Fic: Not Guided By Reason (Lorne/Zelenka, NC-17)
Title: Not Guided By Reason
Author: moonlettuce
Recipient: gblvr
Pairing: Evan Lorne/Radek Zelenka
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine
Author's Notes: The title comes from a line in Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's Venus in Furs. Also, there are no condoms in here, but if you're ever planning on blowing someone in the back room of a BDSM club, please remember to play safe, kids.
Summary: It starts with Evan walking into a room and meeting the gaze of someone he never expected to see there.
-o-
It starts on Earth. It starts on Earth on a night when the blood is rushing through Evan's veins and he can barely keep still for more than a few seconds.
It starts in a club, careful and discreet. One that Evan finds on the internet because he can't stand the itch crawling under his skin for a single second longer.
It starts with him handing over a cover charge and slipping a band around his wrist that lets people know he's willing to kneel for the right person.
It starts with Evan walking into a room and meeting the gaze of someone he never expected to see there.
He banks down on his first impulse, which is to flee. Banks down on the desire to turn and leave, to forget their eyes ever met, that they ever saw each other here. (Even if he knows he'd never be able to. Even if he knows he would spend the rest of his days watching Radek Zelenka's hands and wondering how well they wielded a flogger, how easily they warmed someone's skin if they were across his lap.)
And then it's too late to leave, too late to turn tail and run, because Zelenka is heading over to him.
"Major," Zelenka's voice is soft, too soft to carry to any of the people around them. "I must say, it's a surprise to see you hear."
Evan can't stop the wince that comes to his face at his title. None of that life belongs here, and he has no want for it to intrude now.
"Ah." Zelenka sees it, there's no way he could have missed it. "Apologies, Evan."
It's the first time he's heard Zelenka use his given name, the first time he hasn't been Major or Lorne. "It's fine, Doctor." Even though it isn't, even though Evan is starting to think that he just needs to leave, to go back to the hotel the SGC is putting them up in. Even if he's starting to think that maybe if he just ties something around his wrists, tight and there, that it'll be enough to allow him to sleep tonight.
"I think that maybe we both need to go by our names tonight, yes?" Zelenka, Radek, says quietly.
There's silence for long moments, and Evan can feel the urge to start drumming his fingers against his thigh running through him. Can feel the urge to do something, anything. The urge to find someone and ask them to make it hurt.
But Radek's band is green to his blue, and there's something stopping him from just walking away.
And maybe Radek sees him looking, maybe Radek sees his gaze fall to the band circling his wrist, because he's reaching out, his fingers stopping just shy of Evan's arm.
"May I?" he says, and there's something in his voice that has Evan nodding, something steady and solid that makes the fire under Evan's skin abate just ever so slightly.
Radek's fingers are warm as they wrap around Evan's arm, his thumb rubbing over the band Evan's wearing. "It would seem as if we're both looking for something. Maybe, for tonight, we can at least find it in each other."
And Evan knows what Radek's suggesting, but he doesn't know if he can do it. He's spent so long hiding this side of him from everyone he knows. Spent so long being Lorne without being Evan, that he doesn't know if he can let the two worlds overlap.
But Radek's fingers feel right on his skin, warm and careful. And Radek knows the history that dances under Evan's skin. Knows the loss and the fear and the yearned for sense of home that only another member of the expedition would be able to understand.
Maybe it's not the anonymity he needs, not tonight.
And the smile Radek gives when Evan nods is blinding.
~
The back room they go into is much like a dozen other back rooms in a dozen other clubs Evan has been in. Only, this time the person with him knows more about him than just his name. The person with him will pass him in a corridor on the other side of the universe like they're nothing more than acquaintances, like Evan wasn't prepared to kneel, wasn't prepared to open his lips and take Radek inside, and--
Oh.
"Evan, breathe." Radek's hand is against his back, a reassuring pressure at the base of his spine. "Maybe this was a bad idea."
"No." The word is out before Evan can stop it. Because he wants this, he does. He just needs his body to catch up with the rest of him.
But Radek looks unconvinced, looks like he's reconsidering this entire thought.
"Please." The words slips out easily, and Evan lets it. He's begged for less before, in far worse places than this.
And Evan doesn't know if it's the look in his eyes or whatever Radek can hear in his voice, but he's stepping forward, reaching out to cup Evan's cheek.
"Are you happy with using the traffic light system, or do you have a safeword you prefer?"
"Traffic lights." Because they're easy, because they're known. Because he doesn't have to think beyond yes and no and red.
