Fic: Untitled for Alyse (McKay/Sheppard)
So it seems that secret santa madness is not quite as over as you thought.
And it has come to Santa's attention that someone didn't get a present.
Now both our dear co-hosts alyse and moonlettuce organised our bash here and worked hard so the pressies were all safely delivered on time and they both deserve our thanks for the hard work they put into this to make it so fabulous.
so in the spirit that giving is better than receiving one last, truly secret santa story
For our co-host Alyse this one was written just for you.
Warning: Up to season 5 end and beyond. Smoopy and bad humour and cliches and cute, some kissing with Rodney and John and did I mention a surfiet of cute?
Disclaimer: I wanted them in my Christmas stocking but they still belong to other people, please don't sue a girl for wishfulfillment thinking....
It won’t be a repeat of the Stephens Island wren.
John was relieved to have finally escaped The Mountain. He had never felt so desperate for his room in Atlantis, for his home. It was like the city folded itself around him as soon as he stepped out of the jumper. And he had his first full night’s sleep lulled by what sounded like a soft heartbeat, but he figured it was some kind of weird resonance created by the ebb and flow of the tide in the bay.
The next day he was amazed to see so many people. The commissary was full but he recognised almost no one as he waited in line to grab some coffee and a muffin to take to his office.
He had barely logged in to his lap top when Lorne arrived to give him an update.
There was an international team of scientists and engineers working in the city. They were repairing the damage that had been caused during the re-entry to earth’s atmosphere. They were also exploring the city. Opening up areas there had been no time to give more than a cursory once-over to check there was nothing deadly lurking, while they were struggling to survive in Pegasus and battle the Wraith. The teams were also hoping they might find another control chair, to replace the one lost when the Wraith attacked Area 51.
John guessed even if they didn’t fine a new chair at least it might mean more new living space would be opened up. Then he wouldn’t feel quite so guilty about the pretty fantastic new set of rooms he’d allocated to himself when they’d discovered the new living quarters in tower five. Thinking about it most of the senior team had new rooms now, except Rodney. That reminded him.
“Where’s McKay?”
John hadn’t seen Rodney since he’d been ordered to report to The Mountain a week earlier.
“He and Keller took some leave, I believe they went to Vancouver.”
John swallowed, he would have liked the chance to visit Jeannie. He felt disappointed, a little sad like it was possible he might never get invited to see her and the family again, because of course he had only been welcomed there as Rodney’s friend. John knew very clearly how Jeannie felt about the US military.
“What about Teyla and Ronon?”
“Wolsey accompanied them to a reception at the IOC headquarters, after that they were headed to Washington. I let Banks go with them. I didn‘t think you‘d object, and this is possibly her only chance to show Ronon around a little.”
“yeah, sure… Umm, Zelenka?”
“More consultation at the SGC about the Wormhole drive, went this morning.”
“So it’s just you, me and Carson then?” John thought at least he’d have someone to talk to.
“About that, Sir, Carson is consulting at the SGC as well.”
“Okay.”
“And you approved my Earth leave two months ago.”
“Ah, so just me then.”
Lorne dropped his eyes and nodded, “Yeah… Look, Sir I guess I could…”
John sighed, Lorne was a great second in command and if any one deserved some down time it was him. “You’ve obviously got plans, when do you take off?”
“Seventeen hundred, Sir.”
“Well let’s get this done, wouldn’t want to keep a man from his hard earned leave.”
Lorne smiled and handed John a thick packet of orders. “This came through while you were at Cheyenne Mountain. The IOC pushed something through, creating special status for Atlantis while it’s here on Earth. Apparently we’re a foreign embassy, a world heritage site and a protectorate under the United Nations.”
“Well I guess that means no one can start carving off chunks of the city.”
John hadn’t even considered that might be a problem until McKay had said that once Atlantis was in the Milky Way the SGC might just claim salvage rights on her.
“Yes, Sir.”
John pulled the papers out and they worked their way through them.
“There’s quite a few transfer orders, sir.”
John listened to Lorne’s recommendations, he was usually pretty accurate with his assessments. Then they were down to the last few pages.
“There’s several amendments to the codes and regulations.” Lorne paused and John looked up in time to catch a strange expression on his face.
“Anything the matter?”
Lorne shook his head, “No, Sir, just… er … I think it’s way past time.”
“Right… Well, that‘s good.” John didn’t have a clue what Lorne was talking about, and before he had a chance to ask someone knocked on his door and came in without waiting to be invited.
“Is this a good time?”
John looked up, startled and Lorne muttered, “Oh yeah, and Doctor Jackson and Miss Mal Doran have come to do some special research.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Sorry, I probably should have mentioned that earlier, Sir.”
“Probably.” But John wasn’t really annoyed at Lorne, he just never knew how to take Jackson, the guy disconcerted him a little. “But there’s a lot going on, and you have stuff to do before your leave starts. Radio me when you’re ready and I’ll fly you over to the mainland myself. Okay, Evan?”
Lorne stood up, gave him a snappy salute, a “Yes Sir!” and left.
Jackson sat down in the seat that Lorne had just vacated. “So, I guess Jack didn’t mention I’d be here.”
“Jack?”
“You know, General O’Neill, he didn’t say anything about me coming?”
“Oh, Jack, No he didn’t mention you.”
Jackson looked a little like someone had kicked his puppy. “Oh.”
John wondered if everyone was going to be acting a little weird today. And on the subject of weird he asked. “Where did you leave Vala? Under lock and key I hope?”
Jackson smirked. “She’s not that bad.”
John just raised his eyebrow at that bullshit.
“Okay she can be that bad, but she promised to behave.”
“She promised? Isn’t that usually when the trouble starts?”
“Yes, you may well be right… Maybe I’ll just go and check on her.”
“Think I’ll come with you.”
Luckily Vala hadn’t gotten further than the commissary, she was sitting surrounded by a group of admiring scientists and two pretty pissed off looking marines.
John nodded, “Cadman, Vega, how’s it going?”
Cadman smirked as Vega snapped to attention and replied, “Just finishing up our lunch break, Sir. We’re heading out again as soon as the scientists are ready.”
“Time to let these guys get back to work Vala.” Daniel stood behind her and pulled one of her bunches teasingly.
“Yes off you go boys.” Vala smiled sweetly at the scientists.
John headed for the servery hoping rather forlornly that there might be a turkey sandwich. He was disappointed, as usual, and had to settle for a BLT. At least on earth the bacon actually came from pigs, the lettuce was a plant that grew on dry land and the tomato wasn’t purple. Plus there were oatmeal and raisin cookies. He took two forgetting that Rodney wasn‘t going to come in half way through the meal, complain bitterly there was nothing worth eating left before piling his plate high, and then still finishing before John and stealing his second cookie.
John sat down opposite Vala, Daniel collected his own food and sat down next to her.
“So, John how are you? Pretty happy with the fabulous news I bet.” Vala asked as she commandeered Daniel’s plate of fries, dabbled one delicately in the ketchup before scarfing it down.
John had just taken a big bite of his own sandwich so he couldn’t answer right away.
Daniel grabbed the plate back and rescued some fries for himself. He glanced up at John and shrugged, “Maybe he hasn’t seen the brief from the SGC yet.”
John figured out they were talking about Atlantis’ new status. So he swallowed his mouth full of food before answering. “No I read it through, and yeah it’s a relief.”
“It will take some getting used to, I suppose. Everything out in the open.”
“I think we’re still a long way from that, Vala.”
She frowned at John. “Really?”
“Well yeah, this is just the first step but at least it means it’s not a free-for-all with everyone just grabbing a piece of whatever they want.”
“So no grabbing.” Vala pouted like maybe she thought grabbing wasn‘t a bad thing. “But on the plus side there’s commitment, you can make a public declaration.”
John looked horrified, “It’s not something the public is ready for. And when the time does come it wouldn’t be me. I mean that kind of exposure is for people like Wolsey or General O’Neill. They have far more experience.”
“Wolsey? You never told me about him Daniel.” Vala frowned at Jackson, “Although come to think he is dapper but kind of prissy.” Then she smiled brilliantly and punched Daniel on the arm, “And Jack? Mmmhh I knew it, just how experienced is he?”
Daniel shifted in his seat and he actually appeared to be blushing a little. “Vala! That is completely inappropriate.” He turned his face away and added, “And it’s none of your business.”
John was beginning to wonder if he’d fallen asleep in his office again and this was actually some kind of horribly vividly dream.
Vala turned her avid gaze back to John. “So what does Rodney think about the news?”
“I don’t suppose he knows.”
“Well it’s important to him too, you have to tell him!”
“I’m sure he’ll read his emails when he gets back from Vancouver.”
Vala whispered to Daniel, “Vancouver? Is that in America?”
“No, it’s in Canada.” He answered.
She turned back to John with a knowing smile, “Oh yes, Canada I‘ve heard of that. You can get married there, right?”
“I guess.” John doesn’t like the sound of where this is going.
“I bet he does know and he’s arranging a secret wedding.”
