Fic: Crossing Lines (2/2)
TITLE: Crossing Lines (2/2)
AUTHOR: tarlanx
RATING: NC-17 Slash
DISCLAIMER: Not mine!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: SGA Secret Santa Challenge. You are writing for:
LiveJournal: moonlettuce
Things I'd like: McShep. Or a McKay/Sheppard/Lorne threesome. Jealous!Sheppard. Oblivious!Rodney. All of them acting like guys and not twelve-year old girls.
Things I wouldn't like: Het. Kids. An unhappy ending.
Part One
***
Eichmann swore under his breath as Lorne handed out the assignment. He had expected a slow shift on gate duty, just hanging around watching the scientist go to and fro doing whatever scientists do. Perhaps McKay or Zelenka would show up as that always guaranteed a few sparks. He smothered a grin as he recalled the way McKay had simply grabbed the occupied seat by the DHD one day and sent it spinning away while he went straight to work on the control panel. The look on that Canadian tech Sergeant's face was priceless. Still, watching these things from a distance was far different than spending time up-close and personal with the man. The fact that Major Lorne had asked for half hour check-ins meant that he anticipated at least two or three - minimum. That was at least an hour and probably more in the doctor's company. Even the Major had been exasperated after spending a couple of hours with McKay back on that radiation world, actually quipping that he was grateful Ford stunned him when he did.
Eichmann finished clipping his P90 to his vest and turned to leave, finding the doorway barred by Sergeant Saunders.
"Sir?"
"Head to the gate room in an hour as originally rostered. I'll escort McKay."
Eichmann felt his eyebrows crawl up to his hairline in surprise because no one ever volunteered for babysitting duty, and especially not when the baby was McKay but he wasn't going to argue. If Saunders wanted the duty then he could have it.
"Yes, sir."
Eichmann strode off with a lighter step and headed towards the control room.
***
Rodney tapped his stylus against his tablet PC impatiently as he waited for his escort to arrive. When the transporter door opened, Rodney started to berate the marine but snapped his mouth closed when Sgt. Saunders stepped out. Of all the soldiers Lorne could have picked to escort him, it had to be the one who had taken a personal and obvious dislike to him from the very start.
Rodney recalled Saunders from the soldier's first day on Atlantis and how he had swaggered into the city behind Everett and treated him and the rest of the scientists like they were vermin infesting Atlantis. He had used the word 'civilian' with disdain, ordering them about in a condescending manner and using bullying tactics against anyone who objected.
At the time, Rodney was riding high on stims and virtually no sleep so he had not paid a huge amount of attention to the sergeant, or anyone else come to think of it. He and Radek had a job to do once Everett screwed up and left them without any means of defense beyond the rail guns being set up on the balconies. Of course, Rodney had made his opinion known right away, making sure Everett knew what he thought of his gung-ho tactics and, if looks could kill then Saunders would have had no need for the 9mm strapped to his thigh.
Since then, Saunders had made the lives of some of Rodney's minions a misery. Trips in hallways and juvenile pranks seemed to be his calling card as he encouraged his cronies to follow in his footsteps. Still, he had never tried anything on with Rodney before Arcturus, no doubt wanting to fly below Sheppard's radar. Except Sheppard's radar had gone offline after Arcturus.
When he awoke in the infirmary after his fall, Rodney should have given into his paranoia that it was no accident, especially as that was not the first suspicious action around him. Two days before the fall, he had found a piece of plastic embedded in his mashed potato after being jostled by Ericsson on his way to his lunch table and, before that, someone had laced his favorite coffee pot with a mild laxative. Strangely enough, Halston had been on patrol close to the labs that day.
Rodney already knew about Miko's tea leaves, the itching powder and a dozen other minor irritations over the months since the siege but, as all of those incidences could be explained away easily enough and with no evidence to support otherwise, he had no recourse but to ignore them and hope the pranksters slipped up eventually. He had planned to have a friendly word with Sheppard about his men when they set out for Doranda but then Arcturus had happened, and Sheppard had made it clear since then that Rodney no longer had anything of importance to say to him. Instead, Rodney knew he had to wait until he had some hard evidence against Saunders and his bullies before he approached Sheppard on a professional level.
It occurred to Rodney that perhaps this current escort assignment was fortuitous. There had never been the opportunity to talk with Saunders alone and come to some sort of understanding. Maybe this was the chance he needed before someone was fatally injured by the escalating nastiness of the pranks.
"So. Just you and me then. We'd best get started."
"Sure, Dr. McKay. Lead the way." Saunders gave a predatory smile.
"Hmm." Rodney looked back at the transporter, wondering if he ought to simply abandon this task until another day when he would have more congenial company. He took a half-step back towards it but Saunders shuffled sideways, blocking his path.
"Grounding Station Three is that way." Saunders indicated with his P90 along one long corridor heading to the north of the city.
"Yes. Of course." Hefting his tool kit, Rodney turned and started to walk, conscious of the footsteps echoing right behind him. At this slow pace it could take half an hour to reach the damaged station and Lorne had insisted on half hour check-ins. He might even be monitoring their progress for part of the journey as the sensors were working closer to the center of the city, suffering damage only on the outer northern reaches. Mentally, Rodney shook himself, almost ashamed of his paranoia. Saunders was duty-bound to protect him after all, having been ordered to by Major Lorne so, really, the worse he could suffer was a little additional intimidation.
The silence thickened, heavy with Rodney's fear and Saunders's malice, and this made Rodney nervous. When he was nervous, Rodney had a habit of talking too much and too fast to fill the void but even he stuttered to a verbal halt when it became very clear that Saunders was not going to utter a single word to him. Paranoia reigned in his head once more as the deathly silence filled his imagination with ideas of walking to his execution. Twenty minutes later, tense and afraid, Rodney stopped and fumbled with the toolkit, dropping it to the ground.
"I just need to check in with Zelenka and--" He reached for his headset but gasped when Saunders ripped it from him and threw it aside as he shoved Rodney forward, the toolkit forgotten as Rodney stumbled a couple of steps before regaining his balance. He turned in fear-induced outrage.
"Hey! What do you think..?"
The muzzle of the P90 shoved under his chin made him lose the rest of his words and he raised his hands in a defenseless gesture.
"Grounding Station Three is still that way, Doctor." Saunders grabbed his shoulder and spun him back in the direction they had been walking, the P90 digging into Rodney's back to provide the necessary incentive to keep moving.
***
"It has to stop now," John stated to the quietly sobbing Miko. "I know you thought you were protecting Dr. McKay because no one else seemed to be looking out for him but that's not the case anymore." He reached out and awkwardly patted her shoulder. "I'm looking out for him now."
Miko stared at him for a moment and must have read the truth in his eyes because her eyes widened a fraction before she nodded. "I will do as you ask."
"Promise." John wasn't so sure it could really be this simple but Miko nodded again, more forcefully.
"Yes."
Sighing with relief, John left the otherwise empty laboratory and headed towards the commissary. He needed a beer after this but as that was not going to happen, he decided to make do with a coffee instead. He saw Lorne coming towards him from the opposite direction and decided he could use the company. Lorne seemed to take the non-verbal hint and fell in step beside him.
"Problem?"
"Not any more...I hope. Least, not from that quarter." John gave him a sideways glance. "Any word back from McKay?"
"Should be checking-in in another ten minutes."
The doors to the commissary opened as they approached and John took a slight side step to avoid the marine exiting, offering a half-smile as the marine straightened and stood aside. John carried on pass and then noticed that Lorne was no longer right behind him. He turned just as Lorne called out to the marine.
"Corporal Eichmann? McKay back already?" Lorne frowned in confusion and John could understand the annoyance as Eichmann should have reported in once circumstances changed.
Eichmann blanched slightly. "Sergeant Saunders relieved me of escort duty, Sir."
"Saunders!" John looked quickly to Lorne, both of them aware that Saunders was part of the Halston and Ericsson group that had been geek-baiting. He licked his lips thoughtfully, wondering why Saunders would offer to baby-sit McKay, and all he could think of was that Saunders intended to use the time to intimidate McKay as payback for Halston and Ericsson.
"Sir?"
"Carry on, Eichmann. I'll handle this." He waited until Eichmann had moved out of earshot and then turned to Lorne. "I'm going to take a brisk walk out to Grounding Station Three."
"A brisk walk sounds good to me too, sir."
John eyed him curiously for a moment and then shrugged. Knowing McKay, he was probably giving back as good as he was getting from Saunders but John didn't want to take the chance should Rodney push Saunders too far and end up getting punched. The last thing Atlantis needed was an arrogant astrophysicist with a bloody nose and in a real snit.
"Sector 3 in five. Full gear."
By brisk walk, John meant a steady jog but Lorne made no complaint as they moved through the damaged sector of the city towards the grounding station that Kolya's men had severely damaged while trying to kill John. Rodney had done makeshift repairs to get the station back online but most of that was negated when one of the downed Wraith darts struck this portion of the city. With so much else to do, the repair task had been given to Kavanagh but he had never managed to bend the station to his will the way Rodney could. Weeks would pass with no problems and then higher seas would batter at the area and take it offline once more. Kavanagh was back on Earth now having decided he'd had his share of life and death in the Pegasus galaxy and Rodney's time was too precious to spend on basic maintenance - until now.
He slowed, a frown creasing his forehead when he saw Rodney's toolkit standing in the center of the corridor, wondering why he had left it here.
"Colonel!"
John glanced over, eyes widening in concern when he saw the headset dangling from Lorne's fingers, seeing the same worry on Lorne's face. John glanced along the corridor, mentally calculating the distance left to cover. He opened a military channel, not wanting to worry Elizabeth if it turned out that Rodney had merely thrown a tantrum and discarded this gear.
"I want two teams to Grounding Station three. Double time...and get a jumper in the air. Sheppard out."
Without another word, John started to run, the sound of Lorne's pounding feet keeping him company as they both raced towards the damaged grounding station.
***
"You know... this really isn't necessary. I'm sorry about Halpter and Rickman but I had nothing--"
"Halston and Ericsson. God, you don't even give a shit about their names, do you? What were they? Just wraith fodder to you? Like Gearing and Jacobski?"
Rodney glanced back over his shoulder in confusion. "Who?" He cried out in pain as Saunders shoved the P90 hard into his back again.
"The two marines you left behind after they'd been wraith-stunned."
"What?"
"You just left them where they fell, where any Wraith could have come along and fed on them."
It took a moment for the memory to click into place and then he recalled the two Daedalus marines whom Elizabeth had ordered to escort him to the ZedPm control room during the siege. With the darts scooping up people and dropping even more wraith into the city with every run, it had been imperative to get the shield raised as quickly as possible. Every moment's delay was costing lives and, in the end, every second had counted.
"I had to get the ZedPM installed or we'd have all have been dead. The wraith darts made a kamikaze run on the city after--"
"You didn't know that at the time. You didn't give a shit about those men. You just left them there."
