Fic: Splintered (Gen, PG13)
Title: Splintered
Author: zinfic
Recipient: rysler
Pairing: Gen, teamfic
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: ~6300
Summary: In the aftermath of a mission gone wrong, the team struggles to find their way back to normality again.
Ronon thought he knew stubborn, but that was long before he met John Sheppard and Rodney McKay.
Notes: For rysler, who wanted a whole lot of things. I hope I've managed to fullfill at least some of your wishes. Happy holidays and thank you for the entertaining request! Thanks also goes to my exceptional betas, who shall be revealed at a later date and showered with praise. Any remaining errors and weirdness are all my fault. And thank you to alyse and moonlettuce for their infinite patience, and for organising this exchange and making Christmas a little more stressful and a lot more fun!
Splintered
They've been back for ten days when Colonel Carter suggests that they take a few days off to relax before she puts the team back on the duty roster. In reality, it's more of an order than a suggestion and Ronon doesn't like it much. Teyla still moves slowly, gingerly, like an old woman. The bruises on McKay's face have yet to fade completely, green and yellow around the edges now where they were black and purple before. Sheppard... well, Sheppard is Sheppard. He doesn't speak of what happened on Hadsa. Instead he keeps it all inside where it gnaws on him like acid.
Sheppard and McKay don't seem to be looking forward to the enforced team vacation any more than Ronon. McKay's been holed up in his lab since he was released from the infirmary and rumour is that his scientists are tip-toeing around him in fear of invoking his wrath. Sheppard is trying very hard to be his usual easy-going self and failing miserably. As for Teyla, she hasn't changed much, but then again, she wasn't conscious for most of it. She knows that something happened, but Sheppard won't tell her more than the bare minimum, McKay only communicates with grunts and eyerolls these days, and Ronon doesn't know what to say.
Carter might be right; they really do need some time off, a chance to find their way back to being a team again. But Ronon isn't so sure that the Turning of the Year-festival on Gad Kanar is the right place.
* * *
Teyla is limp in Sheppard's arms as they step through the wormhole. Her face is slack, her lips blue, she's still breathing but just barely. Sheppard is staggering under her weight, but he won't let anyone else touch her, not even Ronon, who's in a lot better shape. Ronon concentrates on keeping McKay upright instead, worried about how pale he is and how he's shaking so hard that it seems like he's going to vibrate right out of his skin.
The med team is standing by in the gate room and they carefully prise Teyla out of Sheppard's arms to deposit her on the waiting gurney. Ronon guides McKay down to sit on the floor before his legs give out.
McKay looks up, his eyes wide and bright blue, and whispers, "Colonel. John, I... I'm sorry, I didn't... I never meant..."
Sheppard's eyes resemble hollow-point bullets as he answers, "Just shut up, McKay. If I ever hear another word out of your mouth, it'll be too soon." With that, he turns his back on McKay and follows Teyla's gurney towards the infirmary.
McKay lowers his head to rest on his drawn-up knees, his shivering worse now than ever. He needs to be checked out by the docs as well, needs to get something hot to eat and to change out of his uniform, which is sodden with melted snow. But the curve of his back bears the message 'Do Not Touch' and his breath comes in short, sharp gasps, pretending not to be sobs.
And Ronon has no idea what to do.
* * *
The people of Gad Kanar are hospitable and merry. They face life with acceptance; maybe the Wraith will come tomorrow, but that is no reason not to enjoy today. Ronon can't decide if they're very smart or extremely stupid, but they make the second-best ale in the galaxy and they always hold great parties.
The Turning of the Year festival of Gad Kanar is popular throughout the galaxy. Ronon had the opportunity to join the celebrations a few times in his youth and he remembers them fondly. Teyla has also visited the festival several times and her people have close ties to the Gadrans. Several of the Athosians are accompanying them through the gate.
This isn't a mission and they aren't going to Gad Kanar in any kind of official capacity. Nevertheless, Sheppard still insists on bringing weapons, and Ronon quietly agrees. There's relaxed and then there's stupid. You never know what's going to happen, and bad surprises usually turn up when you're not prepared.
Even so, there's prepared, and then there's paranoid. The moment Sheppard steps through the gate, insisting on being first of course, his whole posture changes, tenses up, as if he's expecting a threat even though the Gadrans are one of the least threatening people in the galaxy.
"You okay?" Ronon asks Sheppard, stepping up beside him. Sheppard just smiles that usual transparent smile of his that means 'no'.
"Keep an eye on McKay," Sheppard says, as if this is a high-risk mission instead of a friendly visit to a feast. "Make sure he's not getting us into trouble again. I've got Teyla."
Teyla comes through the gate, clearly having heard the last. "I am well capable of taking care of myself, John. Don't worry, nothing will happen to us here."
Once again, there is that thin, ugly smile that doesn't reach Sheppard's eyes. "It doesn't hurt to be cautious," he says.
Cautious or not, Ronon wonders if he will be stuck with a sulking McKay for three days. And he does mean stuck, because Sheppard won't go within ten metres of the scientist, won't even look at him. This trip is beginning to look like a very bad idea.
* * *
"We have to get back to Atlantis," Sheppard says, teeth rattling so badly that Ronon can barely make out the words.
Ronon nods in agreement. It's very clear that his teammates won't last much longer in the freezing cold of Hadsa. It bothers Ronon too, his fingers are numb and his cheeks are burning, but he can withstand the elements better than McKay, whose uniform is soaked, or Sheppard, who's just skin and bones, or Teyla, with her broken ribs and her head wound and who's frighteningly still on the cave floor, her chest barely moving as she breathes.
"It's a long way," Ronon says, more to himself than to Sheppard. He knows he's going to have to do most of the work himself, the others are just too cold and exhausted to make it. Ronon is cold and exhausted too, but he lived through worse when he was running. He'll be able to reach the gate faster on his own and tells Sheppard so, but Sheppard just shakes his head.
"We go together or we don't go at all," he says with steel in his voice.
Ronon watches their teammates. McKay is huddled against the wall of the cave, wrapped in Ronon's coat, trying to warm up at least a little. Teyla is... she hasn't been conscious since the Hadsans attacked and they can't seem to get her warm. She's not even shivering and that's very bad. She needs medical attention fast; they all do.
He heads over to McKay and pulls the man to his feet. "We're going back," he says. "You gonna make it?"
McKay gives him a confused look - the cold is already affecting his mind and that scares Ronon more than anything. "I... I think so. We're going home? What about Teyla, is she all right?"
A glance at Sheppard trying to gather Teyla in arms numbed from the chill is enough to tell Ronon that she is definitely not all right, and even in his frozen state, McKay gets this. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"Not your fault," Ronon tells him, but he knows that the words don't mean a thing from his lips, and Sheppard won't say anything.
* * *
Teyla already has a room reserved at the tavern of Gad Kanar. There isn't much free space this time of the year, so they have to share a double with two extra cots put in. Sheppard and Ronon fight a silent battle for the cot closest to the door, which Ronon wins by lying down on it and making himself so heavy that Sheppard can't possibly move him.
Usually, Sheppard and Teyla would tickle him until he fell off and McKay would roll his eyes in exasperation in the background, while trying to hold back his giggles. Later, he would protest that he does not giggle, it was manly laughter, thank you very much, and he wouldn't laugh at that kind of juvenile behaviour anyway. Today, Sheppard just sighs, shrugs his shoulders, and dumps his pack on the next bed.
McKay chooses the bed in the far corner, lies down on his back, and closes his eyes, pretending to fall asleep. Teyla sits down on the one left over for her and looks first at McKay, and then at Sheppard, who's standing at the foot of his bed looking uncomfortable and on guard. "I think I will rest for a while," she says, gesturing towards her still healing ribs.
Sheppard sits down, back straight as a Charna tree. "Fine," he says.