There's a moment when Radek just looks at him, his gaze heavy. And Evan doesn't know what he sees, but Radek is nodding, is stepping back and pulling his hand away.
"Get on your knees, Evan."
The command is sure, certain, and Evan is sinking to his knees before he even puts thought to it.
"Good boy."
And Evan flushes with the praise, the words sending a burst of warmth through him as sure as any paddle ever has.
Radek takes a step closer, and Evan can see the bulge behind his jeans, can see the outline of the flesh stirring into life.
"Take my cock out."
Evan reaches out, his fingers easily undoing the belt and jeans Radek is wearing. He peels the jeans back once they're open, the lack of anything underneath them revealing nothing but skin. He dips his fingers inside the denim, carefully withdrawing Radek's cock, thick and heavy in his hands. Radek's not soft, but he's not fully hard, and Evan feels to urge to take him into his mouth, to lick and suck until he's allowed to swallow Radek down.
There's a hand in Evan's hair and fingers tug at the strands they're running through until Evan looks up, until he meets Radek's eyes.
"I want you to suck me, Evan. I want to feel your mouth on me until I come down your throat, and I want you to swallow it all."
And, oh, yes. Evan wants that. Because he's good at sucking cock, at being on his knees. Loves the way a cock feels in his mouth, hot and heavy on his tongue, the way the precome tastes as it slicks over his lips.
And he doesn't realise the noise he can hear, the sound of utter want, is coming from himself until Radek smiles at him.
"Colour, Evan?" Radek asks, the smile on his face muting the question, like he already knows what Evan is going to reply, but wants him to say it anyway.
"Green." So very green. Every shade of green Evan can possibly think of.
Radek's smile widens. "Then suck me."
Evan leans forward, placing two fingers under Radek's cock as he opens his lips, wrapping them around Radek's cockhead. He closes his eyes for just a second as the taste of Radek hits his tongue, sharp and salty.
And it's been too long since he's done this, been too long since he was on his knees, a thick heaviness in his mouth as a cock rests on his tongue.
Evan opens his eyes as Radek's fingers start to run through his hair, opens them at the "That's it--" that's spoken softly into the air.
Edging his tongue into Radek's slit to gather up the precome there, Evan slowly moves forward, working his lips down the length of Radek's cock. He traces the vein on the underside of the flesh as he goes, steadily taking Radek fully into his mouth until he can feel the tickle of hairs at his nose, until he can feel Radek bump the back of his mouth.
Pulling back, Evan can't stop the smile at the moan Radek gives, his cock slick with saliva as it leaves Evan's mouth. Sliding his lips back down, Evan works teeth and tongue, scraping lightly over Radek's skin, then again when Radek's fingers tighten in his hair, when the "Yes--" is hissed out.
He feels strong doing this. He may be the one on his knees, but he has all the power here, using only his mouth to reduce the man above him to gasped out moans and "More--" and "Fuck--" and "Evan--"
Radek's fingers are gripping his hair, holding Evan carefully. There's a tension in them that Evan can read, a tension that says Radek is holding himself back from pulling and taking and fucking Evan's mouth. And Evan thinks he'd let him, if he asked. Would open his mouth wide and let Radek fuck him, let Radek's cock hit the back of his mouth and slip into his throat. He can almost feel the sharp struggle to breathe, the way the air would flood back into his lungs when Radek pulled out. Can almost feel the sharp throb of his cock as Radek painted his face with white.
And Evan wants it, but not tonight. Not when they're both too new with each other. Tonight, Evan lets his tongue roll over the solid flesh in his mouth, reaches out with the hand not already wrapped around Radek's thigh to cup the heavy balls nudging against his chin whenever he swallows Radek to the root.
His own cock is hard behind the jeans he has on, straining against the metal of the zip, no barrier between Evan's skin and the denim he's wearing. Part of him wants to reach down, to take out his cock and strip it in time with the way he's sucking Radek, but he won't. Not until Radek tells him to.
"So good, Evan." The words are low, a quiet buzz against the blood rushing through Evan's head, but he hears them.
Evan moves quicker, mouthing along Radek's cock. He rubs his thumb over Radek's balls lightly, feeling them jump slightly under his touch. The grip on his hair tightens, tugging at him in warning. But even if Radek's words weren't swimming in his mind, even if the "And I want you to swallow it all--" wasn't bright inside him, Evan still wouldn't pull back.
Radek's thigh tenses under Evan's hand and there's a beat before Radek groans, before his cock twitches in Evan's mouth, before bitter heat starts flooding over Evan's tongue. He swallows Radek down as he comes, swallows down the viscous fluid spreading over his tongue.