"I had to get the shield up to save everyone in the city."
"Oh, don't give me that crap, McKay. The only person you ever gave a shit about was yourself, and now two more good men will be heading back to Earth because of your pettiness and ego."
"What!? I saw..." Rodney clicked his fingers,"...Jacob-whatever in the gate room two days ago."
"I'm talking about Everett, you little shit."
"Everett?" Rodney squeaked. "When did he get into this conversation?"
Another shove and the door ahead opened at Rodney's approach, the fresh breeze off the sea smacked him in the face, the salt stinging his eyes. He was pressed onwards until he stood on the lower balcony overlooking the rolling blue waves that crashed into the city only ten feet below his feet, sending up a fine cold spray that splashed across his face.
"Colonel Everett was a good man and a fine officer, and he didn't deserve to get drained by a wraith just because you were flying too high on stims to get those jumpers off the ground. And I know what happened with the ZPM. All that yapping brought the Wraith right to your position...and if you hadn't been such a goddamn coward then you'd have taken the time to hide those downed marines before you ran off with that Athosian bitch."
"You're blaming me for the Wraith getting into the city? Perhaps if your precious Colonel hadn't used up all our tactical nuclear warheads in one pointless defense strategy then we'd have had no need for the shield because there would have been no Wraith."
"Oh yeah, that's just like you, isn't it, McKay?" He sneered. "To pass the blame onto someone else...and if one Colonel wasn't enough of a notch on your belt, you nearly killed Colonel Sheppard too."
"Colonel Sheppard made his own stupid choice that day, just like Everett. If he had waited a few more minutes I'd have had the Chair up..."
"Don't you dare bad-mouth the Colonel. He's a goddamn hero... and you? You're just a liability to everyone in this city," he snarled, giving Rodney a hard shove.
Rodney shoved back. "The only liability here is you and your bullies."
"Yeah... and I've seen how you dealt with them."
"What? I had nothing to do with what happened to them."
"Yeah, sure. Halston just happened to fall down a flight of stairs after you'd taken a tumble, and Ericsson..."
"I had nothing to do with what happened to either of those men...not that they didn't deserve exactly what they got because we all know my fall was no accident and the shower gel..."
"Harmless pranks!"
"Harmless? I had a concussion... and an extreme allergic reaction to that--"
"And maiming them was justifiable retribution?" Saunders shoved him again and Rodney felt the balcony railing dig into his lower back. Flashes of memory struck at him, of this same balcony during the violent storm, of Kolya pressing him backwards over the railing while Elizabeth dragged at Kolya's arm to pull him off, of the pain in his sliced arm as the wet cloth of his jacket dragged across the bloodied wound. Saunders was right in his face now, his pale eyes dark and filled with rage and his face reddened with anger.
Rodney gritted his teeth, used a move that Teyla had taught him to break Saunders hold and push him off balance before shoving him back even harder, managing to gain some space between them. Incensed by Rodney's actions, Saunders slammed both hands against Rodney's shoulders, both of their eyes widening in shock when the force was enough to tip Rodney over the top of the railing. The split second seemed to stretch into infinity as he saw Saunders lunge forward to grab him. He felt Saunders's fingers brush against his legs as he tried but failed to grasp the material and then he was falling, the breath knocked out of him as he hit the water.
***
Saunders froze at the horror on McKay's face, realizing a split second too late what had happened. Yes, he wanted McKay to pay for Halston and Ericsson but the intention had been to intimidate the arrogant bastard into requesting a transfer back to Earth, not to hurt him. He lunged forward too late, his fingers grazing the heavy material of McKay's pants, almost catching a foot and then McKay was gone, arms flailing uselessly for a nonexistent handhold as he tumbled backwards into the sea, ten feet below. Saunders saw him go under, his eyes scanning the water until McKay surfaced, coughing and spluttering but Saunders could see he was dazed and struggling to stay afloat.
Saunders tapped his headset, toeing off his boots and pulling off his vest and jacket at the same time. "Control. This is Saunders at Grounding Station Three. McKay's in the water. I repeat. McKay's in the water. I'm going in after him."
Already aware that there was nothing he could use as a flotation device, Saunders ripped off his headset without waiting for a response and dived off the balcony into the rolling sea, coming up beside the thrashing scientist. When McKay tried to grab him too tightly, threatening to drag them both under, Saunders kicked away and came up behind the panicking man, grabbing hold of the collar of his waterlogged jacket to drag him onto his back while keeping his head above water.
"Relax, McKay!"
Amazingly, McKay did as he was ordered, letting the salty water provide the buoyancy needed to keep him afloat as Saunders dragged McKay back towards the city. He felt the first twinges of panic when he noticed the incredibly smooth sides, seeing no handholds within reach, and then a face appeared over the edge, followed by another.
When the empty leg of a pair of military pants dropped down in front of him, Saunders didn't bother to question the makeshift rope and grabbed for it. He could hear Sheppard and Lorne shouting down at him but the breeze tore away their words. He understood what they were trying to tell him anyway, that the 'rope' would never support the weight of one, let alone two waterlogged men. It was there to help keep them both afloat until more help arrived. What Saunders didn't expect was to see Sheppard jump into the water to support the other side of McKay, holding onto another makeshift rope made out of belts and a jacket. A sharp look from Sheppard put the fear of God into Saunders having never seen his CO's eyes blazing with so much anger before.
"S-sir...I n-never meant for this to happen. I-I s-swear."
"We'll talk..." he spat out some water "...about this later."
"Yes...s-sir." Saunders stumbled over his words as the coldness of the sea seeped into his body.
"Rodney? How you d-doing there?" Sheppard's voice gentled when he spoke to the still-dazed scientist.
"I've...b-been b-better."
"W-well, hold on. N-not long now...and we'll h-have you out of here."
Saunders looked up as a Puddlejumper swooped down and hovered right above them, the back hatch opening slowly. He could hear occasional snatches of words as Major Lorne yelled instructions up to those inside and he grabbed for the harness that dropped a few feet to the side of him, quickly fastening it around McKay. Two tugs of the rope and the Puddlejumper rose up into the air, carrying McKay out of the water. It maneuvered only far enough for Lorne to grab a hold of McKay and lower him to the balcony, releasing the harness so that the Puddlejumper could go back for the next man.
"You n-next, S-sir."
"J-just get that harness on, s-soldier...and that's an order."
By the time the harness dropped down beside him, his fingers were almost too numb from the cold to tighten it around him. Eventually, he gave the required two tugs and breathed a sigh of relief as he was hoisted out of the sea, and even more grateful when his feet touched solid ground. He had not noticed the blankets dropped from the back of the jumper but was glad when he felt one placed over his cold shoulders. Moments later, Sheppard was in the air and being slowly lowered down to the balcony close by.
"Rodney?" That same gentle voice brought Saunders' head up and he saw Sheppard reach out to place a firm grip on McKay's shoulder. All traces of the irritation that had filled Sheppard's face since Doranda had gone, leaving behind the look of a man who was concerned for someone he cared a great deal about. Perhaps more than Sheppard would dare to admit.
"Amazingly...I'm o-okay." And though he looked terrible, soaked through to the skin and with his face pale and lips only starting to lose that bloodless coloring, Saunders could see something shining in McKay's blue eyes that looked suspiciously like joy rather than pain. Major Lorne had pulled off McKay's jacket and wrapped one of the emergency blankets around him. He was crouched down between them but he turned a hard stare at Saunders, the tight line of his mouth and narrowness of his eyes promising that Saunders that this was far from over.
Saunders lowered his head, giving silent thanks that Sheppard and Lorne had turned up when they did, not wanting to dwell on the possibilities had they arrived even ten minutes later.
***
"I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm fine, Carson."
"No you're bloody not. This is the third time you've graced my infirmary in two weeks so I don't care how fine you think you feel, you are staying in here overnight for observation... and that is final."
Rodney almost jumped when John dropped a friendly hand on his lower leg. "Face it, Rodney, you're not going anywhere tonight so just relax."
He had not seen John return to his side, having assumed Sheppard would walk away as soon as he knew Rodney was in no immediate danger, just as he had the last few times. Instead John settled into a chair beside him, an uneasy smile playing about his soft lips as if he expected Rodney to tell him to get lost at any moment, but Rodney had no intention of screwing up what might be his one and only opportunity to regain their friendship. If the past weeks had taught him anything at all, it was that he was only half a person without John. No matter how hard Carson, Teyla and even Miko tried, they couldn't come close to filling the void in his heart and soul from losing John. Without him, life had lost much of its joy, his discoveries had no shine when he could not share them with John, and even food tasted like sawdust without John's company. He had missed their bickering and snarking, had missed their conspiracies as they devised ways to have a little fun between all the death and gloom thrown at them in the Pegasus galaxy. He missed the silent moments too, when the pair of them would simply sit back, shoulder to shoulder, and watch the same old movie again.
And yet it was far more than that. He missed seeing John's smile and the way his eyes glowed with pleasure whenever he teased Rodney. He missed his boyish humor and his laughter, and that glint in his eyes when he had an idea that would, no doubt, lead them both into trouble with Elizabeth. He missed his touch too, those teasing smacks and slaps that came so infrequently now and more often in annoyance than in friendship, and the gentle hand on his shoulder or arm to guide him or simply call his attention.
Rodney offered a tremulous smile, not wanting to put too much hope in John's change of heart in case this was a temporary respite from the loneliness he had felt since losing John's trust. It must have been enough of a smile though as some of the tension slipped from John's frame and he slouched further into the seat. That tension returned suddenly when Carson gripped Rodney's shoulder and leaned in close and it took but a moment for Rodney to realize that the slightly narrowing of John's eyes was aimed at Carson and not him.
Was John jealous of Carson's attention towards him?
It hardly seemed possible but when Rodney thought back to the previous few times in the infirmary where John had walked away after giving him an angry glance, Carson had been hovering over him. At the time Rodney had assumed that John's attitude was purely more fallout from Arcturus but now he was not so certain. The thought that John might actually be jealous of Carson's friendship with him filled Rodney with even greater hope that he might be able to salvage theirs... unless John simply hated the idea of Rodney having any friends at all. Perhaps he had wanted him to be completely ostracized after Arcturus. Certainly, if Carson, Teyla and Miko had not made an effort to keep him company then he might have been forced to leave Atlantis rather than endure the loneliness as he had in Siberia.
Some of his uncertainty must have shown because John's eyebrows rose and his eyes widened in what could only be remorse and, if Rodney did not know better, he could have sworn that John looked as though he was about to apologize to both him and Carson. Instead, his smile tightened and he looked down for a moment as if reining in his emotions before looking back up with a brighter smile which encompassed Carson too.
"So I hear the doc's been taking good care of you."
Carson snorted lightly. "I'm always taking care of Rodney. Trouble magnets, the both of you....though, if he calls me at two in the morning again to rub more cream into his back then I'm assigning Dr. Biro to take care of him in future."