John feels his heart stutter for a second and he has to force himself to reply. “I don’t … He never said… I didn’t think he was that serious.”
Vala smiles and pats John’s hand. “Of course he’s serious, darling. Everyone knows that.”
And suddenly John can’t hold on to the bitter feeling that rushes up inside him and he snaps. “She’s far too young for him. And she’s always trying to change him and why do women even do that? And why would anyone want to change him, I like him just the way he is. But she doesn’t, and that’s no basis for a relationship.”
John feels horribly exposed in the silence that follows his outburst. He pushes back his chair and stands. “I have some things to do in my… important things… And you have your thing… So I’ll just…” And he turns and stalks out of the commissary.
Vala stares after him for a moment before she turns to Daniel with a confused look on her face.
Daniel sighs and eats a couple more fries. He rubs his forehead tiredly before he addresses her unasked question. “Remember that time when Jack asked what we thought of Hot Rods? Teal’c thought he was talking about cars. You thought he was talking about that gay strip club. But he was really just asking if we wanted take-out from KFC.”
Vala laughs, “That was funny.”
They got up from their table
“Well this was like that. Don’t worry I’ll speak to him later, and make sure he’s okay. I’ll make sure he knows.” Daniel adds under his breath, “Then maybe at least one of these stupid military idiots can get it right.”
Vala threw her arm around his shoulder and hugged him tight for a moment before she started her usual routine of trying to get him to give her a piggy-back.
Later that day John flew Lorne to the private hanger the SGC had rented at the freight terminal of San Francisco Airport. It was much less obvious pick up and drop off point, vehicles could deliver supplies or personnel, and the cloaked jumper could fly straight into the hanger to load or unload unobserved.
John kept catching Lorne watching him on the short flight across to the airport but he really didn’t feel inclined to talk. Plus he did have to be pretty careful, flying cloaked in such a busy area. Even though the jumper had obligingly revealed a new HUD that was like a cross between air traffic radar and an automatic collision avoidance system the first time John had flown across.
They touched down in the back of the hangar and as the rear door began to open John heard an unexpected voice berating one of the ground crew. He caught Lorne’s eye again and raised an eyebrow. Lorne shrugged but John couldn’t help noticing the worried expression that seemed to have been haunting his second in command dropped away, replaced by the slightly self satisfied smile of someone who knew something he didn‘t.
John waved Lorne ahead and waited a few minutes before he followed him out into McKay’s latest drama or crisis or whatever was going on. He hadn’t really recovered his usual level of disconnect after his embarrassing loss of cool in the commissary earlier. But he knew the mask would have to be firmly back in place before he could face McKay and Keller.
When he stepped into the hangar McKay was nowhere in sight but there was a van parked beside the entrance and as he got closer he could detect the litany of grousing and grumbling that indicated McKay’s presence.
John hung off the open back door, peered inside and asked.
“What are you doing McKay?”
Rodney continued to sort through the various boxes and packages, putting them in different coloured stacking crates, not even looking up at John as he replied, “Checking the idiots delivered everything I ordered.”
“I thought the Daedalus was going to beam that stuff direct from the SGC to the storage areas we set up.”
“These are personal items.”
“It’s a whole truck load, McKay!”
“And?”
“I guess Jennifer probably has some stuff in here too, right?”
“No.” Rodney was very pointedly not looking up and he seemed even more tense than usual now that John studied him a little closer.
“Where is she, by the way, Jennifer?”
“I have no idea.”
And that was just way too off hand and suspiciously innocent sounding for it to be anything other than a big fat lie. So John had a duty now, as a friend, to poke and pry and get the truth out of McKay, for his own good. “But you two went to Vancouver didn’t you? Kind of meet the family thing.”
“Jennifer and Jeannie already met. Back when I was dying from the deathly brain eating bug. And thank you, by the way, for reminding me of one of the other truly horrific moments in my life!”
“Hey, believe me I’m not trying to remind anyone about close encounters with bugs. You know I hate those things. And like you say, they met already, it can’t have been that bad.”
Rodney finally jumped out of the van and ignored John completely as he waved across at the ground crew then pointed towards the van and shouted, “Any time you’re ready you can get those loaded.”
And now John could see him he realised it must have been bad. McKay had that pinched look round his mouth and there were deep dark circles under his eyes that indicated some serious lack of sleep. So then John felt really guilty because while he was no fan of Rodney with Jennifer he hated to see his friend looking like this.
“McKay, come on, how can it have been that bad?”
Rodney looked at John and sighed then he headed back towards the van and collected a his luggage and what looked like an extra large, padded laptop bag. He looked pretty defeated to John, as he walked up the ramp and disappeared inside the jumper, and that was just wrong in so many ways.
John followed McKay back and sat down in the pilots seat, the told the jumper to close the inner doors so they would have privacy . He swivelled his chair round to face Rodney and asked again.
“Come on, buddy what happened?”
“You’re not going to let this drop are you?”
“Not a chance.”
Rodney scrubbed his hand through his hair like he did when he was really frustrated. John could never help the way that made him want to smile and ruffle McKay’s hair even more.
“You’re a normal guy right?”
That wasn’t what John had expected him to say so there was an embarrassingly long pause before he managed, “Uuhh… Yeah?”
“And you probably have the normal guy fantasies we all have but we’re not supposed to admit to.”
John is afraid where this might be going but he tries not to sound like he just swallowed his tongue and says. “Mmhuh?”
“I mean who hasn’t wondered who would win at Jell-O wrestling, Colonel Carter or Shakira? Or just how sticky J-Lo would get in a vat of honey and how long it would take to lick her..”
“McKay!” John shouts, pretty much horrified. Mostly because it’s painfully clear that Rodney has absolutely no idea what kind of fantasies guys like John have.
“Yeah well, you get the picture. And I bet you’ve imagined how hot it would be to have two women fighting over you?”
John just shrugged.
Rodney looked a little freaked as he continued. “Well let me tell you, when one of the women is your doctor, and soon-to- be- ex, girlfriend and the other one is your bossy, opinionated sister, occasionally tag-teamed by her even bossier and louder seven year old daughter, that is no fantasy.”
“They fought over you? Jeannie and Keller and Madds?”
“Oh yeah.”
“What did you do?”
“What makes you think I did something?”
John tilts his head to the side a little and smiles at McKay in a way he knows is obnoxious. He might be doing the friend thing, there’s an outside chance he’s definitely doing the manly pining for his straight buddy thing as well, but he can’t pass up a primo opportunity like that to yank Rodney’s chain.
“Honestly, I did nothing!”
“McKay how long have we known each other?”
“Nearly six years.”
“And when was it ever not your fault?”
“When it was yours!”
John can’t help his snort of laughter at that.
“Seriously, Sheppard, it was your fault.”
“I wasn’t even there.”
“And yet somehow, still your fault.”
John sighed. “Okay I’ll bite, how was it my fault?”
“Madison was really angry with me for bringing Jennifer instead of you. Apparently you’re even a hit with seven year old girls, Kirk. She was pretty obnoxious at first. And she just would not shut up with the comments. It was ‘When Uncle John came we did this,’ and ‘Uncle John would have done that,’ and ‘It was more fun with Uncle John,’ and ’I like Uncle John better and so does Uncle Rodney.’ Maybe Jennifer thought I should be more sympathetic. But really, come on. I even pointed it out, Maddie is my niece and she’s seven for Gods sake. Jennifer is a grown woman and a doctor, so she should be the bigger man.”
“And Jennifer got mad at that?”
“No, Well yes a little I suppose. She may have pointed out I was insensitive.”
“But you apologised, right?” John seemed to remember that it was always best to apologise to women, even if you weren’t wrong.
“Well obviously I did, but really it’s hardly insensitive to answer a seven year old child’s perfectly legitimate questions. Maddie wanted to know why you weren’t there. Then she wanted to hear all about the adventures we’d been having, and obviously about you going on yet another almost suicidal mission and saving the world. It would have been kind of mean, even for me, to refuse to tell her. And Jennifer was clearly exaggerating ridiculously because every other word out of my mouth was most certainly not John Sheppard!”
“Big argument huh?”
“Huge. And then it spread.”
“You and Jeannie?”
“Jeannie and me, yes. Well mostly Jeannie really, I try very hard not to argue with her now or we just end up repeating old patterns. But it‘s inevitable sometimes. Jeannie thought I was apologising for Maddie. And I wasn’t, I mean I understood she was a little monster at first, but she was also genuinely disappointed. It didn’t matter though because Jeannie was really pissed. I explained I was actually apologising for myself and then she really hit the roof, and suddenly the argument morphed and it was Jeannie and Jennifer. Then there’d be occasional shouting and door-banging from Maddie, then more Jeannie and Jennifer again. It was an ugly scene.”
Rodney looked terrible, kind of shell shocked, and John felt like a heel for ever wishing that he and Jennifer would split up. Because while he might have wanted her gone in a clinical, surgical, mess free kind of way, he certainly hadn’t wanted anything that was going to make Rodney hurt like he so obviously was now.
“In the end I suggested we leave, and Jennifer told me I should stay. That she’d rather go on her own.”
