoping it wouldn’t last.” John said finally with a sigh. “I mean, Keller is almost fifteen years younger than he is and she keeps trying to change him. I didn’t think he’d put up with it for this long. But the fact that they’ve gone off to meet the family makes it look pretty final.”
“It usually means something,” Cam replied. “Doesn’t always go well though.”
“I’d never have guessed you were bi.” John admitted, changing the subject. “Are you seeing anyone?”
“No, not at the moment.” Cam replied. “I haven’t had a serious partner since I’ve been here. It’s difficult to keep up a steady relationship with someone outside the mountain when you keep disappearing and can’t tell them what’s going on. I’ve hooked up with a few people at the SGC on occasion though.”
John looked at him before turning back to the window, shuffling his feet nervously, and Cam studied him for a moment. John was his type, a little underweight so maybe McKay had good reason to be concerned about his eating habits. But overall the man was attractive with his clear hazel eyes and unruly hair and Cam knew he wouldn’t say no if John was interested.
Cam put his empty bottle down on the coffee table and stepped towards John. Reaching out, he placed his hand on the back of John’s neck, squeezing gently before turning John back towards him.
There was apprehension in John’s eyes and a little flicker of fear. Cam ran the back of his fingers gently down the side of John’s face. John closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, telling Cam all he needed to know. Stepping forward he kissed John, tentatively at first until John’s lips parted to allow him access.
He pulled John closer as the kissing became more heated, eventually Cam pulled away slightly as John’s head dropped to his shoulder.
“Hey, I think we’d better take this through to the bedroom before we get carried away any further.” He said with a chuckle.
John nodded against his neck, breathing hard, letting Cam lead him through the apartment and into the bedroom.
***
Cam woke with a start when his alarm went off, stretching slowly before the memory of the night before surfaced and he realized he was alone in bed.
“John?” He called as he rolled out of bed, grabbing his boxers from the floor where he’d discarded them the night before.
There was no answer. He quickly checked the small apartment, discovering as he’d guessed, that his companion had slipped out during the night.
“Damn.” Cam said out loud, scrubbing his hand through his hair in annoyance. This was only going to make things more awkward. He showered quickly and dressed, making his way straight for the mountain without stopping for breakfast. The longer they left this the more awkward it was going to be and they had to work together for another two weeks before John’s return to Atlantis.
He changed quickly into his uniform, trying to guess where Sheppard could be hiding out. His usual haunts were the mess or the labs. He headed for the mess first; at least if John wasn’t there he could grab a cup of coffee and a pastry to make up for missing breakfast.
“ColonelMitchell,” Cam turned, taking a bite out of his cinnamon roll as he waited for the coffee to fill.
“Hey Teal’c,” He replied, swallowing his mouthful. “Have you seen Sheppard this morning?”
“Indeed I have. He came and said farewell before he was beamed back to Atlantis.” Teal’c explained. “He asked me to relay his apologies that he could not inform you himself. GeneralO’Neill contacted him late last night to inform him that Atlantis has permission to return to Pegasus and that his presence was required back on the City.”
“That was quick,” Cam exclaimed. “Jack thought it was going to take longer to win over the IOA.”
“Apparently there was another near miss in San Francisco Bay and the President overruled the IOA and ordered that the City be returned to Pegasus immediately. They were contacting all personnel during the night and all those who wish to return are being beamed back today.”
“Not everyone wants to return?” Cam asked.
“I understand that Dr Keller has accepted a position at Johns Hopkins so will not be returning. Dr Beckett will be allowed to return to his former duty as Chief Medical Officer in the interim. The IOA is not happy about having a clone in charge of the Infirmary so the subject is still up for discussion.”
“What about McKay, is he staying with Keller?” Cam asked, trying to keep the concern out of his voice.
Teal’c looked at him oddly and he knew he hadn’t managed it.
“I believe Dr McKay has yet to make up his mind.”
“Thanks Teal’c, I’ll catch up with you later.” Cam turned and left the mess, sipping his coffee and munching on his pastry as he made his way to his small office.
Closing his office door, he checked Sheppard’s cell number and tried dialing, cursing as he received the recorded message informing him that the cell phone number was unavailable. He dropped into his chair and sighed deeply, reflecting on the evening before.
He’d enjoyed Sheppard’s company. He didn’t think either of them had been drunk enough for their actions of the night before to have been a mistake, so why had John slipped out and left the way he had without waking him and telling him why he was leaving?
He powered up his laptop, knowing there was no point in brooding over it. He opened his emails, resigning himself to the fact that he really should get the mission reports from the previous day collated and sent in. He noted abstractly that both Vala and Teal’c had already written and emailed theirs to him and then realized that there was also one from John.
He quickly clicked it open, John had attached his mission report to the email, but there was a quick, simple, message in the email itself.
“Cam.” It read. “Thanks for inviting me over to watch the game. Sorry I didn’t hang around to speak to you personally but thanks for the past two weeks, I enjoyed the action. Cheers John.”
Cam smiled in relief as he opened the attachment, reading through the brief but concise mission report and saving it in the folder along with the others. He didn’t know what lay ahead for John Sheppard, but if they did come across one another again in the future, there would be no hard feelings on either side.