Teyla shakes her head. "No, John. I think Rodney and I will rest for a while alone. Please let Halling know that I will be with them shortly."
Sheppard doesn't want to leave, it's clear in his eyes and his posture and the way he can't seem to keep his fingers off his P-90. But Teyla has been tired a lot lately, even if she's feeling better now than when they first came back from Hadsa. They all tend to treat her like spun glass, Sheppard worst of all.
The look Teyla gives Ronon says: 'It is not us who need to be looked after.'
So he gets up, puts a hand on Sheppard's shoulder, and isn't surprised when the man starts and tenses under his touch. Sheppard's muscles feel like coiled springs and Ronon wonders how long he can walk around like this before something breaks. "C'mon, let's go get some ale," he says, and Teyla nods her approval.
Sheppard follows hesitantly, insists on closing the door himself and carefully checking that it stays properly closed. He won't leave until he hears Teyla lock it from the inside.
"They'll be fine," Ronon says. "They can take care of themselves. Well, Teyla can, anyway."
The joke falls flat. Making fun of McKay just isn't funny at the moment. Sheppard answers with a grunt and a very tired look as he heads down the stairs to the serving room, still clutching his weapon. Ronon follows. He's going to need quite a lot of ale to make this evening even remotely enjoyable.
* * *
He's cold and wet. It's the first thing he notices as he becomes aware again. The next thing he notices is that he's half buried in a snow drift and that his entire body hurts, like there are tiny needles stuck into every limb - the unmistakeble after effects of a Wraith stunner.
Ronon blinks, stretches out in the drift to make sure everything's still attatched, and then tries to figure out what just happened. The last thing he remembers is the Hadsans knocking on the door to their quarters, asking them to come because it was time to resume the negotiations, and then someone hit McKay in the face with a...
Damn!
He gets to his feet faster than he thought possible, only to find his team sprawled around him. Their vests and weapons are gone, even the knives Ronon keeps hidden in his hair. The snow around Teyla's head is stained red, Sheppard is lying face-down with only his hair sticking up through the snow, and McKay is ghostly pale with a large bruise already forming over his cheek.
They are in the middle of a large field, white as far as the eye can see. It's still snowing heavily. In the distance, there's a copse of trees, and even further away a small mountain range.
Ronon goes to Teyla first, shakes her gently to try to wake her up, and gets no response at all. She has a head wound that's still bleeding sluggishly, the blood flow slowed down somewhat by the cold, and that's probably a blessing because Ronon can see from even this first quick examination that it's bad.
Then comes a deep groan and Sheppard twitches and rolls over onto his back. He lies still for a moment, eyes closed, and then he sits up - too fast because he ends up flat on his back again.
"Take it easy," Ronon tells him, standing up and making his way over to Sheppard's side to help him to his feet. Sheppard sways and stumbles a little, but stays upright. Probably just stunned then, like Ronon himself. "You all right?" he asks.
"Where did they get those stunners?" Sheppard growls, shaking his head. "We had no intel that showed them having any kind of advanced weaponry."
Ronon shrugs. "Probably stole 'em," he theorises. "They took our stuff too."
"Yeah, I remember." Sheppard rubs the bridge of his nose, probably fighting off the headache that usually follows a stunning. Then he looks up sharply, looks around. "McKay? Teyla?"
"They're here." Ronon hesitates. "Teyla's hurt bad. Don't know about McKay yet."
"Shit," Sheppard mumbles and then repeats in a louder voice, "Shit!"
Ronon leaves him to check out McKay, who's already coming around. He doesn't seem to have been stunned, just knocked out. His eyes are a little unfocused as he opens them and he stares uncomprehendingly at Ronon for a few moments before he leans over and is noisily sick in the snow. Sheppard goes to Teyla, checks her over, and seems to come to the same conclusion Ronon did. This is very bad.
"We've got to get her back to Atlantis," he says. "She's got a bad concussion and probably a couple of broken ribs. She could be bleeding internally."
McKay sits up and wipes his mouth. "Ow," he mutters weakly. "What happened, what are we doing here? Did Jeannie push me down the hill again?"
"The Hadsans attacked us," Ronon tells him helpfully. "They knocked you out and stunned me and Sheppard and it looks like Teyla put up a fight and lost."
McKay blinks. "But, but why? We were negotiating, they were nice and, and, they offered us food and they were impressed by our guns and..."
Sheppard interrupts, looking up from where he's tending to Teyla, "Damn it, Rodney, why can't you ever keep your mouth shut? Teyla's hurt, we're stuck in the middle of nowhere with no equipment and no shelter and it's all because of you and your big mouth!"
The look on McKay's face is one of hurt and betrayal. Sheppard has said similar things in the past, but this time it's meant to hurt, to strike where it causes the most pain. Ronon tries to tell himself that Sheppard doesn't really mean it, that he's just cold and worried and that everything will be all right once they're back in Atlantis again.
But McKay doesn't know that, and in his rattled state, he's likely to take everything to heart. "I... I didn't mean to," he mumbles, shaking his head.
Ronon helps him to his feet, takes off his coat and wraps it around McKay's shoulders to try to ease his shivering a bit. "It doesn't matter now," he says. "Let's go find some shelter."
Sheppard lifts Teyla, cradles her limp form in his arms and sets a course towards the trees. He doesn't spare McKay a single look.
* * *
Ronon orders two mugs of ale and puts one down on the table in front of Sheppard. He lifts it automatically and drinks, the deep gulps of a man who's not really interesting in the taste, but just aims to become extremely drunk in as little time as possible. Ronon studies him while sipping his own beverage. This kind of ale is meant to be savoured. Not that Sheppard cares about savouring anything at all at the moment; he seems to be perfectly content wallowing in his own guilt and beating himself up over something he couldn't possibly have foreseen.
"You all right?" Ronon asks softly. He thinks that Teyla is much more suited for this, but Teyla still doesn't know the whole truth about what happened.
"I'm fine," Sheppard says and takes another drink from his mug, demonstratively not meeting Ronon's eyes. "I wasn't the one who nearly died."
Teyla flatlined two times on the operating table and it was a long anxious wait until she finally woke up. Ronon still remembers the infirmary - himself in the chair beside Teyla's bed, Sheppard pacing, and McKay huddled on the opposite bed, curled in on himself, not making a sound.
"She's gonna be fine, Keller said so." Ronon says.
"She shouldn't have been hurt at all," Sheppard shoots back, with more force than necessary. His voice is just this side of a shout and he quickly collects himself and stands up. "Another one?" he asks, waving his empty mug.
"Nah, still working on my first." Ronon can already figure out how this night is going to end. He's seen it before, how men lose themselves in drink when they feel like they can't handle their lives anymore. Sometimes they never find their way back. He hopes Sheppard is stronger than that.
Sheppard leaves for the bar and comes back with another ale which he proceeds to drink as quickly as the first. At this rate, he'll be drunk off his ass in a very short time. Ronon nurses his first mug as he watches Sheppard drink, knowing that Sheppard will need someone to be there for him later and Ronon won't do him any good if he's drunk too.
"What?" Sheppard says after a while. "Why're you staring at me like that?"
Ronon shrugs, but doesn't stop looking at the other man. "Nothing," he says, and then after a while. "McKay's been quiet lately."
"Yeah," the look on Sheppard's face is half anger and half regret. Ronon isn't sure at who the anger is directed. Sheppard probably isn't sure himself.
"He hasn't been himself," Ronon continues. "Zelenka says he doesn't yell at them like he used to, just leaves nasty little notes on their desks."
"Must be nice for them," Sheppard mutters, finishing off his second mug. The stuff is strong and he's already slurring his words a little. "Not to have to listen to his constant blabbering all the time."
"You really think so?" Ronon says and gets a dark glare in return.