"One time!" Rodney stated indignantly, holding up a finger. "You said I needed to rest but how could I when I was itching so much and couldn't reach... that spot."
"He fair near did my back in by making me lean over a chair to apply the medication."
"I could hardly lie down on the bed, Carson. The rash was on the front too." Rodney pointed out.
"Aye, that it was. And it seemed to be concentrated around a certain..."
"Carson!"
"...area." Carson smirked at Rodney, who had felt his face heat with embarrassment as Carson knew exactly how concentrated it was around his groin, though at least he had not tried to embarrass Rodney further by offering to apply the cream to that particularly itchy spot at the time. Anyway, Rodney could bet he was not the only man on Atlantis who liked a little solo action in the shower some mornings and used a little shower gel to ease the friction.
Judging by the squirm made John made and the slightly pained expression, he must have guessed what area Carson meant anyway, which made Rodney blush even harder.
"Do you mind if we change the subject? I don't particularly want to discuss my personal ailments in public."
"Well, that'll make a nice change," John teased, and Rodney knew it was a tease rather than an acerbic observation because of the fine lines of mirth that crinkled at the corner of his eyes, and the gentle tilt of his lips. At that moment, Rodney knew everything was going to be good between them again and, for the first time in what seemed a long while, Rodney felt some of the tension leave his own body.
***
Eight days later, Saunders stood between the two beds holding his former team mates, deciding it was better to make rash promises of keeping in touch rather than souring the last few minutes of what had seemed a good friendship until the truth came out. Under duress, Halston had admitted to setting a thin trip wire across the stairs, causing McKay's fall, while Ericsson had admitted to knowing all about McKay's allergies to particular compounds before tampering with his shower gel. Both had set out to deliberately hurt the man rather than annoy him, which had never been Saunders's intention. The three of them had played a number of minor pranks on the scientists but none had been truly malicious until Halston lost a friend in the Iratus bug nest.
Saunders had not been too happy when Ericsson made that little Japanese scientist ill, nor when Halston tampered with the equipment and hurt that Russian engineer, though the itching powder had been kind of funny.
Even so, he had thought McKay's accidents were just another couple of pranks that had misfired and he had been stunned by the violent backlash that put first Halston and then Ericsson in the infirmary and permanently off Atlantis. In hindsight, blaming McKay had been a little harsh as, for all of his sharp words, he was not the malicious type. If Sheppard knew who was behind the retaliation, and that seemed likely judging by his private but very persuasive words to the three of them, then he was keeping that information to himself. Halston and Ericsson had agreed to say their own injuries were caused by an accident rather than face a military hearing that could result in a dishonorable discharge for the part they had played in McKay's 'accidents'.
As for himself, he thought he would be sent back to Earth along with Halston and Ericsson but, instead, Sheppard had decided to balance out the black mark that ought to have gone onto his permanent record against him jumping into the sea to save McKay, even though he had caused that fall. The only punishment given was an order to read a number of reports, both for offworld missions and for events in Atlantis, which revealed the critical role McKay had played in saving the expedition time and time again.
After reading the events leading up to the Wraith siege, he felt a little humbled at Colonel Everett's condescending attitude towards the scientists who had given all they had, and in some cases given their lives, to protect the city and each other. In light of what they had been through, Saunders now understood McKay's anger at Everett, brought on by tiredness and grief. He was a scientist not a soldier, and yet he and the others had been forced to defend themselves against a terrible enemy with little physical or mental preparation. They were all battle-weary, all low on sleep and high on stress, and none more so than McKay and Zelenka as they worked around the clock to ensure Atlantis would never be a Wraith stepping stone to Earth, even if it cost all their lives.
Colonel Everett had brought hope to the Atlanteans and then dashed it by refusing to accept advice from a bunch of geeks and a renegade USAF major. Saunders had been at the meeting where Everett went against Sheppard's advice to keep back some of the nuclear warheads. At the time, he had taken a lot of pleasure in seeing Everett assume military command from the Airforce pilot who had admitted to killing Colonel Sumner but Everett had underestimated the enemy, and that personal vendetta against Sheppard cost men's lives.
In hindsight, Saunders knew that his accusations against McKay were unfounded too. Bringing up the shield had been more important than the lives of two soldiers and blaming McKay had dishonored the sacrifice they had made when volunteering to escort him to the ZPM room. Perhaps a Wraith could have stumbled across them and taken their lives while they lay helpless but, all over the city, others were in the same terrible predicament and the only way to save as many of them as possible was to stop the Wraith from gaining reinforcements with every dart that came close enough to the city. If anything, those soldiers had failed McKay. They had failed to protect him and they had failed to get him and the ZPM to the ZPM chamber. Teyla Emmagan's report had revealed how close Atlantis had come to losing its one and only chance of salvation when McKay was left to face two Wraith alone.
He doubted that any of what he had learned would ever make him like the man but Saunders felt a lot more respect for McKay now.
Saunders stepped back and, seconds later, the Asgard transporter beam enveloped the two injured men. He stared at the empty beds for a moment and then turned, finding Major Lorne standing by the door, watching him closely.
"He's really not so bad once you get to know him."
"I'll take your word for it, Sir."
Lorne gave a wry smile. "Better mine than theirs."
A silent understanding passed between them and then Lorne turned away.
"Sir?"
He turned back with a slight frown that eased when Saunders saluted him. Lorne gave an offhand salute in return but he was smiling when he walked away this time.
***
Two weeks had passed since McKay's fall into the cold waters surrounding Atlantis and even though they had put the worst of Arcturus behind them, what they had regained was still not enough for John. Instead of falling back into the old patterns, Rodney had pulled away a little as if he could not risk placing all of his trust in John, but that was hardly surprising after the way John had treated him. Still, John had tried his best to accept that he had lost more of Rodney than he could ever have imagined.
Even selflessly wanting Rodney to be happy was tearing him apart because he wanted Rodney to be happy with him rather than with someone else. He wanted to be the one Rodney turned to when he needed someone to put medication on his itchy back, or when he needed reassurance that everything would turn out okay, or even just when Rodney wanted someone to discuss the latest hot gossip with.
Quite simply, he missed being the center of Rodney's universe but he knew he had only himself to blame.
Although Carson had implied that his relationship with Rodney was purely platonic - mixed in with a little doctor/patient - the image of Carson's gentle hands holding Rodney's and stroking Rodney's fine hair still left a bitter taste in John's mouth. He knew Carson was capable of lying about his relationship with Rodney if he believed it was in their best interest to keep it quiet, especially as the American military had a problem with same-sex couples, but he had hoped Rodney would tell him the truth.
Except John was not certain if he wanted to learn that he had already lost Rodney to Carson.
He glanced across as Rodney came to stand next to him on the balcony overlooking the city. There were other balconies that offered beautiful views across the sea and others of the sun and moons rising and setting but John had always liked this particular view when he was feeling torn inside. From here he felt dwarfed by the great city, seeing along the straight avenues between the skyscraping buildings and yet taking comfort in their order. He had an urge to 'thread the needle' one of these days in a Puddlejumper and if Everett had not ordered him to the Chair during the siege then he might have taken to the air then to chase down the darts strafing the city with their culling beams.
Rodney leaned onto the balcony railing beside him, staring out into the city for a moment before John noticed him pushing upright and turning towards him.
"What are you doing?" Rodney asked gently.
John frowned as it seemed pretty obvious what he was doing right now. He half-turned towards Rodney and cocked an eyebrow at him in the hope that he might get a little more out of his friend. Rodney flapped his hand.
"I- ah. I don't mean standing out here as that's pretty obvious. I mean... Well... What are you...doing?" He grimaced as if only just realizing that his words still made no sense. "With us?"
"With us?"
"I mean, with Carson and me...and you."
"Carson?"
"Yes, Carson. Resident voodoo practitioner, wielder of large needles?"
"I know who Carson is, Rodney."
"Do you? I mean, do you really?"
John reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. He knew it was a nervous habit from when he was trying to work out what the hell was going on, especially when Rodney was being more obtuse than usual.
"Yeah. I think I know him well enough to..."
"So you know he's besotted with Cadman?"
"He's..?" John dropped his hand and licked his lips nervously, even more confused by the turn of the conversation. The Daedalus had left an hour earlier on its trip back to Earth, weighed down by all the artefacts that could not be sent through the Stargate and with scientists and military returning home. Halston and Ericsson were among them but he had a strong feeling that no one would miss them. Kavanagh had chosen to leave this time as well and he had anticipated hearing of parties in the labs to celebrate that event. Lt. Cadman was a good soldier and a demolitions expert, much like Ford used to be, and if she had requested an assignment on Atlantis then John might have agreed if only to annoy Rodney. He knew Rodney was uncomfortable with Cadman since the body-sharing experience. He also knew Cadman had liked Carson enough to use Rodney's body to make a 'death bed' confession - barely resisting the urge to shudder at the memory - but had not realized that the interest went both ways. "Well, good for him."
"So the homophobic looks have got to stop."
"Homophobic?!" John looked straight at Rodney in shock. "Jeez, Rodney. I'm not homoph..."
"I kissed him once, Colonel. Once! And it wasn't even me in control of my body, it was Cadman."
"I thought we weren't gonna mention that again." John narrowed his eyes, hating the memory of Rodney kissing Carson even if Rodney was not the one in control at the time.
"We're not. At least, I wasn't... but you don't seem to be able to get past it."
John stared hard at Rodney, seeing a flicker of fear in the vivid blue eyes. John knew he could be dense on occasion, rarely seeing the flirting and come-hither signs until it was too late but, at other times, he had flashes of insight. He had one now as Rodney's words finally penetrated. There was no Rodney and Carson but there was...
"This isn't about Carson, is it? It's about you."
"What!?" Rodney looked stunned at the proclamation.
"It is," John crowed, stabbing a finger at Rodney. "You think I'm being homophobic and you're scared in case I turn that...homophobia against you."
Rodney looked all flustered, making denying noises but his expressive eyes said something else entirely. John's grin faded when his brain caught up with his mouth, realizing how this had to look and sound to Rodney. For some reason, John had always known Rodney liked guys as well as girls despite his louder talk on the merits of blondes, dumb or otherwise as the case may be. Otherwise he would never have been jealous of Carson's relationship with Rodney in the first place. However, Rodney did not know that. Now doubt Rodney thought John was a straight guy having a homophobic reaction towards a mutual friend, towards Carson. He had never expected John to twist it around and point the finger, quite literally, at him instead. He could see Rodney spiraling down into a full-blown panic attack and did the only thing he could think of to convince Rodney that his fears of John hating him for his sexual preferences were groundless. He caught Rodney's face in his hands, leaned in fast and kissed him, hard and determined.
After months of wondering what it would feel like to have Rodney's mouth beneath his, John was overcome with the taste and feel of the soft lips that had parted in surprise. He gave one tentative lick to tease across Rodney's lips and then pulled back, having stopped the panic attack dead in its tracks.