“Do you know where she went?”
“Nebraska, Iowa? One of those places, she said she had family there.”
“But you’ll make up once she’s back. Once she’s calmed down?”
“Nope. She dumped me. Sent me an email the next day. One of those ‘it’s not you it’s me’ things. And how she’d been trying not to see what was right in front of her. And how really she should thank Jeannie and Maddie for opening her eyes. And how she’s requested a transfer.”
“Ouch”
Rodney sighed. “I decided I’m going to give up. Dating. Looking for that special person. Whatever. I’m obviously destined never to marry. I mean Jennifer was pretty easy-going. Okay she wasn’t my perfect person but… Well let’s just say I always seem to lose my heart to the ones I can’t have But even if it was settling for someone, still Jennifer was lovely, even I could see that. So that’s it I’m officially swearing off women and romance. I’m going to try something different.”
John couldn’t help the way his heart leapt into his throat so his voice sounded a little strangled as he asked, “you are?”
“Yes. You have to promise not to tell though. I know it’s totally against regulations. But by the time everyone finds out it will be fait accompli and they’ll just have to accept it. ”
John’s heart was thumping in his chest so loudly he could barely hear what Rodney was saying. It couldn’t be could it? Was Rodney actually saying what he thought he was saying? John hoped he didn‘t sound too desperate yet hopeful as he replied. “O-kay.”
“Come to my room at eight and I’ll show you.” Rodney smiled at John, it was kind of a goofy besotted sort of smile. John wasn’t sure he’d ever seen McKay look quite like that before. For some reason he was petting his overly large padded laptop bag as well. Then John figured it out. Must be supplies in there, lube, condoms, maybe a toy or two. John felt his cheeks heat and he blushed right up to the tips of his ears at the thought of McKay picking out that kind of stuff to use on him.
Somehow John managed to keep his excitement contained inside his pants, and he concentrated enough to keep them in the air and not spattered all over the San Francisco dock-side. Once they’d landed the jumper he was lumbered with getting all McKay’s personal stuff unloaded because the man himself hurried off so rapidly John didn’t even see him leave.
By the time that was all done and John was headed out of the jumper bay he was feeling less turned on, because now he was about fifty percent irritated with Rodney. To be honest this was more like his usual feeling around the man, a strangely addictive mix of annoyed and horny.
John nearly made it back to his room unmolested but just as he was headed towards the transporter that would take him to the tower where his new apartment was located he literally almost fell over Dr Jackson. The man was lounging against one of the weird columns full of light tubes and water bubbles no one had been able to discern the purpose of. If he didn’t know better he’d say Dr Jackson had been into Radek’s stash of Moonshine, maybe the June 07, a particularly potent batch from what he could remember.
“John!” Jackson glommed on to him like a leach.
Yep the man was definitely the worse for drink. Or maybe someone had smuggled more Diligo-go plants into the city and they were fruiting again. The last time that happened John had been forced to send a team of marines in hazmat suits to hose the botanists down.
If John found out another one of the science teams was trying to refine drugs out of alien fruits or grasses to trade again he’d be mad. The memo had gone out twice already this month.
John had already loosed the Wraith on Pegasus and he’d be damned if his people were gonna’ be responsible for turning a whole goddamned galaxy into junkies as well.
“John. I hafta tell you somefing.” Jackson was all over him like a big floppy teddy bear.
“What did you drink?” John hated it when people were drunk and he wasn’t invited.
“S’just a little pill Vala gave me. She said I needed to chill out… relax.. Chillax.” Jackson snorted a little snorty laugh. If John had been into him he would have found it cute. But Jackson wasn’t his type, too nice, too conventionally handsome for his tastes, so he just rubbed the snorted on area of his jacket with a finger then wiped it off disgustedly on Jackson’s t-shirt.
“How come? I thought you’d be happy to be back on Atlantis. Another chance to study all this Ancient stuff.”
“Yeah, you’d think.” Jackson slumped a little more. The man was incredibly heavy and John staggered a little before he got his feet under himself again. John tapped his radio and asked if anyone in in the control room knew where Jackson and Vala were billeted.
He finally got them moving in the right direction. He didn’t really pay attention to what Dr Jackson was saying he just let it wash over him in a blur with the odd word making it out of the babble. Near as he could understand it, it seemed General O’Neill and Jackson had been married, or maybe betrothed, or possibly divorced in some kind of weird alien ritual and Jackson was pretty pissed about it.
John had read the racier mission reports from the early years of the SGC, who hadn’t? Hardly a month had gone by back then without some or all of SG1 being married betrothed or divorced on one planet or another. So he wasn’t really sure why it was bothering Jackson so much now. After all it had been several years since O’Neill had gone on any off world missions.
To be honest John was a little envious. These days there were seminars and briefs and about three dozen training videos on how to not to commit accidental, inter cultural matrimony either with ones team mates, or with natives. It was one of Woolsey’s pet peeves. Even so John secretly thought about it. Speculating that he and McKay might have to marry each other because of some diplomatic blunder or prove their good intentions during negotiations for a tuttle root crop, or a fully charged ZPM, but it had never happened to them.
And if it did ever happen to other teams, no one put it in their reports any more. The six different forms that had to be completed and filed with HR, plus the mandatory sensitivity in the workplace DVD and seminar kind of took the shine off. And even the fact it included a twenty minute dramatic recreation of a particularly notorious incident, using real actors in the shape of the janitor guy from Scrubs and the woman who played Chandler’s girlfriend Janice in Friends, that was unofficially known as ‘Whatever you do don’t eat the freaking cake!’ didn’t really make up for the other six and a half hours of ass-numbing boredom.
But listening to Jackson moan and bitch about O’Neill, John had to figure that maybe accidental alien marriage was no better than actual, earth-style, for real marriage, from what he recalled of it.
He told Atlantis to open up the door to Jackson’s room and helped him inside. He struggled to unglue Jackson from himself but the guy was determined to stick and kept a tight hold on John until finally gave in, and sat down next to him on the bed and reluctantly asked, “What is it buddy?”
Jackson laughed again, although he didn’t seem to be particularly joyful.
“You sound like Cam. He asks that sometimes, and you can tell he doesn’t want to do the talking thing either. How come you guys r’all the same?”
“Yeah, well, it’s the second thing they teach us in Flight School.”
“What’s the first thing? How to break hearts? And by the way I might be a little relaxed from whatever Vala gave me, but I can still spot the subject’s been changed.”
John was feeling kind of sorry for Jackson now, as well as a lot responsible. After all the guy was on his turf again and the last time that happened he hadn’t really done such a good job. Jackson had ended up kidnapped, along with McKay. In fact General O’Neill had only just finished tearing a couple of strips off his hide for that among other things last week. So he bit the bullet and said. “Hey, I asked. So tell me.”
For some reason that made Jackson laugh again but it was not a happy sound and he said, “It‘s funny isn‘t it? Now I can, tell that is, I find I’m strangely reluctant. It doesn’t really feel like it’s mine to tell. And I suppose I was expecting too much, it goes so deep I guess, after all these years, but I was expecting something, a sign, a word, even a fucking text message. And it leaves me feeling a little stupid, like it was all a joke or something.”
John was confused and he opend his mouth to ask what? Who? Huh? But Jackson carried on. “So I wanted to make sure you don’t screw this up the same way.”
“Okay.”
“I know some people won’t understand, even now it’s changed, but screw them, they don‘t matter. Life is too precious to waste it worrying about what people like that think. I mean you’re the sort of guy who’s willing to fly into oblivion on the back of a bomb, how can you be afraid of a few words?”
John though this might be the most bizarre conversation he’d ever had, well at least since earlier that day in the commissary with Vala. And he knew it was only his own preoccupation with what Rodney might have been hinting at earlier, but every word out of Jackson’s mouth made it sound like he was in some weird love triangle with Mitchell and General O’Neill. But Jackson was so obviously sincere that he ignored his own warped interpretation and replied. “Yeah… that’s good advice.”
“So why are you still here? Go!”
John left, but he chimed the next door along and waited until Vala answered, he wanted to make sure that someone looked in on Dr Jackson because the guy was definitely in a strange mood. He also wanted to make it clear he didn’t approve of team mates drugging other team mates up, and leaving them to wander the corridors of Atlantis, it was too dangerous. But Vala agreed she’d sit with Daniel and make sure he didn’t move out of his bed even if she had to tie him down. John left it there, although he did have the uneasy feeling that Vala had seemed a little too eager with the tying up part.
When John checked his watch he found he had less than an hour until he was due at Rodney’s and there absolutely needed to be a shower in his immediate future, a very through one because there was an outside chance he might be getting lucky tonight. Plus he needed a shave, nice and close. And he had to decide what to wear, so he hurried to his room.
John made it to Rodney’s with a minute to spare. But the door didn’t open right away when he chimed it. After a few seconds he heard Rodney muttering and swearing and then, finally the door did open.
John had to say he was just a tiny bit disappointed. Rodney hadn’t changed, in fact he looked more rumpled, even a little sweaty perhaps, like he’d been shifting furniture.