Radek is breathing heavily, his grip on Evan's hair lessening until he's holding Evan lightly. Evan's tongue is dipping into Radek's slit, teasing out every last remnant of come from Radek's cock.
"That's it, Evan. So good for me."
Evan shudders, the words sending a shiver of want through his entire body.
Radek steps back, his cock slipping from Evan's lips until only a thin trail of saliva connects them. Steps back again, his hands leaving Evan's body as he looks down at him.
"Open your jeans, Evan," Radek says, his voice low and sated. "Take your cock out for me."
Evan bites his lower lip as he opens his jeans, the rasp of the zipper loud in the almost silence of the room. His cock is hard, wanting, heavy in his hand as he pulls it out from his jeans.
"Jerk yourself. Want you to come over your own fingers."
Evan wraps his fingers around his straining flesh. And he isn't going to last long, has been too hard for too long to be able to draw this out. He doesn't manage to bite back the groan as he slides his hand over his cock. He looks up and meets Radek's gaze, the "Please--" slipping out, almost unbidden, as he strips his cock.
Radek moves before the word has even died in the air, closing the short distance between them. He reaches out and wraps a hand around the back of Evan's neck, squeezing gently. "Come for me, Evan."
Evan jerks himself once, twice, before he feels the pool of heat sitting low in his belly expand outwards sharply. He arches his hips slightly as he orgasms, his come covering his fingers and slicking over his cock as he continues to jack himself through each pulse, continues to jack himself until it feels like there's nothing left inside of him.
Breathing heavily, Evan leans forward, resting his forehead against Radek's thigh.
"So good for me," Radek murmurs, his hand gently running through Evan's hair.
Evan doesn't try to hide the noise of contentment he makes at Radek's touch, doesn't try to hide the way he turns his face into further into Radek's thigh in one easy motion.
There's silence for long moments, the only sound in the room their joint breaths. Silence, until Radek speaks quietly, like he's unwilling to break the soft sense of contentment coming from both of them.
"I'd like to keep you, Evan Lorne," he says. "If that’s okay with you."
And Evan thinks that sounds just right.
~
It starts on Earth. It starts on a night where Radek's hand soothes over Evan's skin, and his taste is still on Evan's lips.
It starts on a night where Radek offers and Evan accepts, and it opens up a world of possibility to both of them.
It starts on Earth. But that's not where it ends.
Author: moonlettuce
Recipient: gblvr
Pairing: Evan Lorne/Radek Zelenka
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine
Author's Notes: The title comes from a line in Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's Venus in Furs. Also, there are no condoms in here, but if you're ever planning on blowing someone in the back room of a BDSM club, please remember to play safe, kids.
Summary: It starts with Evan walking into a room and meeting the gaze of someone he never expected to see there.
-o-
It starts on Earth. It starts on Earth on a night when the blood is rushing through Evan's veins and he can barely keep still for more than a few seconds.
It starts in a club, careful and discreet. One that Evan finds on the internet because he can't stand the itch crawling under his skin for a single second longer.
It starts with him handing over a cover charge and slipping a band around his wrist that lets people know he's willing to kneel for the right person.
It starts with Evan walking into a room and meeting the gaze of someone he never expected to see there.
He banks down on his first impulse, which is to flee. Banks down on the desire to turn and leave, to forget their eyes ever met, that they ever saw each other here. (Even if he knows he'd never be able to. Even if he knows he would spend the rest of his days watching Radek Zelenka's hands and wondering how well they wielded a flogger, how easily they warmed someone's skin if they were across his lap.)
And then it's too late to leave, too late to turn tail and run, because Zelenka is heading over to him.
"Major," Zelenka's voice is soft, too soft to carry to any of the people around them. "I must say, it's a surprise to see you hear."
Evan can't stop the wince that comes to his face at his title. None of that life belongs here, and he has no want for it to intrude now.
"Ah." Zelenka sees it, there's no way he could have missed it. "Apologies, Evan."
It's the first time he's heard Zelenka use his given name, the first time he hasn't been Major or Lorne. "It's fine, Doctor." Even though it isn't, even though Evan is starting to think that he just needs to leave, to go back to the hotel the SGC is putting them up in. Even if he's starting to think that maybe if he just ties something around his wrists, tight and there, that it'll be enough to allow him to sleep tonight.
"I think that maybe we both need to go by our names tonight, yes?" Zelenka, Radek, says quietly.
There's silence for long moments, and Evan can feel the urge to start drumming his fingers against his thigh running through him. Can feel the urge to do something, anything. The urge to find someone and ask them to make it hurt.