Rodney stared at him in complete bewilderment, a finger moving to skim across his own lips.
"You...You..?"
"Yeah, Rodney. I kissed you."
"Then you're not..?" He waved a hand
"Homophobic? No. Jealous of Carson..?" John knew he was pulling a funny face but it was astonishingly difficult to admit to having fallen foul of that particular sin. "Maybe."
That seemed to break the enchantment as Rodney's stunned expression turned to disbelief. "Maybe? Maybe! You were *so* jealous of Carson... though I admit, at the time, I thought... mmummph!"
John grabbed Rodney again and kissed him hard, this time with his tongue stabbing into the open mouth, licking and tasting, sliding against Rodney's to silence him. Rodney broke free. "We need to tal...mmummph!" John caught his lips again, effectively silencing him for a second time. When Rodney broke free for a third time, John simply grabbed him both ears. "Rodney? Shut up!"
This time Rodney did as ordered, melting into the heat of John's kiss, his arms wrapping around John's torso, holding him so tight that he might have crushed a more fragile frame. This was exactly what John needed and wanted, and what he had been missing for almost two decades. Memories of being held down by strong arms, of bruising kisses and a roughened cheek against his skin flooded back. With Rodney he could let go, not needing to temper his strength for fear of hurting his partner. He felt fingers digging into his scalp, dragging through his hair as Rodney lost his uncertainty and reciprocated with equal passion. Their mouths slid apart; lips, tongue and teeth striping a path of pain and pleasure along his jaw and down the side of his throat. He gasped as Rodney bit into the flesh at the juncture of neck and shoulder, knowing he was marked below the collar and so not caring. His own hands had worked under the jacket and found the hem of Rodney's t-shirt, slipping beneath to stroke the incredibly soft skin, fingers mapping the contour of muscle and curve of ribcage as he threw his head back to give Rodney greater access to his vulnerable throat.
Voices drifting out from the corridor beyond brought him back to his senses and he pulled away from Rodney, knowing they would be stupid to carry on with this out here where anyone could walk in on them. For a moment he froze, staring deep into Rodney's dazed eyes, seeing the heightened color on his cheeks and passion-swollen lips that seemed to beg for more kisses.
"What say we take this somewhere... private?"
Rodney gave an almost breathless laugh. "Yeah. What say we."
John sent Rodney off first, wanting to have a moment or two to regain his senses before he ventured out into the hallways of Atlantis. Rodney could get away with looking all flustered and excited because it wasn't so unusual a state for him, though John doubted anyone would suspect what had Rodney all excited about this time. John, on the other hand, had an image to maintain. He took a couple more deep breaths, feeling his heart rate slow closer to normal. He checked his collar to hide the incriminating lovebite and stepped back into Atlantis, walking swiftly through the corridor with a determined expression that discouraged any attempts to waylay him. Rodney's door opened to his soft request for admittance and John stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind him. Rodney was nowhere to be seen but John could hear him in the bathroom.
The last few minutes had dampened the intense desire that had coursed through him on the balcony but he knew it would not take much to stoke the fire again. Silently, he prayed Rodney was not having second thoughts. His breath caught in his throat when Rodney appeared on the threshold. He had pulled off his boots and socks, and discarded his jacket, looking strangely vulnerable in just pants and t-shirt even though John must have seen him similarly dressed on numerous occasions.
With slow movements, John pulled off his own jacket and toed off his boots, never letting his eyes stray from Rodney's face. He walked towards Rodney and reached out to rub a thumb over the prominent peak of a nipple showing through the thin t-shirt, smiling when Rodney shivered at his touch. He had always wondered if those nipples were as sensitive as they looked. Now he had part of his answer but John was determined to discover the full answer before the night was through.
"Take it off."
Rodney's eyebrows rose at the low-spoken order but, for once, he obeyed immediately and without questioning, drawing the t-shirt over his head and banishing it to the floor. John had licked his lips, watching the play of muscle as Rodney discarded the t-shirt, his fingers itching to toy with the fine, brown chest hairs scattered across the top half of the broad, muscular chest and down the center, tapering out midway. The hairs were not as dense as his nor did they cover as wide an area, leaving the rosy-colored nipples free of chest hairs. John gave in to temptation and trailed a finger through the fine hairs, brushing across the silken flesh lying beneath. His finger circled a nipple, hearing Rodney's breath hitch as he skimmed the sensitive nub. John smiled as he gained his answer and leaned in to lap at the tightened nipple, feeling Rodney's hands sink into his hair but whether to push him away or draw him nearer, John could not be certain. He felt the hands slide down to tug at the hem of John's t-shirt, the meaning clear. John pulled back and skinned out of his t-shirt quickly, throwing it aside. After several aborted hand gestures, Rodney reached out to stroke through John's thick chest hair, fingers tangling in the chain holding his dog tags. He looked up, with blue irises just a thin rim around the enlarged pupils, and spoke hesitantly.
"Perhaps we should...errhh... get naked? Both of us."
The flush of embarrassment rose in his cheeks and John wondered if perhaps Rodney was not as knowledgeable about gay sex as John had believed. Certainly, he seemed far more timid that John expected but, if anything, that made John relax. His own experiences might have been in his teens but his partner had been older and more worldly-wise, teaching John more than enough about the different pleasures two men could have together. Perhaps Rodney's experiences had been a little less varied; a hand-job or even just rubbing off against one another. If so then John was going to have a lot of fun teaching him the rest, especially when it came to putting that amazing mouth to better use than talking.
John responded to Rodney's words by reaching for his zipper and lowering it slowly. His baggy pants refused to stay up and slid down his narrow hips to pool at his feet. John stepped out of them and cocked his head at Rodney, eyes settling below Rodney's waist. Rodney's usually agile fingers fumbled at his clothing but John remained still, mesmerized by the ethereal glow of Rodney's creamy flesh and the tantalizing glimpses of more as Rodney finally dropped both pants and boxers, revealing strong, pale thighs and a beautiful cock jutting upwards from a nest of brown curls.
Beautiful was the only word John could find to describe the man standing naked opposite him. Months of offworld missions, sometimes running for their lives but more often simply hiking long distances, had burned off fat to leave mainly muscle though John was relieved to see softness around Rodney's middle. That little imperfection made him real, made all of this real, and all John wanted to do was drop to his knees and worship the beauty of this man, of his friend and soon-to-be lover.
He grinned as Rodney became nervous under John's stare, his smile turning predatory as he stalked forward, watching Rodney take a couple of hesitant steps back towards the bed. When he judged Rodney was close enough, John pounced, knocking him back on to the bed with John straddling his thighs. Desire-darkened eyes were wide in shock but then a familiar eye roll ruined the helpless prey image as Rodney gave a crooked smile before stretching up for a kiss. John obliged him, swooping down to seal their lips together while he ran his hands over the ample, warm and silken flesh covering Rodney's pelvic bones. He felt the reverberation of a soft moan as their hard cocks rubbed together, caught between the close press of their bodies. John rocked his hips slowly, pushing against the soft belly as he reveled in the sensations building deep in his own belly and groin. Fingers tightened on his biceps and John pulled back slightly.
"Iwantyouinmewhenyoucome." The words were a rush with Rodney's face stained red with embarrassment, and the request surprised John for a moment as he had managed to convince himself that Rodney was a virgin in that respect. He could feel the increased pounding of his heart at the offering, knowing he wanted this desperately but had been willing to work up to it slowly.
"Are you sure, Rodney?"
Rodney's lips tightened into a sour line or irritation. "IF I wasn't certain then I wouldn't have asked."
"Okay...just checking we're not getting ahead of each other here."
"Oh." The irritation flooded away, replaced by concern. "Umm...if you'd rather not then..."
John stopped his words with a kiss, having already discovered that it was an effective method of silencing Rodney; he drew back. "Oh, I want to. I really want to."
He let Rodney choose the position, willing to let Rodney decide how he wanted his body taken and was not surprised when Rodney turned over onto elbows and knees, raising his pure white ass high into the air. John ran his hands over the pale curves, wondering why he had never noticed that Rodney had the most gorgeous ass hidden beneath his baggy science pants - firm and beautifully formed into perfect handfuls. He took his time preparing Rodney, listening to the soft moans and gentle litany of 'yes' and 'more' that told him when Rodney was ready. Slowly, as if holding a most precious possession, John withdrew his fingers and aligned his cock, pressing in with infinite care. He had forgotten how incredibly tight and hot it felt to be inside another man, feeling the heat and pressure along the whole length of him as he pressed in all the way. Beneath him, Rodney moaned, pain and pleasure mingling as he pushed back in counterpoint to John's small thrusts.
John reached beneath Rodney, touching him for the first time, his hand wrapping around the silken steel length of Rodney's erection, jacking him slowly in time with his own thrusts into the perfect body. He could feel Rodney trembling beneath him, could hear a keening wail building up in the back of Rodney's throat. Part of him wanted to pull Rodney upright, wanted to draw him onto his lap so he could fuck him harder and deeper, so he could reach the exposed chest and belly and tease at an oversensitive nipple even as Rodney thrust hard into John's hand. Or maybe Rodney would play with his own body, bringing himself off even as he impaled himself deeper onto John's cock. The image alone was enough to push John over the edge and he came with a shout of triumph, thrusting harder and deeper, wanting to crawl right up inside his lover and stay there forever, only to come crashing back down to Earth with the heat of Rodney's release coating his fingers and their heavy gasps filling the sweat and sex-scented air.
He collapsed down on top of Rodney, having the presence of mind to pull out and roll aside moments later when Rodney squirmed beneath him. John discarded the used condom and pulled Rodney into his arms, chest to Rodney's back; he kissed the sweat-slicked nape of his lover's neck. Rodney murmured softly.
"That was...that was..."
"Perfect," John finished.
"Hmmm...Perfect." Rodney whispered in agreement, voice heavy with fatigue. "I'm gonna...take a short nap now."
"Sure. Okay." John could feel the tiredness pulling on his own limbs and mind, knowing it was more than just the sex causing it. For years he had denied himself the company of another man, and for months he had denied himself the presence of his best friend. Having both in his arms was like coming home after a lifetime of loneliness, easing all the inner aches and pain that he had become so much a part of him that he had learned to ignore the gnawing inside him until Rodney brought it all back to the forefront of his mind.
John felt Rodney relax in his arms, listening as his breathing slowed into a gentle rhythm as he slipped into sleep. He tightened his arms around this most precious man, part of him still convinced that this was all a dream and that, if he closed his eyes then when he awoke, Rodney would be gone and the misery of the past few months would still be with him.
John knew that the shadow of Arcturus would not be so easily banished despite his inherent optimism. They had both crossed the line that day and there would be times when he recalled the mistakes they had both made, bringing back some of the anger and bitterness. They both had a little way to go before they regained the same level of trust in each other as before that cataclysmic event but, as he tightened his hold on Rodney, he knew they would put Arcturus behind them - eventually.