John stepped inside as Rodney said
“Careful I’ve shifted a few things round in here.”
The room did look a bit different. All the furniture was pushed against the walls and there was more of it since the last time John had been in there. Rodney also seemed to have one of the weird bubbling water and light tubes propped against the far corner set into a shallow frosted glass-like bowl.
“Huh… You found out what they’re for?” John pointed at the tube thingy.
“About three years ago! I sent a memo.”
“So what is it then?”
“Its’ a water cooler. Haven’t you noticed the way people hang around them gossiping?”
John shrugged, he had of course noticed. He just hadn’t put it together, and anyway, he was the military leader of an ancient flying city, in another galaxy and freaking plumbing was not really his responsibility.
But all he said was, “Cool.” Although he was definitely having one of those babies for his office, and his new apartment.
Rodney eyed him for a moment then said, “Yes, well, exciting new discoveries aside, shall we sit?”
Rodney led the way to what looked like a comfy new sofa, John sank in to it, and yeah he was so having one of these babies for his new apartment. “Where’d you find this, McKay? Ancient furniture usually sucks.”
“Oh it was just lying around, somewhere.” Rodney said airily. Obviously he’d stolen it.
“It’s not the one from Woolsey’s private quarters is it?”
“No it’s not! And how do you know what’s in Woolsey’s private quarters?”
Whoa Rodney was jealous, John could work with that. Things were definitely shaping up to something good.
But then Rodney added, “No, it was probably from before, my God you just can’t help yourself can you? Was it Elizabeth? Surely it wasn’t Sam? Oh My God it was probably both of them wasn’t it, Kirk!”
And while John wasn’t averse to Rodney being a little jealous in a possessive ‘you can’t have him he’s mine’ kind of way, he would never, not with Elizabeth. And definitely not with Sam, even if she had been his type. Because Rodney liked her and John wouldn’t do that to him. So maybe he sounded a little angry when he said. “McKay! I would never screw up the chain of command like that.”
Rodney blushed and replied more quietly, “I know you wouldn’t, John.”
And it made John ache when Rodney said his name, because he so rarely did.
Then Rodney added, “I’m surprisingly nervous.”
Which made John want to hug him and kiss him and explain why he never needed to be nervous around John again. But he was too late because Rodney went ploughing on.
“I guess you get to a stage when you just accept the inevitable. You have crushes on people when you’re young but you imagine when you grow older that kind of thing will pass. It doesn’t of course, you get to fall in love instead. Only if you’re like me it’s always with the wrong person . And in the end you decide if you can’t have the one you want, if they don’t want you back then you’ll settle for the one who does want you.”
John wanted to say something, to tell Rodney that if it was him, if it was John that Rodney thought he couldn’t have, then he was wrong . That Rodney could have John and have him and have him, forever really, if that’s what he wanted. But John was too used to holding back. He had grown too comfortable burying the things he wanted to say, just as he buried the things he wanted to do. He had lived so much of his life not saying that his words failed him when he needed them most and Rodney continued after a pause.
“But I knew, I’m not one for introspection, I’m sure that’s obvious to everyone, but I knew I’m enough of a selfish ego-maniac to eventually hate whoever I settled for. That was why I didn’t ask Katie in the end. I knew it would be too cruel. I knew I’d have crushed her. But I thought there was enough that Jennifer was spiky, that there was a core of steel in her so she’d snap right back at me, that she’d see me for what I was and not be devastated in the same way when it all turned bad. I guess I underestimated her. Because Jennifer saw through me all right, in time not to make the mistake at all.”
Rodney laughed, and it was the same laugh he’s heard earlier from Dr Jackson, and John didn’t like it.
“She disabused me of a few stupid notions as well. And I suppose she was right because stupidly I was still holding on to the idea of… ” Rodney glanced sideways at John, “well it doesn’t matter I suppose in the scheme of things. She was right wasn‘t she? I heard the announcement the day after she left, She’d already know just like she said, and she was right about the rest too. It made absolutely no difference because it was all up here,”
Rodney tapped the side of his head. “Wishful thinking.” Then he got up and headed to his bathroom without another word.
John stared after him wondering what the fuck was going on. This was not how he’d imagined the evening going. Rodney came out a minute later and he looked like he had splashed water on his face. His mouth was a tight seam like he was really having to bite his lips to keep from blurting something out. He had that weird laptop looking bag in his hands again.
“Anyway I decided I was owed something. Because otherwise it’s too hard. I might have given up on relationships and It may well be that I’m best mostly left to my own devices, but sometimes it’s too hard. And even I get lonely. And I don’t think its asking too much to want a little companionship. Even if this seems to be about all I can successfully manage.”
John was staring, not really believing what he was looking at.
“I know it’s wrong of me to want this.”
“Woolsey will have a fucking cow, Rodney!”
“I don’t care, I need this! Please don‘t tell him.”
“I don’t think you can keep this kind of thing under wraps.”
Rodney opened up the bag wide and held one out to John. “I brought this one for you.”
John took it carefully.
“This one is Teyla’s and this one’s for Ronon. I just thought if it was all of us then it would be harder to say no.”
John stared and then asked, “And that one with the wonky …”
“Yes, that one is mine.”
“I don’t… ” John swallowed, “I just hate to think of how this could go wrong. The last thing I’d ever want is for you get hurt, Rodney.”
McKay looked up at him and right there John knew he was fucked, no way could he say no to that look.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. What kind of asshole do you take me for?”
“I… er.”
“Yeah, okay don’t answer that.”
“All we have to do is keep it a secret until we’re back in Pegasus. And by then I hope Teyla and Ronon will be hooked. We can introduce them in this room. Everything can stay in this room. No one else will find out until it’s too late.”
“Look Rodney I know how hard it was for you to give this up when we first came here. But they have good reasons for some of these rules.”
“They change the stupid rules all the time. Even rules they thought they had a good reason for. I mean Jennifer was right, Obama signed one tiny little clause and now it’s gone. And this is almost the same thing, really. it’s not about disease, because we could quite easily wipe out an entire solar system if someone happens to have mumps or a bad cold if no one on that planet happens to have resistance. Plus there are health checks. And they already set a precedent because there are going to be chickens in the Arboretum and someone mentioned there might be some kind of pygmy goats as well. And I’m trying to get over the fact you really don’t… I mean it’s not as easy as I thought to… And before I could always tell myself it was because of that stupid barbaric rule… but now I can’t deceive myself … and if this is what I need to make up for… ”
Then John was on his feet, because he was pretty good at math and he suddenly understood why nothing had been adding up today. He shoved the sleek black kitten unceremoniously back into the padded bag he now realised was pet carrier. It hissed at him a little until it realised he had put it in the wrong compartment by mistake and it was now sunggled up next to the plump grey kitten with the wonky mouth, so it closed its green eyes and began to purr softly. John took the carrier strap out of Rodney’s hands and set it down out of the way. Then he turned and whacked Rodney upside the head.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me they abolished Don‘t Ask Don‘t Tell?”
“Because you already knew.”
Rodney stared at him.
“You already knew! Jennifer told me. The email went out to Woolsey and her and you a week ahead so you could prepare for any fall out.”
“I wasn’t here. Remember? I was buried deep in Cheyenne Mountain having a review. I spent the week trying to justify every decision I’ve made in the last two years. All I did was eat and sleep and attend meetings with General O’Neill, General Landry, The vice president, the heads of the IOC, the NID, and the CIA either separately or sometimes as a special treat all together.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh!”
“So I’m not guilty of whatever it is you think I’m guilty of.”
“I see.”
“And in case you’re wondering, Rodney if I had known.”
“Yes?”
“I would have done something.”
“You would?”
John stepped closer to Rodney. All this angst. All this fuss. And he was guessing Rodney had very nearly proposed to Jennifer fucking Keller. All because John had never had the courage, or he’d never really believed enough, or maybe it was simply that he never saw it coming until now.
He pressed himself against Rodney and he stroked a finger gently down Rodney’s cheek pressing softly at the side of his mouth where it always turned down. Then he slid his hand around behind Rodney’s ear and cupped the back of his head as their lips met. Mouths both closed at first, just a slide of soft dry lips, then a sigh of warm breath and John felt the moist inside of Rodney’s lower lip against his own and he opened up and then it was hungry and it was consuming and it was more than just a kiss. It lasted and lasted and John remembered how it felt making out as a teenager, how it was like a kissing revelation. And this was even better. So they kissed some more until they were both a little short of breath and light-headed.
Finally John held Rodney away from him just enough they could look at each other.
“Don’t ever run off to Canada to propose again, alright McKay?” Rodney pouted a little, and John thought ’who knew he could do that?’ then he added, just to see what it would do to the pout, “Unless you’re planning to propose to me that is.”
Rodney looked at him, really sort of peered at him like he was trying to see into him. Then he smiled, an adorable smile, and who knew Rodney’s face could make such a sweet expression work for him but apparently given the correct motivation he could. Then the smile slid from sweet into rather self satisfied and Rodney said.