"I'm getting another one of these," Sheppard says, standing up again and steadying himself against the table as he sways. He's not a lightweight, but Gadran ale is a lot more potent than the weak light beer the Lanteans prefer.
Teyla and McKay come down the stairs about the same time the singing and dancing begins. Teyla joins her people while McKay sits alone in a corner, sulking into a mug of ale. Ronon wonders if he should go and talk to him, but Sheppard is getting very drunk, very fast and Ronon doesn't want to leave him alone in that state.
The celebration is in full swing now. People are dancing and laughing, little trays of pastries are being passed around, and the ale is flowing. Teyla seems to be having a good time, dancing first with Halling and then with that dark-haired fellow whose name Ronon can never remember but who can make her smile like no one else can. It's good, he decides. Teyla deserves this. They all deserve this. But Lanteans can be so unbelievably stubborn sometimes.
"I gotta piss," Sheppard says suddenly, rising from his chair and almost falling over. Ronon hasn't kept track of how much he's been drinking, but the empty mugs gathering on their table tell their own story.
"I'll come with you," he says, gently guiding Sheppard through the mass of happy people with a hand resting lightly on his elbow.
Sheppard makes a motion to shake him off, but his balance is way off and he only succeeds in almost walking into the doorjamb. "Don't need a minder," he slurs and steps outside.
"Looks like you do," Ronon tells him as Sheppard stumbles on the threshold and ends up face first in the snow outside, long legs tangled underneath him. Ronon helps him up and frees him from his P-90 and Beretta, not wanting to risk any accidents.
"I don't need you looking after me," Sheppard protests and disappears around the corner of the tavern.
Ronon sighs and follows. Sheppard is leaning against the wall, fumbling with his pants, trying to get himself free of the fabric. Any other time, it would be amusing to watch, but Ronon doesn't like seeing his commander so shattered, so hurt, that he can't even manage to take a piss on his own. He won't tell anyone about this because it's not funny. Instead he steps up behind Sheppard, takes his weight against his chest, and helps him disentagle himself from the folds of his pants.
"Need me to hold it for you?" he asks, trying for a light and joking tone of voice, but only making it come out angry.
"Fuck you," Sheppard answers, but he leans back against Ronon, accepting the support while he lets the stream hit the ground. Ronon waits patiently until he's finished and zipped up again.
"Looks like it's time for bed," he says, noting the way Sheppard is sagging with exhaustion against him.
Sheppard pushes away, swaying, and turns around. "I told you, I don't need you looking after me."
Then he collapses to his knees, hunches over and throws up every drop of ale he's consumed during the evening, and probably everything he's eaten in the past few days as well. Sheppard will be furious that someone was around to witness this, but he needs someone here more than he needs his dignity intact, and well, what's a little vomit between friends? Ronon kneels beside Sheppard, holds him up so he won't face plant in the mess and pats his back while he retches.
It seems to go on forever and Sheppard is completely limp when it's over. It's easy for Ronon to haul him upright and guide him back inside, half-carry him up the stairs and get him into bed. Sheppard is mostly asleep already and doesn't make a sound of protest when Ronon unlaces his boots and gets his vest, jacket and pants off.
He pauses for a moment then, watches Sheppard curl up against the pillow, small and fragile like a child. Ronon could go back downstairs, join the celebrations and leave Sheppard to sleep it off. It's not fair that he should have to babysit his drunken teamleader while the rest of Gad Kanar are enjoying themselves.
Then Sheppard starts shivering and Ronon is too vividly reminded of the night in the cave on Hadsa, when Sheppard was shaking so badly but wouldn't accept any help to warm up. Ronon undresses, down to his shirt and underwear, and crawls into bed with Sheppard, pulls the man's bony back against his chest and feels Sheppard melt into the warmth without waking up.
The American military, he knows, has opinions about this sort of thing, but Ronon doesn't care. Sheppard needs a friend tonight. He'll probably be weird tomorrow, but if Ronon can offer a little bit of comfort right now, he is glad to do it.
Sheppard is completely out for the count, not even snoring, and it doesn't take long for Ronon to doze off, lulled to sleep by the steady beat of Sheppard's heart. The intimacy is nice - not arousing at all, just the warm and familiar feeling of being there for a brother in arms.
He wakes up a little later when Teyla and McKay come in, hears McKay mutter: "Wonderful, that's just..." and Teyla interrupt: "Leave them alone, Rodney, he needs this."
Someone covers them with another blanket and Ronon goes back to sleep.
* * *
Hadsa is covered in snow and ice and McKay hates the planet on first sight, muttering darkly under his breath about Siberia and Antarctica and how his sins seem to follow him around the universe.
"You're Canadian, Rodney, you should be used to this," Sheppard says as they step out of the jumper to greet the Hadsan welcome party.
"I don't know what language you're speaking, but there is not a language in two galaxies where 'Canadian' means 'impervious to cold'. I'm actually very sensitive to cold climates, my skin gets dry and I have to spend a fortune on moisturizer and..."
"Do you ever stop talking, Rodney?" Sheppard asks fondly and walks up to the Hadsans with his best charming 'we come in peace' smile.
Ronon lets McKay and Teyla leave the jumper before him, covering their sixes as he always does. This should be an easy mission. The Hadsans are friendly and their mountains are full of naquadah which they don't have the equipment to mine themselves.
So it should be 'a cakewalk' as the Lanteans say, even though Ronon has always wondered about this expression as it seems to indicate something rather messy. Atlantis gets the Hadsan naquadah, Hadsa gets to share Atlantis' technology, everyone's happy.
Then the Hadsan leader begins to take a lot of interest in Sheppard and Teyla's P-90s, Ronon's blaster, and McKay's gadgets. Patience, it appears, is not a Hadsan trait.
During the negotiations, they somehow end up on the topic of politics. Hadsa still hasn't granted women citizenship, something McKay can't seem to leave alone, not until the Hadsan leader stands up and shouts: "You have insulted us!" and swings the heavy golden rod which is his symbol of office in a wide arc through the air to hit McKay square in the face. McKay drops like a sack of tava beans and Ronon and Sheppard are instantly on their feet, only to see the Hadsan leader motion something to the guards. The next moment they are hit by the unmistakeable blast of a Wraith stunner. The last thing Ronon sees before blacking out is Teyla, fighting hard to get them free and eventually going down in a blur of fists and feet.
In the end, it seems like Ronon's interpretation of the Lantean expression is more correct than he had thought.
* * *
Sheppard is still sleeping when Ronon wakes. He looks relaxed and a lot more rested than Ronon has seen him in days, so Ronon carefully climbs out of bed, pulls the covers up over him again and slips out of the room after leaving a glass of water and a bunch of Tylenol filched from McKay's pack beside the bed.
McKay and Teyla are already up, sitting at a table in the tavern having breakfast. It's quite early still and most of the celebrants are still asleep so they're almost alone. Ronon orders the traditional Gadran breakfast, a mix of deep fried meats and vegetables with sweet sauce, and a mug of ale to make up for the ones he didn't get to have yesterday.
Teyla has chosen the same breakfast as Ronon, except for the ale, while McKay keeps to the coffee he must have brought from Atlantis because the beverage is unknown to the Gadrans, and left-over pastries from the night before.
McKay finishes his coffee mug as Ronon comes over with his plate. "I'm going for a walk," he announces. Ronon gets the feeling that McKay is a walking stick of dynamite, just waiting for something to lit the fuse. Sheppard's not the only one who bottles things up inside.
"Think about what I have said, Rodney," Teyla says, to which McKay only grunts an answer, grabs another pastry from the plate in the middle of the table, and leaves.
Ronon sits down and digs into his breakfast, only now realising how hungry he is. He didn't have a chance to eat much yesterday while he was keeping an eye on Sheppard, and he is determined to remedy that now.
"How is John this morning?" Teyla asks, pushing a tray of napkins over the table in Ronon's direction.