But Radek's band is green to his blue, and there's something stopping him from just walking away.
And maybe Radek sees him looking, maybe Radek sees his gaze fall to the band circling his wrist, because he's reaching out, his fingers stopping just shy of Evan's arm.
"May I?" he says, and there's something in his voice that has Evan nodding, something steady and solid that makes the fire under Evan's skin abate just ever so slightly.
Radek's fingers are warm as they wrap around Evan's arm, his thumb rubbing over the band Evan's wearing. "It would seem as if we're both looking for something. Maybe, for tonight, we can at least find it in each other."
And Evan knows what Radek's suggesting, but he doesn't know if he can do it. He's spent so long hiding this side of him from everyone he knows. Spent so long being Lorne without being Evan, that he doesn't know if he can let the two worlds overlap.
But Radek's fingers feel right on his skin, warm and careful. And Radek knows the history that dances under Evan's skin. Knows the loss and the fear and the yearned for sense of home that only another member of the expedition would be able to understand.
Maybe it's not the anonymity he needs, not tonight.
And the smile Radek gives when Evan nods is blinding.
~
The back room they go into is much like a dozen other back rooms in a dozen other clubs Evan has been in. Only, this time the person with him knows more about him than just his name. The person with him will pass him in a corridor on the other side of the universe like they're nothing more than acquaintances, like Evan wasn't prepared to kneel, wasn't prepared to open his lips and take Radek inside, and--
Oh.
"Evan, breathe." Radek's hand is against his back, a reassuring pressure at the base of his spine. "Maybe this was a bad idea."
"No." The word is out before Evan can stop it. Because he wants this, he does. He just needs his body to catch up with the rest of him.
But Radek looks unconvinced, looks like he's reconsidering this entire thought.
"Please." The words slips out easily, and Evan lets it. He's begged for less before, in far worse places than this.
And Evan doesn't know if it's the look in his eyes or whatever Radek can hear in his voice, but he's stepping forward, reaching out to cup Evan's cheek.
"Are you happy with using the traffic light system, or do you have a safeword you prefer?"
"Traffic lights." Because they're easy, because they're known. Because he doesn't have to think beyond yes and no and red.
There's a moment when Radek just looks at him, his gaze heavy. And Evan doesn't know what he sees, but Radek is nodding, is stepping back and pulling his hand away.
"Get on your knees, Evan."
The command is sure, certain, and Evan is sinking to his knees before he even puts thought to it.
"Good boy."
And Evan flushes with the praise, the words sending a burst of warmth through him as sure as any paddle ever has.
Radek takes a step closer, and Evan can see the bulge behind his jeans, can see the outline of the flesh stirring into life.
"Take my cock out."
Evan reaches out, his fingers easily undoing the belt and jeans Radek is wearing. He peels the jeans back once they're open, the lack of anything underneath them revealing nothing but skin. He dips his fingers inside the denim, carefully withdrawing Radek's cock, thick and heavy in his hands. Radek's not soft, but he's not fully hard, and Evan feels to urge to take him into his mouth, to lick and suck until he's allowed to swallow Radek down.
There's a hand in Evan's hair and fingers tug at the strands they're running through until Evan looks up, until he meets Radek's eyes.
"I want you to suck me, Evan. I want to feel your mouth on me until I come down your throat, and I want you to swallow it all."
And, oh, yes. Evan wants that. Because he's good at sucking cock, at being on his knees. Loves the way a cock feels in his mouth, hot and heavy on his tongue, the way the precome tastes as it slicks over his lips.
And he doesn't realise the noise he can hear, the sound of utter want, is coming from himself until Radek smiles at him.
"Colour, Evan?" Radek asks, the smile on his face muting the question, like he already knows what Evan is going to reply, but wants him to say it anyway.
"Green." So very green. Every shade of green Evan can possibly think of.
Radek's smile widens. "Then suck me."
Evan leans forward, placing two fingers under Radek's cock as he opens his lips, wrapping them around Radek's cockhead. He closes his eyes for just a second as the taste of Radek hits his tongue, sharp and salty.
And it's been too long since he's done this, been too long since he was on his knees, a thick heaviness in his mouth as a cock rests on his tongue.
Evan opens his eyes as Radek's fingers start to run through his hair, opens them at the "That's it--" that's spoken softly into the air.
Edging his tongue into Radek's slit to gather up the precome there, Evan slowly moves forward, working his lips down the length of Radek's cock. He traces the vein on the underside of the flesh as he goes, steadily taking Radek fully into his mouth until he can feel the tickle of hairs at his nose, until he can feel Radek bump the back of his mouth.