“I fully intend to keep those kittens, you know.”
The End
And it has come to Santa's attention that someone didn't get a present.
Now both our dear co-hosts alyse and moonlettuce organised our bash here and worked hard so the pressies were all safely delivered on time and they both deserve our thanks for the hard work they put into this to make it so fabulous.
so in the spirit that giving is better than receiving one last, truly secret santa story
For our co-host Alyse this one was written just for you.
Warning: Up to season 5 end and beyond. Smoopy and bad humour and cliches and cute, some kissing with Rodney and John and did I mention a surfiet of cute?
Disclaimer: I wanted them in my Christmas stocking but they still belong to other people, please don't sue a girl for wishfulfillment thinking....
It won’t be a repeat of the Stephens Island wren.
John was relieved to have finally escaped The Mountain. He had never felt so desperate for his room in Atlantis, for his home. It was like the city folded itself around him as soon as he stepped out of the jumper. And he had his first full night’s sleep lulled by what sounded like a soft heartbeat, but he figured it was some kind of weird resonance created by the ebb and flow of the tide in the bay.
The next day he was amazed to see so many people. The commissary was full but he recognised almost no one as he waited in line to grab some coffee and a muffin to take to his office.
He had barely logged in to his lap top when Lorne arrived to give him an update.
There was an international team of scientists and engineers working in the city. They were repairing the damage that had been caused during the re-entry to earth’s atmosphere. They were also exploring the city. Opening up areas there had been no time to give more than a cursory once-over to check there was nothing deadly lurking, while they were struggling to survive in Pegasus and battle the Wraith. The teams were also hoping they might find another control chair, to replace the one lost when the Wraith attacked Area 51.
John guessed even if they didn’t fine a new chair at least it might mean more new living space would be opened up. Then he wouldn’t feel quite so guilty about the pretty fantastic new set of rooms he’d allocated to himself when they’d discovered the new living quarters in tower five. Thinking about it most of the senior team had new rooms now, except Rodney. That reminded him.
“Where’s McKay?”
John hadn’t seen Rodney since he’d been ordered to report to The Mountain a week earlier.
“He and Keller took some leave, I believe they went to Vancouver.”
John swallowed, he would have liked the chance to visit Jeannie. He felt disappointed, a little sad like it was possible he might never get invited to see her and the family again, because of course he had only been welcomed there as Rodney’s friend. John knew very clearly how Jeannie felt about the US military.
“What about Teyla and Ronon?”
“Wolsey accompanied them to a reception at the IOC headquarters, after that they were headed to Washington. I let Banks go with them. I didn‘t think you‘d object, and this is possibly her only chance to show Ronon around a little.”
“yeah, sure… Umm, Zelenka?”
“More consultation at the SGC about the Wormhole drive, went this morning.”
“So it’s just you, me and Carson then?” John thought at least he’d have someone to talk to.
“About that, Sir, Carson is consulting at the SGC as well.”
“Okay.”
“And you approved my Earth leave two months ago.”
“Ah, so just me then.”
Lorne dropped his eyes and nodded, “Yeah… Look, Sir I guess I could…”
John sighed, Lorne was a great second in command and if any one deserved some down time it was him. “You’ve obviously got plans, when do you take off?”
“Seventeen hundred, Sir.”
“Well let’s get this done, wouldn’t want to keep a man from his hard earned leave.”
Lorne smiled and handed John a thick packet of orders. “This came through while you were at Cheyenne Mountain. The IOC pushed something through, creating special status for Atlantis while it’s here on Earth. Apparently we’re a foreign embassy, a world heritage site and a protectorate under the United Nations.”
“Well I guess that means no one can start carving off chunks of the city.”
John hadn’t even considered that might be a problem until McKay had said that once Atlantis was in the Milky Way the SGC might just claim salvage rights on her.
“Yes, Sir.”
John pulled the papers out and they worked their way through them.
“There’s quite a few transfer orders, sir.”
John listened to Lorne’s recommendations, he was usually pretty accurate with his assessments. Then they were down to the last few pages.
“There’s several amendments to the codes and regulations.” Lorne paused and John looked up in time to catch a strange expression on his face.
“Anything the matter?”
Lorne shook his head, “No, Sir, just… er … I think it’s way past time.”
“Right… Well, that‘s good.” John didn’t have a clue what Lorne was talking about, and before he had a chance to ask someone knocked on his door and came in without waiting to be invited.
“Is this a good time?”
John looked up, startled and Lorne muttered, “Oh yeah, and Doctor Jackson and Miss Mal Doran have come to do some special research.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Sorry, I probably should have mentioned that earlier, Sir.”
“Probably.” But John wasn’t really annoyed at Lorne, he just never knew how to take Jackson, the guy disconcerted him a little. “But there’s a lot going on, and you have stuff to do before your leave starts. Radio me when you’re ready and I’ll fly you over to the mainland myself. Okay, Evan?”
Lorne stood up, gave him a snappy salute, a “Yes Sir!” and left.
Jackson sat down in the seat that Lorne had just vacated. “So, I guess Jack didn’t mention I’d be here.”
“Jack?”
“You know, General O’Neill, he didn’t say anything about me coming?”
“Oh, Jack, No he didn’t mention you.”
Jackson looked a little like someone had kicked his puppy. “Oh.”
John wondered if everyone was going to be acting a little weird today. And on the subject of weird he asked. “Where did you leave Vala? Under lock and key I hope?”
Jackson smirked. “She’s not that bad.”
John just raised his eyebrow at that bullshit.
“Okay she can be that bad, but she promised to behave.”
“She promised? Isn’t that usually when the trouble starts?”
“Yes, you may well be right… Maybe I’ll just go and check on her.”
“Think I’ll come with you.”
Luckily Vala hadn’t gotten further than the commissary, she was sitting surrounded by a group of admiring scientists and two pretty pissed off looking marines.
John nodded, “Cadman, Vega, how’s it going?”
Cadman smirked as Vega snapped to attention and replied, “Just finishing up our lunch break, Sir. We’re heading out again as soon as the scientists are ready.”
“Time to let these guys get back to work Vala.” Daniel stood behind her and pulled one of her bunches teasingly.
“Yes off you go boys.” Vala smiled sweetly at the scientists.
John headed for the servery hoping rather forlornly that there might be a turkey sandwich. He was disappointed, as usual, and had to settle for a BLT. At least on earth the bacon actually came from pigs, the lettuce was a plant that grew on dry land and the tomato wasn’t purple. Plus there were oatmeal and raisin cookies. He took two forgetting that Rodney wasn‘t going to come in half way through the meal, complain bitterly there was nothing worth eating left before piling his plate high, and then still finishing before John and stealing his second cookie.
John sat down opposite Vala, Daniel collected his own food and sat down next to her.
“So, John how are you? Pretty happy with the fabulous news I bet.” Vala asked as she commandeered Daniel’s plate of fries, dabbled one delicately in the ketchup before scarfing it down.
John had just taken a big bite of his own sandwich so he couldn’t answer right away.
Daniel grabbed the plate back and rescued some fries for himself. He glanced up at John and shrugged, “Maybe he hasn’t seen the brief from the SGC yet.”
John figured out they were talking about Atlantis’ new status. So he swallowed his mouth full of food before answering. “No I read it through, and yeah it’s a relief.”
“It will take some getting used to, I suppose. Everything out in the open.”
“I think we’re still a long way from that, Vala.”
She frowned at John. “Really?”
“Well yeah, this is just the first step but at least it means it’s not a free-for-all with everyone just grabbing a piece of whatever they want.”
“So no grabbing.” Vala pouted like maybe she thought grabbing wasn‘t a bad thing. “But on the plus side there’s commitment, you can make a public declaration.”
John looked horrified, “It’s not something the public is ready for. And when the time does come it wouldn’t be me. I mean that kind of exposure is for people like Wolsey or General O’Neill. They have far more experience.”
“Wolsey? You never told me about him Daniel.” Vala frowned at Jackson, “Although come to think he is dapper but kind of prissy.” Then she smiled brilliantly and punched Daniel on the arm, “And Jack? Mmmhh I knew it, just how experienced is he?”
Daniel shifted in his seat and he actually appeared to be blushing a little. “Vala! That is completely inappropriate.” He turned his face away and added, “And it’s none of your business.”
John was beginning to wonder if he’d fallen asleep in his office again and this was actually some kind of horribly vividly dream.
Vala turned her avid gaze back to John. “So what does Rodney think about the news?”
“I don’t suppose he knows.”
“Well it’s important to him too, you have to tell him!”
“I’m sure he’ll read his emails when he gets back from Vancouver.”
Vala whispered to Daniel, “Vancouver? Is that in America?”
“No, it’s in Canada.” He answered.
She turned back to John with a knowing smile, “Oh yes, Canada I‘ve heard of that. You can get married there, right?”
“I guess.” John doesn’t like the sound of where this is going.
“I bet he does know and he’s arranging a secret wedding.”
John feels his heart stutter for a second and he has to force himself to reply. “I don’t … He never said… I didn’t think he was that serious.”