"Still sleeping it off. He's gonna have hell of a hangover."
Teyla sighs softly, pushing her food around on the plate. "I was afraid of that," she says.
"He's still blaming McKay," Ronon tells her through a mouthful of food.
Teyla shakes his head. "No one blames Rodney. I certainly do not, as I tried to assure him repeatedly both yesterday and today. Rodney, I believe, is mostly hurt and angry. And John only blames himself, that is why he acts like this."
Ronon studies his ale. "Was no one's fault. We didn't know they were gonna turn on us."
"We could not have known," Teyla agrees. "But to make John understand this..." she trails off and then smiles a thin smile. "I believe we must let them work it out between themselves."
"Could take some time," Ronon notes. He thought he knew stubborn, but that was long before he met John Sheppard and Rodney McKay.
"Not that long," Teyla says with a secretive grin and Ronon begins to think that she was probably pulling her own strings while he was looking after Sheppard yesterday. She apparently drew the long straw. Ronon's fairly certain that Teyla's evening contained very little vomit, if any.
They continue their breakfast in companionable silence until Sheppard stumbles down the stairs, looking about as bad as he deserves. He makes his way around the tables and plops down on the chair beside Teyla, leans forward and buries his head in his hands.
"Breakfast, John?" Teyla asks with a pleasant smile.
There's a deep groan from Sheppard. "God, no."
"Try this," Ronon says, pushing the plate with his half-eaten meal over to Sheppard. "Great for hangovers."
Sheppard glances at the food and pales. "You're trying to kill me, aren't you?"
"The way you drank Gadran ale like water last night, I don't think there's anything that can kill you," Ronon chuckles, but removes he plate after Sheppard groans again and starts looking a little green.
Ronon and Teyla continue eating while Sheppard looks around, counting heads. "Where's Rodney?" he asks then, taking in the empty coffee cup and the little pile of crumbs at the seat McKay just vacated.
"Out," Ronon says, finishing off his meal.
Sheppard looks nervous, uncomfortable. "He okay?"
Ronon shares a look with Teyla, and then Teyla turns around in her seat, pinning John down with her eyes. "No, John. He is very unhappy. I think you would have noticed that by now."
Sheppard squirms in his seat, and Ronon is happy that it's not him on the other end of that look of Teyla's. Instead he joins in. "You're spending enough time tryin' to make him that way."
"Look guys," Sheppard begins, "I have the hangover from hell, can we do this some other time?"
Teyla doesn't answer, just keeps looking at Sheppard, with that same look Ronon remembers from his childhood. His mother was a champion at the 'I'm very, very disappointed in you'-look, but Teyla could easily give her a run for her money.
"All right, I'm an ass." Sheppard sighs and buries his head in his hands again, his voice muffled as he continues, "Damn, I really messed up this time, didn't I?"
"No one blames you for what happened on Hadsa," Teyla says softly, reaching out her hand to place it on Sheppard's arm. "No one could have foreseen it. We all survived and it is time to leave it behind. We cannot afford to let something like this come between us."
"Yeah, I know." Sheppard draws a deep breath and leans back in his seat, staring up at the ceiling. "I just... how do I tell him to... I'm not... you know." He makes a vague gesture with his hand.
Ronon gets it. He knows than in some situations, it's easier to put the blame elsewhere. When you're so angry with yourself that the anger threatens to pull you apart, it's safer to shift it over to someone else. At least until you've got the job done. The trick is to be able to let it go afterwards, and letting go is something Sheppard has never been good with. At least not without a swift kick in the ass to set him straight again. He's had ten days to deal with Hadsa on his own, and it looks like it's time for that kick now.
Teyla still doesn't say anything, lets Sheppard work his way to the decision himself, which he finally does with a deep sigh and an expression like he's being asked to kiss a Wraith.
"Fine. All right. Let's go find him then."
Teyla smiles again, and Ronon has to try hard to hide his own grin own as the waitress clears the table and they pay for the meal. Teyla's plans are sneaky and magnificent, and they work like nothing else he's ever seen.
As they rise, Sheppard mutters to Ronon, "I had this weird dream last night. I don't remember a whole lot of it, but it wasn't bad weird, just weird weird, you know."
Ronon holds back a chuckle. Sheppard always seems to find the strangest ways to say 'Thank you."
"No trouble," he says, and Sheppard ducks his head to hide an embarrassed smile.
It's snowing outside, and for a brief moment, Ronon flashes back to Hadsa, to snow and blood and bitter desperation, but then he's back in Gad Kanar where people are just waking up from yesterday's celebrations, preparing to start all over again. Lights are being lit in the windows and there is a small snowball fight underway further up the street. Sheppard warily looks both ways before stepping out of the door.
Teyla takes his arm and pulls him down the street, away from the snowball fight. She clearly has the whole thing orchestrated down to the smallest detail and Ronon can't do anything but admire her. Had it been him, he would've locked Sheppard and McKay in a room together and not opened the door until they'd fought it out between them.
"Hey, there you are!"
They all turn around to see McKay come plodding through the snow, fuming like thundercloud. Ronon carefully moves a few steps away from Sheppard, noting that Teyla follows his initiative on the other side.
It turns out to be a good decision. The moment McKay comes within distance, he swings at Sheppard, catching him with a very nice right hook to the face. Sheppard, not prepared at all, staggers a few steps backwards and then ends up on his ass in the snow, holding his bleeding nose. Ronon is quite impressed. He didn't know McKay had it in him.
"What the..." Sheppard begins, but McKay interrupts before he has time to finish the sentence.
"It wasn't my fault, you asshole!" he shouts, his whole body shaking, like the held-back words are forcing their way out. "They were just looking for a damn excuse. If it hadn't been me, it would've been Ronon's hair or your ridiculous wristband or Teyla's... whatever. They just wanted to dump us in the snow and take our equipment and leave us for dead and they would've done it whether I had said that thing about their government or not. So get this through your thick skull, Colonel - It. Was. Not. My. Fault." The last words are reinforced by the sharp stab of McKay's finger in Sheppard's face.
Sheppard ducks his head, gingerly touches his nose and wipes the blood off on his sleeve before he looks up. His face holds a stunned expression and his eyes are filled with surprise and anger. "I know!" he shouts back, and for a moment, Ronon thinks Sheppard will hit McKay back.
But this is probably the closest Sheppard'll come to saying 'I'm sorry' and McKay knows that too. He huffs a few times, looks as if he wants to say a some more things, but then his eyes soften and he reaches out his hand. "You're an idiot," he mutters, the irritation in his voice laced with fondness. "Come on, get up. You'll catch your death sitting in the snow like that."
"Says the guy who knocked me down," Sheppard says, warily eyeing McKay's gloved fingers as if expecting another blow.
"Yes, well, I think we can all agree you deserved it." McKay makes an impatient face. "Will you get up already? It's cold and I'm miserable and I think there's still some of those little pastries with honey left from yesterday, so are you coming or not?"
Sheppard accepts the outstretched hand and heaves himself to his feet, trusting McKay to carry his weight.
Ronon can't keep the grin from his face as he watches the two of them head towards the tavern, McKay absentmindedly brushing snow from Sheppard's shoulder while Sheppard tries to swat him over the head to leave him alone. Their splintered team is on the mend.
"What is it they used to say?" Teyla says, the smile evident in her voice as she looks at Ronon. Her eyes are glittering with mirth and the smugness of being right. "I told you so."
"Yeah, you did," Ronon agrees, letting the relief bubble out into a laugh as he keeps watching the two figures heading up the street. He holds out his arm for Teyla to take. "You coming? McKay will eat all the pastries."
She places her small hand in the crook of his elbow and they follow Sheppard and McKay through the snow towards the tavern. Music and laughter is spilling out into the air and The Turning of the Year is close - it's time to celebrate the new light.