THE END
AUTHOR: tarlanx
RATING: NC-17 Slash
DISCLAIMER: Not mine!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: SGA Secret Santa Challenge. You are writing for:
LiveJournal: moonlettuce
Things I'd like: McShep. Or a McKay/Sheppard/Lorne threesome. Jealous!Sheppard. Oblivious!Rodney. All of them acting like guys and not twelve-year old girls.
Things I wouldn't like: Het. Kids. An unhappy ending.
Part One
***
Eichmann swore under his breath as Lorne handed out the assignment. He had expected a slow shift on gate duty, just hanging around watching the scientist go to and fro doing whatever scientists do. Perhaps McKay or Zelenka would show up as that always guaranteed a few sparks. He smothered a grin as he recalled the way McKay had simply grabbed the occupied seat by the DHD one day and sent it spinning away while he went straight to work on the control panel. The look on that Canadian tech Sergeant's face was priceless. Still, watching these things from a distance was far different than spending time up-close and personal with the man. The fact that Major Lorne had asked for half hour check-ins meant that he anticipated at least two or three - minimum. That was at least an hour and probably more in the doctor's company. Even the Major had been exasperated after spending a couple of hours with McKay back on that radiation world, actually quipping that he was grateful Ford stunned him when he did.
Eichmann finished clipping his P90 to his vest and turned to leave, finding the doorway barred by Sergeant Saunders.
"Sir?"
"Head to the gate room in an hour as originally rostered. I'll escort McKay."
Eichmann felt his eyebrows crawl up to his hairline in surprise because no one ever volunteered for babysitting duty, and especially not when the baby was McKay but he wasn't going to argue. If Saunders wanted the duty then he could have it.
"Yes, sir."
Eichmann strode off with a lighter step and headed towards the control room.
***
Rodney tapped his stylus against his tablet PC impatiently as he waited for his escort to arrive. When the transporter door opened, Rodney started to berate the marine but snapped his mouth closed when Sgt. Saunders stepped out. Of all the soldiers Lorne could have picked to escort him, it had to be the one who had taken a personal and obvious dislike to him from the very start.
Rodney recalled Saunders from the soldier's first day on Atlantis and how he had swaggered into the city behind Everett and treated him and the rest of the scientists like they were vermin infesting Atlantis. He had used the word 'civilian' with disdain, ordering them about in a condescending manner and using bullying tactics against anyone who objected.
At the time, Rodney was riding high on stims and virtually no sleep so he had not paid a huge amount of attention to the sergeant, or anyone else come to think of it. He and Radek had a job to do once Everett screwed up and left them without any means of defense beyond the rail guns being set up on the balconies. Of course, Rodney had made his opinion known right away, making sure Everett knew what he thought of his gung-ho tactics and, if looks could kill then Saunders would have had no need for the 9mm strapped to his thigh.
Since then, Saunders had made the lives of some of Rodney's minions a misery. Trips in hallways and juvenile pranks seemed to be his calling card as he encouraged his cronies to follow in his footsteps. Still, he had never tried anything on with Rodney before Arcturus, no doubt wanting to fly below Sheppard's radar. Except Sheppard's radar had gone offline after Arcturus.
When he awoke in the infirmary after his fall, Rodney should have given into his paranoia that it was no accident, especially as that was not the first suspicious action around him. Two days before the fall, he had found a piece of plastic embedded in his mashed potato after being jostled by Ericsson on his way to his lunch table and, before that, someone had laced his favorite coffee pot with a mild laxative. Strangely enough, Halston had been on patrol close to the labs that day.
Rodney already knew about Miko's tea leaves, the itching powder and a dozen other minor irritations over the months since the siege but, as all of those incidences could be explained away easily enough and with no evidence to support otherwise, he had no recourse but to ignore them and hope the pranksters slipped up eventually. He had planned to have a friendly word with Sheppard about his men when they set out for Doranda but then Arcturus had happened, and Sheppard had made it clear since then that Rodney no longer had anything of importance to say to him. Instead, Rodney knew he had to wait until he had some hard evidence against Saunders and his bullies before he approached Sheppard on a professional level.
It occurred to Rodney that perhaps this current escort assignment was fortuitous. There had never been the opportunity to talk with Saunders alone and come to some sort of understanding. Maybe this was the chance he needed before someone was fatally injured by the escalating nastiness of the pranks.
"So. Just you and me then. We'd best get started."
"Sure, Dr. McKay. Lead the way." Saunders gave a predatory smile.
"Hmm." Rodney looked back at the transporter, wondering if he ought to simply abandon this task until another day when he would have more congenial company. He took a half-step back towards it but Saunders shuffled sideways, blocking his path.
"Grounding Station Three is that way." Saunders indicated with his P90 along one long corridor heading to the north of the city.
"Yes. Of course." Hefting his tool kit, Rodney turned and started to walk, conscious of the footsteps echoing right behind him. At this slow pace it could take half an hour to reach the damaged station and Lorne had insisted on half hour check-ins. He might even be monitoring their progress for part of the journey as the sensors were working closer to the center of the city, suffering damage only on the outer northern reaches. Mentally, Rodney shook himself, almost ashamed of his paranoia. Saunders was duty-bound to protect him after all, having been ordered to by Major Lorne so, really, the worse he could suffer was a little additional intimidation.
The silence thickened, heavy with Rodney's fear and Saunders's malice, and this made Rodney nervous. When he was nervous, Rodney had a habit of talking too much and too fast to fill the void but even he stuttered to a verbal halt when it became very clear that Saunders was not going to utter a single word to him. Paranoia reigned in his head once more as the deathly silence filled his imagination with ideas of walking to his execution. Twenty minutes later, tense and afraid, Rodney stopped and fumbled with the toolkit, dropping it to the ground.
"I just need to check in with Zelenka and--" He reached for his headset but gasped when Saunders ripped it from him and threw it aside as he shoved Rodney forward, the toolkit forgotten as Rodney stumbled a couple of steps before regaining his balance. He turned in fear-induced outrage.
"Hey! What do you think..?"
The muzzle of the P90 shoved under his chin made him lose the rest of his words and he raised his hands in a defenseless gesture.
"Grounding Station Three is still that way, Doctor." Saunders grabbed his shoulder and spun him back in the direction they had been walking, the P90 digging into Rodney's back to provide the necessary incentive to keep moving.
***
"It has to stop now," John stated to the quietly sobbing Miko. "I know you thought you were protecting Dr. McKay because no one else seemed to be looking out for him but that's not the case anymore." He reached out and awkwardly patted her shoulder. "I'm looking out for him now."
Miko stared at him for a moment and must have read the truth in his eyes because her eyes widened a fraction before she nodded. "I will do as you ask."
"Promise." John wasn't so sure it could really be this simple but Miko nodded again, more forcefully.
"Yes."
Sighing with relief, John left the otherwise empty laboratory and headed towards the commissary. He needed a beer after this but as that was not going to happen, he decided to make do with a coffee instead. He saw Lorne coming towards him from the opposite direction and decided he could use the company. Lorne seemed to take the non-verbal hint and fell in step beside him.
"Problem?"
"Not any more...I hope. Least, not from that quarter." John gave him a sideways glance. "Any word back from McKay?"
"Should be checking-in in another ten minutes."
The doors to the commissary opened as they approached and John took a slight side step to avoid the marine exiting, offering a half-smile as the marine straightened and stood aside. John carried on pass and then noticed that Lorne was no longer right behind him. He turned just as Lorne called out to the marine.
"Corporal Eichmann? McKay back already?" Lorne frowned in confusion and John could understand the annoyance as Eichmann should have reported in once circumstances changed.
Eichmann blanched slightly. "Sergeant Saunders relieved me of escort duty, Sir."
"Saunders!" John looked quickly to Lorne, both of them aware that Saunders was part of the Halston and Ericsson group that had been geek-baiting. He licked his lips thoughtfully, wondering why Saunders would offer to baby-sit McKay, and all he could think of was that Saunders intended to use the time to intimidate McKay as payback for Halston and Ericsson.
"Sir?"
"Carry on, Eichmann. I'll handle this." He waited until Eichmann had moved out of earshot and then turned to Lorne. "I'm going to take a brisk walk out to Grounding Station Three."
"A brisk walk sounds good to me too, sir."
John eyed him curiously for a moment and then shrugged. Knowing McKay, he was probably giving back as good as he was getting from Saunders but John didn't want to take the chance should Rodney push Saunders too far and end up getting punched. The last thing Atlantis needed was an arrogant astrophysicist with a bloody nose and in a real snit.
"Sector 3 in five. Full gear."
By brisk walk, John meant a steady jog but Lorne made no complaint as they moved through the damaged sector of the city towards the grounding station that Kolya's men had severely damaged while trying to kill John. Rodney had done makeshift repairs to get the station back online but most of that was negated when one of the downed Wraith darts struck this portion of the city. With so much else to do, the repair task had been given to Kavanagh but he had never managed to bend the station to his will the way Rodney could. Weeks would pass with no problems and then higher seas would batter at the area and take it offline once more. Kavanagh was back on Earth now having decided he'd had his share of life and death in the Pegasus galaxy and Rodney's time was too precious to spend on basic maintenance - until now.
He slowed, a frown creasing his forehead when he saw Rodney's toolkit standing in the center of the corridor, wondering why he had left it here.
"Colonel!"
John glanced over, eyes widening in concern when he saw the headset dangling from Lorne's fingers, seeing the same worry on Lorne's face. John glanced along the corridor, mentally calculating the distance left to cover. He opened a military channel, not wanting to worry Elizabeth if it turned out that Rodney had merely thrown a tantrum and discarded this gear.
"I want two teams to Grounding Station three. Double time...and get a jumper in the air. Sheppard out."
Without another word, John started to run, the sound of Lorne's pounding feet keeping him company as they both raced towards the damaged grounding station.
***
"You know... this really isn't necessary. I'm sorry about Halpter and Rickman but I had nothing--"
"Halston and Ericsson. God, you don't even give a shit about their names, do you? What were they? Just wraith fodder to you? Like Gearing and Jacobski?"
Rodney glanced back over his shoulder in confusion. "Who?" He cried out in pain as Saunders shoved the P90 hard into his back again.
"The two marines you left behind after they'd been wraith-stunned."
"What?"
"You just left them where they fell, where any Wraith could have come along and fed on them."
It took a moment for the memory to click into place and then he recalled the two Daedalus marines whom Elizabeth had ordered to escort him to the ZedPm control room during the siege. With the darts scooping up people and dropping even more wraith into the city with every run, it had been imperative to get the shield raised as quickly as possible. Every moment's delay was costing lives and, in the end, every second had counted.
"I had to get the ZedPM installed or we'd have all have been dead. The wraith darts made a kamikaze run on the city after--"
"You didn't know that at the time. You didn't give a shit about those men. You just left them there."
"I had to get the shield up to save everyone in the city."