Vala smiles and pats John’s hand. “Of course he’s serious, darling. Everyone knows that.”
And suddenly John can’t hold on to the bitter feeling that rushes up inside him and he snaps. “She’s far too young for him. And she’s always trying to change him and why do women even do that? And why would anyone want to change him, I like him just the way he is. But she doesn’t, and that’s no basis for a relationship.”
John feels horribly exposed in the silence that follows his outburst. He pushes back his chair and stands. “I have some things to do in my… important things… And you have your thing… So I’ll just…” And he turns and stalks out of the commissary.
Vala stares after him for a moment before she turns to Daniel with a confused look on her face.
Daniel sighs and eats a couple more fries. He rubs his forehead tiredly before he addresses her unasked question. “Remember that time when Jack asked what we thought of Hot Rods? Teal’c thought he was talking about cars. You thought he was talking about that gay strip club. But he was really just asking if we wanted take-out from KFC.”
Vala laughs, “That was funny.”
They got up from their table
“Well this was like that. Don’t worry I’ll speak to him later, and make sure he’s okay. I’ll make sure he knows.” Daniel adds under his breath, “Then maybe at least one of these stupid military idiots can get it right.”
Vala threw her arm around his shoulder and hugged him tight for a moment before she started her usual routine of trying to get him to give her a piggy-back.
Later that day John flew Lorne to the private hanger the SGC had rented at the freight terminal of San Francisco Airport. It was much less obvious pick up and drop off point, vehicles could deliver supplies or personnel, and the cloaked jumper could fly straight into the hanger to load or unload unobserved.
John kept catching Lorne watching him on the short flight across to the airport but he really didn’t feel inclined to talk. Plus he did have to be pretty careful, flying cloaked in such a busy area. Even though the jumper had obligingly revealed a new HUD that was like a cross between air traffic radar and an automatic collision avoidance system the first time John had flown across.
They touched down in the back of the hangar and as the rear door began to open John heard an unexpected voice berating one of the ground crew. He caught Lorne’s eye again and raised an eyebrow. Lorne shrugged but John couldn’t help noticing the worried expression that seemed to have been haunting his second in command dropped away, replaced by the slightly self satisfied smile of someone who knew something he didn‘t.
John waved Lorne ahead and waited a few minutes before he followed him out into McKay’s latest drama or crisis or whatever was going on. He hadn’t really recovered his usual level of disconnect after his embarrassing loss of cool in the commissary earlier. But he knew the mask would have to be firmly back in place before he could face McKay and Keller.
When he stepped into the hangar McKay was nowhere in sight but there was a van parked beside the entrance and as he got closer he could detect the litany of grousing and grumbling that indicated McKay’s presence.
John hung off the open back door, peered inside and asked.
“What are you doing McKay?”
Rodney continued to sort through the various boxes and packages, putting them in different coloured stacking crates, not even looking up at John as he replied, “Checking the idiots delivered everything I ordered.”
“I thought the Daedalus was going to beam that stuff direct from the SGC to the storage areas we set up.”
“These are personal items.”
“It’s a whole truck load, McKay!”
“And?”
“I guess Jennifer probably has some stuff in here too, right?”
“No.” Rodney was very pointedly not looking up and he seemed even more tense than usual now that John studied him a little closer.
“Where is she, by the way, Jennifer?”
“I have no idea.”
And that was just way too off hand and suspiciously innocent sounding for it to be anything other than a big fat lie. So John had a duty now, as a friend, to poke and pry and get the truth out of McKay, for his own good. “But you two went to Vancouver didn’t you? Kind of meet the family thing.”
“Jennifer and Jeannie already met. Back when I was dying from the deathly brain eating bug. And thank you, by the way, for reminding me of one of the other truly horrific moments in my life!”
“Hey, believe me I’m not trying to remind anyone about close encounters with bugs. You know I hate those things. And like you say, they met already, it can’t have been that bad.”
Rodney finally jumped out of the van and ignored John completely as he waved across at the ground crew then pointed towards the van and shouted, “Any time you’re ready you can get those loaded.”
And now John could see him he realised it must have been bad. McKay had that pinched look round his mouth and there were deep dark circles under his eyes that indicated some serious lack of sleep. So then John felt really guilty because while he was no fan of Rodney with Jennifer he hated to see his friend looking like this.
“McKay, come on, how can it have been that bad?”
Rodney looked at John and sighed then he headed back towards the van and collected a his luggage and what looked like an extra large, padded laptop bag. He looked pretty defeated to John, as he walked up the ramp and disappeared inside the jumper, and that was just wrong in so many ways.
John followed McKay back and sat down in the pilots seat, the told the jumper to close the inner doors so they would have privacy . He swivelled his chair round to face Rodney and asked again.
“Come on, buddy what happened?”
“You’re not going to let this drop are you?”
“Not a chance.”
Rodney scrubbed his hand through his hair like he did when he was really frustrated. John could never help the way that made him want to smile and ruffle McKay’s hair even more.
“You’re a normal guy right?”
That wasn’t what John had expected him to say so there was an embarrassingly long pause before he managed, “Uuhh… Yeah?”
“And you probably have the normal guy fantasies we all have but we’re not supposed to admit to.”
John is afraid where this might be going but he tries not to sound like he just swallowed his tongue and says. “Mmhuh?”
“I mean who hasn’t wondered who would win at Jell-O wrestling, Colonel Carter or Shakira? Or just how sticky J-Lo would get in a vat of honey and how long it would take to lick her..”
“McKay!” John shouts, pretty much horrified. Mostly because it’s painfully clear that Rodney has absolutely no idea what kind of fantasies guys like John have.
“Yeah well, you get the picture. And I bet you’ve imagined how hot it would be to have two women fighting over you?”
John just shrugged.
Rodney looked a little freaked as he continued. “Well let me tell you, when one of the women is your doctor, and soon-to- be- ex, girlfriend and the other one is your bossy, opinionated sister, occasionally tag-teamed by her even bossier and louder seven year old daughter, that is no fantasy.”
“They fought over you? Jeannie and Keller and Madds?”
“Oh yeah.”
“What did you do?”
“What makes you think I did something?”
John tilts his head to the side a little and smiles at McKay in a way he knows is obnoxious. He might be doing the friend thing, there’s an outside chance he’s definitely doing the manly pining for his straight buddy thing as well, but he can’t pass up a primo opportunity like that to yank Rodney’s chain.
“Honestly, I did nothing!”
“McKay how long have we known each other?”
“Nearly six years.”
“And when was it ever not your fault?”
“When it was yours!”
John can’t help his snort of laughter at that.
“Seriously, Sheppard, it was your fault.”
“I wasn’t even there.”
“And yet somehow, still your fault.”
John sighed. “Okay I’ll bite, how was it my fault?”
“Madison was really angry with me for bringing Jennifer instead of you. Apparently you’re even a hit with seven year old girls, Kirk. She was pretty obnoxious at first. And she just would not shut up with the comments. It was ‘When Uncle John came we did this,’ and ‘Uncle John would have done that,’ and ‘It was more fun with Uncle John,’ and ’I like Uncle John better and so does Uncle Rodney.’ Maybe Jennifer thought I should be more sympathetic. But really, come on. I even pointed it out, Maddie is my niece and she’s seven for Gods sake. Jennifer is a grown woman and a doctor, so she should be the bigger man.”
“And Jennifer got mad at that?”
“No, Well yes a little I suppose. She may have pointed out I was insensitive.”
“But you apologised, right?” John seemed to remember that it was always best to apologise to women, even if you weren’t wrong.
“Well obviously I did, but really it’s hardly insensitive to answer a seven year old child’s perfectly legitimate questions. Maddie wanted to know why you weren’t there. Then she wanted to hear all about the adventures we’d been having, and obviously about you going on yet another almost suicidal mission and saving the world. It would have been kind of mean, even for me, to refuse to tell her. And Jennifer was clearly exaggerating ridiculously because every other word out of my mouth was most certainly not John Sheppard!”
“Big argument huh?”
“Huge. And then it spread.”
“You and Jeannie?”
“Jeannie and me, yes. Well mostly Jeannie really, I try very hard not to argue with her now or we just end up repeating old patterns. But it‘s inevitable sometimes. Jeannie thought I was apologising for Maddie. And I wasn’t, I mean I understood she was a little monster at first, but she was also genuinely disappointed. It didn’t matter though because Jeannie was really pissed. I explained I was actually apologising for myself and then she really hit the roof, and suddenly the argument morphed and it was Jeannie and Jennifer. Then there’d be occasional shouting and door-banging from Maddie, then more Jeannie and Jennifer again. It was an ugly scene.”
Rodney looked terrible, kind of shell shocked, and John felt like a heel for ever wishing that he and Jennifer would split up. Because while he might have wanted her gone in a clinical, surgical, mess free kind of way, he certainly hadn’t wanted anything that was going to make Rodney hurt like he so obviously was now.
“In the end I suggested we leave, and Jennifer told me I should stay. That she’d rather go on her own.”
“Do you know where she went?”