-fin-
Author: zinfic
Recipient: rysler
Pairing: Gen, teamfic
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: ~6300
Summary: In the aftermath of a mission gone wrong, the team struggles to find their way back to normality again.
Ronon thought he knew stubborn, but that was long before he met John Sheppard and Rodney McKay.
Notes: For rysler, who wanted a whole lot of things. I hope I've managed to fullfill at least some of your wishes. Happy holidays and thank you for the entertaining request! Thanks also goes to my exceptional betas, who shall be revealed at a later date and showered with praise. Any remaining errors and weirdness are all my fault. And thank you to alyse and moonlettuce for their infinite patience, and for organising this exchange and making Christmas a little more stressful and a lot more fun!
Splintered
They've been back for ten days when Colonel Carter suggests that they take a few days off to relax before she puts the team back on the duty roster. In reality, it's more of an order than a suggestion and Ronon doesn't like it much. Teyla still moves slowly, gingerly, like an old woman. The bruises on McKay's face have yet to fade completely, green and yellow around the edges now where they were black and purple before. Sheppard... well, Sheppard is Sheppard. He doesn't speak of what happened on Hadsa. Instead he keeps it all inside where it gnaws on him like acid.
Sheppard and McKay don't seem to be looking forward to the enforced team vacation any more than Ronon. McKay's been holed up in his lab since he was released from the infirmary and rumour is that his scientists are tip-toeing around him in fear of invoking his wrath. Sheppard is trying very hard to be his usual easy-going self and failing miserably. As for Teyla, she hasn't changed much, but then again, she wasn't conscious for most of it. She knows that something happened, but Sheppard won't tell her more than the bare minimum, McKay only communicates with grunts and eyerolls these days, and Ronon doesn't know what to say.
Carter might be right; they really do need some time off, a chance to find their way back to being a team again. But Ronon isn't so sure that the Turning of the Year-festival on Gad Kanar is the right place.
* * *
Teyla is limp in Sheppard's arms as they step through the wormhole. Her face is slack, her lips blue, she's still breathing but just barely. Sheppard is staggering under her weight, but he won't let anyone else touch her, not even Ronon, who's in a lot better shape. Ronon concentrates on keeping McKay upright instead, worried about how pale he is and how he's shaking so hard that it seems like he's going to vibrate right out of his skin.
The med team is standing by in the gate room and they carefully prise Teyla out of Sheppard's arms to deposit her on the waiting gurney. Ronon guides McKay down to sit on the floor before his legs give out.
McKay looks up, his eyes wide and bright blue, and whispers, "Colonel. John, I... I'm sorry, I didn't... I never meant..."
Sheppard's eyes resemble hollow-point bullets as he answers, "Just shut up, McKay. If I ever hear another word out of your mouth, it'll be too soon." With that, he turns his back on McKay and follows Teyla's gurney towards the infirmary.
McKay lowers his head to rest on his drawn-up knees, his shivering worse now than ever. He needs to be checked out by the docs as well, needs to get something hot to eat and to change out of his uniform, which is sodden with melted snow. But the curve of his back bears the message 'Do Not Touch' and his breath comes in short, sharp gasps, pretending not to be sobs.
And Ronon has no idea what to do.
* * *
The people of Gad Kanar are hospitable and merry. They face life with acceptance; maybe the Wraith will come tomorrow, but that is no reason not to enjoy today. Ronon can't decide if they're very smart or extremely stupid, but they make the second-best ale in the galaxy and they always hold great parties.
The Turning of the Year festival of Gad Kanar is popular throughout the galaxy. Ronon had the opportunity to join the celebrations a few times in his youth and he remembers them fondly. Teyla has also visited the festival several times and her people have close ties to the Gadrans. Several of the Athosians are accompanying them through the gate.
This isn't a mission and they aren't going to Gad Kanar in any kind of official capacity. Nevertheless, Sheppard still insists on bringing weapons, and Ronon quietly agrees. There's relaxed and then there's stupid. You never know what's going to happen, and bad surprises usually turn up when you're not prepared.
Even so, there's prepared, and then there's paranoid. The moment Sheppard steps through the gate, insisting on being first of course, his whole posture changes, tenses up, as if he's expecting a threat even though the Gadrans are one of the least threatening people in the galaxy.
"You okay?" Ronon asks Sheppard, stepping up beside him. Sheppard just smiles that usual transparent smile of his that means 'no'.
"Keep an eye on McKay," Sheppard says, as if this is a high-risk mission instead of a friendly visit to a feast. "Make sure he's not getting us into trouble again. I've got Teyla."
Teyla comes through the gate, clearly having heard the last. "I am well capable of taking care of myself, John. Don't worry, nothing will happen to us here."
Once again, there is that thin, ugly smile that doesn't reach Sheppard's eyes. "It doesn't hurt to be cautious," he says.
Cautious or not, Ronon wonders if he will be stuck with a sulking McKay for three days. And he does mean stuck, because Sheppard won't go within ten metres of the scientist, won't even look at him. This trip is beginning to look like a very bad idea.
* * *
"We have to get back to Atlantis," Sheppard says, teeth rattling so badly that Ronon can barely make out the words.
Ronon nods in agreement. It's very clear that his teammates won't last much longer in the freezing cold of Hadsa. It bothers Ronon too, his fingers are numb and his cheeks are burning, but he can withstand the elements better than McKay, whose uniform is soaked, or Sheppard, who's just skin and bones, or Teyla, with her broken ribs and her head wound and who's frighteningly still on the cave floor, her chest barely moving as she breathes.
"It's a long way," Ronon says, more to himself than to Sheppard. He knows he's going to have to do most of the work himself, the others are just too cold and exhausted to make it. Ronon is cold and exhausted too, but he lived through worse when he was running. He'll be able to reach the gate faster on his own and tells Sheppard so, but Sheppard just shakes his head.
"We go together or we don't go at all," he says with steel in his voice.
Ronon watches their teammates. McKay is huddled against the wall of the cave, wrapped in Ronon's coat, trying to warm up at least a little. Teyla is... she hasn't been conscious since the Hadsans attacked and they can't seem to get her warm. She's not even shivering and that's very bad. She needs medical attention fast; they all do.
He heads over to McKay and pulls the man to his feet. "We're going back," he says. "You gonna make it?"
McKay gives him a confused look - the cold is already affecting his mind and that scares Ronon more than anything. "I... I think so. We're going home? What about Teyla, is she all right?"
A glance at Sheppard trying to gather Teyla in arms numbed from the chill is enough to tell Ronon that she is definitely not all right, and even in his frozen state, McKay gets this. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"Not your fault," Ronon tells him, but he knows that the words don't mean a thing from his lips, and Sheppard won't say anything.
* * *
Teyla already has a room reserved at the tavern of Gad Kanar. There isn't much free space this time of the year, so they have to share a double with two extra cots put in. Sheppard and Ronon fight a silent battle for the cot closest to the door, which Ronon wins by lying down on it and making himself so heavy that Sheppard can't possibly move him.
Usually, Sheppard and Teyla would tickle him until he fell off and McKay would roll his eyes in exasperation in the background, while trying to hold back his giggles. Later, he would protest that he does not giggle, it was manly laughter, thank you very much, and he wouldn't laugh at that kind of juvenile behaviour anyway. Today, Sheppard just sighs, shrugs his shoulders, and dumps his pack on the next bed.
McKay chooses the bed in the far corner, lies down on his back, and closes his eyes, pretending to fall asleep. Teyla sits down on the one left over for her and looks first at McKay, and then at Sheppard, who's standing at the foot of his bed looking uncomfortable and on guard. "I think I will rest for a while," she says, gesturing towards her still healing ribs.
Sheppard sits down, back straight as a Charna tree. "Fine," he says.