"Oh, don't give me that crap, McKay. The only person you ever gave a shit about was yourself, and now two more good men will be heading back to Earth because of your pettiness and ego."
"What!? I saw..." Rodney clicked his fingers,"...Jacob-whatever in the gate room two days ago."
"I'm talking about Everett, you little shit."
"Everett?" Rodney squeaked. "When did he get into this conversation?"
Another shove and the door ahead opened at Rodney's approach, the fresh breeze off the sea smacked him in the face, the salt stinging his eyes. He was pressed onwards until he stood on the lower balcony overlooking the rolling blue waves that crashed into the city only ten feet below his feet, sending up a fine cold spray that splashed across his face.
"Colonel Everett was a good man and a fine officer, and he didn't deserve to get drained by a wraith just because you were flying too high on stims to get those jumpers off the ground. And I know what happened with the ZPM. All that yapping brought the Wraith right to your position...and if you hadn't been such a goddamn coward then you'd have taken the time to hide those downed marines before you ran off with that Athosian bitch."
"You're blaming me for the Wraith getting into the city? Perhaps if your precious Colonel hadn't used up all our tactical nuclear warheads in one pointless defense strategy then we'd have had no need for the shield because there would have been no Wraith."
"Oh yeah, that's just like you, isn't it, McKay?" He sneered. "To pass the blame onto someone else...and if one Colonel wasn't enough of a notch on your belt, you nearly killed Colonel Sheppard too."
"Colonel Sheppard made his own stupid choice that day, just like Everett. If he had waited a few more minutes I'd have had the Chair up..."
"Don't you dare bad-mouth the Colonel. He's a goddamn hero... and you? You're just a liability to everyone in this city," he snarled, giving Rodney a hard shove.
Rodney shoved back. "The only liability here is you and your bullies."
"Yeah... and I've seen how you dealt with them."
"What? I had nothing to do with what happened to them."
"Yeah, sure. Halston just happened to fall down a flight of stairs after you'd taken a tumble, and Ericsson..."
"I had nothing to do with what happened to either of those men...not that they didn't deserve exactly what they got because we all know my fall was no accident and the shower gel..."
"Harmless pranks!"
"Harmless? I had a concussion... and an extreme allergic reaction to that--"
"And maiming them was justifiable retribution?" Saunders shoved him again and Rodney felt the balcony railing dig into his lower back. Flashes of memory struck at him, of this same balcony during the violent storm, of Kolya pressing him backwards over the railing while Elizabeth dragged at Kolya's arm to pull him off, of the pain in his sliced arm as the wet cloth of his jacket dragged across the bloodied wound. Saunders was right in his face now, his pale eyes dark and filled with rage and his face reddened with anger.
Rodney gritted his teeth, used a move that Teyla had taught him to break Saunders hold and push him off balance before shoving him back even harder, managing to gain some space between them. Incensed by Rodney's actions, Saunders slammed both hands against Rodney's shoulders, both of their eyes widening in shock when the force was enough to tip Rodney over the top of the railing. The split second seemed to stretch into infinity as he saw Saunders lunge forward to grab him. He felt Saunders's fingers brush against his legs as he tried but failed to grasp the material and then he was falling, the breath knocked out of him as he hit the water.
***
Saunders froze at the horror on McKay's face, realizing a split second too late what had happened. Yes, he wanted McKay to pay for Halston and Ericsson but the intention had been to intimidate the arrogant bastard into requesting a transfer back to Earth, not to hurt him. He lunged forward too late, his fingers grazing the heavy material of McKay's pants, almost catching a foot and then McKay was gone, arms flailing uselessly for a nonexistent handhold as he tumbled backwards into the sea, ten feet below. Saunders saw him go under, his eyes scanning the water until McKay surfaced, coughing and spluttering but Saunders could see he was dazed and struggling to stay afloat.
Saunders tapped his headset, toeing off his boots and pulling off his vest and jacket at the same time. "Control. This is Saunders at Grounding Station Three. McKay's in the water. I repeat. McKay's in the water. I'm going in after him."
Already aware that there was nothing he could use as a flotation device, Saunders ripped off his headset without waiting for a response and dived off the balcony into the rolling sea, coming up beside the thrashing scientist. When McKay tried to grab him too tightly, threatening to drag them both under, Saunders kicked away and came up behind the panicking man, grabbing hold of the collar of his waterlogged jacket to drag him onto his back while keeping his head above water.
"Relax, McKay!"
Amazingly, McKay did as he was ordered, letting the salty water provide the buoyancy needed to keep him afloat as Saunders dragged McKay back towards the city. He felt the first twinges of panic when he noticed the incredibly smooth sides, seeing no handholds within reach, and then a face appeared over the edge, followed by another.
When the empty leg of a pair of military pants dropped down in front of him, Saunders didn't bother to question the makeshift rope and grabbed for it. He could hear Sheppard and Lorne shouting down at him but the breeze tore away their words. He understood what they were trying to tell him anyway, that the 'rope' would never support the weight of one, let alone two waterlogged men. It was there to help keep them both afloat until more help arrived. What Saunders didn't expect was to see Sheppard jump into the water to support the other side of McKay, holding onto another makeshift rope made out of belts and a jacket. A sharp look from Sheppard put the fear of God into Saunders having never seen his CO's eyes blazing with so much anger before.
"S-sir...I n-never meant for this to happen. I-I s-swear."
"We'll talk..." he spat out some water "...about this later."
"Yes...s-sir." Saunders stumbled over his words as the coldness of the sea seeped into his body.
"Rodney? How you d-doing there?" Sheppard's voice gentled when he spoke to the still-dazed scientist.
"I've...b-been b-better."
"W-well, hold on. N-not long now...and we'll h-have you out of here."
Saunders looked up as a Puddlejumper swooped down and hovered right above them, the back hatch opening slowly. He could hear occasional snatches of words as Major Lorne yelled instructions up to those inside and he grabbed for the harness that dropped a few feet to the side of him, quickly fastening it around McKay. Two tugs of the rope and the Puddlejumper rose up into the air, carrying McKay out of the water. It maneuvered only far enough for Lorne to grab a hold of McKay and lower him to the balcony, releasing the harness so that the Puddlejumper could go back for the next man.
"You n-next, S-sir."
"J-just get that harness on, s-soldier...and that's an order."
By the time the harness dropped down beside him, his fingers were almost too numb from the cold to tighten it around him. Eventually, he gave the required two tugs and breathed a sigh of relief as he was hoisted out of the sea, and even more grateful when his feet touched solid ground. He had not noticed the blankets dropped from the back of the jumper but was glad when he felt one placed over his cold shoulders. Moments later, Sheppard was in the air and being slowly lowered down to the balcony close by.
"Rodney?" That same gentle voice brought Saunders' head up and he saw Sheppard reach out to place a firm grip on McKay's shoulder. All traces of the irritation that had filled Sheppard's face since Doranda had gone, leaving behind the look of a man who was concerned for someone he cared a great deal about. Perhaps more than Sheppard would dare to admit.
"Amazingly...I'm o-okay." And though he looked terrible, soaked through to the skin and with his face pale and lips only starting to lose that bloodless coloring, Saunders could see something shining in McKay's blue eyes that looked suspiciously like joy rather than pain. Major Lorne had pulled off McKay's jacket and wrapped one of the emergency blankets around him. He was crouched down between them but he turned a hard stare at Saunders, the tight line of his mouth and narrowness of his eyes promising that Saunders that this was far from over.
Saunders lowered his head, giving silent thanks that Sheppard and Lorne had turned up when they did, not wanting to dwell on the possibilities had they arrived even ten minutes later.
***
"I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm fine, Carson."
"No you're bloody not. This is the third time you've graced my infirmary in two weeks so I don't care how fine you think you feel, you are staying in here overnight for observation... and that is final."
Rodney almost jumped when John dropped a friendly hand on his lower leg. "Face it, Rodney, you're not going anywhere tonight so just relax."
He had not seen John return to his side, having assumed Sheppard would walk away as soon as he knew Rodney was in no immediate danger, just as he had the last few times. Instead John settled into a chair beside him, an uneasy smile playing about his soft lips as if he expected Rodney to tell him to get lost at any moment, but Rodney had no intention of screwing up what might be his one and only opportunity to regain their friendship. If the past weeks had taught him anything at all, it was that he was only half a person without John. No matter how hard Carson, Teyla and even Miko tried, they couldn't come close to filling the void in his heart and soul from losing John. Without him, life had lost much of its joy, his discoveries had no shine when he could not share them with John, and even food tasted like sawdust without John's company. He had missed their bickering and snarking, had missed their conspiracies as they devised ways to have a little fun between all the death and gloom thrown at them in the Pegasus galaxy. He missed the silent moments too, when the pair of them would simply sit back, shoulder to shoulder, and watch the same old movie again.
And yet it was far more than that. He missed seeing John's smile and the way his eyes glowed with pleasure whenever he teased Rodney. He missed his boyish humor and his laughter, and that glint in his eyes when he had an idea that would, no doubt, lead them both into trouble with Elizabeth. He missed his touch too, those teasing smacks and slaps that came so infrequently now and more often in annoyance than in friendship, and the gentle hand on his shoulder or arm to guide him or simply call his attention.
Rodney offered a tremulous smile, not wanting to put too much hope in John's change of heart in case this was a temporary respite from the loneliness he had felt since losing John's trust. It must have been enough of a smile though as some of the tension slipped from John's frame and he slouched further into the seat. That tension returned suddenly when Carson gripped Rodney's shoulder and leaned in close and it took but a moment for Rodney to realize that the slightly narrowing of John's eyes was aimed at Carson and not him.
Was John jealous of Carson's attention towards him?
It hardly seemed possible but when Rodney thought back to the previous few times in the infirmary where John had walked away after giving him an angry glance, Carson had been hovering over him. At the time Rodney had assumed that John's attitude was purely more fallout from Arcturus but now he was not so certain. The thought that John might actually be jealous of Carson's friendship with him filled Rodney with even greater hope that he might be able to salvage theirs... unless John simply hated the idea of Rodney having any friends at all. Perhaps he had wanted him to be completely ostracized after Arcturus. Certainly, if Carson, Teyla and Miko had not made an effort to keep him company then he might have been forced to leave Atlantis rather than endure the loneliness as he had in Siberia.
Some of his uncertainty must have shown because John's eyebrows rose and his eyes widened in what could only be remorse and, if Rodney did not know better, he could have sworn that John looked as though he was about to apologize to both him and Carson. Instead, his smile tightened and he looked down for a moment as if reining in his emotions before looking back up with a brighter smile which encompassed Carson too.
"So I hear the doc's been taking good care of you."
Carson snorted lightly. "I'm always taking care of Rodney. Trouble magnets, the both of you....though, if he calls me at two in the morning again to rub more cream into his back then I'm assigning Dr. Biro to take care of him in future."