Pulling back, Evan can't stop the smile at the moan Radek gives, his cock slick with saliva as it leaves Evan's mouth. Sliding his lips back down, Evan works teeth and tongue, scraping lightly over Radek's skin, then again when Radek's fingers tighten in his hair, when the "Yes--" is hissed out.
He feels strong doing this. He may be the one on his knees, but he has all the power here, using only his mouth to reduce the man above him to gasped out moans and "More--" and "Fuck--" and "Evan--"
Radek's fingers are gripping his hair, holding Evan carefully. There's a tension in them that Evan can read, a tension that says Radek is holding himself back from pulling and taking and fucking Evan's mouth. And Evan thinks he'd let him, if he asked. Would open his mouth wide and let Radek fuck him, let Radek's cock hit the back of his mouth and slip into his throat. He can almost feel the sharp struggle to breathe, the way the air would flood back into his lungs when Radek pulled out. Can almost feel the sharp throb of his cock as Radek painted his face with white.
And Evan wants it, but not tonight. Not when they're both too new with each other. Tonight, Evan lets his tongue roll over the solid flesh in his mouth, reaches out with the hand not already wrapped around Radek's thigh to cup the heavy balls nudging against his chin whenever he swallows Radek to the root.
His own cock is hard behind the jeans he has on, straining against the metal of the zip, no barrier between Evan's skin and the denim he's wearing. Part of him wants to reach down, to take out his cock and strip it in time with the way he's sucking Radek, but he won't. Not until Radek tells him to.
"So good, Evan." The words are low, a quiet buzz against the blood rushing through Evan's head, but he hears them.
Evan moves quicker, mouthing along Radek's cock. He rubs his thumb over Radek's balls lightly, feeling them jump slightly under his touch. The grip on his hair tightens, tugging at him in warning. But even if Radek's words weren't swimming in his mind, even if the "And I want you to swallow it all--" wasn't bright inside him, Evan still wouldn't pull back.
Radek's thigh tenses under Evan's hand and there's a beat before Radek groans, before his cock twitches in Evan's mouth, before bitter heat starts flooding over Evan's tongue. He swallows Radek down as he comes, swallows down the viscous fluid spreading over his tongue.
Radek is breathing heavily, his grip on Evan's hair lessening until he's holding Evan lightly. Evan's tongue is dipping into Radek's slit, teasing out every last remnant of come from Radek's cock.
"That's it, Evan. So good for me."
Evan shudders, the words sending a shiver of want through his entire body.
Radek steps back, his cock slipping from Evan's lips until only a thin trail of saliva connects them. Steps back again, his hands leaving Evan's body as he looks down at him.
"Open your jeans, Evan," Radek says, his voice low and sated. "Take your cock out for me."
Evan bites his lower lip as he opens his jeans, the rasp of the zipper loud in the almost silence of the room. His cock is hard, wanting, heavy in his hand as he pulls it out from his jeans.
"Jerk yourself. Want you to come over your own fingers."
Evan wraps his fingers around his straining flesh. And he isn't going to last long, has been too hard for too long to be able to draw this out. He doesn't manage to bite back the groan as he slides his hand over his cock. He looks up and meets Radek's gaze, the "Please--" slipping out, almost unbidden, as he strips his cock.
Radek moves before the word has even died in the air, closing the short distance between them. He reaches out and wraps a hand around the back of Evan's neck, squeezing gently. "Come for me, Evan."
Evan jerks himself once, twice, before he feels the pool of heat sitting low in his belly expand outwards sharply. He arches his hips slightly as he orgasms, his come covering his fingers and slicking over his cock as he continues to jack himself through each pulse, continues to jack himself until it feels like there's nothing left inside of him.
Breathing heavily, Evan leans forward, resting his forehead against Radek's thigh.
"So good for me," Radek murmurs, his hand gently running through Evan's hair.
Evan doesn't try to hide the noise of contentment he makes at Radek's touch, doesn't try to hide the way he turns his face into further into Radek's thigh in one easy motion.
There's silence for long moments, the only sound in the room their joint breaths. Silence, until Radek speaks quietly, like he's unwilling to break the soft sense of contentment coming from both of them.
"I'd like to keep you, Evan Lorne," he says. "If that’s okay with you."
And Evan thinks that sounds just right.
~
It starts on Earth. It starts on a night where Radek's hand soothes over Evan's skin, and his taste is still on Evan's lips.
It starts on a night where Radek offers and Evan accepts, and it opens up a world of possibility to both of them.
It starts on Earth. But that's not where it ends.