“Nebraska, Iowa? One of those places, she said she had family there.”
“But you’ll make up once she’s back. Once she’s calmed down?”
“Nope. She dumped me. Sent me an email the next day. One of those ‘it’s not you it’s me’ things. And how she’d been trying not to see what was right in front of her. And how really she should thank Jeannie and Maddie for opening her eyes. And how she’s requested a transfer.”
“Ouch”
Rodney sighed. “I decided I’m going to give up. Dating. Looking for that special person. Whatever. I’m obviously destined never to marry. I mean Jennifer was pretty easy-going. Okay she wasn’t my perfect person but… Well let’s just say I always seem to lose my heart to the ones I can’t have But even if it was settling for someone, still Jennifer was lovely, even I could see that. So that’s it I’m officially swearing off women and romance. I’m going to try something different.”
John couldn’t help the way his heart leapt into his throat so his voice sounded a little strangled as he asked, “you are?”
“Yes. You have to promise not to tell though. I know it’s totally against regulations. But by the time everyone finds out it will be fait accompli and they’ll just have to accept it. ”
John’s heart was thumping in his chest so loudly he could barely hear what Rodney was saying. It couldn’t be could it? Was Rodney actually saying what he thought he was saying? John hoped he didn‘t sound too desperate yet hopeful as he replied. “O-kay.”
“Come to my room at eight and I’ll show you.” Rodney smiled at John, it was kind of a goofy besotted sort of smile. John wasn’t sure he’d ever seen McKay look quite like that before. For some reason he was petting his overly large padded laptop bag as well. Then John figured it out. Must be supplies in there, lube, condoms, maybe a toy or two. John felt his cheeks heat and he blushed right up to the tips of his ears at the thought of McKay picking out that kind of stuff to use on him.
Somehow John managed to keep his excitement contained inside his pants, and he concentrated enough to keep them in the air and not spattered all over the San Francisco dock-side. Once they’d landed the jumper he was lumbered with getting all McKay’s personal stuff unloaded because the man himself hurried off so rapidly John didn’t even see him leave.
By the time that was all done and John was headed out of the jumper bay he was feeling less turned on, because now he was about fifty percent irritated with Rodney. To be honest this was more like his usual feeling around the man, a strangely addictive mix of annoyed and horny.
John nearly made it back to his room unmolested but just as he was headed towards the transporter that would take him to the tower where his new apartment was located he literally almost fell over Dr Jackson. The man was lounging against one of the weird columns full of light tubes and water bubbles no one had been able to discern the purpose of. If he didn’t know better he’d say Dr Jackson had been into Radek’s stash of Moonshine, maybe the June 07, a particularly potent batch from what he could remember.
“John!” Jackson glommed on to him like a leach.
Yep the man was definitely the worse for drink. Or maybe someone had smuggled more Diligo-go plants into the city and they were fruiting again. The last time that happened John had been forced to send a team of marines in hazmat suits to hose the botanists down.
If John found out another one of the science teams was trying to refine drugs out of alien fruits or grasses to trade again he’d be mad. The memo had gone out twice already this month.
John had already loosed the Wraith on Pegasus and he’d be damned if his people were gonna’ be responsible for turning a whole goddamned galaxy into junkies as well.
“John. I hafta tell you somefing.” Jackson was all over him like a big floppy teddy bear.
“What did you drink?” John hated it when people were drunk and he wasn’t invited.
“S’just a little pill Vala gave me. She said I needed to chill out… relax.. Chillax.” Jackson snorted a little snorty laugh. If John had been into him he would have found it cute. But Jackson wasn’t his type, too nice, too conventionally handsome for his tastes, so he just rubbed the snorted on area of his jacket with a finger then wiped it off disgustedly on Jackson’s t-shirt.
“How come? I thought you’d be happy to be back on Atlantis. Another chance to study all this Ancient stuff.”
“Yeah, you’d think.” Jackson slumped a little more. The man was incredibly heavy and John staggered a little before he got his feet under himself again. John tapped his radio and asked if anyone in in the control room knew where Jackson and Vala were billeted.
He finally got them moving in the right direction. He didn’t really pay attention to what Dr Jackson was saying he just let it wash over him in a blur with the odd word making it out of the babble. Near as he could understand it, it seemed General O’Neill and Jackson had been married, or maybe betrothed, or possibly divorced in some kind of weird alien ritual and Jackson was pretty pissed about it.
John had read the racier mission reports from the early years of the SGC, who hadn’t? Hardly a month had gone by back then without some or all of SG1 being married betrothed or divorced on one planet or another. So he wasn’t really sure why it was bothering Jackson so much now. After all it had been several years since O’Neill had gone on any off world missions.
To be honest John was a little envious. These days there were seminars and briefs and about three dozen training videos on how to not to commit accidental, inter cultural matrimony either with ones team mates, or with natives. It was one of Woolsey’s pet peeves. Even so John secretly thought about it. Speculating that he and McKay might have to marry each other because of some diplomatic blunder or prove their good intentions during negotiations for a tuttle root crop, or a fully charged ZPM, but it had never happened to them.
And if it did ever happen to other teams, no one put it in their reports any more. The six different forms that had to be completed and filed with HR, plus the mandatory sensitivity in the workplace DVD and seminar kind of took the shine off. And even the fact it included a twenty minute dramatic recreation of a particularly notorious incident, using real actors in the shape of the janitor guy from Scrubs and the woman who played Chandler’s girlfriend Janice in Friends, that was unofficially known as ‘Whatever you do don’t eat the freaking cake!’ didn’t really make up for the other six and a half hours of ass-numbing boredom.
But listening to Jackson moan and bitch about O’Neill, John had to figure that maybe accidental alien marriage was no better than actual, earth-style, for real marriage, from what he recalled of it.
He told Atlantis to open up the door to Jackson’s room and helped him inside. He struggled to unglue Jackson from himself but the guy was determined to stick and kept a tight hold on John until finally gave in, and sat down next to him on the bed and reluctantly asked, “What is it buddy?”
Jackson laughed again, although he didn’t seem to be particularly joyful.
“You sound like Cam. He asks that sometimes, and you can tell he doesn’t want to do the talking thing either. How come you guys r’all the same?”
“Yeah, well, it’s the second thing they teach us in Flight School.”
“What’s the first thing? How to break hearts? And by the way I might be a little relaxed from whatever Vala gave me, but I can still spot the subject’s been changed.”
John was feeling kind of sorry for Jackson now, as well as a lot responsible. After all the guy was on his turf again and the last time that happened he hadn’t really done such a good job. Jackson had ended up kidnapped, along with McKay. In fact General O’Neill had only just finished tearing a couple of strips off his hide for that among other things last week. So he bit the bullet and said. “Hey, I asked. So tell me.”
For some reason that made Jackson laugh again but it was not a happy sound and he said, “It‘s funny isn‘t it? Now I can, tell that is, I find I’m strangely reluctant. It doesn’t really feel like it’s mine to tell. And I suppose I was expecting too much, it goes so deep I guess, after all these years, but I was expecting something, a sign, a word, even a fucking text message. And it leaves me feeling a little stupid, like it was all a joke or something.”
John was confused and he opend his mouth to ask what? Who? Huh? But Jackson carried on. “So I wanted to make sure you don’t screw this up the same way.”
“Okay.”
“I know some people won’t understand, even now it’s changed, but screw them, they don‘t matter. Life is too precious to waste it worrying about what people like that think. I mean you’re the sort of guy who’s willing to fly into oblivion on the back of a bomb, how can you be afraid of a few words?”
John though this might be the most bizarre conversation he’d ever had, well at least since earlier that day in the commissary with Vala. And he knew it was only his own preoccupation with what Rodney might have been hinting at earlier, but every word out of Jackson’s mouth made it sound like he was in some weird love triangle with Mitchell and General O’Neill. But Jackson was so obviously sincere that he ignored his own warped interpretation and replied. “Yeah… that’s good advice.”
“So why are you still here? Go!”
John left, but he chimed the next door along and waited until Vala answered, he wanted to make sure that someone looked in on Dr Jackson because the guy was definitely in a strange mood. He also wanted to make it clear he didn’t approve of team mates drugging other team mates up, and leaving them to wander the corridors of Atlantis, it was too dangerous. But Vala agreed she’d sit with Daniel and make sure he didn’t move out of his bed even if she had to tie him down. John left it there, although he did have the uneasy feeling that Vala had seemed a little too eager with the tying up part.
When John checked his watch he found he had less than an hour until he was due at Rodney’s and there absolutely needed to be a shower in his immediate future, a very through one because there was an outside chance he might be getting lucky tonight. Plus he needed a shave, nice and close. And he had to decide what to wear, so he hurried to his room.
John made it to Rodney’s with a minute to spare. But the door didn’t open right away when he chimed it. After a few seconds he heard Rodney muttering and swearing and then, finally the door did open.
John had to say he was just a tiny bit disappointed. Rodney hadn’t changed, in fact he looked more rumpled, even a little sweaty perhaps, like he’d been shifting furniture.