"One time!" Rodney stated indignantly, holding up a finger. "You said I needed to rest but how could I when I was itching so much and couldn't reach... that spot."
"He fair near did my back in by making me lean over a chair to apply the medication."
"I could hardly lie down on the bed, Carson. The rash was on the front too." Rodney pointed out.
"Aye, that it was. And it seemed to be concentrated around a certain..."
"Carson!"
"...area." Carson smirked at Rodney, who had felt his face heat with embarrassment as Carson knew exactly how concentrated it was around his groin, though at least he had not tried to embarrass Rodney further by offering to apply the cream to that particularly itchy spot at the time. Anyway, Rodney could bet he was not the only man on Atlantis who liked a little solo action in the shower some mornings and used a little shower gel to ease the friction.
Judging by the squirm made John made and the slightly pained expression, he must have guessed what area Carson meant anyway, which made Rodney blush even harder.
"Do you mind if we change the subject? I don't particularly want to discuss my personal ailments in public."
"Well, that'll make a nice change," John teased, and Rodney knew it was a tease rather than an acerbic observation because of the fine lines of mirth that crinkled at the corner of his eyes, and the gentle tilt of his lips. At that moment, Rodney knew everything was going to be good between them again and, for the first time in what seemed a long while, Rodney felt some of the tension leave his own body.
***
Eight days later, Saunders stood between the two beds holding his former team mates, deciding it was better to make rash promises of keeping in touch rather than souring the last few minutes of what had seemed a good friendship until the truth came out. Under duress, Halston had admitted to setting a thin trip wire across the stairs, causing McKay's fall, while Ericsson had admitted to knowing all about McKay's allergies to particular compounds before tampering with his shower gel. Both had set out to deliberately hurt the man rather than annoy him, which had never been Saunders's intention. The three of them had played a number of minor pranks on the scientists but none had been truly malicious until Halston lost a friend in the Iratus bug nest.
Saunders had not been too happy when Ericsson made that little Japanese scientist ill, nor when Halston tampered with the equipment and hurt that Russian engineer, though the itching powder had been kind of funny.
Even so, he had thought McKay's accidents were just another couple of pranks that had misfired and he had been stunned by the violent backlash that put first Halston and then Ericsson in the infirmary and permanently off Atlantis. In hindsight, blaming McKay had been a little harsh as, for all of his sharp words, he was not the malicious type. If Sheppard knew who was behind the retaliation, and that seemed likely judging by his private but very persuasive words to the three of them, then he was keeping that information to himself. Halston and Ericsson had agreed to say their own injuries were caused by an accident rather than face a military hearing that could result in a dishonorable discharge for the part they had played in McKay's 'accidents'.
As for himself, he thought he would be sent back to Earth along with Halston and Ericsson but, instead, Sheppard had decided to balance out the black mark that ought to have gone onto his permanent record against him jumping into the sea to save McKay, even though he had caused that fall. The only punishment given was an order to read a number of reports, both for offworld missions and for events in Atlantis, which revealed the critical role McKay had played in saving the expedition time and time again.
After reading the events leading up to the Wraith siege, he felt a little humbled at Colonel Everett's condescending attitude towards the scientists who had given all they had, and in some cases given their lives, to protect the city and each other. In light of what they had been through, Saunders now understood McKay's anger at Everett, brought on by tiredness and grief. He was a scientist not a soldier, and yet he and the others had been forced to defend themselves against a terrible enemy with little physical or mental preparation. They were all battle-weary, all low on sleep and high on stress, and none more so than McKay and Zelenka as they worked around the clock to ensure Atlantis would never be a Wraith stepping stone to Earth, even if it cost all their lives.
Colonel Everett had brought hope to the Atlanteans and then dashed it by refusing to accept advice from a bunch of geeks and a renegade USAF major. Saunders had been at the meeting where Everett went against Sheppard's advice to keep back some of the nuclear warheads. At the time, he had taken a lot of pleasure in seeing Everett assume military command from the Airforce pilot who had admitted to killing Colonel Sumner but Everett had underestimated the enemy, and that personal vendetta against Sheppard cost men's lives.
In hindsight, Saunders knew that his accusations against McKay were unfounded too. Bringing up the shield had been more important than the lives of two soldiers and blaming McKay had dishonored the sacrifice they had made when volunteering to escort him to the ZPM room. Perhaps a Wraith could have stumbled across them and taken their lives while they lay helpless but, all over the city, others were in the same terrible predicament and the only way to save as many of them as possible was to stop the Wraith from gaining reinforcements with every dart that came close enough to the city. If anything, those soldiers had failed McKay. They had failed to protect him and they had failed to get him and the ZPM to the ZPM chamber. Teyla Emmagan's report had revealed how close Atlantis had come to losing its one and only chance of salvation when McKay was left to face two Wraith alone.
He doubted that any of what he had learned would ever make him like the man but Saunders felt a lot more respect for McKay now.
Saunders stepped back and, seconds later, the Asgard transporter beam enveloped the two injured men. He stared at the empty beds for a moment and then turned, finding Major Lorne standing by the door, watching him closely.
"He's really not so bad once you get to know him."
"I'll take your word for it, Sir."
Lorne gave a wry smile. "Better mine than theirs."
A silent understanding passed between them and then Lorne turned away.
"Sir?"
He turned back with a slight frown that eased when Saunders saluted him. Lorne gave an offhand salute in return but he was smiling when he walked away this time.
***
Two weeks had passed since McKay's fall into the cold waters surrounding Atlantis and even though they had put the worst of Arcturus behind them, what they had regained was still not enough for John. Instead of falling back into the old patterns, Rodney had pulled away a little as if he could not risk placing all of his trust in John, but that was hardly surprising after the way John had treated him. Still, John had tried his best to accept that he had lost more of Rodney than he could ever have imagined.
Even selflessly wanting Rodney to be happy was tearing him apart because he wanted Rodney to be happy with him rather than with someone else. He wanted to be the one Rodney turned to when he needed someone to put medication on his itchy back, or when he needed reassurance that everything would turn out okay, or even just when Rodney wanted someone to discuss the latest hot gossip with.
Quite simply, he missed being the center of Rodney's universe but he knew he had only himself to blame.
Although Carson had implied that his relationship with Rodney was purely platonic - mixed in with a little doctor/patient - the image of Carson's gentle hands holding Rodney's and stroking Rodney's fine hair still left a bitter taste in John's mouth. He knew Carson was capable of lying about his relationship with Rodney if he believed it was in their best interest to keep it quiet, especially as the American military had a problem with same-sex couples, but he had hoped Rodney would tell him the truth.
Except John was not certain if he wanted to learn that he had already lost Rodney to Carson.
He glanced across as Rodney came to stand next to him on the balcony overlooking the city. There were other balconies that offered beautiful views across the sea and others of the sun and moons rising and setting but John had always liked this particular view when he was feeling torn inside. From here he felt dwarfed by the great city, seeing along the straight avenues between the skyscraping buildings and yet taking comfort in their order. He had an urge to 'thread the needle' one of these days in a Puddlejumper and if Everett had not ordered him to the Chair during the siege then he might have taken to the air then to chase down the darts strafing the city with their culling beams.
Rodney leaned onto the balcony railing beside him, staring out into the city for a moment before John noticed him pushing upright and turning towards him.
"What are you doing?" Rodney asked gently.
John frowned as it seemed pretty obvious what he was doing right now. He half-turned towards Rodney and cocked an eyebrow at him in the hope that he might get a little more out of his friend. Rodney flapped his hand.
"I- ah. I don't mean standing out here as that's pretty obvious. I mean... Well... What are you...doing?" He grimaced as if only just realizing that his words still made no sense. "With us?"
"With us?"
"I mean, with Carson and me...and you."
"Carson?"
"Yes, Carson. Resident voodoo practitioner, wielder of large needles?"
"I know who Carson is, Rodney."
"Do you? I mean, do you really?"
John reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. He knew it was a nervous habit from when he was trying to work out what the hell was going on, especially when Rodney was being more obtuse than usual.
"Yeah. I think I know him well enough to..."
"So you know he's besotted with Cadman?"
"He's..?" John dropped his hand and licked his lips nervously, even more confused by the turn of the conversation. The Daedalus had left an hour earlier on its trip back to Earth, weighed down by all the artefacts that could not be sent through the Stargate and with scientists and military returning home. Halston and Ericsson were among them but he had a strong feeling that no one would miss them. Kavanagh had chosen to leave this time as well and he had anticipated hearing of parties in the labs to celebrate that event. Lt. Cadman was a good soldier and a demolitions expert, much like Ford used to be, and if she had requested an assignment on Atlantis then John might have agreed if only to annoy Rodney. He knew Rodney was uncomfortable with Cadman since the body-sharing experience. He also knew Cadman had liked Carson enough to use Rodney's body to make a 'death bed' confession - barely resisting the urge to shudder at the memory - but had not realized that the interest went both ways. "Well, good for him."
"So the homophobic looks have got to stop."
"Homophobic?!" John looked straight at Rodney in shock. "Jeez, Rodney. I'm not homoph..."
"I kissed him once, Colonel. Once! And it wasn't even me in control of my body, it was Cadman."
"I thought we weren't gonna mention that again." John narrowed his eyes, hating the memory of Rodney kissing Carson even if Rodney was not the one in control at the time.
"We're not. At least, I wasn't... but you don't seem to be able to get past it."
John stared hard at Rodney, seeing a flicker of fear in the vivid blue eyes. John knew he could be dense on occasion, rarely seeing the flirting and come-hither signs until it was too late but, at other times, he had flashes of insight. He had one now as Rodney's words finally penetrated. There was no Rodney and Carson but there was...
"This isn't about Carson, is it? It's about you."
"What!?" Rodney looked stunned at the proclamation.
"It is," John crowed, stabbing a finger at Rodney. "You think I'm being homophobic and you're scared in case I turn that...homophobia against you."
Rodney looked all flustered, making denying noises but his expressive eyes said something else entirely. John's grin faded when his brain caught up with his mouth, realizing how this had to look and sound to Rodney. For some reason, John had always known Rodney liked guys as well as girls despite his louder talk on the merits of blondes, dumb or otherwise as the case may be. Otherwise he would never have been jealous of Carson's relationship with Rodney in the first place. However, Rodney did not know that. Now doubt Rodney thought John was a straight guy having a homophobic reaction towards a mutual friend, towards Carson. He had never expected John to twist it around and point the finger, quite literally, at him instead. He could see Rodney spiraling down into a full-blown panic attack and did the only thing he could think of to convince Rodney that his fears of John hating him for his sexual preferences were groundless. He caught Rodney's face in his hands, leaned in fast and kissed him, hard and determined.
After months of wondering what it would feel like to have Rodney's mouth beneath his, John was overcome with the taste and feel of the soft lips that had parted in surprise. He gave one tentative lick to tease across Rodney's lips and then pulled back, having stopped the panic attack dead in its tracks.