Teyla shakes her head. "No, John. I think Rodney and I will rest for a while alone. Please let Halling know that I will be with them shortly."
Sheppard doesn't want to leave, it's clear in his eyes and his posture and the way he can't seem to keep his fingers off his P-90. But Teyla has been tired a lot lately, even if she's feeling better now than when they first came back from Hadsa. They all tend to treat her like spun glass, Sheppard worst of all.
The look Teyla gives Ronon says: 'It is not us who need to be looked after.'
So he gets up, puts a hand on Sheppard's shoulder, and isn't surprised when the man starts and tenses under his touch. Sheppard's muscles feel like coiled springs and Ronon wonders how long he can walk around like this before something breaks. "C'mon, let's go get some ale," he says, and Teyla nods her approval.
Sheppard follows hesitantly, insists on closing the door himself and carefully checking that it stays properly closed. He won't leave until he hears Teyla lock it from the inside.
"They'll be fine," Ronon says. "They can take care of themselves. Well, Teyla can, anyway."
The joke falls flat. Making fun of McKay just isn't funny at the moment. Sheppard answers with a grunt and a very tired look as he heads down the stairs to the serving room, still clutching his weapon. Ronon follows. He's going to need quite a lot of ale to make this evening even remotely enjoyable.
* * *
He's cold and wet. It's the first thing he notices as he becomes aware again. The next thing he notices is that he's half buried in a snow drift and that his entire body hurts, like there are tiny needles stuck into every limb - the unmistakeble after effects of a Wraith stunner.
Ronon blinks, stretches out in the drift to make sure everything's still attatched, and then tries to figure out what just happened. The last thing he remembers is the Hadsans knocking on the door to their quarters, asking them to come because it was time to resume the negotiations, and then someone hit McKay in the face with a...
Damn!
He gets to his feet faster than he thought possible, only to find his team sprawled around him. Their vests and weapons are gone, even the knives Ronon keeps hidden in his hair. The snow around Teyla's head is stained red, Sheppard is lying face-down with only his hair sticking up through the snow, and McKay is ghostly pale with a large bruise already forming over his cheek.
They are in the middle of a large field, white as far as the eye can see. It's still snowing heavily. In the distance, there's a copse of trees, and even further away a small mountain range.
Ronon goes to Teyla first, shakes her gently to try to wake her up, and gets no response at all. She has a head wound that's still bleeding sluggishly, the blood flow slowed down somewhat by the cold, and that's probably a blessing because Ronon can see from even this first quick examination that it's bad.
Then comes a deep groan and Sheppard twitches and rolls over onto his back. He lies still for a moment, eyes closed, and then he sits up - too fast because he ends up flat on his back again.
"Take it easy," Ronon tells him, standing up and making his way over to Sheppard's side to help him to his feet. Sheppard sways and stumbles a little, but stays upright. Probably just stunned then, like Ronon himself. "You all right?" he asks.
"Where did they get those stunners?" Sheppard growls, shaking his head. "We had no intel that showed them having any kind of advanced weaponry."
Ronon shrugs. "Probably stole 'em," he theorises. "They took our stuff too."
"Yeah, I remember." Sheppard rubs the bridge of his nose, probably fighting off the headache that usually follows a stunning. Then he looks up sharply, looks around. "McKay? Teyla?"
"They're here." Ronon hesitates. "Teyla's hurt bad. Don't know about McKay yet."
"Shit," Sheppard mumbles and then repeats in a louder voice, "Shit!"
Ronon leaves him to check out McKay, who's already coming around. He doesn't seem to have been stunned, just knocked out. His eyes are a little unfocused as he opens them and he stares uncomprehendingly at Ronon for a few moments before he leans over and is noisily sick in the snow. Sheppard goes to Teyla, checks her over, and seems to come to the same conclusion Ronon did. This is very bad.
"We've got to get her back to Atlantis," he says. "She's got a bad concussion and probably a couple of broken ribs. She could be bleeding internally."
McKay sits up and wipes his mouth. "Ow," he mutters weakly. "What happened, what are we doing here? Did Jeannie push me down the hill again?"
"The Hadsans attacked us," Ronon tells him helpfully. "They knocked you out and stunned me and Sheppard and it looks like Teyla put up a fight and lost."
McKay blinks. "But, but why? We were negotiating, they were nice and, and, they offered us food and they were impressed by our guns and..."
Sheppard interrupts, looking up from where he's tending to Teyla, "Damn it, Rodney, why can't you ever keep your mouth shut? Teyla's hurt, we're stuck in the middle of nowhere with no equipment and no shelter and it's all because of you and your big mouth!"
The look on McKay's face is one of hurt and betrayal. Sheppard has said similar things in the past, but this time it's meant to hurt, to strike where it causes the most pain. Ronon tries to tell himself that Sheppard doesn't really mean it, that he's just cold and worried and that everything will be all right once they're back in Atlantis again.
But McKay doesn't know that, and in his rattled state, he's likely to take everything to heart. "I... I didn't mean to," he mumbles, shaking his head.
Ronon helps him to his feet, takes off his coat and wraps it around McKay's shoulders to try to ease his shivering a bit. "It doesn't matter now," he says. "Let's go find some shelter."
Sheppard lifts Teyla, cradles her limp form in his arms and sets a course towards the trees. He doesn't spare McKay a single look.
* * *
Ronon orders two mugs of ale and puts one down on the table in front of Sheppard. He lifts it automatically and drinks, the deep gulps of a man who's not really interesting in the taste, but just aims to become extremely drunk in as little time as possible. Ronon studies him while sipping his own beverage. This kind of ale is meant to be savoured. Not that Sheppard cares about savouring anything at all at the moment; he seems to be perfectly content wallowing in his own guilt and beating himself up over something he couldn't possibly have foreseen.
"You all right?" Ronon asks softly. He thinks that Teyla is much more suited for this, but Teyla still doesn't know the whole truth about what happened.
"I'm fine," Sheppard says and takes another drink from his mug, demonstratively not meeting Ronon's eyes. "I wasn't the one who nearly died."
Teyla flatlined two times on the operating table and it was a long anxious wait until she finally woke up. Ronon still remembers the infirmary - himself in the chair beside Teyla's bed, Sheppard pacing, and McKay huddled on the opposite bed, curled in on himself, not making a sound.
"She's gonna be fine, Keller said so." Ronon says.
"She shouldn't have been hurt at all," Sheppard shoots back, with more force than necessary. His voice is just this side of a shout and he quickly collects himself and stands up. "Another one?" he asks, waving his empty mug.
"Nah, still working on my first." Ronon can already figure out how this night is going to end. He's seen it before, how men lose themselves in drink when they feel like they can't handle their lives anymore. Sometimes they never find their way back. He hopes Sheppard is stronger than that.
Sheppard leaves for the bar and comes back with another ale which he proceeds to drink as quickly as the first. At this rate, he'll be drunk off his ass in a very short time. Ronon nurses his first mug as he watches Sheppard drink, knowing that Sheppard will need someone to be there for him later and Ronon won't do him any good if he's drunk too.
"What?" Sheppard says after a while. "Why're you staring at me like that?"
Ronon shrugs, but doesn't stop looking at the other man. "Nothing," he says, and then after a while. "McKay's been quiet lately."
"Yeah," the look on Sheppard's face is half anger and half regret. Ronon isn't sure at who the anger is directed. Sheppard probably isn't sure himself.
"He hasn't been himself," Ronon continues. "Zelenka says he doesn't yell at them like he used to, just leaves nasty little notes on their desks."
"Must be nice for them," Sheppard mutters, finishing off his second mug. The stuff is strong and he's already slurring his words a little. "Not to have to listen to his constant blabbering all the time."
"You really think so?" Ronon says and gets a dark glare in return.