John stepped inside as Rodney said
“Careful I’ve shifted a few things round in here.”
The room did look a bit different. All the furniture was pushed against the walls and there was more of it since the last time John had been in there. Rodney also seemed to have one of the weird bubbling water and light tubes propped against the far corner set into a shallow frosted glass-like bowl.
“Huh… You found out what they’re for?” John pointed at the tube thingy.
“About three years ago! I sent a memo.”
“So what is it then?”
“Its’ a water cooler. Haven’t you noticed the way people hang around them gossiping?”
John shrugged, he had of course noticed. He just hadn’t put it together, and anyway, he was the military leader of an ancient flying city, in another galaxy and freaking plumbing was not really his responsibility.
But all he said was, “Cool.” Although he was definitely having one of those babies for his office, and his new apartment.
Rodney eyed him for a moment then said, “Yes, well, exciting new discoveries aside, shall we sit?”
Rodney led the way to what looked like a comfy new sofa, John sank in to it, and yeah he was so having one of these babies for his new apartment. “Where’d you find this, McKay? Ancient furniture usually sucks.”
“Oh it was just lying around, somewhere.” Rodney said airily. Obviously he’d stolen it.
“It’s not the one from Woolsey’s private quarters is it?”
“No it’s not! And how do you know what’s in Woolsey’s private quarters?”
Whoa Rodney was jealous, John could work with that. Things were definitely shaping up to something good.
But then Rodney added, “No, it was probably from before, my God you just can’t help yourself can you? Was it Elizabeth? Surely it wasn’t Sam? Oh My God it was probably both of them wasn’t it, Kirk!”
And while John wasn’t averse to Rodney being a little jealous in a possessive ‘you can’t have him he’s mine’ kind of way, he would never, not with Elizabeth. And definitely not with Sam, even if she had been his type. Because Rodney liked her and John wouldn’t do that to him. So maybe he sounded a little angry when he said. “McKay! I would never screw up the chain of command like that.”
Rodney blushed and replied more quietly, “I know you wouldn’t, John.”
And it made John ache when Rodney said his name, because he so rarely did.
Then Rodney added, “I’m surprisingly nervous.”
Which made John want to hug him and kiss him and explain why he never needed to be nervous around John again. But he was too late because Rodney went ploughing on.
“I guess you get to a stage when you just accept the inevitable. You have crushes on people when you’re young but you imagine when you grow older that kind of thing will pass. It doesn’t of course, you get to fall in love instead. Only if you’re like me it’s always with the wrong person . And in the end you decide if you can’t have the one you want, if they don’t want you back then you’ll settle for the one who does want you.”
John wanted to say something, to tell Rodney that if it was him, if it was John that Rodney thought he couldn’t have, then he was wrong . That Rodney could have John and have him and have him, forever really, if that’s what he wanted. But John was too used to holding back. He had grown too comfortable burying the things he wanted to say, just as he buried the things he wanted to do. He had lived so much of his life not saying that his words failed him when he needed them most and Rodney continued after a pause.
“But I knew, I’m not one for introspection, I’m sure that’s obvious to everyone, but I knew I’m enough of a selfish ego-maniac to eventually hate whoever I settled for. That was why I didn’t ask Katie in the end. I knew it would be too cruel. I knew I’d have crushed her. But I thought there was enough that Jennifer was spiky, that there was a core of steel in her so she’d snap right back at me, that she’d see me for what I was and not be devastated in the same way when it all turned bad. I guess I underestimated her. Because Jennifer saw through me all right, in time not to make the mistake at all.”
Rodney laughed, and it was the same laugh he’s heard earlier from Dr Jackson, and John didn’t like it.
“She disabused me of a few stupid notions as well. And I suppose she was right because stupidly I was still holding on to the idea of… ” Rodney glanced sideways at John, “well it doesn’t matter I suppose in the scheme of things. She was right wasn‘t she? I heard the announcement the day after she left, She’d already know just like she said, and she was right about the rest too. It made absolutely no difference because it was all up here,”
Rodney tapped the side of his head. “Wishful thinking.” Then he got up and headed to his bathroom without another word.
John stared after him wondering what the fuck was going on. This was not how he’d imagined the evening going. Rodney came out a minute later and he looked like he had splashed water on his face. His mouth was a tight seam like he was really having to bite his lips to keep from blurting something out. He had that weird laptop looking bag in his hands again.
“Anyway I decided I was owed something. Because otherwise it’s too hard. I might have given up on relationships and It may well be that I’m best mostly left to my own devices, but sometimes it’s too hard. And even I get lonely. And I don’t think its asking too much to want a little companionship. Even if this seems to be about all I can successfully manage.”
John was staring, not really believing what he was looking at.
“I know it’s wrong of me to want this.”
“Woolsey will have a fucking cow, Rodney!”
“I don’t care, I need this! Please don‘t tell him.”
“I don’t think you can keep this kind of thing under wraps.”
Rodney opened up the bag wide and held one out to John. “I brought this one for you.”
John took it carefully.
“This one is Teyla’s and this one’s for Ronon. I just thought if it was all of us then it would be harder to say no.”
John stared and then asked, “And that one with the wonky …”
“Yes, that one is mine.”
“I don’t… ” John swallowed, “I just hate to think of how this could go wrong. The last thing I’d ever want is for you get hurt, Rodney.”
McKay looked up at him and right there John knew he was fucked, no way could he say no to that look.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. What kind of asshole do you take me for?”
“I… er.”
“Yeah, okay don’t answer that.”
“All we have to do is keep it a secret until we’re back in Pegasus. And by then I hope Teyla and Ronon will be hooked. We can introduce them in this room. Everything can stay in this room. No one else will find out until it’s too late.”
“Look Rodney I know how hard it was for you to give this up when we first came here. But they have good reasons for some of these rules.”
“They change the stupid rules all the time. Even rules they thought they had a good reason for. I mean Jennifer was right, Obama signed one tiny little clause and now it’s gone. And this is almost the same thing, really. it’s not about disease, because we could quite easily wipe out an entire solar system if someone happens to have mumps or a bad cold if no one on that planet happens to have resistance. Plus there are health checks. And they already set a precedent because there are going to be chickens in the Arboretum and someone mentioned there might be some kind of pygmy goats as well. And I’m trying to get over the fact you really don’t… I mean it’s not as easy as I thought to… And before I could always tell myself it was because of that stupid barbaric rule… but now I can’t deceive myself … and if this is what I need to make up for… ”
Then John was on his feet, because he was pretty good at math and he suddenly understood why nothing had been adding up today. He shoved the sleek black kitten unceremoniously back into the padded bag he now realised was pet carrier. It hissed at him a little until it realised he had put it in the wrong compartment by mistake and it was now sunggled up next to the plump grey kitten with the wonky mouth, so it closed its green eyes and began to purr softly. John took the carrier strap out of Rodney’s hands and set it down out of the way. Then he turned and whacked Rodney upside the head.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me they abolished Don‘t Ask Don‘t Tell?”
“Because you already knew.”
Rodney stared at him.
“You already knew! Jennifer told me. The email went out to Woolsey and her and you a week ahead so you could prepare for any fall out.”
“I wasn’t here. Remember? I was buried deep in Cheyenne Mountain having a review. I spent the week trying to justify every decision I’ve made in the last two years. All I did was eat and sleep and attend meetings with General O’Neill, General Landry, The vice president, the heads of the IOC, the NID, and the CIA either separately or sometimes as a special treat all together.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh!”
“So I’m not guilty of whatever it is you think I’m guilty of.”
“I see.”
“And in case you’re wondering, Rodney if I had known.”
“Yes?”
“I would have done something.”
“You would?”
John stepped closer to Rodney. All this angst. All this fuss. And he was guessing Rodney had very nearly proposed to Jennifer fucking Keller. All because John had never had the courage, or he’d never really believed enough, or maybe it was simply that he never saw it coming until now.
He pressed himself against Rodney and he stroked a finger gently down Rodney’s cheek pressing softly at the side of his mouth where it always turned down. Then he slid his hand around behind Rodney’s ear and cupped the back of his head as their lips met. Mouths both closed at first, just a slide of soft dry lips, then a sigh of warm breath and John felt the moist inside of Rodney’s lower lip against his own and he opened up and then it was hungry and it was consuming and it was more than just a kiss. It lasted and lasted and John remembered how it felt making out as a teenager, how it was like a kissing revelation. And this was even better. So they kissed some more until they were both a little short of breath and light-headed.
Finally John held Rodney away from him just enough they could look at each other.
“Don’t ever run off to Canada to propose again, alright McKay?” Rodney pouted a little, and John thought ’who knew he could do that?’ then he added, just to see what it would do to the pout, “Unless you’re planning to propose to me that is.”
Rodney looked at him, really sort of peered at him like he was trying to see into him. Then he smiled, an adorable smile, and who knew Rodney’s face could make such a sweet expression work for him but apparently given the correct motivation he could. Then the smile slid from sweet into rather self satisfied and Rodney said.
“I fully intend to keep those kittens, you know.”
The End