Rodney stared at him in complete bewilderment, a finger moving to skim across his own lips.
"You...You..?"
"Yeah, Rodney. I kissed you."
"Then you're not..?" He waved a hand
"Homophobic? No. Jealous of Carson..?" John knew he was pulling a funny face but it was astonishingly difficult to admit to having fallen foul of that particular sin. "Maybe."
That seemed to break the enchantment as Rodney's stunned expression turned to disbelief. "Maybe? Maybe! You were *so* jealous of Carson... though I admit, at the time, I thought... mmummph!"
John grabbed Rodney again and kissed him hard, this time with his tongue stabbing into the open mouth, licking and tasting, sliding against Rodney's to silence him. Rodney broke free. "We need to tal...mmummph!" John caught his lips again, effectively silencing him for a second time. When Rodney broke free for a third time, John simply grabbed him both ears. "Rodney? Shut up!"
This time Rodney did as ordered, melting into the heat of John's kiss, his arms wrapping around John's torso, holding him so tight that he might have crushed a more fragile frame. This was exactly what John needed and wanted, and what he had been missing for almost two decades. Memories of being held down by strong arms, of bruising kisses and a roughened cheek against his skin flooded back. With Rodney he could let go, not needing to temper his strength for fear of hurting his partner. He felt fingers digging into his scalp, dragging through his hair as Rodney lost his uncertainty and reciprocated with equal passion. Their mouths slid apart; lips, tongue and teeth striping a path of pain and pleasure along his jaw and down the side of his throat. He gasped as Rodney bit into the flesh at the juncture of neck and shoulder, knowing he was marked below the collar and so not caring. His own hands had worked under the jacket and found the hem of Rodney's t-shirt, slipping beneath to stroke the incredibly soft skin, fingers mapping the contour of muscle and curve of ribcage as he threw his head back to give Rodney greater access to his vulnerable throat.
Voices drifting out from the corridor beyond brought him back to his senses and he pulled away from Rodney, knowing they would be stupid to carry on with this out here where anyone could walk in on them. For a moment he froze, staring deep into Rodney's dazed eyes, seeing the heightened color on his cheeks and passion-swollen lips that seemed to beg for more kisses.
"What say we take this somewhere... private?"
Rodney gave an almost breathless laugh. "Yeah. What say we."
John sent Rodney off first, wanting to have a moment or two to regain his senses before he ventured out into the hallways of Atlantis. Rodney could get away with looking all flustered and excited because it wasn't so unusual a state for him, though John doubted anyone would suspect what had Rodney all excited about this time. John, on the other hand, had an image to maintain. He took a couple more deep breaths, feeling his heart rate slow closer to normal. He checked his collar to hide the incriminating lovebite and stepped back into Atlantis, walking swiftly through the corridor with a determined expression that discouraged any attempts to waylay him. Rodney's door opened to his soft request for admittance and John stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind him. Rodney was nowhere to be seen but John could hear him in the bathroom.
The last few minutes had dampened the intense desire that had coursed through him on the balcony but he knew it would not take much to stoke the fire again. Silently, he prayed Rodney was not having second thoughts. His breath caught in his throat when Rodney appeared on the threshold. He had pulled off his boots and socks, and discarded his jacket, looking strangely vulnerable in just pants and t-shirt even though John must have seen him similarly dressed on numerous occasions.
With slow movements, John pulled off his own jacket and toed off his boots, never letting his eyes stray from Rodney's face. He walked towards Rodney and reached out to rub a thumb over the prominent peak of a nipple showing through the thin t-shirt, smiling when Rodney shivered at his touch. He had always wondered if those nipples were as sensitive as they looked. Now he had part of his answer but John was determined to discover the full answer before the night was through.
"Take it off."
Rodney's eyebrows rose at the low-spoken order but, for once, he obeyed immediately and without questioning, drawing the t-shirt over his head and banishing it to the floor. John had licked his lips, watching the play of muscle as Rodney discarded the t-shirt, his fingers itching to toy with the fine, brown chest hairs scattered across the top half of the broad, muscular chest and down the center, tapering out midway. The hairs were not as dense as his nor did they cover as wide an area, leaving the rosy-colored nipples free of chest hairs. John gave in to temptation and trailed a finger through the fine hairs, brushing across the silken flesh lying beneath. His finger circled a nipple, hearing Rodney's breath hitch as he skimmed the sensitive nub. John smiled as he gained his answer and leaned in to lap at the tightened nipple, feeling Rodney's hands sink into his hair but whether to push him away or draw him nearer, John could not be certain. He felt the hands slide down to tug at the hem of John's t-shirt, the meaning clear. John pulled back and skinned out of his t-shirt quickly, throwing it aside. After several aborted hand gestures, Rodney reached out to stroke through John's thick chest hair, fingers tangling in the chain holding his dog tags. He looked up, with blue irises just a thin rim around the enlarged pupils, and spoke hesitantly.
"Perhaps we should...errhh... get naked? Both of us."
The flush of embarrassment rose in his cheeks and John wondered if perhaps Rodney was not as knowledgeable about gay sex as John had believed. Certainly, he seemed far more timid that John expected but, if anything, that made John relax. His own experiences might have been in his teens but his partner had been older and more worldly-wise, teaching John more than enough about the different pleasures two men could have together. Perhaps Rodney's experiences had been a little less varied; a hand-job or even just rubbing off against one another. If so then John was going to have a lot of fun teaching him the rest, especially when it came to putting that amazing mouth to better use than talking.
John responded to Rodney's words by reaching for his zipper and lowering it slowly. His baggy pants refused to stay up and slid down his narrow hips to pool at his feet. John stepped out of them and cocked his head at Rodney, eyes settling below Rodney's waist. Rodney's usually agile fingers fumbled at his clothing but John remained still, mesmerized by the ethereal glow of Rodney's creamy flesh and the tantalizing glimpses of more as Rodney finally dropped both pants and boxers, revealing strong, pale thighs and a beautiful cock jutting upwards from a nest of brown curls.
Beautiful was the only word John could find to describe the man standing naked opposite him. Months of offworld missions, sometimes running for their lives but more often simply hiking long distances, had burned off fat to leave mainly muscle though John was relieved to see softness around Rodney's middle. That little imperfection made him real, made all of this real, and all John wanted to do was drop to his knees and worship the beauty of this man, of his friend and soon-to-be lover.
He grinned as Rodney became nervous under John's stare, his smile turning predatory as he stalked forward, watching Rodney take a couple of hesitant steps back towards the bed. When he judged Rodney was close enough, John pounced, knocking him back on to the bed with John straddling his thighs. Desire-darkened eyes were wide in shock but then a familiar eye roll ruined the helpless prey image as Rodney gave a crooked smile before stretching up for a kiss. John obliged him, swooping down to seal their lips together while he ran his hands over the ample, warm and silken flesh covering Rodney's pelvic bones. He felt the reverberation of a soft moan as their hard cocks rubbed together, caught between the close press of their bodies. John rocked his hips slowly, pushing against the soft belly as he reveled in the sensations building deep in his own belly and groin. Fingers tightened on his biceps and John pulled back slightly.
"Iwantyouinmewhenyoucome." The words were a rush with Rodney's face stained red with embarrassment, and the request surprised John for a moment as he had managed to convince himself that Rodney was a virgin in that respect. He could feel the increased pounding of his heart at the offering, knowing he wanted this desperately but had been willing to work up to it slowly.
"Are you sure, Rodney?"
Rodney's lips tightened into a sour line or irritation. "IF I wasn't certain then I wouldn't have asked."
"Okay...just checking we're not getting ahead of each other here."
"Oh." The irritation flooded away, replaced by concern. "Umm...if you'd rather not then..."
John stopped his words with a kiss, having already discovered that it was an effective method of silencing Rodney; he drew back. "Oh, I want to. I really want to."
He let Rodney choose the position, willing to let Rodney decide how he wanted his body taken and was not surprised when Rodney turned over onto elbows and knees, raising his pure white ass high into the air. John ran his hands over the pale curves, wondering why he had never noticed that Rodney had the most gorgeous ass hidden beneath his baggy science pants - firm and beautifully formed into perfect handfuls. He took his time preparing Rodney, listening to the soft moans and gentle litany of 'yes' and 'more' that told him when Rodney was ready. Slowly, as if holding a most precious possession, John withdrew his fingers and aligned his cock, pressing in with infinite care. He had forgotten how incredibly tight and hot it felt to be inside another man, feeling the heat and pressure along the whole length of him as he pressed in all the way. Beneath him, Rodney moaned, pain and pleasure mingling as he pushed back in counterpoint to John's small thrusts.
John reached beneath Rodney, touching him for the first time, his hand wrapping around the silken steel length of Rodney's erection, jacking him slowly in time with his own thrusts into the perfect body. He could feel Rodney trembling beneath him, could hear a keening wail building up in the back of Rodney's throat. Part of him wanted to pull Rodney upright, wanted to draw him onto his lap so he could fuck him harder and deeper, so he could reach the exposed chest and belly and tease at an oversensitive nipple even as Rodney thrust hard into John's hand. Or maybe Rodney would play with his own body, bringing himself off even as he impaled himself deeper onto John's cock. The image alone was enough to push John over the edge and he came with a shout of triumph, thrusting harder and deeper, wanting to crawl right up inside his lover and stay there forever, only to come crashing back down to Earth with the heat of Rodney's release coating his fingers and their heavy gasps filling the sweat and sex-scented air.
He collapsed down on top of Rodney, having the presence of mind to pull out and roll aside moments later when Rodney squirmed beneath him. John discarded the used condom and pulled Rodney into his arms, chest to Rodney's back; he kissed the sweat-slicked nape of his lover's neck. Rodney murmured softly.
"That was...that was..."
"Perfect," John finished.
"Hmmm...Perfect." Rodney whispered in agreement, voice heavy with fatigue. "I'm gonna...take a short nap now."
"Sure. Okay." John could feel the tiredness pulling on his own limbs and mind, knowing it was more than just the sex causing it. For years he had denied himself the company of another man, and for months he had denied himself the presence of his best friend. Having both in his arms was like coming home after a lifetime of loneliness, easing all the inner aches and pain that he had become so much a part of him that he had learned to ignore the gnawing inside him until Rodney brought it all back to the forefront of his mind.
John felt Rodney relax in his arms, listening as his breathing slowed into a gentle rhythm as he slipped into sleep. He tightened his arms around this most precious man, part of him still convinced that this was all a dream and that, if he closed his eyes then when he awoke, Rodney would be gone and the misery of the past few months would still be with him.
John knew that the shadow of Arcturus would not be so easily banished despite his inherent optimism. They had both crossed the line that day and there would be times when he recalled the mistakes they had both made, bringing back some of the anger and bitterness. They both had a little way to go before they regained the same level of trust in each other as before that cataclysmic event but, as he tightened his hold on Rodney, he knew they would put Arcturus behind them - eventually.
THE END