"I'm getting another one of these," Sheppard says, standing up again and steadying himself against the table as he sways. He's not a lightweight, but Gadran ale is a lot more potent than the weak light beer the Lanteans prefer.
Teyla and McKay come down the stairs about the same time the singing and dancing begins. Teyla joins her people while McKay sits alone in a corner, sulking into a mug of ale. Ronon wonders if he should go and talk to him, but Sheppard is getting very drunk, very fast and Ronon doesn't want to leave him alone in that state.
The celebration is in full swing now. People are dancing and laughing, little trays of pastries are being passed around, and the ale is flowing. Teyla seems to be having a good time, dancing first with Halling and then with that dark-haired fellow whose name Ronon can never remember but who can make her smile like no one else can. It's good, he decides. Teyla deserves this. They all deserve this. But Lanteans can be so unbelievably stubborn sometimes.
"I gotta piss," Sheppard says suddenly, rising from his chair and almost falling over. Ronon hasn't kept track of how much he's been drinking, but the empty mugs gathering on their table tell their own story.
"I'll come with you," he says, gently guiding Sheppard through the mass of happy people with a hand resting lightly on his elbow.
Sheppard makes a motion to shake him off, but his balance is way off and he only succeeds in almost walking into the doorjamb. "Don't need a minder," he slurs and steps outside.
"Looks like you do," Ronon tells him as Sheppard stumbles on the threshold and ends up face first in the snow outside, long legs tangled underneath him. Ronon helps him up and frees him from his P-90 and Beretta, not wanting to risk any accidents.
"I don't need you looking after me," Sheppard protests and disappears around the corner of the tavern.
Ronon sighs and follows. Sheppard is leaning against the wall, fumbling with his pants, trying to get himself free of the fabric. Any other time, it would be amusing to watch, but Ronon doesn't like seeing his commander so shattered, so hurt, that he can't even manage to take a piss on his own. He won't tell anyone about this because it's not funny. Instead he steps up behind Sheppard, takes his weight against his chest, and helps him disentagle himself from the folds of his pants.
"Need me to hold it for you?" he asks, trying for a light and joking tone of voice, but only making it come out angry.
"Fuck you," Sheppard answers, but he leans back against Ronon, accepting the support while he lets the stream hit the ground. Ronon waits patiently until he's finished and zipped up again.
"Looks like it's time for bed," he says, noting the way Sheppard is sagging with exhaustion against him.
Sheppard pushes away, swaying, and turns around. "I told you, I don't need you looking after me."
Then he collapses to his knees, hunches over and throws up every drop of ale he's consumed during the evening, and probably everything he's eaten in the past few days as well. Sheppard will be furious that someone was around to witness this, but he needs someone here more than he needs his dignity intact, and well, what's a little vomit between friends? Ronon kneels beside Sheppard, holds him up so he won't face plant in the mess and pats his back while he retches.
It seems to go on forever and Sheppard is completely limp when it's over. It's easy for Ronon to haul him upright and guide him back inside, half-carry him up the stairs and get him into bed. Sheppard is mostly asleep already and doesn't make a sound of protest when Ronon unlaces his boots and gets his vest, jacket and pants off.
He pauses for a moment then, watches Sheppard curl up against the pillow, small and fragile like a child. Ronon could go back downstairs, join the celebrations and leave Sheppard to sleep it off. It's not fair that he should have to babysit his drunken teamleader while the rest of Gad Kanar are enjoying themselves.
Then Sheppard starts shivering and Ronon is too vividly reminded of the night in the cave on Hadsa, when Sheppard was shaking so badly but wouldn't accept any help to warm up. Ronon undresses, down to his shirt and underwear, and crawls into bed with Sheppard, pulls the man's bony back against his chest and feels Sheppard melt into the warmth without waking up.
The American military, he knows, has opinions about this sort of thing, but Ronon doesn't care. Sheppard needs a friend tonight. He'll probably be weird tomorrow, but if Ronon can offer a little bit of comfort right now, he is glad to do it.
Sheppard is completely out for the count, not even snoring, and it doesn't take long for Ronon to doze off, lulled to sleep by the steady beat of Sheppard's heart. The intimacy is nice - not arousing at all, just the warm and familiar feeling of being there for a brother in arms.
He wakes up a little later when Teyla and McKay come in, hears McKay mutter: "Wonderful, that's just..." and Teyla interrupt: "Leave them alone, Rodney, he needs this."
Someone covers them with another blanket and Ronon goes back to sleep.
* * *
Hadsa is covered in snow and ice and McKay hates the planet on first sight, muttering darkly under his breath about Siberia and Antarctica and how his sins seem to follow him around the universe.
"You're Canadian, Rodney, you should be used to this," Sheppard says as they step out of the jumper to greet the Hadsan welcome party.
"I don't know what language you're speaking, but there is not a language in two galaxies where 'Canadian' means 'impervious to cold'. I'm actually very sensitive to cold climates, my skin gets dry and I have to spend a fortune on moisturizer and..."
"Do you ever stop talking, Rodney?" Sheppard asks fondly and walks up to the Hadsans with his best charming 'we come in peace' smile.
Ronon lets McKay and Teyla leave the jumper before him, covering their sixes as he always does. This should be an easy mission. The Hadsans are friendly and their mountains are full of naquadah which they don't have the equipment to mine themselves.
So it should be 'a cakewalk' as the Lanteans say, even though Ronon has always wondered about this expression as it seems to indicate something rather messy. Atlantis gets the Hadsan naquadah, Hadsa gets to share Atlantis' technology, everyone's happy.
Then the Hadsan leader begins to take a lot of interest in Sheppard and Teyla's P-90s, Ronon's blaster, and McKay's gadgets. Patience, it appears, is not a Hadsan trait.
During the negotiations, they somehow end up on the topic of politics. Hadsa still hasn't granted women citizenship, something McKay can't seem to leave alone, not until the Hadsan leader stands up and shouts: "You have insulted us!" and swings the heavy golden rod which is his symbol of office in a wide arc through the air to hit McKay square in the face. McKay drops like a sack of tava beans and Ronon and Sheppard are instantly on their feet, only to see the Hadsan leader motion something to the guards. The next moment they are hit by the unmistakeable blast of a Wraith stunner. The last thing Ronon sees before blacking out is Teyla, fighting hard to get them free and eventually going down in a blur of fists and feet.
In the end, it seems like Ronon's interpretation of the Lantean expression is more correct than he had thought.
* * *
Sheppard is still sleeping when Ronon wakes. He looks relaxed and a lot more rested than Ronon has seen him in days, so Ronon carefully climbs out of bed, pulls the covers up over him again and slips out of the room after leaving a glass of water and a bunch of Tylenol filched from McKay's pack beside the bed.
McKay and Teyla are already up, sitting at a table in the tavern having breakfast. It's quite early still and most of the celebrants are still asleep so they're almost alone. Ronon orders the traditional Gadran breakfast, a mix of deep fried meats and vegetables with sweet sauce, and a mug of ale to make up for the ones he didn't get to have yesterday.
Teyla has chosen the same breakfast as Ronon, except for the ale, while McKay keeps to the coffee he must have brought from Atlantis because the beverage is unknown to the Gadrans, and left-over pastries from the night before.
McKay finishes his coffee mug as Ronon comes over with his plate. "I'm going for a walk," he announces. Ronon gets the feeling that McKay is a walking stick of dynamite, just waiting for something to lit the fuse. Sheppard's not the only one who bottles things up inside.
"Think about what I have said, Rodney," Teyla says, to which McKay only grunts an answer, grabs another pastry from the plate in the middle of the table, and leaves.
Ronon sits down and digs into his breakfast, only now realising how hungry he is. He didn't have a chance to eat much yesterday while he was keeping an eye on Sheppard, and he is determined to remedy that now.
"How is John this morning?" Teyla asks, pushing a tray of napkins over the table in Ronon's direction.
"Still sleeping it off. He's gonna have hell of a hangover."
Teyla sighs softly, pushing her food around on the plate. "I was afraid of that," she says.
"He's still blaming McKay," Ronon tells her through a mouthful of food.
Teyla shakes his head. "No one blames Rodney. I certainly do not, as I tried to assure him repeatedly both yesterday and today. Rodney, I believe, is mostly hurt and angry. And John only blames himself, that is why he acts like this."
Ronon studies his ale. "Was no one's fault. We didn't know they were gonna turn on us."
"We could not have known," Teyla agrees. "But to make John understand this..." she trails off and then smiles a thin smile. "I believe we must let them work it out between themselves."
"Could take some time," Ronon notes. He thought he knew stubborn, but that was long before he met John Sheppard and Rodney McKay.
"Not that long," Teyla says with a secretive grin and Ronon begins to think that she was probably pulling her own strings while he was looking after Sheppard yesterday. She apparently drew the long straw. Ronon's fairly certain that Teyla's evening contained very little vomit, if any.
They continue their breakfast in companionable silence until Sheppard stumbles down the stairs, looking about as bad as he deserves. He makes his way around the tables and plops down on the chair beside Teyla, leans forward and buries his head in his hands.
"Breakfast, John?" Teyla asks with a pleasant smile.
There's a deep groan from Sheppard. "God, no."
"Try this," Ronon says, pushing the plate with his half-eaten meal over to Sheppard. "Great for hangovers."
Sheppard glances at the food and pales. "You're trying to kill me, aren't you?"
"The way you drank Gadran ale like water last night, I don't think there's anything that can kill you," Ronon chuckles, but removes he plate after Sheppard groans again and starts looking a little green.
Ronon and Teyla continue eating while Sheppard looks around, counting heads. "Where's Rodney?" he asks then, taking in the empty coffee cup and the little pile of crumbs at the seat McKay just vacated.
"Out," Ronon says, finishing off his meal.
Sheppard looks nervous, uncomfortable. "He okay?"
Ronon shares a look with Teyla, and then Teyla turns around in her seat, pinning John down with her eyes. "No, John. He is very unhappy. I think you would have noticed that by now."
Sheppard squirms in his seat, and Ronon is happy that it's not him on the other end of that look of Teyla's. Instead he joins in. "You're spending enough time tryin' to make him that way."
"Look guys," Sheppard begins, "I have the hangover from hell, can we do this some other time?"
Teyla doesn't answer, just keeps looking at Sheppard, with that same look Ronon remembers from his childhood. His mother was a champion at the 'I'm very, very disappointed in you'-look, but Teyla could easily give her a run for her money.
"All right, I'm an ass." Sheppard sighs and buries his head in his hands again, his voice muffled as he continues, "Damn, I really messed up this time, didn't I?"
"No one blames you for what happened on Hadsa," Teyla says softly, reaching out her hand to place it on Sheppard's arm. "No one could have foreseen it. We all survived and it is time to leave it behind. We cannot afford to let something like this come between us."
"Yeah, I know." Sheppard draws a deep breath and leans back in his seat, staring up at the ceiling. "I just... how do I tell him to... I'm not... you know." He makes a vague gesture with his hand.
Ronon gets it. He knows than in some situations, it's easier to put the blame elsewhere. When you're so angry with yourself that the anger threatens to pull you apart, it's safer to shift it over to someone else. At least until you've got the job done. The trick is to be able to let it go afterwards, and letting go is something Sheppard has never been good with. At least not without a swift kick in the ass to set him straight again. He's had ten days to deal with Hadsa on his own, and it looks like it's time for that kick now.
Teyla still doesn't say anything, lets Sheppard work his way to the decision himself, which he finally does with a deep sigh and an expression like he's being asked to kiss a Wraith.
"Fine. All right. Let's go find him then."
Teyla smiles again, and Ronon has to try hard to hide his own grin own as the waitress clears the table and they pay for the meal. Teyla's plans are sneaky and magnificent, and they work like nothing else he's ever seen.
As they rise, Sheppard mutters to Ronon, "I had this weird dream last night. I don't remember a whole lot of it, but it wasn't bad weird, just weird weird, you know."
Ronon holds back a chuckle. Sheppard always seems to find the strangest ways to say 'Thank you."
"No trouble," he says, and Sheppard ducks his head to hide an embarrassed smile.
It's snowing outside, and for a brief moment, Ronon flashes back to Hadsa, to snow and blood and bitter desperation, but then he's back in Gad Kanar where people are just waking up from yesterday's celebrations, preparing to start all over again. Lights are being lit in the windows and there is a small snowball fight underway further up the street. Sheppard warily looks both ways before stepping out of the door.
Teyla takes his arm and pulls him down the street, away from the snowball fight. She clearly has the whole thing orchestrated down to the smallest detail and Ronon can't do anything but admire her. Had it been him, he would've locked Sheppard and McKay in a room together and not opened the door until they'd fought it out between them.
"Hey, there you are!"
They all turn around to see McKay come plodding through the snow, fuming like thundercloud. Ronon carefully moves a few steps away from Sheppard, noting that Teyla follows his initiative on the other side.
It turns out to be a good decision. The moment McKay comes within distance, he swings at Sheppard, catching him with a very nice right hook to the face. Sheppard, not prepared at all, staggers a few steps backwards and then ends up on his ass in the snow, holding his bleeding nose. Ronon is quite impressed. He didn't know McKay had it in him.
"What the..." Sheppard begins, but McKay interrupts before he has time to finish the sentence.
"It wasn't my fault, you asshole!" he shouts, his whole body shaking, like the held-back words are forcing their way out. "They were just looking for a damn excuse. If it hadn't been me, it would've been Ronon's hair or your ridiculous wristband or Teyla's... whatever. They just wanted to dump us in the snow and take our equipment and leave us for dead and they would've done it whether I had said that thing about their government or not. So get this through your thick skull, Colonel - It. Was. Not. My. Fault." The last words are reinforced by the sharp stab of McKay's finger in Sheppard's face.
Sheppard ducks his head, gingerly touches his nose and wipes the blood off on his sleeve before he looks up. His face holds a stunned expression and his eyes are filled with surprise and anger. "I know!" he shouts back, and for a moment, Ronon thinks Sheppard will hit McKay back.
But this is probably the closest Sheppard'll come to saying 'I'm sorry' and McKay knows that too. He huffs a few times, looks as if he wants to say a some more things, but then his eyes soften and he reaches out his hand. "You're an idiot," he mutters, the irritation in his voice laced with fondness. "Come on, get up. You'll catch your death sitting in the snow like that."
"Says the guy who knocked me down," Sheppard says, warily eyeing McKay's gloved fingers as if expecting another blow.
"Yes, well, I think we can all agree you deserved it." McKay makes an impatient face. "Will you get up already? It's cold and I'm miserable and I think there's still some of those little pastries with honey left from yesterday, so are you coming or not?"
Sheppard accepts the outstretched hand and heaves himself to his feet, trusting McKay to carry his weight.
Ronon can't keep the grin from his face as he watches the two of them head towards the tavern, McKay absentmindedly brushing snow from Sheppard's shoulder while Sheppard tries to swat him over the head to leave him alone. Their splintered team is on the mend.
"What is it they used to say?" Teyla says, the smile evident in her voice as she looks at Ronon. Her eyes are glittering with mirth and the smugness of being right. "I told you so."
"Yeah, you did," Ronon agrees, letting the relief bubble out into a laugh as he keeps watching the two figures heading up the street. He holds out his arm for Teyla to take. "You coming? McKay will eat all the pastries."
She places her small hand in the crook of his elbow and they follow Sheppard and McKay through the snow towards the tavern. Music and laughter is spilling out into the air and The Turning of the Year is close - it's time to celebrate the new light.
-fin-